# I want to make really wealthy really religeous christians feel better about themselves ... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 18, 2015, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-make-really-wealthy-really-religeous-christians-feel-better-about-themselves/715303 "2015-03-18T16:27:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2015, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-make-really-wealthy-really-religeous-christians-feel-better-about-themselves/715303/1 "2015-03-18T16:27:35Z")
You’ve probably heard the phrase, “It’s easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of Heaven.” I believe no one has applied modern industrial food processing technology to this problem, until now! With the Camelator, putting a camel through the eye of a needle is easy peasy. The camel enters the Camelator though a camel-sized door and is swftly reduced to a slurry suitable for transport via truck, tanker or pipeline to the enclaves of the wealthy, and the slurry can be run through needles at the convenience of the wealthy. You’re welcome! ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2015, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-make-really-wealthy-really-religeous-christians-feel-better-about-themselves/715303/2 "2015-03-18T16:33:08Z")
This sounds like the “pink slime” method of meat extraction that made headlines starting a few years ago (in the wake of E. Coli outbreaks). I’d be all for telling the really wealthy CEOs of Con-Agra and Cargill that _they_ have to pass through the eye of a needle in order to enter the kingdom of Heaven, and we have the equipment standing by to make that happen. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2015, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-make-really-wealthy-really-religeous-christians-feel-better-about-themselves/715303/3 "2015-03-18T16:38:31Z")
> [@OneCentStamp](#): > > This sounds like the “pink slime” method of meat extraction that made headlines starting a few years ago (in the wake of E. Coli outbreaks)… Could be, though I was imagining something more liquified. IIRC the pink slime was more gelatinous, and would seem to be more difficult to run through a needle eye. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2015, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-make-really-wealthy-really-religeous-christians-feel-better-about-themselves/715303/4 "2015-03-18T16:54:17Z")
I would have thought it’d be technologically easier to make a larger-eyed needle. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2015, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-make-really-wealthy-really-religeous-christians-feel-better-about-themselves/715303/5 "2015-03-18T17:11:11Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > I would have thought it’d be technologically easier to make a larger-eyed needle. Don’t want God to think we’re trying to pull one over on him. To be fair, I think we would want to use a need the same size as the ones around in biblical times, which I’d guess are already larger than today’s needle eyes. ---
**Author:** ![Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slow_moving_vehicle/32/291_2.png) [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slow_Moving_Vehicle)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2015, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-make-really-wealthy-really-religeous-christians-feel-better-about-themselves/715303/6 "2015-03-18T17:17:22Z")
> [@OneCentStamp](#): > > This sounds like the “pink slime” method of meat extraction that made headlines starting a few years ago (in the wake of E. Coli outbreaks). > > I’d be all for telling the really wealthy CEOs of Con-Agra and Cargill that _they_ have to pass through the eye of a needle in order to enter the kingdom of Heaven, and we have the equipment standing by to make that happen. Don’t forget Archer Daniels Midland, either. ---
**Author:** ![Lanzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/74df32/32.png) [@Lanzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lanzy)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2015, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-make-really-wealthy-really-religeous-christians-feel-better-about-themselves/715303/7 "2015-03-18T17:21:40Z")
nm ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2015, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-make-really-wealthy-really-religeous-christians-feel-better-about-themselves/715303/8 "2015-03-18T17:35:52Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Don’t want God to think we’re trying to pull one over on him. Don’t you think a camel extruder might arouse his suspicion? ---
**Author:** ![August\_West](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/august_west/32/18069_2.png) [@August\_West](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August_West)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2015, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-make-really-wealthy-really-religeous-christians-feel-better-about-themselves/715303/9 "2015-03-18T17:40:58Z")
I’ve been selectively breeding smaller camels in my garage\* for the past 17 years, aiming to alleviate this very same problem! Now all of my work is for naught! Anyone need a dozen 5 foot Bactrians? \*Livestock are prohibited by my HOA, so shhhh! ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2015, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-make-really-wealthy-really-religeous-christians-feel-better-about-themselves/715303/10 "2015-03-18T17:41:25Z")
I’d say it’s more of a camel juicer. But no, this is a demo project to show God that it’s time to up his quota of rich immigrants. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2015, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-make-really-wealthy-really-religeous-christians-feel-better-about-themselves/715303/11 "2015-03-18T17:43:41Z")
One of my friend’s suggested that we cremate camels and run the ashes through a needle, but I figure that a fair amount of the camel would be lost in the smoke. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2015, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-make-really-wealthy-really-religeous-christians-feel-better-about-themselves/715303/12 "2015-03-18T17:45:38Z")
> [@August\_West](#): > > I’ve been selectively breeding smaller camels in my garage\* for the past 17 years, aiming to alleviate this very same problem! Now all of my work is for naught! > > Anyone need a dozen 5 foot Bactrians? > \*Livestock are prohibited by my HOA, so shhhh! How small were you intending to get them? ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2015, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-make-really-wealthy-really-religeous-christians-feel-better-about-themselves/715303/13 "2015-03-18T17:51:40Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > You’ve probably heard the phrase, “It’s easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of Heaven.” > > I believe no one has applied modern industrial food processing technology to this problem, until now! With the Camelator, putting a camel through the eye of a needle is easy peasy. The camel enters the Camelator though a camel-sized door and is swftly reduced to a slurry suitable for transport via truck, tanker or pipeline to the enclaves of the wealthy, and the slurry can be run through needles at the convenience of the wealthy. > > You’re welcome! _Mad_ magazine’s Al Jaffee answered this pressing need in his 1970 paperback _The Mad book of Magic and Other Dirty Tricks_. To get a Camel through the Eye of a Needle all you have to do is put the camel in a helicopter and fly it through. “So show me where it says what _size_ needle!” the best part is, No Camels get Injured During the Making of this potentially blasphemous exercise. > **[Al Jaffee's Mad Book of Magic and Other Dirty Tricks: EDITORS OF MAD MAGAZINE:...](https://www.amazon.com/Jaffees-Magic-Other-Dirty-Tricks/dp/0446944068)** > > Al Jaffee's Mad Book of Magic and Other Dirty Tricks \[EDITORS OF MAD MAGAZINE\] on Amazon.com. \*FREE\* shipping on qualifying offers. Al Jaffee's Mad Book of Magic and Other Dirty Tricks ---
**Author:** ![August\_West](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/august_west/32/18069_2.png) [@August\_West](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August_West)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2015, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-make-really-wealthy-really-religeous-christians-feel-better-about-themselves/715303/14 "2015-03-18T18:55:47Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > How small were you intending to get them? Just small enough to fit into the elevators at the [Space Needle](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space_Needle). ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2015, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-make-really-wealthy-really-religeous-christians-feel-better-about-themselves/715303/15 "2015-03-18T19:07:19Z")
I don’t recall the biblical connection between elevators and eyes, nor needles and space. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![August\_West](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/august_west/32/18069_2.png) [@August\_West](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August_West)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2015, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-make-really-wealthy-really-religeous-christians-feel-better-about-themselves/715303/16 "2015-03-18T19:15:00Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > I don’t recall the biblical connection between elevators and eyes, nor needles and space. 🙂 The restaurant at the top is called “The Eye of The Needle”, I thought I’d just pass them through there. (and now looking at the Wiki entry it seems they’ve changed the name of the restaurant. Curses, foiled again!) ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2015, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-make-really-wealthy-really-religeous-christians-feel-better-about-themselves/715303/17 "2015-03-18T20:51:53Z")
> [@August\_West](#): > > I’ve been selectively breeding smaller camels in my garage\* for the past 17 years, aiming to alleviate this very same problem! Now all of my work is for naught! > > Anyone need a dozen 5 foot Bactrians? > \*Livestock are prohibited by my HOA, so shhhh! What on earth do they do with the 5th foot? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Cabin\_Fever\_1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cabin_fever_1/32/2908_2.png) [@Cabin\_Fever\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cabin_Fever_1)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2015, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-make-really-wealthy-really-religeous-christians-feel-better-about-themselves/715303/18 "2015-03-18T21:03:18Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > You’ve probably heard the phrase, “It’s easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of Heaven.” > > I believe no one has applied modern industrial food processing technology to this problem, until now! With the Camelator, putting a camel through the eye of a needle is easy peasy. The camel enters the Camelator though a camel-sized door and is swftly reduced to a slurry suitable for transport via truck, tanker or pipeline to the enclaves of the wealthy, and the slurry can be run through needles at the convenience of the wealthy. > > You’re welcome! I sent you a Certified UK Postal Money Order 3 days ago. Where is my camel? And make sure that needle comes with it please. ---
**Author:** ![74westy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/74westy/32/3950_2.png) [@74westy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/74westy)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2015, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-make-really-wealthy-really-religeous-christians-feel-better-about-themselves/715303/19 "2015-03-18T21:05:38Z")
Cite that really wealthy really religious Christians _could_ feel better about themselves? ---
**Author:** ![Cabin\_Fever\_1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cabin_fever_1/32/2908_2.png) [@Cabin\_Fever\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cabin_Fever_1)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2015, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-make-really-wealthy-really-religeous-christians-feel-better-about-themselves/715303/20 "2015-03-18T21:23:30Z")
> [@74westy](#): > > Cite that really wealthy really religious Christians _could_ feel better about themselves? Why do you hate crows so much? On second thought I withdraw the question. The Defense rests. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-make-really-wealthy-really-religeous-christians-feel-better-about-themselves/715303.md?page=2)