Those steps which seem to take a lifetime
When eyes just turn and stare
The day begins, collapsing without warning
You fade from sight, there’s nothing there
No hope allowed, calls are answered daily
Questions are on your side
Deeply moved, beyond all consolation
You felt the pulse, now hear the cry
Thank you for calling the Psychic Voicemail Hotline,
The pre-recorded future just for you.
You can press Option One if this is the first time you’ve called us,
But that’s not the case, so please press Option Two.
“Hello..?”
“Yes, a collect call for Mrs. Floyd from Mr. Floyd.
Will you accept the charges from United States?”
[click]
“Oh, He hung up! That’s your residence, right? I wonder why he hung up?
Is there supposed to be someone else there besides your wife there to answer?”
[rapid phone beeps]
“Hello?”
"This is United States calling, are we reaching…
[click]
“See he keeps hanging up, and it’s a man answering.”
[click—-whirrrrrr]
“You know, I’ve been calling you for about two days now and I eh…
I wanted to see you darling, I really do, you know, because…
I think of you and eh…
All of me kind of goes a little bit crazy, so eh…
I believe it’s a match, darling…
You should phone me, and we will have…
A night at the Cas Bah that neither of us will ever forget
A beautiful evening of love, lust and paradise
You can make it nice, call me back
On Riverside at 42239
Ciao ciao.”
Prophet six zero zero nine one
This is the flight number of our galactic sun
Prophet six zero zero nine one
Before we start you should know that you’re not the only one
Who can hurt me
A spaceship from another star
They ask me where all the people are
What can I tell them?
I tell them I’m the only one
There was a war but I must have won
Please take me with you.
And I will wait for you
Until the sky is blue
And I will wait for you
What else can I do?
I just made something unexpected
Something sharp, something new
It’s not symmetrical or perfect, but it’s beautiful
And it’s mine! What else can I do?
I’ve been caught stealing
Once when I was five
I enjoy stealing
It’s just as simple as that
Well, it’s just a simple fact
When I want something
And I don’t want to pay for it
I walk right through the door
Walk right through the door
Hey, all right!
If I get by, it’s mine
Mine all mine!
Enter, monsieur, lay down your load
Unlace your boots, and rest from the road
This weighs a ton! Travel’s a curse
But here we strive to lighten your purse
Here the goose is cooked
Here the fat is fried
And nothing’s overlooked til I’m satisfied
Food beyond compare! Food beyond belief!
Mix it in a mincer and pretend it’s beef
Kidney of a horse; liver of a cat
Filling up the sausages with this and that
Did you come here for a pie, sir?
Do forgive me if me head’s a little vague
What is that?
But you think we had the plague
From the way that people keep avoiding
No, you don’t
Heaven knows I try, sir!
But there’s no one comes in even to inhale
Right you are, sir, would you like a drop of ale?
Mind you, I can’t hardly blame them
These are probably the worst pies in London
I know why nobody cares to take them
Won’t you come with me to Alabammy
Back to the arms of my dear old mammy
Her cooking’s lousy and her hands are clammy
But what the hell, it’s home
Used to know a girl lived down there and she’d go out in the evenings and
Pick her a mess of it
Carry it home and cook it for supper
Because that’s about all they had to eat
But they did all right
Well, I used to live on chocolate sauce
Made sumo wrestlers look like Kate Moss
Walked down an alley and I got stuck
I got more rolls than a pastry truck
When I’m all done eating
I eat a little more
When I leave a room
First I gotta grease the door
Grapefruit Diet (Diet!)
Can’t have another éclair
Grapefruit Diet (Diet!)
I gotta decrease my derriere
I’m a pretty good cook, I’m sittin’ on my groceries
Come up to my kitchen, I’ll show you my best recipe
I try and I try, but I can’t save a cent
I’m up after midnight cooking, trying to make my rent
I’m rough but I’m pleasin’, I was raised on robbery
I had a job in the great north woods
Working as a cook for a spell
Say hey, good lookin’ - what ya got cookin’?
How’s about cooking somethin’ up with me?
Hey, sweet baby - don’t you think maybe
We can find us a brand new recipe?
So why not bake a sunshine cake
Of course it may keep your dreams away
Friends say there’s nothing like the flavor
Don’t wait to do your friends a favor
And for goodness sake
Let’s bake a sunshine cake
If I knew you were comin’ I’d’ve baked a cake,
hired a band, goodness sake!
If I knew you were comin’ I’d’ve baked a cake
Howdya do, howdya do, howdya do?
It’s Presidents’ Day; it’s time to reflect
On this wonderful man that we elect!
Abraham Lincoln and George Washington!
Thomas Jefferson and Alec Baldwin!
Celebrate Oscar de la Hoya
Who fought off the British so they would not annoy ya
Raise the flag, the stars and stripes
Our 41st president, Wesley Snipes!
Charles Nelson Reilly won the war
With the help of his mighty Vice President Thor!
We were in trouble at the Battle of Manilla
But lucky for us, we had President Godzilla!
(Thanks, President Godzilla!)
Team by team, reporters baffled, trumped, tethered, cropped
Look at that low plane, fine, then
Uh-oh, overflow, population, common group
But it’ll do, save yourself, serve yourself
World serves its own needs, listen to your heart bleed
Tell me with the Rapture and the reverent in the right, right
You vitriolic, patriotic, slam fight, bright light
Feeling pretty psyched
It’s the end of the world as we know it
It’s the end of the world as we know it
It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine