# I want to know if im overreacting on being upset about this situation or not with my girlfriend. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 5, 2014, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-if-im-overreacting-on-being-upset-about-this-situation-or-not-with-my-girlfriend/687721 "2014-05-05T16:38:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Duke\_of\_York](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f6c823/32.png) [@Duke\_of\_York](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke_of_York)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2014, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-if-im-overreacting-on-being-upset-about-this-situation-or-not-with-my-girlfriend/687721/41 "2014-05-06T02:37:41Z")
> [@handsomeharry](#): > > You’re on the way out, dude. Cut her off now, don’t show up on her doorstep crying about loving her, and don’t call her anymore. > Sorry, pal, that’s the way these things work. 100% agree, no one ever cried their way back into a relationship. ---
**Author:** ![Inna\_Minnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Inna\_Minnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inna_Minnit)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2014, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-if-im-overreacting-on-being-upset-about-this-situation-or-not-with-my-girlfriend/687721/42 "2014-05-06T04:02:19Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > I’m in the ‘trust her or don’t’ camp. > > If you weren’t so young as to be in constant contact, texting your every movement to each other, this would not be an issue. > > How many hours she spends with who, how long she’s known anyone in attendance, and who all she’s with, and what their intentions may be are not your issues. > > You either trust her - to manage her own affairs, choose her own company, make her own decisions and look after her own interests, - or you don’t. As an adult woman, she should be capable of making her owns choices. I am in a LDR. Trust is a choice I make every day. I will not poison the water with my own insecurity or fear. If he ever proves to be untrustworthy, I will end it. Either way, I will not drive myself crazy with suspicion and paranoia. ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2014, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-if-im-overreacting-on-being-upset-about-this-situation-or-not-with-my-girlfriend/687721/43 "2014-05-06T15:30:41Z")
Jesus christ man why would you encourage your girlfriend to go hang out with a guy who is interested in her? Single guys who invite girls over to their place are not trying to “make new friends”. Ever. You have no right to be upset because this is entirely on you, it is one thing to encourage your gf to make friends and another to basically throw her at another man. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2014, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-if-im-overreacting-on-being-upset-about-this-situation-or-not-with-my-girlfriend/687721/44 "2014-05-06T16:05:14Z")
It doesn’t appear to be a healthy relationship if one or the other of you is constantly up the other’s ass. Why does she need your permission to do anything or go anywhere? “Do you want me to leave?” WTF? She needs to be making her own decisions in life. Nevermind the whole she stayed at some other guy’s house thing. There seems to be a terrible disregard for respect, open and honest clear communication, trust and boundaries and personally, I don’t think either one of you have any business trying to be in a relationship until you’ve grown up enough to address those things. Either she wants to be controlled or you are controlling and neither one bodes well for a healthy relationship. You sound like you’re both about 15, so if that’s not the case, then drop back and re-evaluate. Maybe grow up a little and then try again with someone else. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2014, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-if-im-overreacting-on-being-upset-about-this-situation-or-not-with-my-girlfriend/687721/45 "2014-05-06T16:43:36Z")
> [@randomguest101](#): > > Im still hanging out with the people from yesterday and that her battery was 1%. Then bam, she disappears for 4-5 hours… > > 4-5 hours later she messages me that she just got to the guys house again and so she finally was able to charge her phone. God help any relationship dependent on battery life running iOS 7.1 ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2014, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-if-im-overreacting-on-being-upset-about-this-situation-or-not-with-my-girlfriend/687721/46 "2014-05-06T18:56:39Z")
This is what happens when you let your girlfriend join the Church of the Immaculate Beer Pong. ---
**Author:** ![randompattern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7993a0/32.png) [@randompattern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/randompattern)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2014, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-if-im-overreacting-on-being-upset-about-this-situation-or-not-with-my-girlfriend/687721/47 "2014-05-06T19:14:04Z")
You insisted she go to the party, she did. You wanted her to have more friends, she now does. Careful what you wish for. ---
**Author:** ![Dorjan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dorjan/32/12440_2.png) [@Dorjan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dorjan)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2014, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-if-im-overreacting-on-being-upset-about-this-situation-or-not-with-my-girlfriend/687721/48 "2014-05-06T19:14:20Z")
Sorry dude, they are f\*cking. ---
**Author:** ![Dallas\_Jones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dallas_jones/32/3277_2.png) [@Dallas\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dallas_Jones)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2014, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-if-im-overreacting-on-being-upset-about-this-situation-or-not-with-my-girlfriend/687721/49 "2014-05-06T19:30:39Z")
> [@randomguest101](#): > > I got upset she didnt call me because she knew i was upset. She didnt try to calm me down or even check to see if i was ok. She just said have a good sleep and continued her day with this guy and his friends. And i dont see how me not calling her when she got out of church is relevant because first off, she didnt tell me when she got out of church, and 2nd she was not upset. She was having a good time… You think that you have a girlfriend but you don’t, at least not anymore. Maybe you did once in your mind but her feelings were not the same. You have a long distance friend who used to be interested in talking to you but apparently no longer is. This quote above shows that she is not very concerned about your feelings and probably isn’t going to even be talking to you much longer. She has moved on with local interests and friends, and you should too. Practice saying these words: “Fuck her!”, Fuck HER!, Repeat as necessary until you understand. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2014, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-if-im-overreacting-on-being-upset-about-this-situation-or-not-with-my-girlfriend/687721/50 "2014-05-06T19:50:12Z")
Are you both working adults or are you in school/college? It seems really weird for adults to be texting each other all day long like that. Also, it sounds as though you guys are a monogamous item and you both understand that? Of so, yes, I would be upset if my husband stayed overnight at a strange person’s house. But I also worry about you guys texting each other all day. How do you get anything done? Doesn’t that interfere with everything else? ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2014, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-if-im-overreacting-on-being-upset-about-this-situation-or-not-with-my-girlfriend/687721/51 "2014-05-06T20:28:09Z")
I don’t see a huge problem. She hung out with a group of people for the weekend. You seem hung up on the ‘It was at this guys house!’ bit, but from your description she was hanging out with a group of people not spending the night with him specifically. ---
**Author:** ![Stonebow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Stonebow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stonebow)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2014, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-if-im-overreacting-on-being-upset-about-this-situation-or-not-with-my-girlfriend/687721/52 "2014-05-06T21:57:15Z")
well, I think the OP is right in assuming that the guy in question has designs on his girl. And he is also right in thinking that, by staying overnight, she is likely encouraging that behavior, or is reciprocating it. A lot of the concern here is what is going unsaid. Without knowing the exact wording of their conversation, he was trying to engage (in however a juvenile fashion), and she avoided engaging. Which is a bad sign. So the question is, what is his correct action going forward? All he can do is tell her he is honestly uncomfortable with what she did and that he will remain uncomfortable going forward. If she decides to continue the behavior, he can either accept it or move on. The smart, healthy move is to move on, but that is a balance he has to work out for himself. ---
**Author:** ![chicagowhitesox1173](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/46a35a/32.png) [@chicagowhitesox1173](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chicagowhitesox1173)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2014, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-if-im-overreacting-on-being-upset-about-this-situation-or-not-with-my-girlfriend/687721/53 "2014-05-06T22:03:07Z")
I don’t think you did anything wrong, I think she’s putting you in a bad situation. This church friend of hers sounds pretty creepy too. All you can really do is talk to her. It’s weird to me that these people have drinking partys and then go to church. Unless these people are that religious, I doubt she went to church after a night of drinking. ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-if-im-overreacting-on-being-upset-about-this-situation-or-not-with-my-girlfriend/687721/54 "2014-05-07T00:16:01Z")
She’s a hoe who just wants attention from guys like all other hoes. And, like most hoes, she won’t just end it because she wants this other dude. She’s gonna slowly cut you off until you give up. Best to call her and end it and tell her the grass ain’t greener. Then make a couple mil and rub it in her face!! ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-if-im-overreacting-on-being-upset-about-this-situation-or-not-with-my-girlfriend/687721/55 "2014-05-07T00:57:57Z")
> [@chicagowhitesox1173](#): > > It’s weird to me that these people have drinking partys and then go to church. Unless these people are that religious, I doubt she went to church after a night of drinking. You know, even with all of my brilliance, I didn’t snap that they hadn’t gone to church!:smack: ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-if-im-overreacting-on-being-upset-about-this-situation-or-not-with-my-girlfriend/687721/56 "2014-05-07T02:21:38Z")
See, we would totally have done that. We might have stopped off home to shower and change on the way, but there’d always be at least one person who lived too far, or didn’t have a car, or whatever. They would freshen up as much as possible and just follow along with the crew. One Jewish guy got dragged along several times. But a couple of us would generally be singing in the choir, so throw the robe over your head and go. . . Church, brunch, back to party, more music. . . ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-if-im-overreacting-on-being-upset-about-this-situation-or-not-with-my-girlfriend/687721/57 "2014-05-07T02:59:08Z")
> [@randomguest101](#): > > We have been together only a couple of months, and we have seen each other for a few days about every week or 2. And Its a 2-3 hour drive. FCOL! I read that whole OP for this? WTF?! ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 9:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-if-im-overreacting-on-being-upset-about-this-situation-or-not-with-my-girlfriend/687721/58 "2014-05-07T09:37:40Z")
Texting each other all day long??? You’re upset because you two were out of touch for **4 hours**? You’re being a helicopter friend. I won’t say “boyfriend,” because I’m not getting a _couple_ vibe. SHE’S getting herself a life. Suggest you do the same. She is not responsible for making you feel secure. That’s your job. And in conclusion, how can she miss you if you’re always in her face? ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-if-im-overreacting-on-being-upset-about-this-situation-or-not-with-my-girlfriend/687721/59 "2014-05-07T12:36:50Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > Texting each other all day long??? You’re upset because you two were out of touch for **4 hours**? > > You’re being a helicopter friend. I won’t say “boyfriend,” because I’m not getting a _couple_ vibe. SHE’S getting herself a life. Suggest you do the same. She is not responsible for making you feel secure. That’s your job. > > And in conclusion, how can she miss you if you’re always in her face? My husband was in China on business for two weeks. We have two children we need to communicate about, a house, functionally just a ton of household operations stuff (I’m planning a bathroom remodel, we are in the process of setting up an S-Corp, there is a lot of things that impact both of us). During the two weeks my daughter got in school suspension for a free speech issue and I had to pull our attorney into a conversation with the school (the action was removed from her record and they apologized). I spoke to my husband maybe four times in two weeks and have maybe four text messages and an email exchange. Now, part of this is after thirty years of knowing each other and twenty of couplehood, he trusts me to make decisions and I trust him not to shack up with a Thai bathhouse girl. But part of it is also that we are adults, I don’t need to know what he had for lunch or be in constant contact to know that he loves me. If he doesn’t (or I don’t), the marriage will end regardless of how often he texts. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-if-im-overreacting-on-being-upset-about-this-situation-or-not-with-my-girlfriend/687721/60 "2014-05-07T13:43:17Z")
Is someone starting a pool on this relationship? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-if-im-overreacting-on-being-upset-about-this-situation-or-not-with-my-girlfriend/687721.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-if-im-overreacting-on-being-upset-about-this-situation-or-not-with-my-girlfriend/687721.md?page=4)