# I want to give a formal apology to the SDMB **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 10, 2020, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200 "2020-01-10T01:56:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/21 "2020-01-10T13:30:00Z")
> [@Helena330](#): > > You’ve said horrible, disrespectful, and objectifying things about women. I really hope you’re changing, but it will take a long time and a lot of posts to convince me. Ditto about Boomers, and ditto sentiments from me, **Shaggie**. I hope you’re serious about change and not just charged full of dopamine due to New Relationship Energy. I’m willing to wait and see. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/22 "2020-01-10T13:31:27Z")
I often thought you were somewhat “out there” on numerous issues - not just gender related ones. Perhaps it was because my particular ox was never gored, but I never thought of you as a “bad person.” Whatever your actual and perceived sins in the past, good luck on your efforts to improve. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/23 "2020-01-10T13:43:52Z")
Pigs on wing; could it be? :dubious: Here’s to this one ending well for you, OP. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/24 "2020-01-10T14:28:41Z")
> [@InsomniaMama](#): > > I’m really enjoying the difference in male/female responses here. Male: what? Female: Yes, you have much to atone for. > > Blows my mind, really. FWIW, male here, and the “everything I have ever said is true” thoroughly undercuts the whole apology from my perspective. I’m not particularly interested in his browbeating, but if he decides to become a better poster, in a year or two I might believe it. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/25 "2020-01-10T14:32:51Z")
I for one, am glad for the sense of closure with regard to the Russian gambling hooker. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/26 "2020-01-10T14:35:21Z")
From many posts so far here, we have some good people here on SDMB. Cool. > [@InsomniaMama](#): > > I’m really enjoying the difference in male/female responses here. Male: what? Female: Yes, you have much to atone for. > > Blows my mind, really. Excuse me? You missed Little Nemo and me, both male non-whats. Maybe some others too. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/27 "2020-01-10T14:38:05Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > People can grow and change and I certainly have. I have hurt a whole lot of people in my life even just casually and I vow to stop doing that and be more on the helping side. I will add one more well-intentioned bit of advice here: perhaps instead of focusing on “helping”, you would be better served by doing more **listening** , and particularly to women (as this seems to be a weak area for you). It sounds like you’re listening to the one at home; now try listening to others as well. ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/28 "2020-01-10T14:42:49Z")
So are you going to change your username to Shag-nicety now? ---
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/29 "2020-01-10T14:44:35Z")
> [@Bullitt](#): > > From many posts so far here, we have some good people here on SDMB. Cool. > > Excuse me? You missed Little Nemo and me, both male non-whats. Maybe some others too. You said you didn’t recall any such remarks. I don’t know what the ratio of make to female responses are in this thread, but things you’ve said in the past have been pretty awful, OP. And I agree with LHOD, your statement that these horrible things are “all true” does make your apology seem less than sincere. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/30 "2020-01-10T14:57:37Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > And you the same Wesley. I consider you a long distance friend. You are welcome any time. Thank you, I appreciate that. I’m glad things are going well with the priest and you found someone compatible. I hope the kids are doing well too. I don’t go out to new england often but if you’re in Indy for any reason we could meet up for a beer. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/31 "2020-01-10T14:59:14Z")
> [@raventhief](#): > > You said you didn’t recall any such remarks. I don’t recall saying that. I keed! I keed! 🙂 Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/32 "2020-01-10T15:20:09Z")
Damned if you do, damned if you don’t, eh? Good luck to you as you go forward! ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/33 "2020-01-10T15:28:23Z")
> [@InsomniaMama](#): > > I’m really enjoying the difference in male/female responses here. Male: what? Female: Yes, you have much to atone for. > > Blows my mind, really. Really? The targets of hurtful comments have been more hurt and maybe are more skeptical and slower to forgive than those who have not been the targets blows your mind? Recognizing that you’ve been an ass and trying to atone is A Good Thing. As someone who has not been very impacted by his past behaviors I can recognize that. And I can (and btw do) wish him and his beloved a good path forward with that as a start. It is however not _my_ place to grant or to withhold forgiveness or to define what would or should earn it. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/34 "2020-01-10T15:40:00Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > Really? > > The targets of hurtful comments have been more hurt and maybe are more skeptical and slower to forgive than those who have not been the targets blows your mind? > > Recognizing that you’ve been an ass and trying to atone is A Good Thing. As someone who has not been very impacted by his past behaviors I can recognize that. And I can (and btw do) wish him and his beloved a good path forward with that as a start. It is however not _my_ place to grant or to withhold forgiveness or to define what would or should earn it. It’s also worth noting that sincere apologies and genuine atonement do not require forgiveness from the aggrieved parties (nor does forgiveness require the offender to repent). Repentance and forgiveness are obviously linked but do not impose burdens on one another. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/35 "2020-01-10T15:58:22Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > FWIW, male here, and the “everything I have ever said is true” thoroughly undercuts the whole apology from my perspective. > > I’m not particularly interested in his browbeating, but if he decides to become a better poster, in a year or two I might believe it. I concur, on all points. I wish him well in his journey, but the start is a little shaky. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/36 "2020-01-10T16:04:59Z")
> [@Telemark](#): > > I concur, on all points. I wish him well in his journey, but the start is a little shaky. Any major change typically has a “shaky start” — by the very definition of change meaning a change from one’s recent history. ‘Personal inertia’, if I can call it that, can hinder one’s attempts to change. Especially early attempts. But eventually a new trajectory is defined, and let’s hope those trajectories are dramatically different. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/37 "2020-01-10T16:07:38Z")
Say, **Shagnasty** , what about your promise to the He-Man Woman-Haters Club? ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/38 "2020-01-10T17:02:41Z")
> [@Telemark](#): > > I concur, on all points. I wish him well in his journey, but the start is a little shaky. Rather. Starting out with saying he wasn’t wrong, just nasty about being right? :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/39 "2020-01-10T17:17:58Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > Really? > > The targets of hurtful comments have been more hurt and maybe are more skeptical and slower to forgive than those who have not been the targets blows your mind? No, what blows her mind **isn’t** that the male posters in this thread are less skeptical and quicker to forgive. It’s the male posters _who say they don’t even remember **Shagnasty** having said anything objectionable in the first place._ ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2020, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/40 "2020-01-10T17:25:27Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > Rather. Starting out with saying he wasn’t wrong, just nasty about being right? :rolleyes: “I’m not sorry for the things I said, just the way I said them.” Rather limited scope to this apology. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200.md?page=3)