# "I want my nose and my two big toes..."
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-my-nose-and-my-two-big-toes/400073
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [April 14, 2007, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-my-nose-and-my-two-big-toes/400073 "2007-04-14T05:45:50Z")
**Posts on this page:** 13
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies)
#### Post date: [April 14, 2007, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-my-nose-and-my-two-big-toes/400073/1 "2007-04-14T05:45:50Z")
Long ago when I was wee
My Papa used to tell to me
A tale of suspense and fear
When at night I’d cuddle near
A gardner found out in his crop
Toe-like spuds that made him stop
In his tracks to pick them up
And keep them but for not to sup
A little later that same day
He found under the mulching hay
A spud that looked just like a nose
Yes, this is how the story goes
He took his funny spuds inside
But decided they could not be fried
Instead he put them in a jar
To show the guys down at the bar
That night as he was fast asleep
His screen door made an eerie creak
A scary voice he heard that said
The quote atop this very thread
Then heavy footsteps they did clomp
As up his stairs something did stomp
With each step the voice would boom
As the farmer trembled in his room
And though I knew the story well
Every time Papa would yell
And grab me for to give a fright
To end the story and the night
I would jump and squeal with laughter
As my heart was beating faster
Then settle down between the sheets
To try and count those pesky sheep
With Google foo I’ve tried to find
Cites of this story in my mind
But, alas, Google says, “Nope”
So I turn now to the Dope
Who remembers such a fable?
Well, bring your story to the table
Sorry for the clunky rhyme
I’ll do it better the next time
---
### Author:  [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)
#### Post date: [April 14, 2007, 11:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-my-nose-and-my-two-big-toes/400073/2 "2007-04-14T11:19:54Z")
I do remember something like it, but damned if I can remember where from, sorry.
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### Author:  [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)
#### Post date: [April 14, 2007, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-my-nose-and-my-two-big-toes/400073/3 "2007-04-14T15:30:14Z")
After all the mods’ warnings about posting complete poems or lyrics, I wondered if you were being defiant, or had just somehow never seen any of the admonitions. Not only did the story sound familiar, it wasn’t until I got to the “quote atop this very thread” line that I realized the verse (“clunky” as it may be ;)) was your own effort.
If I recall correctly, it was my maternal grandmother (now deceased) who told me the story – I can mentally hear “I want my nose and two big toes” in her voice. Although the tale smacks of oral tradition, it’s gotta be written down someplace, but my Google-fu is as lacking as is yours. Sorry!
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### Author:  [@ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies)
#### Post date: [April 14, 2007, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-my-nose-and-my-two-big-toes/400073/4 "2007-04-14T16:08:38Z")
Maybe it was regional? My Dad was raised in Depression-era Chicago. Ice Wolf’s nod from down under kinda blows that theory though, unless he has some family ties to Iowa or something.
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### Author:  [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)
#### Post date: [April 14, 2007, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-my-nose-and-my-two-big-toes/400073/5 "2007-04-14T16:13:59Z")
[QUOTE=ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies]
Maybe it was regional? My Dad was raised in Depression-era Chicago. Ice Wolf’s nod from down under kinda blows that theory though, unless he has some family ties to Iowa or something.
[/QUOTE]
My maternal grandmother was born (in 1911) and grew up in Baltimore, so that region you posit would have extended at least from Illinois to Maryland.
Incidentally, **Ice Wolf** is female.
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### Author:  [@Marlitharn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlitharn)
#### Post date: [April 14, 2007, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-my-nose-and-my-two-big-toes/400073/6 "2007-04-14T16:28:19Z")
I’ve heard two similar stories; “Taily-po” and “The Golden Arm.” IIRC, I read “Taily-po” in a kids book of folklore; I first read “The Golden Arm” as a story told by a character in a young adult novel. Both stories end the same as the OPs, and they’re clearly meant to be told aloud, because they all end with, “Who’s got my taily-po/golden arm/nose and toes?” Then you grab the person sitting next to you and screech, “YOU’VE GOT IT!!”
Taily-po is included in [this](http://www.amazon.com/Spooky-Stories-Dark-Stormy-Night/dp/0786800127/ref=pd_bbs_2/002-5827296-4678410?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1176567856&sr=1-2) book. If your library has a decent kids section, you might be able to find the story you’re looking for in various scary story or folklore anthologies.
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### Author:  [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)
#### Post date: [April 14, 2007, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-my-nose-and-my-two-big-toes/400073/7 "2007-04-14T16:30:31Z")
More from tone than from specific content I associate the tale with something Hal Holbrook told as part of his “Mark Twain Tonight” program which I saw years ago on PBS (I think). The story was something like “The Golden Arm” and had this creature approaching the house and uttering in a spooky fashion, “Who got my golden arm?” as it entered the house, walked up the stairs, came down the hall, into the bedroom, over to the bed, at which point Holbrook screamed into the camera, “You got it!”
It was enough to scare a grownup at the time. On TV, of all things.
Thus I suspect the story and its variants go back to early storytelling days with as many regional variations as stories like that accumulate over time.
Not to leave well enough alone, I saw recently on one of the cable channels that presents “art movies” some Czech thing called “Little Otik” or something similar. It’s about an offbeat couple being unable to conceive and the husband deciding to make a baby out of a tree stump. The thing comes alive and bullshit ensues. If you get a chance to see it, and love bizarre fantasy, it’s maybe a 2-star out of 4 movie. At least it reminds me of your story.
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### Author:  [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)
#### Post date: [April 14, 2007, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-my-nose-and-my-two-big-toes/400073/8 "2007-04-14T16:36:50Z")
I’m certainly no expert
And I may be completely wrong,
But it sounds like a variant
On [this](http://www.pitt.edu/~dash/type0780.html#grimm) old Brother Grimm song…
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### Author:  [@ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies)
#### Post date: [April 14, 2007, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-my-nose-and-my-two-big-toes/400073/9 "2007-04-14T16:37:17Z")
Whoops, sorry Ice Wolf 🙂
I also meant to say that my Dad was raised in _Post_-Depression Era Chicago. He was born in 1934.
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### Author:  [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)
#### Post date: [April 14, 2007, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-my-nose-and-my-two-big-toes/400073/10 "2007-04-14T19:17:03Z")
[QUOTE=ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies]
Whoops, sorry Ice Wolf 🙂
I also meant to say that my Dad was raised in _Post_-Depression Era Chicago. He was born in 1934.
[/QUOTE]
No worries, **CTTDSWHC**. 🙂
NZ had a lot of American influences coming in from World War II, and probably something like this drifted in, settled with a primary school teacher’s brain, and I was one of the wee nippers who heard it all of over 30 years ago. It _still_ sounds damn familiar! Oh, and I have connections who were in California at one stage, but not Iowa, sorry.
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### Author:  [@ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2007, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-my-nose-and-my-two-big-toes/400073/11 "2007-04-15T02:32:24Z")
My Dad always finished the stair-climbing build-up with, “And I gotchya!” and suddenly grabbing me.
I heard “The Golden Arm” and other similar stories from kids at school when I got a bit older, but the version that sticks in my head the most was my Dad’s with the somewhat more whimsical potatos.
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### Author:  [@ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2007, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-my-nose-and-my-two-big-toes/400073/12 "2007-04-15T03:03:44Z")
So Mrs. WeHaveCookies just sat down at the computer for a few minutes while I was out futzing with our broken firewood bin, and found a promising cite.
In the Barnes and Noble critics section for _[Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark](http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?z=y&EAN=9780064401708)_ we find…
> [@](#):
>
> Divided into five sections, this collection of American folklore has a little of everything—but not enough of anything. The opening chapter, “‘jump stories’ to make friends JUMP with fright,” is varied but uninspired. In the opening tale, a big toe is discovered, brought home, cooked, and eaten. Are you entertained so far? The allegedly scary bit is when the storyteller accuses a listener of possessing said toe.
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### Author:  [@ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2007, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-my-nose-and-my-two-big-toes/400073/13 "2007-04-15T03:12:16Z")
Which gave me the right Google fu/foo (which is it by the way?) calibration to dig deeper.
I found [this](http://www.americanfolklore.net/folktales/md2.html) version of a folktale from Maryland called _The Hairy Toe_ complete with a first paragraph suffering a gender identity crisis.