# I want to pit people who believe in the sanctity of marriage. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 5, 2007, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-pit-people-who-believe-in-the-sanctity-of-marriage/418098 "2007-09-05T07:39:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f07891/32.png) [@Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Plastic_Ninja)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2007, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-pit-people-who-believe-in-the-sanctity-of-marriage/418098/41 "2007-09-05T16:20:24Z")
I pit all the cute gamer girls for snagging up the cute gamer guys JUST because they knew them before me. I pit all the cute gamer guys for marrying the cute gamer girls before they met me. I pit all the socially awkward gamer guys for not being (I typed boing originally, freudian typo?) socially adept or regularly scrubbed. Say, this is fun… How about this: I pit the cute guy I clicked with instantly, his beautiful and charming and awesometastic wife, and their delightfully fabulous child for being a happy married family where I am a reasonably happy but regardless single person. ---
**Author:** ![rayh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@rayh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rayh)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2007, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-pit-people-who-believe-in-the-sanctity-of-marriage/418098/42 "2007-09-05T17:01:19Z")
How _you_ doing? ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2007, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-pit-people-who-believe-in-the-sanctity-of-marriage/418098/43 "2007-09-05T17:31:14Z")
[QUOTE=Thudlow Boink] Well, **I** want to Pit all the other men in the world, who are keeping me from scoring with all the hot chicks who tell me “Only if you were the last man on earth…” [/QUOTE] Hey, it could be worse. With me, the girls replace _only_ with _even_. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![AndyPolley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@AndyPolley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AndyPolley)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2007, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-pit-people-who-believe-in-the-sanctity-of-marriage/418098/44 "2007-09-05T18:21:27Z")
[QUOTE=diggleblop] And not being able to bang a woman who obviously wants to bang you, but won’t because she’s married. She says that "my God is watching me and there’s no way I’m going to ruin my entrance into heaven for a little guilty pleasure. [/QUOTE] When you can promise entrance into heaven, maybe you’ll do better. Until then, sucks to be you. And I mean that. It sucks to be you. ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2007, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-pit-people-who-believe-in-the-sanctity-of-marriage/418098/45 "2007-09-05T18:45:49Z")
[QUOTE=Mangetout] How can he be fourteen, with such a massive dong? [/QUOTE] Well, when I was fourteen I had a massive dong, but then it didn’t continue to grow with the rest of me, leaving me with a small dong. Now I take out my rage on women who pretend to be lesbians when they reject me. ---
**Author:** ![sinjin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ebca7d/32.png) [@sinjin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sinjin)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2007, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-pit-people-who-believe-in-the-sanctity-of-marriage/418098/46 "2007-09-05T19:21:00Z")
Maybe if you offered her a _lot_ of guilty pleasure? ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2007, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-pit-people-who-believe-in-the-sanctity-of-marriage/418098/47 "2007-09-05T19:54:18Z")
[QUOTE=cckerberos] Wait… as far as God is concerned isn’t she already guilty of adultery just for wanting to? [/QUOTE] Well, just so you know, you sin when you make the decision to do so, not when you want to sin. If you believe in a God who judges your actions, you would likely also believe that God doesn’t penalize competence. ---
**Author:** ![Merijeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f05b48/32.png) [@Merijeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merijeek)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2007, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-pit-people-who-believe-in-the-sanctity-of-marriage/418098/48 "2007-09-05T19:56:53Z")
[QUOTE=A Monkey With a Gun] Well, I pit women who obviously want to bang you but use that old “I’m a lesbian” excuse. I met this rich chick named Ellen D-something from somewhere in California. I think she’s in the entertainment industry. She obviously wanted to take a ride on my huge wang, but no :rolleyes: she says she’s a lesbian. _Right_, like I buy that. [/QUOTE] I approve of lesbians. It’s nice to see that there are attractive women out there who can’t find a boyfriend. -Joe ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2007, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-pit-people-who-believe-in-the-sanctity-of-marriage/418098/49 "2007-09-05T20:10:56Z")
I pit disabled chicks, and not being able to bang a woman who obviously wants to bang you. This chick _wanted_ it. I mean, she wanted it badly. I could tell. “I’m a quadriplegic!”, she said. But she wants me, I can tell by her body language. ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2007, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-pit-people-who-believe-in-the-sanctity-of-marriage/418098/50 "2007-09-05T20:19:06Z")
That’s bad, and I apologize. But admit it, you laughed. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2007, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-pit-people-who-believe-in-the-sanctity-of-marriage/418098/51 "2007-09-05T21:04:45Z")
[QUOTE=saoirse] Well, just so you know, you sin when you make the decision to do so, not when you want to sin. If you believe in a God who judges your actions, you would likely also believe that God doesn’t penalize competence. [/QUOTE] Are you absolved retroactively if you decide at the last minute not to go through with the sin? Like say I want to murder my wife. I get a gun, load it, aim it at her head while she’s asleep and then, just before I do her in I think, “Nah, I can make her so much more miserable if I keep her alive.” Have I just un-sinned? Kinda serious, actually. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2007, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-pit-people-who-believe-in-the-sanctity-of-marriage/418098/52 "2007-09-05T21:08:50Z")
[QUOTE=Inigo Montoya] Are you absolved retroactively if you decide at the last minute not to go through with the sin? Like say I want to murder my wife. I get a gun, load it, aim it at her head while she’s asleep and then, just before I do her in I think, “Nah, I can make her so much more miserable if I keep her alive.” [/QUOTE] Was it the angel on one shoulder or the devil on the other that told you not to shoot her? ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2007, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-pit-people-who-believe-in-the-sanctity-of-marriage/418098/53 "2007-09-05T22:43:23Z")
> [@](#): > > Well, I pit women who obviously want to bang you but use that old “I’m a lesbian” excuse. Yeah? Well, I pit women who obviously want to bang you but use that old “I’m straight” excuse. ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2007, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-pit-people-who-believe-in-the-sanctity-of-marriage/418098/54 "2007-09-05T23:19:46Z")
I swear to God, **diggleblop** (if that is indeed your real name), every time I see your name in a thread, I know I’m in for some über-stupidity. And yet again, you don’t disappoint. Congratulations! You’re currently the biggest retard on the boards. Wait - **Clothahump** _is_ gone, right? ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2007, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-pit-people-who-believe-in-the-sanctity-of-marriage/418098/55 "2007-09-05T23:25:11Z")
[QUOTE=marshmallow] The plan of action is clear: slip some Dawkins… [/QUOTE] So _that’s_ what the kids are calling it these days: “I wanted to slip her a Dawkins, but she said she was married.” ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2007, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-pit-people-who-believe-in-the-sanctity-of-marriage/418098/56 "2007-09-06T01:22:03Z")
[QUOTE=Inigo Montoya] Are you absolved retroactively if you decide at the last minute not to go through with the sin? Like say I want to murder my wife. I get a gun, load it, aim it at her head while she’s asleep and then, just before I do her in I think, “Nah, I can make her so much more miserable if I keep her alive.” Have I just un-sinned? Kinda serious, actually. [/QUOTE] And more importantly, if you’re eating a ham sandwich on a cruise ship during lent, and the ship crosses the international date line… ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2007, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-pit-people-who-believe-in-the-sanctity-of-marriage/418098/57 "2007-09-06T02:12:39Z")
[QUOTE=diggleblop] And not being able to bang a woman who obviously wants to bang you, but won’t because she’s married. She says that “my God is watching me and there’s no way I’m going to ruin my entrance into heaven for a little guilty pleasure.” [/QUOTE] I’m not Jewish, but I have heard it said that according to Judaism, if you do the right thing for the sake of getting into Heaven, you have completely missed the point; you should do the right thing just for the sake of doing the right thing. An attitude all Christians (and Muslims) should study much more closely, whether they are being tempted into adultery or not. ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2007, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-pit-people-who-believe-in-the-sanctity-of-marriage/418098/58 "2007-09-06T02:20:23Z")
[QUOTE=diggleblop] And not being able to bang a woman who obviously wants to bang you, but won’t because she’s married. She says that “my God is watching me and there’s no way I’m going to ruin my entrance into heaven for a little guilty pleasure.” [/QUOTE] The real problem is her stated reason, which frankly is lame as hell. If she had said, “I do not wish to devastate the feelings of the man I love and thus wreck my marriage” wouldn’t that be a heck of a lot more honorable than hiding behind God? So if God wasn’t there to punish her she’d drop her knickers in a heartbeat-that’s comforting. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2007, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-pit-people-who-believe-in-the-sanctity-of-marriage/418098/59 "2007-09-06T02:57:10Z")
[QUOTE=John DiFool] The real problem is her stated reason, which frankly is lame as hell. If she had said, “I do not wish to devastate the feelings of the man I love and thus wreck my marriage” wouldn’t that be a heck of a lot more honorable than hiding behind God? So if God wasn’t there to punish her she’d drop her knickers in a heartbeat-that’s comforting. [/QUOTE] I have noticed that the lamer the come-on, the lamer the excuse for the subsequent shoot-down. And considering the OP, I imagine that the come-on must have been extremely lame indeed. ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2007, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-pit-people-who-believe-in-the-sanctity-of-marriage/418098/60 "2007-09-06T04:22:02Z")
[QUOTE=ArizonaTeach] God seems to be somewhat of a selfish lover, then. [/QUOTE] _For behold, I come quickly, saith the Lord_. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-pit-people-who-believe-in-the-sanctity-of-marriage/418098.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-want-to-pit-people-who-believe-in-the-sanctity-of-marriage/418098.md?page=4)