# I volunteered for our death panel today **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 29, 2009, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117 "2009-08-29T03:22:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Mighty\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Girl)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2009, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117/41 "2009-08-30T17:06:22Z")
Is there any chance that this too will be outsourced to some third-world country, cause I think I can do this job better and at a fraction of the price. I am going to start polishing my jackboots and practicing my Nazi salute. Just in case. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2009, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117/42 "2009-08-30T17:37:53Z")
> [@Shirley\_Ujest](#): > > Will you be supplied your own holocaust cloak or do you need to run out and buy your own? > > I think walking the halls of a hospital in a holocaust cloak and scythe would be an AWESOME job to have! Someone mentioned to me at work that we have something called a “wristband printer” for short-term IDs for our patients. And I thought to myself, “If the Nazis had such technology, they could have run their death camps much more efficiently”. Ok, so I’m a little strange. ---
**Author:** ![Alienhand](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8edcca/32.png) [@Alienhand](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alienhand)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2009, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117/43 "2009-08-30T17:47:14Z")
> [@LeeshaJoy](#): > > Personally, I’m more in favor of a Death **Squid.** I mean, how awesome would that be? 🆒 Oh sure, first a damn godless robit takes my job, now you people want to import squid to under bid the market and force us out of the killing business. _wraps self in flag, throws temper tantrum_ ---
**Author:** ![davidm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidm/32/225_2.png) [@davidm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davidm)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2009, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117/44 "2009-08-30T17:54:13Z")
I think you’re confused about this. Hospitals will have little to do with this, except for possibly carrying out the executions. The decisions are to be made by the DNC, based on voter rolls. [I pit the RNC for their despicable push polling. - The BBQ Pit - Straight Dope Message Board](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=529750) ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2009, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117/45 "2009-08-30T17:55:41Z")
Don’t worry, the Death Squid will only be good to use on swimmers and divers. The rest of the maket will be wide open to you. ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2009, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117/46 "2009-08-30T18:01:08Z")
Oh please. This is just history repeating itself. When I was a brand, new nurse the university hospital in which I worked had an “ethics” commitee that decided which patients with kidney failure were “worth” dialysis. No dialysis was a death sentence. ---
**Author:** ![Gorsnak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gorsnak/32/7587_2.png) [@Gorsnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorsnak)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2009, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117/47 "2009-08-30T18:40:56Z")
> [@Alienhand](#): > > Oh sure, first a damn godless robit takes my job, now you people want to import squid to under bid the market and force us out of the killing business. _wraps self in flag, throws temper tantrum_ I hardly think that a detached alien hand is someone to be complaining about how squid are ruining the labour market. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2009, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117/48 "2009-08-30T19:15:43Z")
> [@picunurse](#): > > Oh please. This is just history repeating itself. > When I was a brand, new nurse the university hospital in which I worked had an “ethics” commitee that decided which patients with kidney failure were “worth” dialysis. No dialysis was a death sentence. Maybe, but did your panel have self-inking DEATH stamps? ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117/49 "2009-08-31T00:10:07Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Maybe, but did your panel have self-inking DEATH stamps? I was just a lowly nurse. I didn’t get to see the room where the panel met. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117/50 "2009-08-31T02:29:46Z")
Apparently I changed my username too early. Death Squid - what a phrase! ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117/51 "2009-08-31T02:46:06Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Apparently I changed my username too early. Death Squid - what a phrase! As I posted earlier, cats and squid do not play well together. ---
**Author:** ![Apollyon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/apollyon/32/4238_2.png) [@Apollyon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apollyon)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117/52 "2009-08-31T03:50:50Z")
> [@Half\_Man\_Half\_Wit](#): > > Actually, let’s make it an American Idol-type reality show! With deathmatches! Don’t you mean _Survivor_? 😃 I see this as a natural progression in reality TV, and with txt voting of people “off the island” a sterling example of participatory democracy with a true capitalist / free-market twist in that you can pay more to txt more to vote more. So many possibilities… ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117/53 "2009-08-31T05:06:13Z")
> [@Apollyon](#): > > Don’t you mean _Survivor_? 😃 > > I see this as a natural progression in reality TV, and with txt voting of people “off the island” a sterling example of participatory democracy with a true capitalist / free-market twist in that you can pay more to txt more to vote more. > > So many possibilities… This sounds like my vote on the death panel might get watered down. This is not acceptable. Get your own death panel! ---
**Author:** ![BestWifeEver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/838e76/32.png) [@BestWifeEver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BestWifeEver)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117/54 "2009-08-31T14:58:37Z")
> [@Antinor01](#): > > I’m joining the cake panel. I bet people want to see me more. [cake or death?](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNjcuZ-LiSY) cake please… ---
**Author:** ![sittininlab](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/54ee81/32.png) [@sittininlab](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sittininlab)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117/55 "2009-08-31T16:56:56Z")
Can’t you already see the catch-22 develop, a patient and their paperwork, stamped for death, but the patient makes a miraculous recovery. (Turns out it was just gas.) They then have to go around and convince officials and loved ones, that, despite the indelible ink stamping, they are in fact, not dead. (2nd, hand, a friends father was declared dead by the credit bureaus. It took a few days to straighten that out.) ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117/56 "2009-08-31T16:57:33Z")
> [@Antinor01](#): > > I’m joining the cake panel. I bet people want to see me more. Not many people know this, but forcefully injecting half chewed pizza into one’s sinus _really hurts_. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117/57 "2009-08-31T17:22:19Z")
> [@sittininlab](#): > > Can’t you already see the catch-22 develop, a patient and their paperwork, stamped for death, but the patient makes a miraculous recovery. (Turns out it was just gas.) They then have to go around and convince officials and loved ones, that, despite the indelible ink stamping, they are in fact, not dead. (2nd, hand, a friends father was declared dead by the credit bureaus. It took a few days to straighten that out.) If they’re suppsed to be dead, and they’re not, we’ll fix that in short order. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117/58 "2009-08-31T17:34:04Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > I’m scrambling for some context here. If you were referring to: > [@ftg](#): > > The tricky part is learning to speak in SMALL CAPS. It’s a Pratchett reference. On the Discworld, Death speaks in all caps. He also likes cats and curry . . . but not together. I’m sure he would approve of planning ahead for his visit, as his visit is inevitable. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117/59 "2009-08-31T17:53:34Z")
> [@Mighty\_Girl](#): > > Is there any chance that this too will be outsourced to some third-world country, cause I think I can do this job better and at a fraction of the price. > > I am going to start polishing my jackboots and practicing my Nazi salute. Just in case. No but I hear KBR and Blackwater are putting together proposals to do it for the government at a fraction of the cost. ---
**Author:** ![Corner\_Case](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/corner_case/32/234_2.png) [@Corner\_Case](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corner_Case)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117/60 "2009-08-31T18:38:07Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > That stamp would be no fun. It’s also confusing; it could be construed to mean that the patient has already suffered death, or that the condition is terminal even if treated. > > Your stamp should say “KILL IMMEDIATELY” No, that’s confusing too, seeing that on [del]stiffs[/del] patients in the morgue. There needs (or need, depending upon your participation in _that_ thread) to be two stamps. A heat activated one that glows “KILL” until body temperature drops below, oh, 93. And a heat inhibited one that glows “DEAD” when the body is below, oh, 78. Sure, there’s that gray area, but it will say “KILL DEAD” through that confusing point and that will keep those afraid of zombies preoccupied. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117.md?page=4)