# I want to know if im overreacting on being upset about this situation or not with my girlfriend. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 5, 2014, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-if-im-overreacting-on-being-upset-about-this-situation-or-not-with-my-girlfriend/687721 "2014-05-05T16:38:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Krouget](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b38774/32.png) [@Krouget](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Krouget)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-if-im-overreacting-on-being-upset-about-this-situation-or-not-with-my-girlfriend/687721/61 "2014-05-07T13:59:09Z")
> [@randomguest101](#): > > QUESTION::: I just want to know, after reading all this. Am i maybe just overreacting and should just suck it up? Or am i in the right about this for being really upset? And also, does my gf have any right to be upset at me as well? I’m going to disagree with a few of the posts here, and say that you’re not overreacting. It sounds like you’re juggling a lot of new experiences, so your behavior is normal. That said, when relationships deviate from the established norm, such behavior will raise flags with the partner. Especially with relationships which involve a good deal of emotional investment, people will react to change. If constant communication was how your relationship worked, it’s not really for anyone to judge how intertwined you were. Personally, I think space and boundaries are good, but it’s not very intuitive and I’ve also had to learn that. However, I do agree with the idea that you were trying to be the cliche good-guy by suggesting she attend the party, while passively expecting her to make the right decisions. That’s not something you should hold against her, especially if you _were_ being genuine. Either way, that type of behavior will eat away at you, because you’re creating your own mental obstacles, while she can’t read minds in order to navigate them. If communication after that point isn’t very effective, it will cause friction. As a more direct response to your question, I don’t think you should _suck it up_. I think you should reflect on it, express how you feel, and give her the chance to respond when you both have cooler heads. From there, own the situation (accept responsibility for your angle, since she is her own person) and place less of your time and attention in her basket. She certainly has her own reasons for being upset, because perception does these things to people, but she’ll have to make her grown-girl decisions and decide where her priorities are. All of this is easier said than done, especially in hindsight. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-if-im-overreacting-on-being-upset-about-this-situation-or-not-with-my-girlfriend/687721/62 "2014-05-07T15:02:41Z")
Regardless of who’s in the right, as a practical matter, if she’s having fun in her new environment and you’re just a black cloud who’s complaining and scolding her, your relationship is doomed. You have to find some sort of comfort level with how she’s living her life. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-if-im-overreacting-on-being-upset-about-this-situation-or-not-with-my-girlfriend/687721/63 "2014-05-07T15:56:11Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > Regardless of who’s in the right, as a practical matter, if she’s having fun in her new environment and you’re just a black cloud who’s complaining and scolding her, your relationship is doomed. You have to find some sort of comfort level with how she’s living her life. And it may be that the relationship is doomed - because you need to be comfortable. And if you aren’t comfortable with her as she is, and she isn’t comfortable with you as you are, you don’t need a remodeling project - you need to find people you are comfortable with. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-if-im-overreacting-on-being-upset-about-this-situation-or-not-with-my-girlfriend/687721/64 "2014-05-07T17:44:58Z")
> [@Ranger\_Jeff](#): > > Is someone starting a pool on this relationship? No, but there’s one on whether or not the OP ever comes back. ---
**Author:** ![Calatin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@Calatin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Calatin)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-if-im-overreacting-on-being-upset-about-this-situation-or-not-with-my-girlfriend/687721/65 "2014-05-07T17:50:58Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > No, but there’s one on whether or not the OP ever comes back. Considering we didn’t turn out to be the echo chamber that he was seemingly hoping to have, does “never” pay out even? ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-if-im-overreacting-on-being-upset-about-this-situation-or-not-with-my-girlfriend/687721/66 "2014-05-07T17:54:27Z")
> [@Calatin](#): > > Considering we didn’t turn out to be the echo chamber that he was seemingly hoping to have, does “never” pay out even? He’s probably hanging out with church friends and getting drunk. ---
**Author:** ![Calatin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@Calatin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Calatin)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-if-im-overreacting-on-being-upset-about-this-situation-or-not-with-my-girlfriend/687721/67 "2014-05-07T17:56:12Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > He’s probably hanging out with church friends and getting drunk. He’d better text his girlfriend ASAP, lest she become super upset. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-if-im-overreacting-on-being-upset-about-this-situation-or-not-with-my-girlfriend/687721/68 "2014-05-07T21:30:15Z")
> [@Calatin](#): > > He’d better text his girlfriend ASAP, lest she become super upset. Don’t be silly-she turns off her cellphone when she’s in church! ---
**Author:** ![Calatin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@Calatin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Calatin)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-if-im-overreacting-on-being-upset-about-this-situation-or-not-with-my-girlfriend/687721/69 "2014-05-07T21:47:20Z")
> [@handsomeharry](#): > > Don’t be silly-she turns off her cellphone when she’s in church! Well, it’s perpetually at 1%. Can you blame her? ---
**Author:** ![runningdude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e9c0ed/32.png) [@runningdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/runningdude)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2014, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-if-im-overreacting-on-being-upset-about-this-situation-or-not-with-my-girlfriend/687721/70 "2014-05-07T22:15:49Z")
> [@randomguest101](#): > > This is going to be long so be ready to read. lol > (Also, this is a long distance relationship. i live in dallas and her in okc.) > > So last week my gf met this guy at her new church that she just started going to. I always encourage her to make new friends and things like that so i said ok. Thats awesome. Now she made some other friends there as well. > > Well, a couple of days ago, he invited her to a OKC MEMPHIS playoff game party he was throwing a… She then says that she is 80% sure she probably wont go. I told her thats ultimately her decision,… > > A couple hours later, she said she wanted ice cream s… Well, 20 minutes later, she tells me that she is going to go to the party b… After that i don’t hear from her for a bit. … > > Next morning she messages me when she wakes up 3 hours before her church starts. … > > Now honestly, i was hoping that she would call me at least after i got off work to …LOL. Well nope. I message her when i got off work and that im planning to hit the bed. And she tells me ok, good night. Im still hanging out with the people from yesterday … Then bam, she disappears for 4-5 hours… > > 4-5 hours later she messages me that she just got to the guys house again and so she finally was able to charge her phone. … She just spent 24 hours with the guy and his friends that she JUST MET. … That you are tracking her movements to the hour is a bit worrisome… > [@](#): > > … > > Well, this is where i currently am at right now. Im pretty sure she is still upset at me seeing that she isnt messaging me as much and when she does, her texts dont seem happy like they usually are. Of course she is still upset. You appear to be upset as well, and it would be very inconsiderate for you to expect her to not be upset at all while you are still upset. > [@](#): > > QUESTION::: I just want to know, after reading all this. Am i maybe just overreacting and should just suck it up? Or am i in the right about this for being really upset? And also, does my gf have any right to be upset at me as well? That you turn first to the internet is a poor sign. You’re strongest relationship should be with your significant other. You should put at least as much effort into discussing this evening with her as you do with people here. You should neither “suck it up”, nor expect to have your way entirely. You should instead work out reasonable expectations and accommodations so that you avoid getting upset next time. For instance, you can’t expect your girlfriend to constantly text you while she is hanging out with other friends. She owes them her attention, and it would be rude otherwise. It would be reasonable, however, to ask for an update if she is staying later\*, or going somewhere else with them. You also should have friends aside from her, which I hope is the case. You cannot expect a romantic relationship to last forever (at least not without a ring). \*Relevant to your situation, if she was drinking, then spending the night rather than driving home was the responsible choice. ---
**Author:** ![actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e79b87/32.png) [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/actualliberalnotoneofthose)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2014, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-if-im-overreacting-on-being-upset-about-this-situation-or-not-with-my-girlfriend/687721/71 "2014-05-08T01:07:42Z")
It sounds like you have boundary issues. You refuse to discuss what would make you uncomfortable or not, and then you resent your GF for basically doing what you’ve told her to do or at least passively accept. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2014, 10:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-if-im-overreacting-on-being-upset-about-this-situation-or-not-with-my-girlfriend/687721/72 "2014-05-08T10:00:15Z")
Speaking from personal experience: Years ago, I lived in Dallas and my girlfriends family move to Oklahoma City. Things went down hill in a hurry. Find some new friends of you own and text her about how much fun you’re having. See how she reacts. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-if-im-overreacting-on-being-upset-about-this-situation-or-not-with-my-girlfriend/687721.md?page=3)