# I want to give a formal apology to the SDMB **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 10, 2020, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200 "2020-01-10T01:56:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/1 "2020-01-10T01:56:38Z")
My behavior over the years has been completely uneven and sometimes infamously terrible. My statements about women in particular were horrible. I am engaged to an extremely talented Episcopal priest against all probability. I was embarrassed when I realized she might find out some of what I wrote along with my mothers and daughters. Everything I have ever said is true but it was presented in an inflammatory way that I deeply regret. This is a completely sincere apology that no one else knows about. I reread some of what I wrote years ago and, although there were reasons for it, that is still no excuse. I was just being a dick because I could. People can grow and change and I certainly have. I have hurt a whole lot of people in my life even just casually and I vow to stop doing that and be more on the helping side. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/2 "2020-01-10T02:00:23Z")
Good luck to you. Ultimately your sense of goodness and dignity, and not other people’s opinions of you, are what you are answerable to. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/3 "2020-01-10T02:09:48Z")
That is a nice apology, although I don’t recall any such remarks. You may find from your fiancé that as humans we are flawed, and that God forgives us, so I hope you’re not beating yourself up too much about this. Hopefully we grow and improve as we go. Growth is a journey, and I too am on that journey. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/4 "2020-01-10T02:24:02Z")
Thank you but I am a deeply flawed person and trying to improve. I have also contributed a lot over the years. It doesn’t really matter why that is. I am just trying to do much better and hope everyone else will follow that lead. ---
**Author:** ![Chingon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chingon/32/17645_2.png) [@Chingon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chingon)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/5 "2020-01-10T02:29:09Z")
Words are cheap. Words on an anonymous message board are doubly so. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/6 "2020-01-10T02:30:14Z")
My fiancee set a really high moral bar for me that I have never experienced before. She didn’t make me apologize. She doesn’t even know that I am a longtime member of this board. I can promise you though that the change is real. It just depends on who you surround yourself with. When you are picked by someone much better than you, you better start acting like it. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/7 "2020-01-10T02:31:25Z")
> [@Chingon](#): > > Words are cheap. Words on an anonymous message board are doubly so. Yes, that is why I backed them up with lots of actions. ---
**Author:** ![Chingon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chingon/32/17645_2.png) [@Chingon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chingon)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/8 "2020-01-10T02:32:00Z")
So you say ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/9 "2020-01-10T02:32:53Z")
I’ve always enjoyed having you here. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/10 "2020-01-10T02:52:16Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > I’ve always enjoyed having you here. And you the same Wesley. I consider you a long distance friend. You are welcome any time. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/11 "2020-01-10T04:19:07Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > My fiancee set a really high moral bar for me that I have never experienced before. She didn’t make me apologize. She doesn’t even know that I am a longtime member of this board. I can promise you though that the change is real. It just depends on who you surround yourself with. When you are picked by someone much better than you, you better start acting like it. It’s not an uncommon phenomenon. You start hanging out with a person who’s better than yourself and you start seeing that being a better person is a realistic possibility. You realize that if they can live their life that way, so can you. I’m glad to hear things are working out for you. ---
**Author:** ![Graymalkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@Graymalkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Graymalkin)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/12 "2020-01-10T04:27:39Z")
I’ve always liked your Dope handle. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/13 "2020-01-10T04:35:33Z")
I’m very familiar with your “work” here and I am pleasantly surprised at this turn of character. I hope it’s real and long-lasting. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/14 "2020-01-10T04:46:58Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > I’m very familiar with your “work” here and I am pleasantly surprised at this turn of character. I hope it’s real and long-lasting. Same here. Maybe a username change would be a nice first step and fresh start. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/15 "2020-01-10T07:35:44Z")
You’ve said horrible, disrespectful, and objectifying things about women. I really hope you’re changing, but it will take a long time and a lot of posts to convince me. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 8:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/16 "2020-01-10T08:38:16Z")
I really do hope you have truly changed your thinking. Good on your girlfriend for inspiring you. You owe her. As a newb I was just in time for your big pit thread. I poked at you alittle over there. That’s not who I really am. I wish I had of stayed out of it. I am sorry for doing that. Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![beowulff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beowulff/32/542_2.png) [@beowulff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beowulff)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 10:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/17 "2020-01-10T10:04:22Z")
Leopard, meet spots… ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/18 "2020-01-10T10:52:01Z")
> [@Chingon](#): > > Words are cheap. Words on an anonymous message board are doubly so. > [@Chingon](#): > > So you say “Words on an anonymous message board” are all any of us have here. Whether the OP is sincere or not will become clear over time when he continues to post. > [@ZipperJJ](#): > > I’m very familiar with your “work” here and I am pleasantly surprised at this turn of character. I hope it’s real and long-lasting. Agreed. Good on you for trying to be a better person. > [@Helena330](#): > > You’ve said horrible, disrespectful, and objectifying things about women. I really hope you’re changing, but it will take a long time and a lot of posts to convince me. This too. Good intentions are the first step, not the last; by our works (or rather our words) are we known here. I would suggest at the very least you take a few minutes between writing a post and hitting “submit Reply” for a while to give yourself a chance to check that you’re not slipping back into old ways. Or - and this is just crazy talk - spend less time here and more with your lovely-sounding partner. ---
**Author:** ![InsomniaMama](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ad7895/32.png) [@InsomniaMama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InsomniaMama)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 11:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/19 "2020-01-10T11:35:13Z")
I’m really enjoying the difference in male/female responses here. Male: what? Female: Yes, you have much to atone for. Blows my mind, really. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/20 "2020-01-10T12:31:09Z")
> [@InsomniaMama](#): > > I’m really enjoying the difference in male/female responses here. Male: what? Female: Yes, you have much to atone for. > > Blows my mind, really. How well do you know which posters are male and which are female? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200.md?page=2)