# I was a sexual harasser. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 22, 2017, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-a-sexual-harasser/802360 "2017-11-22T02:22:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2017, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-a-sexual-harasser/802360/41 "2017-11-22T17:32:13Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > The men in this thread aren’t doing that. They are apologizing for things in the past and not because they were caught. Yes, I was referring in general to the celebrity apologies. We are talking about different things. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2017, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-a-sexual-harasser/802360/42 "2017-11-22T18:27:59Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > Yes, I was referring in general to the celebrity apologies. We are talking about different things. This thread isn’t about the celebrity harassers. We shouldn’t discourage the guys we know (even virtually) from making sincere apologies by telling them how disappointed we are in someone we don’t know. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2017, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-a-sexual-harasser/802360/43 "2017-11-22T18:32:47Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > This thread isn’t about the celebrity harassers. We shouldn’t discourage the guys we know (even virtually) from making sincere apologies by telling them how disappointed we are in someone we don’t know. Yes, I get that now. ---
**Author:** ![gnoitall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@gnoitall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnoitall)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2017, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-a-sexual-harasser/802360/44 "2017-11-22T18:33:04Z")
> [@Claude\_Remains](#): > > No balance, just a nod to the fact that women do it too. Thank you. At least he’s honest he has no valid point. “[Tu quoque](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tu_quoque)” is Latin for “I don’t know what I’m talking about, but I’m going to keep talking.” :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2017, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-a-sexual-harasser/802360/45 "2017-11-22T19:09:15Z")
> [@k9bfriender](#): > > If you follow the “advice” given in many of these movies, it’s not cute, it’s harassment, and sometimes even assault. It’s this, but not just the movies. It shows up in dating advice columns. I have heard such advice in one form or another from women personally, or from online Q/A, or whatnot. Be proactive! Take initiative! Just talk to her! Be bold! Be persistent! Surprise her! Be Creative! Make a move! Don’t be a wimp! Life is short! As a younger dating man, I resented this role and would have done anything to avoid it, but this seemed to be what women expected. And why not? Taking the initiative is awkward and anxiety-inducing; much easier to\*\*\*\* let someone else take all the risk of potentially stupid and humiliating missteps. If you really want to understand the origin of all the pursuit messaging, I think you have to take that into consideration. ---
**Author:** ![Norse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a9adbd/32.png) [@Norse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Norse)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2017, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-a-sexual-harasser/802360/46 "2017-11-22T19:10:32Z")
> [@Ulfreida](#): > > Why? Because the extremely small number of women who sexually harass in that manner will somehow balance things out if they speak up? Emphasis mine. Good thing you put in that modifier, because science says that sexual harassment is equally distributed between the sexes. There’s no difference in the extent of sexual harassment, only in the type of harassment. Men harass men and women, women harass women and men. They do it differently, though. > **[The effects of non-physical peer sexual harassment on high school students’...](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00038-017-1049-3)** > > Objectives The paper examines how strongly non-physical peer sexual harassment is associated with a wide range of well-being outcomes from symptoms of depression and anxiety to self-esteem and body image. Methods Two large community samples of high... [http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1090513817300016?\_rdoc=1&\_fmt=high&\_origin=gateway&\_docanchor=&md5=b8429449ccfc9c30159a5f9aeaa92ffb](http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1090513817300016?_rdoc=1&_fmt=high&_origin=gateway&_docanchor=&md5=b8429449ccfc9c30159a5f9aeaa92ffb) tl;dr: men and women are equally prone to sexually harass other people. And men and women are equally prone to be subjected to sexual harassment. The only difference is the nature of the harassment. If it makes you happier, there is a difference in who is guilty of sexual abuse, though: It’s the men who abuse most often. ---
**Author:** ![sitchensis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sitchensis/32/4892_2.png) [@sitchensis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sitchensis)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2017, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-a-sexual-harasser/802360/47 "2017-11-22T19:13:57Z")
> [@zoo](#): > > Inspired by this post. > > I am pitting myself for sexual harassment. Back in the mid 80’s I was working as a bellhop at a resort hotel. I was 19 at the time and there was a cute girl working at the telephone PBX. I took to hitting on her regularly, even though she had a boyfriend, and would “joke” that she should ditch him and go out with me. > After a few weeks(?) she pulled me aside and asked that I stop. It seems I was making her very uncomfortable and she was dreading coming to work. I apologized and discontinued my pursuit. We had a friendly working relationship after that and went on to live happily ever after. > > I have been asking some of the women that I know if they have ever been sexually harassed and all of them said “Yes, many times”. My wife (not the operator chick) has been harassed countless times - Bosses, co-workers, trade show reps, and even some asshole when she was working at the soup kitchen. > > So I say lets all talk about it. If the girl at the hotel had not spoken up I would likely never have known what an asshole I was. I don’t think this is sexual harassment ---
**Author:** ![Lickety\_Split\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/67e7ee/32.png) [@Lickety\_Split\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lickety_Split_1)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2017, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-a-sexual-harasser/802360/48 "2017-11-22T19:31:48Z")
> [@zoo](#): > > Inspired by this post. > > I am pitting myself for sexual harassment. Back in the mid 80’s I was working as a bellhop at a resort hotel. I was 19 at the time and there was a cute girl working at the telephone PBX. I took to hitting on her regularly, even though she had a boyfriend, and would “joke” that she should ditch him and go out with me. > After a few weeks(?) she pulled me aside and asked that I stop. It seems I was making her very uncomfortable and she was dreading coming to work. I apologized and discontinued my pursuit. We had a friendly working relationship after that and went on to live happily ever after. > > I have been asking some of the women that I know if they have ever been sexually harassed and all of them said “Yes, many times”. My wife (not the operator chick) has been harassed countless times - Bosses, co-workers, trade show reps, and even some asshole when she was working at the soup kitchen. > > So I say lets all talk about it. If the girl at the hotel had not spoken up I would likely never have known what an asshole I was. You’re being way too hard on yourself, amigo. Your behavior was perfectly fine for a 19 year old healthy libidinous male. Fuck all these knee jerk liberal Nanny State Sheeple who are gonna say you WERE guilty of sexual misconduct. I’d be more worried about a 19 y.o. hetero male who did NOT hit on a hot young co-worker. LOL\> especially back in the 80s. I miss those days. I used to pull phone numbers and then sometimes get laid from asking a teller for her digits when I went through the drive thru at my bank, fer chrissakes. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2017, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-a-sexual-harasser/802360/49 "2017-11-22T20:57:21Z")
> [@k9bfriender](#): > > Except for every teenage rom-com ever. It’s always boy meets girl, boy likes girl, girl hates boy. Boy is persistent, never giving up or backing down, ignoring her requests that he back off and go away, and finally publically humiliates himself (and her) and that is what gets her to finally realize she actually does love him, and did all along. That’s not how relationships work, but it is how they are portrayed in media. If you follow the “advice” given in many of these movies, it’s not cute, it’s harassment, and sometimes even assault. I am reminded of a terrible movie I watched a few years back with two spies competing over a girl, not only stalking and harassing her, but abusing the intelligence apparatus they had at their disposal to do so (I hate the movie too much to recall the name, but I can if a cite is needed on this thing.) [This Means War.](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1596350/) > [@k9bfriender](#): > > And I am, of course, not saying that we should follow examples in movies as to how we should go about our lives, but it is very evident that people do. Of course, thinking about who it is that is writing and producing these movies, and the reveals in the culture that are happening right now, it is entirely possible that that is the twisted way that they saw the world. ISTM you sort of are saying that. Same argument has been used about violence in movies and video games. Look, I’m sure there are unhinged people in this world that take these movies as some sort of guide by which to behave IRL, but the majority of people know where to draw the line between reality and fantasy. That said, society needs to do a far better job in educating boys from a pretty young age to respect girls/women. I’m all for making that a part of the required national dialogue and education curriculum. I think if we do that, the future film makers and actors will be far less inclined to make movies that objectify women. Society in general will benefit. As for the predators who just won’t take no for an answer - out them and punish them to the full extent of the law and/or via social ostracization. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2017, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-a-sexual-harasser/802360/50 "2017-11-22T21:15:10Z")
> [@sitchensis](#): > > I don’t think this is sexual harassment It might be. It was work. She was uncomfortable, he continued. She asked him to stop, he stopped. The last bit is what makes it more or less ok, but if she was sending out “cut it out” clues he wasn’t picking up on, he was engaging in light non-actionable sexual harassment. And yeah, its normal. Not a huge deal to do this sort of thing. But he WAS making unwelcome sexual advances to her at work. She was dreading coming to work. He knew she had a boyfriend and would “joke” (which to her perhaps read as pressure) with her to dump him. All that says “yep, it was sexual harassment” But kudos for him for stopping when asked. One of the reasons women get so uncomfortable is that when we ask men to stop - it often isn’t respected. And sometimes we get called a bitch or a tease. So asking someone to stop - even just flirting - can be a big deal - especially for a young woman. He gave her the positive reinforcement of stopping, not making it a big deal that she wasn’t into him and then continuing to treat her like a friend. From experience, that isn’t always how it works. ---
**Author:** ![k9bfriender](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/k9bfriender/32/3283_2.png) [@k9bfriender](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/k9bfriender)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2017, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-a-sexual-harasser/802360/51 "2017-11-22T21:40:21Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > [This Means War.](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1596350/) Yeah that was it. Bleh. Every male in that movie should be brought up on all sorts of charges. > [@](#): > > ISTM you sort of are saying that. Same argument has been used about violence in movies and video games. Look, I’m sure there are unhinged people in this world that take these movies as some sort of guide by which to behave IRL, but the majority of people know where to draw the line between reality and fantasy. I don’t know. Movies and games depicting violence are depicting just that. The user is not feeling as though they are getting any useful information on how to interact in society by blowing up the covenant. When they see violence in movies or games, they know it’s not real, and very few people have any desire to impart that sort of violence upon those around them. When you see romance in a movie, it’s not as clear cut. People aren’t being hurt, in fact, people seem to be having a good time. Following the advice given in a love movie to get the girl seems far more reasonable than being made violent through the same sorts of media. People don’t want to replicate the actions of the violent action figure, but they do want to replicate the actions of the guy that gets the girl. > [@](#): > > That said, society needs to do a far better job in educating boys from a pretty young age to respect girls/women. I’m all for making that a part of the required national dialogue and education curriculum. I think if we do that, the future film makers and actors will be far less inclined to make movies that objectify women. Society in general will benefit. Agreed, though I would put some level of responsibility on women as well. While I understand why they do it, they don’t tend to give hard “no’s” to those they have no interest in, which means that the poor fool thinks he still has a chance, and will continue to think that until she ends up filing a restraining order. This is where I think much of the “soft” harassment (stuff that is uncomfortable, and maybe even illegal, but not violent or coercive) comes from, guys who would take no for an answer, but haven’t actually received a “no”. > [@](#): > > As for the predators who just won’t take no for an answer - out them and punish them to the full extent of the law and/or via social ostracization. If they are breaking the law, then they should be punished accordingly. If they are not breaking the law, but are still causing harm, then the laws maybe should be updated. I don’t know about the social ostracization part though, I don’t see what purpose this serves other than to create a cadre of people who broke no laws, but are still not accepted in society, with no chance for repentance or forgiveness. That is not a healthy place for society to be, especially if there is the threat that you can join this outed cadre with little more than an accusation. I say treat all accusations seriously, but I also do feel as though we are starting to create a perverse incentive for people to lie about harassment in order to get revenge on someone for a perceived slight, or even a real, but completely legal and ethical one (I got the job/promotion, and you didn’t). In my years at the bottom of the wage pool, I’ve seen far more sexual harassment than than accusations of sexual harassment. I find myself more concerned about the minimum wage server being sexually harassed by her manager than I do about an actress being harassed by her producer. Both are wrong, of course, and both harassers deserve to be sanctioned for their actions, but I see the low wage employee being harassed as having far few options to deal with the situation. When McDonalds managers start being held to the same account as senators, then we may start seeing some progress. ---
**Author:** ![DooWahDiddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9bcb4/32.png) [@DooWahDiddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DooWahDiddy)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2017, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-a-sexual-harasser/802360/52 "2017-11-22T21:54:25Z")
> [@Bullitt](#): > > Nitpick: more than half. Very slightly so. **101 women : 100 men** > > ([Human sex ratio, Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_sex_ratio)) Not that it matters with regard to this conversation, but that link says it’s 101 men : 100 women. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2017, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-a-sexual-harasser/802360/53 "2017-11-22T22:30:27Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > Of course I have. But most of these men are only apologizing because they were caught. There is nothing sincere about these apologies. Maybe if the incident happened 20 years ago, the guy grew and changed for the better. But when it happened recently, sorry, they aren’t sincere. The opening stories in this thread were NOT by men who were caught, they were by men confessing past wrong-doings. I may have come across harsh and demanding they do more (and if they did more, and do more, bravo), but I don’t doubt the sincerity of their posts. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2017, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-a-sexual-harasser/802360/54 "2017-11-22T22:33:18Z")
> [@DooWahDiddy](#): > > Not that it matters with regard to this conversation, but that link says it’s 101 men : 100 women. Oh. I like to tell the joke that there are three kinds of people: those that can count, and those that can’t. ---
**Author:** ![sitchensis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sitchensis/32/4892_2.png) [@sitchensis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sitchensis)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2017, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-a-sexual-harasser/802360/55 "2017-11-22T23:05:07Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > It might be. It was work. She was uncomfortable, he continued. She asked him to stop, he stopped. > > The last bit is what makes it more or less ok, but if she was sending out “cut it out” clues he wasn’t picking up on, he was engaging in light non-actionable sexual harassment. > > And yeah, its normal. Not a huge deal to do this sort of thing. But he WAS making unwelcome sexual advances to her at work. She was dreading coming to work. He knew she had a boyfriend and would “joke” (which to her perhaps read as pressure) with her to dump him. All that says “yep, it was sexual harassment” > > But kudos for him for stopping when asked. One of the reasons women get so uncomfortable is that when we ask men to stop - it often isn’t respected. And sometimes we get called a bitch or a tease. So asking someone to stop - even just flirting - can be a big deal - especially for a young woman. He gave her the positive reinforcement of stopping, not making it a big deal that she wasn’t into him and then continuing to treat her like a friend. From experience, that isn’t always how it works. Obviously some cues were missed or this wouldn’t have gone on for a few weeks but flirting at work is not harassment and stopping when asked is exactly what you’re supposed to do. He had no authority over her so he wasn’t in a position to pressure her. I’m not seeing it. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2017, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-a-sexual-harasser/802360/56 "2017-11-22T23:05:19Z")
> [@Norse](#): > > Emphasis mine. > > Good thing you put in that modifier, because science says that sexual harassment is equally distributed between the sexes. There’s no difference in the extent of sexual harassment, only in the type of harassment. Men harass men and women, women harass women and men. They do it differently, though. > > [http://dx.doi.org/10.1007/s00038-017-1049-3](http://dx.doi.org/10.1007/s00038-017-1049-3) > [http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1090513817300016?\_rdoc=1&\_fmt=high&\_origin=gateway&\_docanchor=&md5=b8429449ccfc9c30159a5f9aeaa92ffb](http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1090513817300016?_rdoc=1&_fmt=high&_origin=gateway&_docanchor=&md5=b8429449ccfc9c30159a5f9aeaa92ffb) > tl;dr: men and women are equally prone to sexually harass other people. And men and women are equally prone to be subjected to sexual harassment. The only difference is the nature of the harassment. > > If it makes you happier, there is a difference in who is guilty of sexual abuse, though: It’s the men who abuse most often. I think it should be noted that both of these studies were conducted on high school students. The findings shouldn’t be applied to adults. ---
**Author:** ![zoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/71c47a/32.png) [@zoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoo)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2017, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-a-sexual-harasser/802360/57 "2017-11-23T00:48:22Z")
> [@sitchensis](#): > > I don’t think this is sexual harassment I am willing to call it SH if only because of the continued unwelcome advances. The answer was “No” from the beginning but I didn’t stop. I don’t think I was being an evil dick but I was being a dick. I started the thread because all of the attention being placed on SH these days was reminding me of my example from 30 years ago. I am not here to apologize, I did that back then. I can say that I never did that kind of thing again. Lord knows I may have done it with others before that. Meanwhile there is a lot of this going on and has for a long time. Hopefully this new attention to the problem will result in less SH in the future. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2017, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-a-sexual-harasser/802360/58 "2017-11-23T01:16:38Z")
> [@sitchensis](#): > > Obviously some cues were missed or this wouldn’t have gone on for a few weeks but flirting at work is not harassment and stopping when asked is exactly what you’re supposed to do. He had no authority over her so he wasn’t in a position to pressure her. I’m not seeing it. Here is the definition of sexual harassment: harassment (typically of a woman) in a workplace, or other professional or social situation, involving the making of unwanted sexual advances or obscene remarks. Nothing about authority. It was unwelcome sexual advances (unless his comments were strictly romantic and never sexual in nature) in the workplace. She said it was unwelcome. He said he knew it was unwelcome. He said she said that she was dreading coming to work. And if it got to the “she’s dreading coming to work” place, it certainly wasn’t welcome. That’s sexual harassment. Don’t flirt at work, unless you are pretty sure that your overtures would be welcome. Just don’t. Because if they aren’t welcome, its sexual harassment. As I said, it isn’t a big deal sort of sexual harassment. It isn’t Weinstein level of scandal and horror. You aren’t a horrible person for having done it if, when you know it isn’t welcome, you immediately stop - and if it remains at flirting and doesn’t involve touching or obscene comments. Your job is at really low risk for saying “nice sweater” or “are you interested in going out sometime” But it IS sexual harassment if it isn’t welcome. ---
**Author:** ![k9bfriender](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/k9bfriender/32/3283_2.png) [@k9bfriender](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/k9bfriender)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2017, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-a-sexual-harasser/802360/59 "2017-11-23T01:22:40Z")
And to be honest, complicity in sexual harassment is almost as bad, and I will admit that the first time I called anyone out on it was when I was in my early 20’s, having witnessed it for several years before I both realized that it was not something that was just a laugh and a joke, and that it was something that was not something that I appreciated in my environment. It was really the kitchen manager pantomiming doing one of the servers doggy style while she was reaching down and getting something out of a cooler that put me over the edge, there was just no world where that sort of thing was cool. The fact that other cooks were laughing at it made me even angrier. Pretty much lost my job over it, as it was pretty much all the male managers involved, but I figured fuck that place anyway. I’ve made a point to call it out when I saw it later, and when I moved into managerial positions, I made it a point to make sure that everyone was very aware I was not the slightest bit tolerant of it. Now I have my own place, and in a fairly female dominated field, so there are only 3 males here to 10 females, so it really hasn’t been an issue, (I’m the only male with “power”) but I have made sure that everyone knows that any sort of harassment or hostility is not tolerated. Yet, I still feel bad about some of the things that I witnessed in my teens and early twenties, and some of the things that I even thought were a bit funny at the time, due to my immaturity, and do seek “redemption” in trying to make my corner of the world a bit safer for everyone. ---
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2017, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-a-sexual-harasser/802360/60 "2017-11-23T04:33:39Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > Don’t flirt at work, unless you are pretty sure that your overtures would be welcome. Just don’t. Because if they aren’t welcome, its sexual harassment. ^This. I’d drop the bit after “unless” even. It’s about as popular as the idea of abstinence as birth control, but it really is the sure-fire way to avoid problems. I’ve always found it annoying, seeing everyone tiptoe thru a minefield when there’s a clear, well-paved road available named Don’t Date Co-workers. Yeah, it means missing out on a few genuine opportunities for dates but it’s been my observation that dating a co-worker comes with a slew of other downsides by giving everyone at work a window into your private life you may not want them to have. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-a-sexual-harasser/802360.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-a-sexual-harasser/802360.md?page=4)