# I was addicted to escorts - ask me anything **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 27, 2018, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295 "2018-03-27T20:37:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2018, 11:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/141 "2018-03-30T11:28:01Z")
The guy admits to price shopping for $30 bjs and you think he’s seeing high end escorts? And that they’re mostly college girls or teachers on summer break? The answer to my question has been given, and it is…straight up delusion. There are one or two providers who also have college degrees so ima convince myself it’s all, or most of them. Tell us gentlemen, how damaged or drug addled would YOU have to be to suck dick for a living? But I’m sure you’re right! They’re all just nice next door girls looking for easy money. And turning tricks isn’t a reflection of any damage or disfunction they’ve had…at all! ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2018, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/142 "2018-03-30T12:07:49Z")
OP: do you think that part of what drives your compulsion is that you are deceiving women (first your ex-wife and now your girlfriend) that love you? Do you think perhaps you could be driven by self-loathing and that your use of prostitutes is tied up with your deception of the women in relationships with you and maybe a deep hatred of women? ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2018, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/143 "2018-03-30T12:56:25Z")
> [@Davidngrk](#): > > I never got the vibe there was a “pimp”. … > I won’t lie tho, a few had a boyfriend that would wait out in the car at the hotel. They even said that was their boyfriend. I never had any interaction with the boyfriends. My guy tells me the couple had a drug problem and that’s how they made money. Do you know what you usually call a “boyfriend” who keeps tabs on his “girlfriend” while she engages in sex for money? A pimp. It certainly sounds to me like you were enriching some pimps. Question: why do you think you found the blow jobs better than the sex? ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2018, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/144 "2018-03-30T15:01:35Z")
> [@Ann\_Hedonia](#): > > The OP’s behavior doesn’t seem like classic sex addict behavior - which seems to usually involve scads of porn and consensual affairs as well as hookers. It just sounds like every couple of months he’s compelled to play this weird sort of Russian Roulette with his life - he pulls the trigger hoping he gets the blowjob from a hot girl instead of the arrest that will fuck up his life or the assault that might end it. There is a debate among psychologists if sex addiction is really a thing or not. I have friends in Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, or S.L.A.A who insist it is. Their behavior tended to be what you describe. Lots of porn. Lots of getting triggered by just ordinary women on the subway. That’s why I asked the OP why he calls it an addiction. ---
**Author:** ![Davidngrk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47c2d/32.png) [@Davidngrk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davidngrk)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2018, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/145 "2018-03-30T16:48:43Z")
> [@Ann\_Hedonia](#): > > You should really go into therapy or something. Hopefully before your luck gives out. This is self-destructive and it’s not going to end well. I don’t see escorts anymore and when I did I was smart about who I saw and did my homework. I minimized risks. It didn’t take long to figure what ads to stay away from. ---
**Author:** ![Davidngrk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47c2d/32.png) [@Davidngrk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davidngrk)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2018, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/146 "2018-03-30T16:51:32Z")
> [@TokyoBayer](#): > > Which is one visit every two to two and a half months. > > Why do you label your behavior as “addiction?” You are taking a straight average. Within my time in the hobby I would go 6 months for example trying to stop seeing escorts. Something would always lead me back. It was just too easy. ---
**Author:** ![Davidngrk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47c2d/32.png) [@Davidngrk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davidngrk)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2018, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/147 "2018-03-30T16:57:29Z")
> [@madmonk28](#): > > OP: do you think that part of what drives your compulsion is that you are deceiving women (first your ex-wife and now your girlfriend) that love you? Do you think perhaps you could be driven by self-loathing and that your use of prostitutes is tied up with your deception of the women in relationships with you and maybe a deep hatred of women? Not at all - if I would to self diagnose I would say it was a combination of feeling I missed on out sowing my oats in my younger years and settling for someone I didn’t love to marry. Also, so many times in my younger years the girls I was into (petite girls) were never into me as well as many of my hook ups were with unattractive girls. Not all, but many. ---
**Author:** ![Davidngrk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47c2d/32.png) [@Davidngrk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davidngrk)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2018, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/148 "2018-03-30T17:04:11Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > Do you know what you usually call a “boyfriend” who keeps tabs on his “girlfriend” while she engages in sex for money? A pimp. > > It certainly sounds to me like you were enriching some pimps. > > Question: why do you think you found the blow jobs better than the sex? I couldn’t verify the bf “keeping tabs”. I only saw escorts that mentioned their bf’s a handful of times. In my opinion based on my interaction, they had a shared drug problem (it was never obvious) and/or financial issues. I think I liked the bj’s better because they were quick and I didn’t have to be in her hotel/apt that long, they are much cheaper and sex was never that great. Plus generally, many men will say a bj done right is better than sex. ---
**Author:** ![Davidngrk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47c2d/32.png) [@Davidngrk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davidngrk)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2018, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/149 "2018-03-30T17:07:33Z")
> [@TokyoBayer](#): > > There is a debate among psychologists if sex addiction is really a thing or not. I have friends in Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, or S.L.A.A who insist it is. Their behavior tended to be what you describe. Lots of porn. Lots of getting triggered by just ordinary women on the subway. > > That’s why I asked the OP why he calls it an addiction. Why I think it was addiction? I tried to stop several times and couldn’t. I was risking A LOT. I was making $250-$300K salary, I was connected in my old city, had a wife who was involved in our church, had kids in private schools. I was a horny day away from losing it all. ---
**Author:** ![Davidngrk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47c2d/32.png) [@Davidngrk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davidngrk)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2018, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/150 "2018-03-30T17:14:19Z")
I guess I would add one other thing. People probably don’t understand how prevalent it is. I would see girls and they were tell me they could work non stop if they wanted to. Their phones would ring off the hook. I know bc sometimes they didn’t turn their phones off when I was with them. I almost had a moment of weakness a couple weeks ago. I was reviewing ads and found someone. She is 2 minutes away from my office out in the suburbs. Drive out in the suburbs in your city and if there’s an exit with multiple hotels, I bet there’s escorts renting rooms there for the day. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2018, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/151 "2018-03-30T17:46:42Z")
I know this is an ask me anything thread, but since folks are actually arguing about whether or not providers are doing so out of choice because it’s a high paying gig, I went looking for cites. The answer is that for most women, prostitution is not a day in the park paying for college. I’ll post one cite here, and am prepared to take this to another thread and add many more should anyone want to debate this. > [@](#): > > Revealing a connection between social class and prostitution, most women say they prostitute for financial reasons. While a few highly-paid call girls say that the work allows them a lavish lifestyle and others do it to pay for crack cocaine and other drugs, the vast majority of prostitutes simply seek economic survival. Studies reveal that environmental and social-class- constraints—poverty, unemployment, limited educational opportunities, limited transportation, and the presence of strip-joints, “crack-houses”, sleazy bars, and cheap motels in low-income neighborhoods— “push” poor women into prostitution. Can we reasonably argue that these environments provide women with real alternatives to prostitution for survival? Social class also influences who gets arrested for prostitution: about 90 % of women arrested for prostitution are streetwalkers of lower social-class origins, and not the high-end call girls who “serve” the rich and famous. [Cite: Working Class Studies](https://workingclassstudies.wordpress.com/2009/06/15/bad-girls-social-class-gender-race-and-the-worlds-oldest-profession/) ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2018, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/152 "2018-03-30T18:05:26Z")
> [@Sunny\_Daze](#): > > I know this is an ask me anything thread, but since folks are actually arguing about whether or not providers are doing so out of choice because it’s a high paying gig, I went looking for cites. The answer is that for most women, prostitution is not a day in the park paying for college. I’ll post one cite here, and am prepared to take this to another thread and add many more should anyone want to debate this. > > [Cite: Working Class Studies](https://workingclassstudies.wordpress.com/2009/06/15/bad-girls-social-class-gender-race-and-the-worlds-oldest-profession/) In other words, women wouldn’t do this if there were better options for earning a living. There are always exceptions, but no one delude themselves that this is a choice most “providers” would make if they had better life opportunities. **Davidngrk,** you sound really tempted to do this again, and soon. You need to tell your girlfriend NOW. She doesn’t deserve to get hurt because of your issues. > [@](#): > > I almost had a moment of weakness a couple weeks ago. I was reviewing ads and found someone. She is 2 minutes away from my office out in the suburbs. This whole thread makes me sick. Very few women would choose sex work and so many of you guys try to justify it. **Grrr,** I thought you’d made a lot of progress with your attitudes towards women and I had a pretty high regard for you, but wow, you really haven’t. Carry on. I won’t return to this thread. It pisses me off too much. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2018, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/153 "2018-03-30T18:30:26Z")
> [@Helena330](#): > > This whole thread makes me sick. Very few women would choose sex work and so many of you guys try to justify it. **Grrr,** I thought you’d made a lot of progress with your attitudes towards women and I had a pretty high regard for you, but wow, you really haven’t. > > Carry on. I won’t return to this thread. It pisses me off too much. First off, I haven’t seen any of these ladies since before my last GF. And secondly, it ain’t me that needs to keep his bigotry in check. If a lady of sound mind and body tells me: “Yeah, I’m cool with this, I love what I do.” Then I’m just going to take her word for it. For me to turn around and say: “No honey, clearly you’re damaged.” would be both patronizing, and disrespectful. And it completely invalidates her as a person. Look, if you truly want to be accepting of other cultures, and lifestyles, that means you’re going to have to stretch the boundaries of your own comfort zone. I don’t find it all the hard to believe that there are some people out there who don’t place an emotional attachment to sex. ---
**Author:** ![Delicious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dbc845/32.png) [@Delicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Delicious)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2018, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/154 "2018-03-30T21:10:22Z")
I’m actually curious about how much trouble OP could have gotten into if he was caught. I always assumed this was a sort of thing that’s technically illegal but the police don’t bother with it unless there’s some other crime involved. There’s a few ‘massage’ places in my town that everyone knows are for sex but they’ve been open for years…obviously family would be miffed but even if he got fined, they might not find out. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2018, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/155 "2018-03-30T21:23:54Z")
> [@Delicious](#): > > I’m actually curious about how much trouble OP could have gotten into if he was caught. I always assumed this was a sort of thing that’s technically illegal but the police don’t bother with it unless there’s some other crime involved. > > There’s a few ‘massage’ places in my town that everyone knows are for sex but they’ve been open for years…obviously family would be miffed but even if he got fined, they might not find out. Depends on the jurisdiction. It can get pretty harsh if the local electorate eats that stuff up. In my city, they run stings every few months. They’ll post a Backpage ad quoting a price on the low side using a reasonably attractive picture, then set up shop in a hotel room and reel them in. More often than not, one of the johns busted will be an officeholder or some other notable. I see what you mean about massage parlors also. Whenever I see I massage place open until midnight, I shake my head. Whom do they think they’re fooling? We had one busted here in town a few years ago - just across the street from Planned Parenthood. Oy, gevalt. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2018, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/156 "2018-03-30T21:35:17Z")
> [@Delicious](#): > > I’m actually curious about how much trouble OP could have gotten into if he was caught. I always assumed this was a sort of thing that’s technically illegal but the police don’t bother with it unless there’s some other crime involved. > > There’s a few ‘massage’ places in my town that everyone knows are for sex but they’ve been open for years…obviously family would be miffed but even if he got fined, they might not find out. [This guy](https://radioink.com/2017/09/05/kjr-morning-man-arrested-prostitution-sting/) lost his job. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2018, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/157 "2018-03-31T00:13:38Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > First off, I haven’t seen any of these ladies since before my last GF. > > And secondly, it ain’t me that needs to keep his bigotry in check. > > If a lady of sound mind and body tells me: “Yeah, I’m cool with this, I love what I do.” > > Then I’m just going to take her word for it. For me to turn around and say: “No honey, clearly you’re damaged.” would be both patronizing, and disrespectful. And it completely invalidates her as a person. > Look, if you truly want to be accepting of other cultures, and lifestyles, that means you’re going to have to stretch the boundaries of your own comfort zone. > > I don’t find it all the hard to believe that there are some people out there who don’t place an emotional attachment to sex. That’s because no matter how #woke people claim to be, they still find behaviors that they can judge unworthy. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2018, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/158 "2018-03-31T01:15:26Z")
> [@Davidngrk](#): > > I almost had a moment of weakness a couple weeks ago. I was reviewing ads and found someone. She is 2 minutes away from my office out in the suburbs. You say that you couldn’t completely stop before; that you could go for six months or so but then take it up again. You have a new girlfriend so the novelty has allowed you to take a break from a behavior you admit could have negative consequences, but now you’re back to reviewing ads. You think that’s going to go away on its own? You signed up here to brag about this. I’ve been sober for six years now, and you see a lot of people come in and out of the rooms. There are those who regret their actions and those who say they regret them. Want to take a guess at which type sticks around? You haven’t told your girlfriend about this because \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_? This is ethical and the type of behavior you would personally seek in a partner because \_\_\_\_\_\_\_? This is the type of partner you hope your daughter finds because \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_? ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2018, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/159 "2018-03-31T01:28:19Z")
OP, dude get some help. This is gonna blow up in your face. ---
**Author:** ![Grestarian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grestarian/32/3227_2.png) [@Grestarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grestarian)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2018, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/160 "2018-03-31T05:05:59Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > Wow, the things some men can convince themselves of, never cease to amaze. It’s not limited to men. Human beings rationalize their contradictions and cognitive disonnance(s). **Davidngrk** , after reading through all of the posts above, I’m going to abstain from judgement or advocacy or valuation of your past activity or the employment choices some people make. This has been an interesting thread which has revealed much about many of the people contributing. You say you were addicted. As I noted in a thread from a guy asking if we thought he consumed too much alcohol, I’ll say this: If you think it was a problem, it was a problem and you should deal with it. Your post here did not seem to be requesting advice, but many have provided their opinions anyway. The following caught my attention and didn’t seem to be pointed out by others: > [@Davidngrk](#): > > 1. Then when she opened door, usually my draw dropped how hot this girls were and I was going to sex them. > [@Davidngrk](#): > > Then being in the same room and undressing a hot 20-something (I was 40’s) and feeling her perfect body was incredible. I would have never been with these type of hot (“civilian”) girls when I was 20-something. It sounds like you have been focussing on this for a long time. It’s not an uncommon fixation for kids in high school and college. After a while, though, most people start to realize there’s more to a person than their body (thus the many interesting studies of people who get into deep relationships over the Internet – connecting intellectually and emotionally well before they ever see each other). > [@Davidngrk](#): > > Now I am 40-something, a little overweight, balding and with a 22 year old 105 lb hottie. Your previous three passages seem to me to suggest an unhealthy relationship and, I’ll risk condemnation by saying an unhealthy attitude because you appear to be focussing on the hot young firm bodies of these people to the exclusion of other aspects of their person – intelligence, emotional maturity, world view, personal habits, hobbies and interests, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. As has been mentioned by some in this thread and others, consensual sex between adults may be perfectly fine – and whether or not it’s a one-night stand or a paid service is merely a detail in this argument. The problem is that you appear to be applying the same standard (“such a hot body”) to the providers as you are applying to your current girlfriend. This suggests to me that there’s both a depth of focus and a level of respect missing. Do you see this “hotty” as anything other than a firm body to use? Do you have other things in common? I bring these up not just because you seem to be misidentifying a shallow relationship as a romance, but also because it’s quite possible your ‘girlfriend’ might not be as romantically dedicated, either. Ambivalid mentioned girls [again, I wouldn’t limit this to one gender] who manipulate their customers and it seems worthwhile to note that manipulation isn’t restricted to the customer/vendor relationship; it can be the cheater/mistress, the old lecher/sweet young thing, or what ever. Because sex and emotion are difficult to disentangle, there are people who learn to provide sex as a lead to emotional manipulation and on to other forms of manipulation (financial, et cetera) as well. Back in the middle ages and earlier, love had nothing to do with marital relationships. Powerful families joined their blood lines to retain or gain power and the people just dealt with it. Those without wealth or power did whatever they wanted and, because they had nothing to lose, records regarding marriage, offspring, and deaths, were less important. But somewhere along the years, silly ideas of romance and compatibility crept in. Sure, there are still arranged marriages and there are still marriages of convenience and loveless marriages and – of course, pre-marriage relationships that lack romance and/or compatibility as well. In modern times the right to individuality is so enshrined that there’s no reason for anyone to stay in a relationship that no longer suits them while there ARE legal gains to acquire through manipulation of relationships. Pat Benatar called it “Sex as a Weapon.” TLDR: If it’s just about screwing a hot young thing, what will become of your girlfriend when life’s changes start taking their toll on her body? Will you leave her for another 20-year-old? If you’re just tolerating her (relative) immaturity and social inexperience for the hot sex, how do you know she’s not just tolerating the sex and lousy jokes for the nice dinners or your willingness to buy her things? Will she leave you for a chef who’s flashing gold jewelry, driving a nicer car, and making a higher income? —G! [It’s late and I’m tired and I may be laying down incomplete concepts here. If I need to clarify something, feel free to ask me.] [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295.md?page=9)