# I want laser beams to shoot from my eyes! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 31, 2004, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-laser-beams-to-shoot-from-my-eyes/282380 "2004-12-31T04:58:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2004, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-laser-beams-to-shoot-from-my-eyes/282380/1 "2004-12-31T04:58:48Z")
Cause that’d be well… _so cool!_ \*\* ZAP!!\*\* What do you want? ---
**Author:** ![Rhubarb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/59ef9b/32.png) [@Rhubarb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhubarb)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2004, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-laser-beams-to-shoot-from-my-eyes/282380/2 "2004-12-31T05:14:41Z")
To watch the first time you look in a mirror. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![fishbicycle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aeb1de/32.png) [@fishbicycle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishbicycle)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2004, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-laser-beams-to-shoot-from-my-eyes/282380/3 "2004-12-31T05:22:59Z")
Dude, you would be _so_ annoying at the movie theater! ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2004, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-laser-beams-to-shoot-from-my-eyes/282380/4 "2004-12-31T05:46:49Z")
I want an axe that I could wear with my ceremonial robes. It would have the handle forged of silver and gold, and have nine gems embedded in it. The head would be made of the strongest steel, for symbolic reasons that I don’t feel like delving into, and in case I needed to use it. That, and horns. Oh, yeah. Horns would be fuckin sweet. ---
**Author:** ![if6was9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@if6was9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if6was9)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2004, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-laser-beams-to-shoot-from-my-eyes/282380/5 "2004-12-31T06:01:23Z")
I’d like an axe I could wear with my ceremonial robes too. A Fender Strat. A bright red one. That would be cool. That, and a '70 Hemi 'Cuda. Plum Crazy Purple. ---
**Author:** ![picker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/picker/32/13969_2.png) [@picker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picker)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2004, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-laser-beams-to-shoot-from-my-eyes/282380/6 "2004-12-31T06:30:50Z")
I would like to have a [ninja](http://www.realultimatepower.net/index3.htm). ---
**Author:** ![Kitchen\_Wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f08c70/32.png) [@Kitchen\_Wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kitchen_Wench)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2004, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-laser-beams-to-shoot-from-my-eyes/282380/7 "2004-12-31T06:50:25Z")
I want a [pre-anus](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=4697283&postcount=56) , and I’d like to be able to remove my head to style my hair. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2004, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-laser-beams-to-shoot-from-my-eyes/282380/8 "2004-12-31T07:09:31Z")
I want to be able to function well on three hours of sleep. Think of how much more you could get done in a day! Or how much more you could visit the Dope! ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2004, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-laser-beams-to-shoot-from-my-eyes/282380/9 "2004-12-31T11:45:32Z")
I want a staff - you know - a maid, a gardener, a cook, a butler, a chauffeur, and a pedicurist. And they must anticipate my every need and desire. Because if they did, the cook would have just whipped up exactly what I want for breakfast, whatever that may be. I deserve to be waited upon and pampered, dammit! I really do! ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2004, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-laser-beams-to-shoot-from-my-eyes/282380/10 "2004-12-31T17:15:33Z")
I would love to be able to absorb the contents of books by touching them. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2004, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-laser-beams-to-shoot-from-my-eyes/282380/11 "2004-12-31T17:20:11Z")
I want a sculpted body (including a _great_ pair of gams), gloriously beautiful features… and a whip, a leather catsuit, and high-heeled spike boots. Yeah, baby. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![buttonjockey308](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@buttonjockey308](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buttonjockey308)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2004, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-laser-beams-to-shoot-from-my-eyes/282380/12 "2004-12-31T17:43:55Z")
> [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](#): > > I want an axe that I could wear with my ceremonial robes. It would have the handle forged of silver and gold, and have nine gems embedded in it. The head would be made of the strongest steel, for symbolic reasons that I don’t feel like delving into, and in case I needed to use it. > > That, and horns. Oh, yeah. Horns would be fuckin sweet. Dude, I think I’ve got the answer to your problem, uh, sorta… [Right here](http://www.budkww.com/partsview.asp?action=lookup&partno=BK618&subject=H&catpos=99999) and such a deal, at $17.00 ---
**Author:** ![buttonjockey308](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@buttonjockey308](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buttonjockey308)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2004, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-laser-beams-to-shoot-from-my-eyes/282380/13 "2004-12-31T17:45:18Z")
I would like to fly and be invisible, cause I could go on vacation whenever I wanted, and being invisible would be, well, cool. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2004, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-laser-beams-to-shoot-from-my-eyes/282380/14 "2004-12-31T17:45:33Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > I want a sculpted body (including a _great_ pair of gams), gloriously beautiful features… > > and a whip, a leather catsuit, and high-heeled spike boots. > > Yeah, baby. 😉 That image has been burned into my brain, and will pop up every time I read one of your posts from now on. Not that I mind, of course. It’s quite a nice image. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![mrklutz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ebca7d/32.png) [@mrklutz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrklutz)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2004, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-laser-beams-to-shoot-from-my-eyes/282380/15 "2004-12-31T17:46:11Z")
I want all those marvelous Star Trek toys: a replicator, a transporter, and a holodeck. And I want **Kythereia** , especially if she gets what she wants. Yowza! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2004, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-laser-beams-to-shoot-from-my-eyes/282380/16 "2004-12-31T17:51:31Z")
I want power. Absolute power. Oh, and bodyguards. That’d be cool. ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2004, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-laser-beams-to-shoot-from-my-eyes/282380/17 "2004-12-31T18:19:11Z")
> [@Maus Magill](#): > > I want power. Absolute power. > > Oh, and bodyguards. That’d be cool. If you had _absolute_ power, why would you need bodyguards? Just for “the look?” I can get behind that. Horns, definitely. And a thin, long, red tail with a point at the end… ---
**Author:** ![flamingbananas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f4b2a3/32.png) [@flamingbananas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flamingbananas)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2004, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-laser-beams-to-shoot-from-my-eyes/282380/18 "2004-12-31T18:28:20Z")
To be able to fly. Or at least glide. A pedicure. I need one really badly. ---
**Author:** ![dare\_devil007](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@dare\_devil007](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dare_devil007)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2004, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-laser-beams-to-shoot-from-my-eyes/282380/19 "2004-12-31T18:37:41Z")
I want to a pair of sai like Jennifer Garner’s from “Elektra” and I want to be able use them really well. ---
**Author:** ![klintypooh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3da27b/32.png) [@klintypooh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/klintypooh)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2004, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-laser-beams-to-shoot-from-my-eyes/282380/20 "2004-12-31T19:01:12Z")
> [@buttonjockey308](#): > > I would like to fly and be invisible, cause I could go on vacation whenever I wanted, and being invisible would be, well, cool. But nobody would be able to see your tan. 😃 And if people are getting wishes, I want everybody elses wishes not to be granted. 😃 That’ll learn ya Mr. Face, see how you look with no nose. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-laser-beams-to-shoot-from-my-eyes/282380.md?page=2)