# "I want to know your TRUE thoughts about this; I won't judge" - do you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 17, 2019, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-your-true-thoughts-about-this-i-wont-judge-do-you/835652 "2019-06-17T20:05:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Corry\_El](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecae2f/32.png) [@Corry\_El](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corry_El)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2019, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-your-true-thoughts-about-this-i-wont-judge-do-you/835652/21 "2019-06-18T20:30:22Z")
Along the lines of other responses, but if it’s a nuclear family member and not something personally sensitive then they don’t have to say they want my TRUE thoughts or won’t judge, they can just ask me and I’ll tell them. For extended family members I know have substantially different politics than I do, I give the softest possible version of my ‘TRUE thoughts’ if I can’t just change the subject first or outright refuse, politely. It’s not about them ‘judging’ me. They just won’t listen and it’s pointless. Older generation we are. Some people go careening off way to the left or right of where they used to be as they age but mostly people by then have their ideas, the general ones they’ve had, and that’s it. Which is usually true of my internet ‘friends’ of presumably all ages here and elsewhere also, but this is just a way to kill a few spare minutes. Political discussions with extended family that get heated are a net negative, since nobody’s mind is changed and people can get pissed off and embittered. One relative takes my suspected low opinion of one of the two major US parties (and it’s as low as she suspects) personally, but I really do separate how I feel about that person and that party (and it’s not like I have a high opinion of the other party). I would not even consider sharing my personal views on controversial topics with strangers, in real life, in today’s world. It doesn’t matter at all how they asked. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2019, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-your-true-thoughts-about-this-i-wont-judge-do-you/835652/22 "2019-06-18T20:34:01Z")
I’m not inclined to lie, and I’m not inclined to stifle my opinions out of fear of judgement. Also I know that everybody who says they won’t judge is a liar. ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2019, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-your-true-thoughts-about-this-i-wont-judge-do-you/835652/23 "2019-06-18T22:26:01Z")
> [@pullin](#): > > A journalist? Of course not. After one experience being misquoted, I have refused to speak to any of them since. Silence is the only response for a “journalist”. > > At work? My motto is “the truth will set you free”. Of your job, your income, your healthcare, and maybe even your home. Never, ever, use truth at work. Swallow the koolaid, parrot back the pablum of your masters, and don’t lose any sleep over it. In the corporate juvenile-speak of “reaching out”, and “engaging”, and “leveraging”, and (dear god I hate this one) “time frames”, almost nothing is real except the money. If you keep your yap shut, you can accumulate quite a bit of it, and happily spend it outside the make-believe world. > > As far as voicing my true opinion, only to a small number of people close to me. Anyone asking the OP’s question outside that narrow group is doing so for reasons beside gaining information. My attitude is that I’m not changing their mind, and they’re not changing mine, so why bother? Yeah, it’s all about the context. I have had enough moments in my life where I have told the true-truth, and the universe shifted off it’s axis. Once bitten, twice shy. ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2019, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-your-true-thoughts-about-this-i-wont-judge-do-you/835652/24 "2019-06-18T22:57:36Z")
For many issues (especially when they’re big picture issues like thoughts on religion or politics) I’m not going to lie about my opinion, but I’m probably going to try to deflect the question. Because my TRUE thoughts are: 1. I don’t feel there’s any good reason for you to know what I think. 2. I don’t feel like getting into a discussion about it. Life is too short. 3. Of course, you’re going to judge me. In fact, right now, I’m judging you for asking the question in the first place. 4. No good can come from this. So, my answer is not unlikely to be “hey, a squirrel!” But, if it’s something where my opinion is of potential use in the immediate (or near immediate) future - like “Do you think we should redo this section of the report?” then yes, I’ll be honest (but hopefully tactful) and specific so that the person can fix the report. ---
**Author:** ![Hapax\_Legomenon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8c91f0/32.png) [@Hapax\_Legomenon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hapax_Legomenon)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2019, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-your-true-thoughts-about-this-i-wont-judge-do-you/835652/25 "2019-06-19T20:13:27Z")
They promise not to judge? “I’d hate to make you break a promise, so I’ll stay silent.” Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but not to mine. ---
**Author:** ![bubba001](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f17d59/32.png) [@bubba001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bubba001)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2019, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-your-true-thoughts-about-this-i-wont-judge-do-you/835652/26 "2019-06-20T01:19:28Z")
They are going to judge. Just the folks are. ---
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2019, 11:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-your-true-thoughts-about-this-i-wont-judge-do-you/835652/27 "2019-06-20T11:20:03Z")
It’s the **first** thing they tell you: “You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you.” Good advice all around. ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2019, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-your-true-thoughts-about-this-i-wont-judge-do-you/835652/28 "2019-06-22T23:30:04Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > I tell them, but I record the conversation to avoid doctoring. You’re being czarcastic, aren’t you? ---
**Author:** ![UnwittingAmericans](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d9b06d/32.png) [@UnwittingAmericans](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UnwittingAmericans)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2019, 8:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-your-true-thoughts-about-this-i-wont-judge-do-you/835652/29 "2019-06-23T08:49:15Z")
The more I know about you and the less you know about me, the better. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2019, 10:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-your-true-thoughts-about-this-i-wont-judge-do-you/835652/30 "2019-06-23T10:02:04Z")
Anybody who feels the need to say that, I’m going to assume it’s along the lines of Trump’s “believe me” and keep as much distance between them and me as I possibly can. People who really want to know what do you think just say “what do you think?” ---
**Author:** ![Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blue_blistering_barnacle/32/3386_2.png) [@Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blue_Blistering_Barnacle)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2019, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-your-true-thoughts-about-this-i-wont-judge-do-you/835652/31 "2019-06-25T02:14:50Z")
Back when the movie, “An Indecent Proposal”, came out, there was a news program that went around with mic and cameras asking people if they would take up the proposal (a rich man offers a million dollars to a couple for one night with the wife). So some people are saying no. And some people are saying yes; on TV; and maybe pissing off their significant others. But none got even 1 sawbuck. My friend commented, “I don’t answer hypothetical questions.” ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2019, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-your-true-thoughts-about-this-i-wont-judge-do-you/835652/32 "2019-06-26T02:37:50Z")
Everyone judges everyone - it’s our job as humans. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2019, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-your-true-thoughts-about-this-i-wont-judge-do-you/835652/33 "2019-06-26T03:13:14Z")
It does occur to me that, growing up in a smallish town might change my perceptions vs those of you in big cities. Because, to me, making someone angry will have social consequences, even if they are a stranger. Because they will know someone who knows me or my family. This is less so as I’ve gotten older and the town I live in has gotten bigger, but it’s still ingrained in me–that there will be social consequences. ---
**Author:** ![ekedolphin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ekedolphin/32/10003_2.png) [@ekedolphin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ekedolphin)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2019, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-your-true-thoughts-about-this-i-wont-judge-do-you/835652/34 "2019-06-26T03:36:00Z")
Yes, I do, unless they’re in a position of power over me. There’s a reason why my landlady and landlord aren’t Facebook friends of mine. ---
**Author:** ![Yarster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/7c8e57/32.png) [@Yarster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yarster)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2019, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-your-true-thoughts-about-this-i-wont-judge-do-you/835652/35 "2019-06-27T21:20:11Z")
I would give an honest answer, but if I felt my answer would upset the person asking, I would explain the answer as I gave it to make it clear what the context of my answer is. Lately I have been getting in tons of trouble because the news apparently just discovered that _shocker_, there are not enough resources for all the asylum seekers at the Southern border of the US and many people are having to wait in horrible conditions without enough food, shelter, etc. Naturally, this makes the US the same as Nazi Germany, putting people in death camps, right? Uh, not in my (unpopular) opinion, unless I missed the stories of the Jews spending their own money to walk across several countries and how were trying to become Nazis and waiting in concentration camps for their chance to do so. Tell that to your liberal friends in California who ask and see how well that goes… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-know-your-true-thoughts-about-this-i-wont-judge-do-you/835652.md?page=1)