# I want an elephant **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 6, 2007, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-an-elephant/399018 "2007-04-06T19:44:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-an-elephant/399018/1 "2007-04-06T19:44:15Z")
I always have. But I’m watching a National Geographic show on elephants. They stick up for each other. They’re intelligent. Then there’s that useful trunk. I could get rid of the car an ride him to work. Who would argue? And nobody would mess with me when they see the elephant in the garage. I want an elephant. And a pengiun. What do you want? ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-an-elephant/399018/2 "2007-04-06T19:51:27Z")
I want a baby capuchin monkey, as featured on [YouTube](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AnFUGyvclOw). I also want an [albino python](http://z.about.com/d/exoticpets/1/0/w/i/DamonABP13FA.jpg). Oops. The albino python ate the baby capuchin monkey. I know: I want George Clooney. He’s an animal, isn’t he? ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-an-elephant/399018/3 "2007-04-06T20:33:10Z")
May I have a tiger, please? ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-an-elephant/399018/4 "2007-04-06T20:35:49Z")
[QUOTE=betenoir] I want an elephant. What do you want? [/QUOTE] [No,](http://www.elephants.com/joanna/joanna_burke.htm) you don’t. I want peafowl. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-an-elephant/399018/5 "2007-04-06T20:36:10Z")
I vant a pony. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-an-elephant/399018/6 "2007-04-06T20:45:44Z")
I want a hippopotamus for Christmas. ---
**Author:** ![Zany\_Zeolite\_Zipper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/4af34b/32.png) [@Zany\_Zeolite\_Zipper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zany_Zeolite_Zipper)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-an-elephant/399018/7 "2007-04-06T20:47:19Z")
Ivana Humpalot ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-an-elephant/399018/8 "2007-04-06T20:56:20Z")
> [@](#): > > I want peafowl. You are aware, are you not, that peafowl produce a cry which sounds strikingly like a screaming woman? It might be awkward if the neighbors start thinking you’re a serial killer, or something. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-an-elephant/399018/9 "2007-04-06T20:57:27Z")
I want a llama. ---
**Author:** ![WarmNPrickly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@WarmNPrickly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WarmNPrickly)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-an-elephant/399018/10 "2007-04-06T20:58:26Z")
I want a Kiwi bird! ---
**Author:** ![Lisa\_Ann](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bc79bd/32.png) [@Lisa\_Ann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lisa_Ann)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-an-elephant/399018/11 "2007-04-06T21:02:00Z")
I want ducks. ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-an-elephant/399018/12 "2007-04-06T21:42:22Z")
In a now-famous thread, a Doper named **Homer** (in a thread no longer online) waxed poetically about monkey butlers, as did Bart Simpson (no relation). That’s what I want. Except I want one that talks. And plays the piano. (Hey, no one said the things we want have to actually exist). Speaking of Bart Simpson, he learned the hard way once that an elephant is not something you want as a pet, even if KBBL is gonna give you something stupid. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-an-elephant/399018/13 "2007-04-06T21:53:24Z")
I want a sugar glider. [http://www.sugar-gliders.com/images/white-face.jpg](http://www.sugar-gliders.com/images/white-face.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Encinitas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Encinitas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Encinitas)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-an-elephant/399018/14 "2007-04-06T21:54:25Z")
I want a Tazmanian Devil! ---
**Author:** ![zelie\_zelerton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/59ef9b/32.png) [@zelie\_zelerton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zelie_zelerton)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-an-elephant/399018/15 "2007-04-06T23:20:19Z")
Nooooo! You guys have got it all wrong! We want PYGMY elephants! Ones we can keep in the house. ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-an-elephant/399018/16 "2007-04-06T23:27:00Z")
I want a cuttlefish. Can I have a nautilus, too? ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-an-elephant/399018/17 "2007-04-06T23:28:29Z")
My girlfriend wants an elephant very much; I’d like to give her one. There isn’t much room in her apartment, so it would have to be a baby elephant. ---
**Author:** ![zelie\_zelerton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/59ef9b/32.png) [@zelie\_zelerton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zelie_zelerton)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-an-elephant/399018/18 "2007-04-06T23:49:54Z")
[QUOTE=Marley23] My girlfriend wants an elephant very much; I’d like to give her one. There isn’t much room in her apartment, so it would have to be a baby elephant. [/QUOTE] See? If she had a two-foot high elephant she’d be able to keep it for longer than a baby one. We need to breed pygmy elephants! ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2007, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-an-elephant/399018/19 "2007-04-07T00:27:32Z")
[QUOTE=Chronos] You are aware, are you not, that peafowl produce a cry which sounds strikingly like a screaming woman? It might be awkward if the neighbors start thinking you’re a serial killer, or something. [/QUOTE] Maybe they’ll just think I’m an excellent lover. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2007, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-an-elephant/399018/20 "2007-04-07T00:41:26Z")
[QUOTE=betenoir] I want an elephant. [/QUOTE] Let me tell you something about elephants. They are hell to housebreak. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-an-elephant/399018.md?page=2)