# I was a sexual harasser. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 22, 2017, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-a-sexual-harasser/802360 "2017-11-22T02:22:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2017, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-a-sexual-harasser/802360/81 "2017-11-24T13:04:04Z")
> [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](#): > > I’m thinking of making a post about all of the times I have been sexually harassed and assaulted as a man, the few times I think I am guilty of doing it to women, and the time I was wrongly accused as a 4 year old, maybe the time I was molested by another kid as a kid, too, but I don’t know where to do it. The Pit or MPSIMS, And yes men who have been harassed SHOULD speak out. It’s not acceptable to harass men, either. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2017, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-a-sexual-harasser/802360/82 "2017-11-24T13:18:13Z")
Def worth a read, (and pertinent here as well!) :[http://theweek.com/articles/737056/myth-male-bumbler](http://theweek.com/articles/737056/myth-male-bumbler) ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2017, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-a-sexual-harasser/802360/83 "2017-11-25T00:08:13Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > We aren’t talking about accidents, but ‘good’ intentions. These men didn’t intend to humiliate or harass, so it’s okay? Don’t try that in a court of law! It’s not that intentions mean nothing, it’s that, in the end it’s your actions that supersede. > > Do you care if my intention was not to mow down your child? Or will you judge my action over my intent? What the Fuck? Of course I care! It’s the difference between a tragic accident and a grizzly murder. Yes, I’m still just as upset about my kid’s death, and I’m probably going to be less than rational for a while. But, once I come to my senses, where I direct that anger changes completely. In one scenario, the murderer needs to be punished. In the other, it was a tragic accident, and I’m angry at fate/God/whatever. Of course, reading earlier posts, you are talking about someone who killed through negligence, due to distracted driving. That adds a confounding factor. The issue there is negligence. The driver is well aware that his actions could cause something bad to happen, but performed the actions anyways. This isn’t as bad as someone who intends to kill, but it’s still a bad thing, and the person needs to be punished. Intent and negligence are the deciding factors in moral culpability. ACTIONS most definitely are not. We have it in our legal system and even our social system. Even the actions for dealing with the situations are different. If they don’t have intent, then what you need to do is give them information and convince them. But if they had intent, you need to punish them, They knew it was wrong, and did it anyways. I can’t imagine anyone thinking otherwise. Do you think the guy who accidentally bumped into you is the same as a guy who just assaulted you? Do you think the person who accidentally takes home your purse thinking its theirs is the same as a purse snatcher? What a bizarre way of thinking. I would not want to be around you. Accidents happen, and I would not want the risk of them happening and you using them as an excuse to purposely hurt me, since you don’t see the difference. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2017, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-a-sexual-harasser/802360/84 "2017-11-25T00:09:13Z")
Also, if I had accidentally harassed someone, you just guaranteed that I would not tell you about it. ---
**Author:** ![Corry\_El](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecae2f/32.png) [@Corry\_El](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corry_El)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2017, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-a-sexual-harasser/802360/85 "2017-11-25T03:30:14Z")
> [@sitchensis](#): > > I don’t think this is sexual harassment I think it could be, because it was at work. If a ‘boy’ is persistent in a non work relationship it could become harassment/stalking at some point but IMO the bounds there are looser. Persistently asking somebody out who doesn’t want to go is surely annoying, but once you put it under _sexual_ harassment I think you’re devaluing real sexual harassment. Also one post said men could be doing stuff that’s not only sexual harassment but sexual assault. But the latter seems to me has a much clearer boundary line. There are exceptions to everything, I recall a thread here not along ago with a woman saying hand shaking in a business setting was some kind of sexual aggression because she doesn’t like shaking hands. No. At some point one is odd person out and can’t remake the whole world’s definition of everything. But besides extremes like that I’ve never found any difficulty in avoiding touching people at work besides shaking hands. And in social settings no problem detecting when touching a woman in a ‘pre-sexual’ affectionate way isn’t welcomed, so that’s it, look elsewhere. I see more room for twisting/devaluing definitions to include verbal persistence as _sexual_ harassment. But again, although many of us meet our mates at or related to work, there’s a greater burden there to make sure you aren’t messing up somebody else’s work life. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-a-sexual-harasser/802360.md?page=4)