# I want to give a formal apology to the SDMB **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 10, 2020, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200 "2020-01-10T01:56:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![bobkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c67d28/32.png) [@bobkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobkitty)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2020, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/81 "2020-01-12T15:48:00Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > Beyond his mincing non apology, his words reveal that these women have value in excess of you other whores. What gives them more value? It is entirely in their relationship to him. They aren’t just any ‘women’, they’re HIS fiancée, daughters, mothers. Almost as though their saving virtue exists solely in being connected to him. Not just connected to him, but what services they provide to him. > [@](#): > > She used to be really self-conscience about it until I told her I just love her for being her which is completely true. I also have a whole lot more money than she does so, on paper, I am out of her league but she is a priest that also happens to be incredible in bed and I think that is really damned hot. Most importantly, we are a near perfect personality match and that is what really allows you to go the distance. I will take blowjobs on demand, great character and ambition over a sterile beauty queen any day. If I came across my fiance talking about me that way on a public message board, then took a glance at his posting history where he consistently openly sexualized his minor daughters and happily admitted to sexual assault, I would be out the door before he could attempt one of these half-assed “apologies.” Not one spot has changed on this leopard. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2020, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/82 "2020-01-12T16:11:28Z")
> [@Peter\_Morris](#): > > “Mothers”? Plural? How many do you have? I had three at one time: mother, step-mother and mother-in-law. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2020, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/83 "2020-01-15T01:51:53Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > Needing to shield his fiancée, mothers and daughters from his misogynistic behaviour is very telling. The funny thing is that my fiancee is a really extreme misadroginst. She hates men in general except for me and my soon to be step-son. You wouldn’t think that would be a good combination but you couldn’t be more wrong. It is like matter and anti-matter colliding in a shower of chemistry. I understand completely why she feels the way she does because I don’t like most men either and her viewpoints are completely justified based on her experiences. I also share my general opinions with all of the important women in my life. They understand why and correct me when I am wrong. I love individual people, not entire demographic groups. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2020, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/84 "2020-01-15T02:44:52Z")
Didn’t you say your fiancee is a priest? And she hates men? How does that work out? I’m honestly curious, as she seems to be the same denomination I am. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2020, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/85 "2020-01-15T02:53:37Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > Didn’t you say your fiancee is a priest? And she hates men? How does that work out? I’m honestly curious, as she seems to be the same denomination I am. I wouldn’t take anything he said at face value. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2020, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/86 "2020-01-15T03:09:29Z")
The apology isn’t for us so it doesn’t matter how we feel about it. It’s there for her, because he knows that if she ever finds this board and his comments he’ll be dropped like a hot potato. He also knows that the posts are likely to show in reverse chronological order, so he’s banking on Religious Lady’s belief in redemption and forgiveness to save his sorry behind. Judging from the way he flatters her here, she must be quite wealthy. He clearly puts a great deal of importance on keeping her fooled and entranced. If you should see this, my dear, my advice is to get out while you can. Read every post he’s ever written and judge for yourself. There are people in this world who are born without conscience or empathy. Ask yourself whether this is one of them? Advice my Grandfather gave, which I have always regretted ignoring: Charming is what con men do for a living. If a man is charming you: Run! ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2020, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/87 "2020-01-15T03:11:06Z")
double post ---
**Author:** ![nelliebly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nelliebly/32/5422_2.png) [@nelliebly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nelliebly)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2020, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/88 "2020-01-15T03:17:18Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > The funny thing is that my fiancee is a really extreme misadroginst. She hates men in general except for me and my soon to be step-son. You wouldn’t think that would be a good combination but you couldn’t be more wrong. It is like matter and anti-matter colliding in a shower of chemistry. I understand completely why she feels the way she does because I don’t like most men either and her viewpoints are completely justified based on her experiences. > > I also share my general opinions with all of the important women in my life. They understand why and correct me when I am wrong. I love individual people, not entire demographic groups. Sounds like a marriage made in…well, hell. And I, too, wonder how someone who’s misandrist can adequately serve her congregation. Something odd is going on here, and I’m not sure what. ---
**Author:** ![ASL\_v2.0](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asl_v2.0/32/3525_2.png) [@ASL\_v2.0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ASL_v2.0)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2020, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/89 "2020-01-15T04:26:49Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > Needing to shield his fiancée, mothers and daughters from his misogynistic behaviour is very telling. That’s been pretty much my take from the get go. Glad someone finally said it… ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2020, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/90 "2020-01-15T05:09:28Z")
> [@nelliebly](#): > > Something odd is going on here, and I’m not sure what. Of course it doesn’t add up. It’s Shagnasty. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2020, 10:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/91 "2020-01-15T10:40:41Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > I love individual people, not entire demographic groups. But you have no problem at all insulting, belittling and offending entire demographic groups. You’re really not selling the whole “contrition” thing here, man. ---
**Author:** ![Isosleepy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/isosleepy/32/479_2.png) [@Isosleepy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isosleepy)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2020, 11:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/92 "2020-01-15T11:05:34Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > The funny thing is that my fiancee is a really extreme misadroginst. She hates men in general This being the “extremely talented” episcopal priest? You just keep meeting the most interesting people. ---
**Author:** ![pool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pool/32/4152_2.png) [@pool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pool)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2020, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/93 "2020-01-15T11:24:30Z")
It’s impossible to construct a perfect apology and people will always be waiting to kick you when you’re down. Hope things work out for you, live your life as well as you can. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2020, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/94 "2020-01-15T12:32:42Z")
> [@nelliebly](#): > > Sounds like a marriage made in…well, hell. Yente: With the way she hates and the way he acts, it’s a perfect match! ---
**Author:** ![Pantastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3bc359/32.png) [@Pantastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pantastic)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2020, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/95 "2020-01-15T14:36:05Z")
> [@pool](#): > > It’s impossible to construct a perfect apology and people will always be waiting to kick you when you’re down. Hope things work out for you, live your life as well as you can. It is possible to construct a reasonable apology, and this wasn’t one. Using the phrase ‘kick you when you’re down’ for ‘I don’t accept a non-apology from someone who’s said a lot of virulent things and currently says that he believes them, just that he’s worried his fiance might see them’ seems a bit inappropriate. I’m not someone who remembers a lot of board posters, but I definitely remember Shagnasty and the outright, well, nasty stuff he’s posted in the past. ---
**Author:** ![ratatoskK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ratatoskk/32/2987_2.png) [@ratatoskK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ratatoskK)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2020, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/96 "2020-01-15T15:29:16Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > The funny thing is that my fiancee is a really extreme misadroginst. She hates men in general except for me and my soon to be step-son. You wouldn’t think that would be a good combination but you couldn’t be more wrong. It is like matter and anti-matter colliding in a shower of chemistry. This is starting to sound like **umkay**. ---
**Author:** ![Corry\_El](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecae2f/32.png) [@Corry\_El](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corry_El)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2020, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/97 "2020-01-15T16:14:18Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > How well do you know which posters are male and which are female? Yeah that was an interesting ink-blot test of a post, made the otherwise kind of trivial thread worth it to read. Could be if you could scientifically test, you’d find less negative reaction from male posters to OP’s past posts on average, but I have to guess there’s some element of that post assuming its own conclusion, in the absence of any labels which say which poster is male or female (if either). Back to trivial, there have been a couple of special interest boards where I came to view other posters as fully real people. But not so much on the web in general, and where I have done that I’ve often later reconsidered whether it made much sense. The internet is the internet, real life is real life. The OP in my limited experience on the board often says obnoxious things as well as relating life experiences I wouldn’t bet a nickel were entirely true. But you can always just not read it. In real life there are many more gradations of how free somebody is to walk away from comments they find offensive, and might be some obligation of third parties to join in arguing their side or telling the offensive person to take it somewhere else. On the internet you can always ‘walk away’. OK, people saying ‘what posts did you ever make that upset people?’ couldn’t have read much of OP’s self started and sustained threads…so why are they commenting now? 🙂 But I think it’s entirely legit for me to have sampled some of the donnybrooks OP started and just not have cared that much. It’s some persona on the internet behind a screen name, not a literal real person even if the person behind that web persona insists it’s all 100% ‘them’, and all true. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2020, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/98 "2020-01-15T16:52:32Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > The funny thing is that my fiancee is a really extreme misadroginst. She hates men in general except for me and my soon to be step-son. You wouldn’t think that would be a good combination but you couldn’t be more wrong. It is like matter and anti-matter colliding in a shower of chemistry. I understand completely why she feels the way she does because I don’t like most men either and her viewpoints are completely justified based on her experiences. None of this will end well for you. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2020, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/99 "2020-01-15T20:10:02Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > Didn’t you say your fiancee is a priest? And she hates men? How does that work out? I’m honestly curious, as she seems to be the same denomination I am. This one is easy. We treat everyone with respect and hope their spirits will improve with influence from our own actions. That does not mean that you have to just take everyone as an equal. I have been burned by lots of people and she certainly has. Love, like and forgiveness are all very different things. I am working on myself now very aggressively but it is a long process that can never be mastered. She doesn’t mistreat men. It has just been that men in her life have done some extremely terrible things to her. I can’t go into detail because she is a public figure but I have lived through many similar things. The point is to do better, love each other and move on. I am working on a perfect honesty policy right now. I already told every person that is important to me in my life about everything including my views, the reasons for them and asked for forgiveness when I was wrong. Almost everyone received it well because they know I have a great heart. The few that didn’t have issues to address on their own and I am also willing to help them with that. Recreational conflict doesn’t do anyone any good. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2020, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/100 "2020-01-15T20:20:54Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > None of this will end well for you. Maybe not but all my money is on ‘Yes’. Chemistry and common understanding are everything. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200.md?page=6)