# I want a Pop Tart in the worst way **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 24, 2004, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-a-pop-tart-in-the-worst-way/246835 "2004-05-24T17:50:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Genghis\_Bob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/45deac/32.png) [@Genghis\_Bob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Genghis_Bob)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2004, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-a-pop-tart-in-the-worst-way/246835/1 "2004-05-24T17:50:00Z")
So . . . what’s the worst way to have a Pop Tart? ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2004, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-a-pop-tart-in-the-worst-way/246835/2 "2004-05-24T17:53:15Z")
Have it get stuck in the toaster and catch on fire? I seem to recall Dave Barry writing about this, but it actually happened to me once. Fortunately, I was able to extinguish the flames with my Super Breath. The toaster was… well, toast. ---
**Author:** ![luluBahrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e5b9ba/32.png) [@luluBahrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/luluBahrain)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2004, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-a-pop-tart-in-the-worst-way/246835/3 "2004-05-24T18:01:24Z")
Shoved up your bum. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![harmless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@harmless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmless)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2004, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-a-pop-tart-in-the-worst-way/246835/4 "2004-05-24T18:02:10Z")
My roommate used to butter them once cooked. Eeewwww. ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2004, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-a-pop-tart-in-the-worst-way/246835/5 "2004-05-24T18:02:41Z")
I was _going_ to say “topped with five-alarm anchovy chili” but I think **luluBahrain** has pretty much said it all. ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2004, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-a-pop-tart-in-the-worst-way/246835/6 "2004-05-24T18:04:22Z")
Fed to you by Phyllis Diller, in the manner that a mother bird feeds her chicks. ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2004, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-a-pop-tart-in-the-worst-way/246835/7 "2004-05-24T18:06:51Z")
If you mean “have” in the biblical sense, then, “having” them fresh out of the toaster would probably be rather painful. That fruit filling is HOT. ---
**Author:** ![cher3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cher3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cher3)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2004, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-a-pop-tart-in-the-worst-way/246835/8 "2004-05-24T18:39:43Z")
No, the worst way is having that Pop Tart craving and being virtuous and buying “healthy” low fat, whole grain pseudo-Pop Tarts. Mmmm, burnt/frozen strawberry cardboard. Those transfats are there for a reason, folks. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2004, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-a-pop-tart-in-the-worst-way/246835/9 "2004-05-24T19:22:31Z")
> [@luluBahrain](#): > > Shoved up your bum. :eek: I was going to answer “rectally”, but Lulu beat me to it. ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2004, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-a-pop-tart-in-the-worst-way/246835/10 "2004-05-24T19:55:50Z")
cCmon, folks. The worst way to have a pop tart would to have it stapled to your heart. Or possibly: Fired from a shotgun directly into your face. Now, the worst way to _eat_ a pop tart would be: covered with medical waste in front of a live studio audience. No, that would be the nastiest and most humiliating way. The _worst_ way to eat a pop tart would be to eat one soaked in formaldehyde. No, with a pellet of plutonium in it. No, with a filling of Raid-soaked cockroaches. I give up. There are too many answers to this. It’s just one of those unanswerable Great Questions. ---
**Author:** ![ponderer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/2bfe46/32.png) [@ponderer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ponderer)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2004, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-a-pop-tart-in-the-worst-way/246835/11 "2004-05-24T20:22:48Z")
I would have to say having Private Lynndie England pull it out of Omar’s butt and feeding it to you and making you eat it while she gives a thumbs up… oh, and her buddies taking pictures of it ! ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2004, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-a-pop-tart-in-the-worst-way/246835/12 "2004-05-24T21:09:02Z")
“There are worse pictures to come. Frankly, I’m never eating a Pop-Tart again.” -D. Rumsfeld ---
**Author:** ![MysteryFellow63427](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e4f/32.png) [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2004, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-a-pop-tart-in-the-worst-way/246835/13 "2004-05-24T22:05:50Z")
I thought this thread was going to be about cravings. And here I was all prepared to share my story about how I ate a Taco supreme this afternoon in one bite. ---
**Author:** ![Tentacle\_Monster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba9def/32.png) [@Tentacle\_Monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tentacle_Monster)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2004, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-a-pop-tart-in-the-worst-way/246835/14 "2004-05-24T22:27:08Z")
The answer is clearly a combination. Smothered in five-alarm anchovy chili, loaded with an incindiary round in a shotgun, and fired up your bum. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2004, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-a-pop-tart-in-the-worst-way/246835/15 "2004-05-24T22:37:57Z")
> [@Tentacle Monster](#): > > The answer is clearly a combination. > > Smothered in five-alarm anchovy chili, loaded with an incindiary round in a shotgun, and fired up your bum. [By this Doper?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=257945#post4892809) ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2004, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-a-pop-tart-in-the-worst-way/246835/16 "2004-05-25T00:12:48Z")
Still in the foil wrapper. And still in the unopened box. Even worse if it’s the S’Mores-flavored ones. And they’ve melted. ---
**Author:** ![flamingbananas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f4b2a3/32.png) [@flamingbananas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flamingbananas)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2004, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-a-pop-tart-in-the-worst-way/246835/17 "2004-05-25T00:21:26Z")
No, you guys are wrong. The worst way to eat a poptart is thru your eyes. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2004, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-a-pop-tart-in-the-worst-way/246835/18 "2004-05-25T01:02:36Z")
Served in the boiling gases of Venus, by Hitler, while being forced to have sex with Mother Teresa. _And_ through your eyes. And . . . \*it’s the unfrosted blueberry kind. \* ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2004, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-a-pop-tart-in-the-worst-way/246835/19 "2004-05-25T01:43:05Z")
The worst way to have a Pop-Tart is to insert it in a toaster, toast it, and then eat it. Seriously, those things are so vile that shoving one up an Iraqi’s bum could only improve the flavor. ---
**Author:** ![RAWDuke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/71e660/32.png) [@RAWDuke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RAWDuke)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2004, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-a-pop-tart-in-the-worst-way/246835/20 "2004-05-25T12:33:12Z")
Weren’t Pop Tarts slathered in butter the major reason for the Basselopes’ extinction? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-a-pop-tart-in-the-worst-way/246835.md?page=2)