An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It’s a black fly in your Chardonnay
It’s a death row pardon two minutes too late
And isn’t it ironic?
Don’t you think?
Oh, mama, I’ve been fearing for my life from the long arm of the law
Lawman has put an end to my running, and I’m so far from my home
Oh, mama, I can hear you a-cryin’, you’re so scared and all alone
Hangman is coming down from the gallows, and I don’t have very long
Running around robbing banks
All whacked off of Scooby Snacks
Running around robbing banks
All whacked off of Scooby Snacks
Well, I’m a wanted man in Texas
Busted jail and I’m gone for good
Yes, I’m a wanted man in Texas
Busted jail and I’m gone for good
Well, well, the sheriff couldn’t catch me
But his little girl sure wished she would
And I’m hiding in Honduras
I’m a desperate man.
Send lawyers, guns, and money
The shit has hit the fan
While the millionaires hide in Beekman Place
The bag ladies throw their bones in my face
I get attacked by a kid with stereo sound
I don’t want to hear it but he won’t turn it down
Life is tough but it’s just enough
To hold back the tears until it’s closing time
Hello, my old friend
It’s good to see you smiling
You’ve been around so long, you must be strong
And single life really has its fine points
Like friends to help you out when things go wrong
Hold back the tears
That you’ve been cryin’
Push off the fears
When they come around
I like to see you, but then again
That doesn’t mean you mean that much to me
So if I call you, don’t make a fuss
Don’t tell your friends about the two of us
I’m not in love, no, no
(It’s because)
Be quiet, big boys don’t cry
Big boys don’t cry
Big boys don’t cry
Big boys don’t cry
Big boys don’t cry
Big boys don’t cry…
I’ve long since retired; my son’s moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, “I’d like to see you, if you don’t mind”
He said, "I’d love to, Dad, if I could find the time
"You see, my new job’s a hassle and the kids have the flu
"But it’s sure nice talking to you, Dad
“It’s been sure nice talking to you”
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me:
He’d grown up just like me
My boy was just like me
Hey, I just met you
And this is crazy
But here’s my number
So call me, maybe?
It’s hard to look right
At you baby
But here’s my number
So call me, maybe?
She undressed me with her eyes and somehow, I couldn’t speak
Put her hand on my thigh, felt like a hundred degrees
Said I needed the bathroom; now we’re up in her bedroom
With her lips on my neck; I know I probably shouldn’t
But it feels so good, I wanna die!
With her hands in my hair, oh, I love the way she touches
I’m a mess; I don’t care, and I kinda fucking love it, boy
You should’ve known I’d have a better time with her
Ooh, thank God you introduced me to your sister
Well, I dated your big sister
And I took her to a show
I went for some candy
Along came Jim Dandy
And they snuck right out the door
Little sister, don’t you
Little sister, don’t you
Little sister, don’t you kiss me once or twice
Then say it’s very nice
And then you run
Little sister, don’t you do what your big sister done
On Friday night she′s all decked out
Her high heel shoes, her dress so tight
Dance, dance little sister, dance
Your sister can’t twist
But she can rock’n’roll
Hey sister, go sister, soul sister, go sister
Hey sister, go sister, soul sister, go sister
He met Marmalade down in Old New Orleans
Struttin’ her stuff on the street
She said, “Hello, hey Joe
You wanna give it a go? Hm!”
Well, way down yonder in New Orleans
In the land of the dreamy scenes
Ah, there’s a Garden of Eden
Ah, you know what I mean
Yeah, Creole babies with flashin’ eyes
Softly whisper with tender sighs
She walks every day through the streets of New Orleans
She is innocent and young, from a family of means
I have stood many times outside her window at night
To struggle with my instincts in the pale moonlight
How could I be this way, when I pray to God above?
I must love what I destroy; destroy the thing I love
Oh, you’ll never see my shade or hear the sound of my feet
While there’s a moon over Bourbon Street
New Orleans - the other planet
With other life upon it
And everythin’ that’s shakin’ in between
If you should ever land upon it
You better know what’s on it
The planet of New Orleans
Girl you’ve got that Texas two-step stepping so damn fine
Might be the moonshine that we’re shooting
Or the groove making you move
But I gotta say I love the way
You’re shaking in shake shakin’ in them boots
That’s right, you’re not from Texas
That’s right, you’re not from Texas
That’s right, you’re not from Texas
Texas wants you anyway