# I want to give a formal apology to the SDMB **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 10, 2020, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200 "2020-01-10T01:56:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 1\ **Showing post:** 69
**Author:** ![TroutMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troutman/32/6721_2.png) [@TroutMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroutMan)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2020, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200/69 "2020-01-11T22:49:54Z")
> [@Crafter\_Man](#): > > **Shagnasty** has apologized. He appears sincere, yet some Dopers continue to bash him. This implies he is apologizing in an incorrect manner. So I ask this question: when a Doper apologizes for previous misconduct, how _should_ it be done? šŸ˜• A few comments on this. First, a good apology is one that admits fault, acknowledges who you have harmed, and doesnā€™t look to shirk responsibility for what youā€™ve done. Iā€™m still not exactly sure what the OP is admitting to, he certainly doesnā€™t acknowledge the hurt he has caused, and he deflects responsibility constantly. Second, there is no requirement that people accept an apology, even if itā€™s a good one. An apology is only the start of the process. I am very willing to grant forgiveness if I see a genuine change in a person, but that takes time and a bit more than an empty apology. Unfortunately, I see little change. As far as I can tell, he is not apologizing for his views of women, only for expressing them in an ā€œinflammatory way.ā€ But Iā€™m not really offended by how he expresses himself, so I donā€™t need an apology for that. Itā€™s his views that I find disgusting. And those appear to be the same. He has repeated that he thinks the ugly things he said in the past were true (again, look at his statements I quoted in post #42). He says it was all years ago and heā€™s a new person now that heā€™s engaged, but a quick search of his posts in the last year shows thatā€™s not the case. Here are a couple things he says about his wonderful fiance. No wonder he worries sheā€™ll find out. > [@IMHO: It's NOT taboo to date people who are outside of your "league"](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/22): > > My girlfriend/fiancee is less physically attractive than I am or most of the others I have gone out with but that effect wears off after about a week. > > She used to be really self-conscience about it until I told her I just love her for being her which is completely true. I also have a whole lot more money than she does so, on paper, I am out of her league but she is a priestā€¦ > [@IMHO: It's NOT taboo to date people who are outside of your "league"](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/124): > > I am physically attractive as countless women have told me in sexual and non-sexual ways. She has too but there is a whole lot more to it than thatā€¦I really am more physically attractive than she isā€¦ > [@IMHO: It's NOT taboo to date people who are outside of your "league"](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/154): > > The fact remains that my fiancee and I have incredible chemistry, tons in common and she is really attractive. I just happen to be better looking right now because she has a minor weight problem but I donā€™t care. > [@Is This a Guy Thing?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/101): > > My fiancee often complains that I talk too much meaning that I speak at all. Our ratio is about 1000 to 1 words but I make them count. She blabbers about nothing. I usually tell her to just me know when she is done so that we can focus on the important things. Men donā€™t tend to care about other peopleā€™s relationships or what they are doing. That is the reason the busybodies in every neighborhood are almost invariably women. When someone tells me they ā€œdonā€™t tend to care about other peopleā€™s relationships or what they are doing,ā€ I tend to believe them. --- _[View the full topic](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-give-a-formal-apology-to-the-sdmb/846200)._