# I volunteered for our death panel today **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 29, 2009, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117 "2009-08-29T03:22:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Corner\_Case](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/corner_case/32/234_2.png) [@Corner\_Case](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corner_Case)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117/61 "2009-08-31T18:51:26Z")
:smack:[sup]{KILL}[/sup] Reverse those temperatures and both words _could_ appear. Pathetique 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117/62 "2009-08-31T19:19:18Z")
> [@picunurse](#): > > Oh please. This is just history repeating itself. > When I was a brand, new nurse the university hospital in which I worked had an “ethics” commitee that decided which patients with kidney failure were “worth” dialysis. No dialysis was a death sentence. That’s what [an article](http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/21/AR2009082101776.html) in the Washington Post said recently – we’ve already _had_ death panels in this country, and government intervention is what ended them. (E-mail registration required to view the link, but it’s free). ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117/63 "2009-08-31T19:55:58Z")
Hey, I’ve already got the gear I’ll need. I have a stamp that prints OBSOLETE, and I have a really nice antique scythe. 🆒 I’ll start practicing the key phrases: “Hello, we’re ready for your interview.” “Thank you. You’ll get your results in about 37 minutes.” “This is an individual decision. You are not just a number to us.” “You want to know who appointed us judge and Judy? We can show you the paperwork, after the interview.” “Our decision will not be influenced by your willingness to mow our lawns or go to bed with us.” “I do this because it is my moral obligation.” ---
**Author:** ![ajdebosco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecd19e/32.png) [@ajdebosco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ajdebosco)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117/64 "2009-08-31T20:04:46Z")
No, no, no, the government bureaucracy has no business deciding something so important as the death panel decisions. Those are best left to the current death panel bureaucrats who work for insurance companies as actuaries, claims investigators, bean counters, etc… ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117/65 "2009-08-31T20:15:38Z")
> [@Half\_Man\_Half\_Wit](#): > > Actually, let’s make it an American Idol-type reality show! With deathmatches! How about “[Beat the Reaper!](http://www-personal.umich.edu/~thinker/sounds/beatreap.aiff)”? ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117/66 "2009-08-31T20:39:11Z")
> [@AskNott](#): > > … “This is an individual decision. You are not just a number to us.”… …"There are too many of you to each have a number. You are actually one of many in a category. When the panel has completed it’s work, you will be directed to the proper ‘exit’. Don’t worry, you will be entitled to a final phone call, though most people use it to lodge an appeal of the decision. " ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117/67 "2009-08-31T20:51:03Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > …"There are too many of you to each have a number. You are actually one of many in a category. " You steal this from _The Twilight Zone,_ or are you that good and pissing off the helpless millions? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117/68 "2009-08-31T21:22:12Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > You steal this from _The Twilight Zone,_ or are you that good and pissing off the helpless millions? 🙂 I’m not so prideful to claim I’ve pissed off millions, but undoubtedly I’ve pissed off thousands. I’m missing the \*Twilight Zone \*reference, but yes, I am just that good. I refer you to my sig. ---
**Author:** ![Le\_Ministre\_de\_l\_au-dela](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/le_ministre_de_l_au-dela/32/12181_2.png) [@Le\_Ministre\_de\_l\_au-dela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Le_Ministre_de_l_au-dela)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117/69 "2009-08-31T21:27:16Z")
> [@Mollie\_Magill](#): > > Not many people know this, but forcefully injecting half chewed pizza into one’s sinus _really hurts_. While I am sure that ultimately, I really don’t want to know, I have to ask - how, exactly, did you find that out with such certainty? ---
**Author:** ![Apollyon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/apollyon/32/4238_2.png) [@Apollyon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apollyon)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117/70 "2009-08-31T22:04:20Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > This sounds like my vote on the death panel might get watered down. This is not acceptable. Get your own death panel! You think the txt voting _actually counts_?! No, no, this is just plausible deniability… “Well Mr. Smith, it looks like our voters have spoken…”. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Apollyon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/apollyon/32/4238_2.png) [@Apollyon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apollyon)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117/71 "2009-08-31T22:07:25Z")
Stamp lettering confusion could easily be sorted out by giving **Boyo Jim** a very big and heavy stamp marked “Dead”; a stamp that is intended to be applied with great force. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117/72 "2009-08-31T23:28:31Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > but yes, I am just that good. I refer you to my sig. Yeah, well, > [@](#): > > forcefully injecting half chewed pizza into one’s sinus really hurts. is more funny, so don’t get the Big Head, pal. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2009, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117/73 "2009-09-01T02:31:15Z")
> [@Apollyon](#): > > You think the txt voting _actually counts_?! No, no, this is just plausible deniability… “Well Mr. Smith, it looks like our voters have spoken…”. 🙂 Well, ok, then. ---
**Author:** ![633squadron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/ee59a6/32.png) [@633squadron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/633squadron)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2009, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117/74 "2009-09-01T05:34:18Z")
> [@ftg](#): > > The tricky part is learning to speak in SMALL CAPS. And always have CLEVER THINGS TO SAY TO THE IMMEDIATELY DEPARTED. Still, though He’s only supposed to show up for wizards, he seems to get around a lot. ---
**Author:** ![633squadron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/ee59a6/32.png) [@633squadron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/633squadron)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2009, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117/75 "2009-09-01T05:35:38Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > How about “[Beat the Reaper!](http://www-personal.umich.edu/~thinker/sounds/beatreap.aiff)”? “This man has the plague!” (“Plague”, “plague”…) ---
**Author:** ![633squadron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/ee59a6/32.png) [@633squadron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/633squadron)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2009, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117/76 "2009-09-01T05:36:58Z")
> [@BestWifeEver](#): > > [cake or death?](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNjcuZ-LiSY) > cake please… "I’m sorry, we’re **out of cake**. "What, so my choices are ‘or death?’ “That’s **right**!” “Well, I’ll have chicken then.” ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2009, 11:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117/77 "2009-09-01T11:27:02Z")
> [@Le\_Ministre\_de\_l\_au-dela](#): > > While I am sure that ultimately, I really don’t want to know, I have to ask - how, exactly, did you find that out with such certainty? It’s much the same process used to nasally spray coffee onto a keyboard, but you substitute a bite of lunch for a swig of coffee. ---
**Author:** ![Le\_Ministre\_de\_l\_au-dela](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/le_ministre_de_l_au-dela/32/12181_2.png) [@Le\_Ministre\_de\_l\_au-dela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Le_Ministre_de_l_au-dela)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2009, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117/78 "2009-09-01T11:39:26Z")
Ahh, okay. I thought maybe it was some New Jersey version of water boarding, or a cruel sexual practice performed by a Neapolitan dominatrix. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2009, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117/79 "2009-09-01T16:31:41Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Actually, the only really necessary people will be robot repairers and death panelists. Better yet: **robot death panel**. Which is a band I would go see, by the way. > [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > No, dummy, that’s the stamp for the _Pie_ panel. Unfortunately, due to a typo, the stamp was infinitely long. > [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Someone mentioned to me at work that we have something called a “wristband printer” for short-term IDs for our patients. And I thought to myself, “If the Nazis had such technology, they could have run their death camps much more efficiently”. Wristbands come off. Tattoos don’t. > [@RTFirefly](#): > > How about “[Beat the Reaper!](http://www-personal.umich.edu/~thinker/sounds/beatreap.aiff)”? Not to be confused with “Reap the Beater,” which would come under the heading of the cake panel. > [@Apollyon](#): > > Stamp lettering confusion could easily be sorted out by giving **Boyo Jim** a very big and heavy stamp marked “Dead”; a stamp that is intended to be applied with great force. So, really, we’re talking about a typseset bludgeon here. Would go see Typeset Bludgeon. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-volunteered-for-our-death-panel-today/508117.md?page=3)