# I was addicted to escorts - ask me anything **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 27, 2018, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295 "2018-03-27T20:37:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![Grestarian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grestarian/32/3227_2.png) [@Grestarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grestarian)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2018, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/161 "2018-03-31T07:42:05Z")
Okay, so as I was riding home tonight and wondering what I failed to say or failed to express correctly in my earlier response, it occurred to me that I missed several things. On the one hand, perhaps I shouldn’t have even posted that contribution; on the other hand, perhaps these additions will clarify my thoughts or provide more things for the OP to consider. Or maybe this will just bury me further… The world in which our religions took root and grew was very different from today. The prohibitions against female promiscuity were very much concerned with offspring and inheritance issues, not to mention the patriarchal habit of treating women as chattel. It’s also worth noting that some religions either encouraged or just didn’t address prostitution. As societies grew more complex and, quite frankly, stratified, recording unions and understanding heritage rights was very much about solidifying (or at least not diluting) power, control, property, etc.\* Thus, prostitution was prohibited or discouraged because it was a form of promiscuity that could dilute the lineage with bastard heirs and illegitimate claimants. The introduction of venereal diseases occurred after religions were well established and simply provided more ammunition against the practice+. Conception-prevention technology could conceivably nullify concerns about illegitimate heirs and the age-old condom$ could conceivably nullify concerns about venereal diseases – except that [a] medical experts pretty much agree that they don’t prevent transmission of the HIV virus and \*\* some people persist in (insist on?) having sex (even with people they don’t know very well) without them. Again, I won’t digress into discussions of the legality or morality or psychology or sociology of prostitution but it’s important to understand [1] Venereal diseases (even HIV) can be transmitted from mouth to genitals, and [2] you never know who the previous customer was or what occurred# with the person you’ve selected for your latest tryst. * * * There was a thread on these boards a week or two ago that discussed a news article about a fraternity on campus that got busted for setting up a competition in which the boys scored points of some kind for bedding women on campus who were deemed fat or obese. I’ll admit I did not contribute to that thread but perhaps I should have. It seems a bit late and no-longer trending now. Nevertheless, I would imagine, the campus administration’s position is not about faulting the young adults for having consensual sex. Nor, for that matter, would I fault the guys for objectifying^ their conquests (provided those conquests were informed prior to receiving such a designation which, I’m guessing was not the case in the newsworthy situation). Instead, were I the administration, I would fault the guys for treating other human beings as one-dimensional objects worthy of disrespect.% * * * As with my previous post I caution the OP against focussing on just the hot young body of his girlfriend because, if he is treating the rest of her with disrespect, she cannot be faulted for treating him in a similarly rude manner and WHEN things like her body, her mind, her emotional needs, her financial desires, etc. change he is likely to find himself losing that girlfriend – and being mystified (if not pained) by her decision to leave. * * * TLDR: Grow up, if only for your own sake. –G! \*…for the rich. If you were poor, not only did YOU not matter, but your meager property and inheritors didn’t matter either. - And, yet, the profession continued and has even been respected in history. $ The device has a fascinatingly twisted history of its own. Cosmopolitan republishes historical articles once in a while and there are probably other magazines for men and for women that have their own versions. It’s probably on Wikipedia by now anyway. ^ I say this because I’m well aware that there are some people who are eager to be objectified in whatever ways. In just the sexual arena, I was involved with a submissive who quite enthusiastically and explicitely wanted me to treat her like a sex object. However, we established that fact well before she flew into town to meet me. And, in another anectdote, I overheard a girl talking to another about a third, saying, “She told me later that she managed to sleep with every guy in that fraternity!” and when I asked, “Did the guys object?” she shook her head and said, “Hell no!” # I’ll assume a vendor worth visiting will tend to be too discreet to divulge. Even if that’s not true, how can you be sure what the vendor says is true? % Or, perhaps, it is the disrespect that fosters the treatment of others as one-dimensional objects. ---
**Author:** ![polar\_bear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ec9cab/32.png) [@polar\_bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/polar_bear)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2018, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/162 "2018-03-31T08:21:36Z")
> [@Davidngrk](#): > > I still get the urge every so often but haven’t acted. I am in new city is one reason. It is harder to find good providers at a decent rate. 2 - I did catch warts once and obviously want to avoid that. 3 - most importantly I am seeing a girl I really love. I don’t want to risk losing her. I would say that this urge is concern, if you really want to stay away from escorts. In my experience, people that go online and claim they want to stop (mostly) want attention, while people that actually want to stop have their accounts removed (on websites, boards etc.). You said you are no longer active on those boards, but does you account still exist? Same question with regard to the verification services and your references? You might even ask some stupid shit to get black listed (I’m not sure when that happens). All these will make falling back into it more difficult and if TER is to be believed, everyone will be extra careful for the foreseeable future because of FOSTA. Also, if you really need a massage, make sure it is some Germanic looking guy. > [@elbows](#): > > It’s not they who are avoiding the term ‘sex worker’, it’s the ‘users’ that need to sugar coat this, and they’re not fooling anyone, but themselves, by the way. It is difficult to remain respectful, while calling someone a hooker or a whore. Mostly because of what these words currently mean in (the English) language. Sex worker is a term that describes a wider range of services and (as far as I can tell) is a fairly recent addition to the vocabulary. I don’t think using euphemisms for job titles is only common in sex work. I remember when I was a teenager and I referred to our cleaning lady as such; she overheard and I was asked to call her the “help” in the future and apologize. That’s not taking away that (some) guys probably prefer not to be constantly reminded that they are dealing with a prostitute. > [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Maybe it’s just my lack of experience, but the idea that you have to “groom” a hooker is puzzling to me. I’ve never had to cajole a waiter into fetching my plate from the kitchen, or sweet-talk a cashier into ringing up my groceries. I’m accustomed— perhaps naively so— to business transactions in which the other party is cooperative, if not visibly motivated, to accept the money I’m trying to give them. While it has been made clear that the OP didn’t mean “grooming” when he talked about the chase, this is another common misconception. Funny that it has to come from me to state that sex can be more than a simple transaction. Doesn’t have to be more than that, but it can be. Although it doesn’t seem the OP was really interested in that. To be clear. Any “grooming” that is done, has little bearing on the question on whether she’ll have sex with you. But it can influence “how”. > [@Davidngrk](#): > > You are taking a straight average. Within my time in the hobby I would go 6 months for example trying to stop seeing escorts. Something would always lead me back. It was just too easy. See above. Burn your bridges if you really want to stay out. ---
**Author:** ![ruadh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d2c977/32.png) [@ruadh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ruadh)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2018, 10:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/163 "2018-03-31T10:09:25Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > When you say “the majority I encounter through my work are single mothers from lower income countries who come here to sell sex…to support their children back home.”, it suggests to me that you have a very narrow, specific subset of sex workers in mind when having discussions such as these. Um, when I say who the majority I encounter are, obviously I have in mind who the majority I encounter are. 😕 The point is that women like this are quite common in the sex industry, and they don’t fit either of the two stereotypes being portrayed in this thread. And obviously not all street workers are heroin users and vice versa, but even fewer indoor workers are. ---
**Author:** ![ruadh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d2c977/32.png) [@ruadh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ruadh)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2018, 10:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/164 "2018-03-31T10:14:23Z")
> [@Sunny\_Daze](#): > > I know this is an ask me anything thread, but since folks are actually arguing about whether or not providers are doing so out of choice because it’s a high paying gig, I went looking for cites. The answer is that for most women, prostitution is not a day in the park paying for college. I’ll post one cite here, and am prepared to take this to another thread and add many more should anyone want to debate this. > > [Cite: Working Class Studies](https://workingclassstudies.wordpress.com/2009/06/15/bad-girls-social-class-gender-race-and-the-worlds-oldest-profession/) One of the links in that paragraph is broken, and the second one is to a CNBC video which I’m guessing is not based on peer-reviewed research. I don’t actually dispute either of the claims being made, but you need to up your citation game. ---
**Author:** ![Marcus\_Flavius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a4c791/32.png) [@Marcus\_Flavius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marcus_Flavius)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2018, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/165 "2018-03-31T14:35:10Z")
How does it feel to have squandered all that money and not having a damn thing to show for it? ---
**Author:** ![Davidngrk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47c2d/32.png) [@Davidngrk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davidngrk)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2018, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/166 "2018-03-31T15:04:44Z")
> [@Marcus\_Flavius](#): > > How does it feel to have squandered all that money and not having a damn thing to show for it? I really don’t think about the money too often. I make good money and I am not going to miss $300-$400 a month. But I do add it up and think what else could have been done with it. It’s wrong but I was okay spending that money to be with a young hot girl bc I felt I had missed out on that in life. ---
**Author:** ![Davidngrk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47c2d/32.png) [@Davidngrk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davidngrk)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2018, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/167 "2018-03-31T15:09:04Z")
> [@Delicious](#): > > I’m actually curious about how much trouble OP could have gotten into if he was caught. I always assumed this was a sort of thing that’s technically illegal but the police don’t bother with it unless there’s some other crime involved. > > There’s a few ‘massage’ places in my town that everyone knows are for sex but they’ve been open for years…obviously family would be miffed but even if he got fined, they might not find out. While it was in back of my mind getting busted by police, I was smart on who I saw. I was more concerned about getting ripped off by girl (that happened) or a boyfriend in another room robbing me. I think police are far more concerned about street walkers and your local Asian massage parlors. Backpage or craigslist stings are pretty rare IMO. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2018, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/168 "2018-03-31T15:12:19Z")
> [@Marcus\_Flavius](#): > > How does it feel to have squandered all that money and not having a damn thing to show for it? “I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol, and wild women. The rest I just wasted.” -W.C. Fields ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2018, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/169 "2018-03-31T17:42:36Z")
You’re really not gonna stop are you? Do you want validation so you can continue your practice? I cannot, in my mind, condone this behaviour. But, you be you. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2018, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/170 "2018-03-31T18:02:55Z")
> [@ruadh](#): > > Um, when I say who the majority I encounter are, obviously I have in mind who the majority I encounter are. 😕 The point is that women like this are quite common in the sex industry, and they don’t fit either of the two stereotypes being portrayed in this thread. > > And obviously not all street workers are heroin users and vice versa, but even fewer indoor workers are. What I meant was, women who come (or are brought) to this country and become sex workers are not indictative of the average “provider” discussed in this thread. They are a minority of sex workers in this country. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2018, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/171 "2018-03-31T18:05:37Z")
> [@Davidngrk](#): > > I really don’t think about the money too often. I make good money and I am not going to miss $300-$400 a month. But I do add it up and think what else could have been done with it. > > It’s wrong but I was okay spending that money to be with a young hot girl bc I felt I had missed out on that in life. But what is so good about being with a hot young girl that you have to pay to even touch you and with whom the actual sex/sexual activities is sub-par at best? What does that validate for you? ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2018, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/172 "2018-03-31T18:34:11Z")
> [@DooWahDiddy](#): > > Your sarcasm and psychobabble says less about the OP than it does about you. I’ll readily cop to the sarcasm but psychobabble? Please. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2018, 7:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/173 "2018-04-01T07:08:39Z")
> [@Davidngrk](#): > > I really don’t think about the money too often. I make good money and I am not going to miss $300-$400 a month. But I do add it up and think what else could have been done with it. Pro tip: If you sign up on a forum specifically with “shocking,” clickbait headline confessions, then consistency is your friend. Otherwise people won’t believe any of it. Not that they will necessarily believe it anyway. According to your self-reported total of $3k to $4k and if the account is accurate, you were spending an average of between $50 to $66 a month on a claimed monthly salary of $20,000 to $25,000. Pffffffffffft. That’s less than one nice _lunch_ in Tokyo. The total amount over the entire duration is less than one holiday for people in that income class. The monthly average is less than switching your daily latte habit from Starbucks to some boutique shop. For the case of someone who would be worse than average on managing money, it would be less than 1% of discretionary money, impossible to notice if you’re looking at total income. If the OP is representing things accurately, the story makes no sense. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2018, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/174 "2018-04-01T12:12:49Z")
> [@TokyoBayer](#): > > … > If the OP is representing things accurately, the story makes no sense. I’m willing to believe both that he spent more than he originally told us, and also that he’s blowing smoke about what he could have done with the money. Also, he may not be really good with math. Assuming the core story is mostly true, I wonder if the addiction is to danger, rather than to sex or to sex workers. I wonder if that fear of being caught is what really drives him. And a dollop of fear as the girl undresses and he’s still not certain it isn’t a sting may be the real payoff. I get the sense that the actual sex is little more than proof that he’s safe, not actually very gratifying. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2018, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/175 "2018-04-01T16:40:22Z")
> [@](#): > > 1. Then when she opened door, usually my draw dropped how hot this girls were and I was going to sex them. “… **I was going to sex them.”** You’re paying them $30 for them to suck your dick for a few minutes. You’re not ‘sexing’ them. Total, 100%, textbook self delusion. How fragile and twisted is a male ego, that seeks such encounters, one wonders. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2018, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/176 "2018-04-01T16:46:05Z")
“If you sleep with dogs you wake up with fleas”. If you “sex”$30 hookers you wake up with warts. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2018, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/177 "2018-04-01T18:45:39Z")
I used to be LJ friends with a sex worker (officially a “massage therapist”) who would post about what she did for a living. I got the impression she was more like an adrenaline junkie. She frequently moved around the country and hooked up with other LJ friends. She was an internet age gypsy. She was also in New Orleans during Katrina, but left because potential clients were more interested in not drowning. She’d post nudes of herself, but she wasn’t exactly Playboy covergirl material. Her body was covered with tattoos and she was a little chubby, but her charm was her lively spirit and a roll-with-the-punches attitude. She’d describe some of her sessions, but they were far from Penthouse Forum letters. The process was more like an algorithm, a factory assembly job. If this happens, do this. She clearly got more thrill out of being a misfit than being a sex worker. There was another poster here a while back who produced sex videos. (Can’t remember his name) He said many of the girls he found just wanted some kind of thrill in their lives. They otherwise led normal lifestyles but just had that urge to get their freak on. ---
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2018, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/178 "2018-04-01T19:07:44Z")
On my train home from NY one evening a couple of years ago, I happened to sit next to a gorgeous Dominican girl who worked in a massage parlor in NJ. She was really well-spoken and had an office job in the city. She was quite captivating and I sat with her about 4-5 times when we bumped into each other on the train. Her stories were fascinating, and she had some sick puppies as clients. Weird prostate stuff, stomping, various colored “showers”, etc. Some of these guys would drop over $500 for a 1-hour massage session. Of course, the massage was just a pre-cursor to the other acts. I could probably start a new thread on the stories she told me. She said she worked 2 nights a week for 4 hours and walk away with a minimum of $1,000 tax-free. Some good nights she would make double that. What kind of shocked me was that she sounded very intelligent, but was a bit ignorant about safe sex. She only insisted on a condom for vaginal and anal intercourse. But everything else was negotiable! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![polar\_bear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ec9cab/32.png) [@polar\_bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/polar_bear)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2018, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/179 "2018-04-01T22:22:37Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > “… **I was going to sex them.”** > > You’re paying them $30 for them to suck your dick for a few minutes. You’re not ‘sexing’ them. > > Total, 100%, textbook self delusion. How fragile and twisted is a male ego, that seeks such encounters, one wonders. Come on, it is clear he means that once he sees the girls he is excited about the prospect of having sex with them (blow jobs are still considered sex, right?). Also, the 30 was the lowest price he mentioned, he never said it was his average or anything (personally I think the price is completely irrelevant, but it seems you are mentioning it here with a reason). Your message reads like your were looking for something to attack the OP on and you “finally” found some wording that gave you that opportunity. > [@Beckdawrek](#): > > “If you sleep with dogs you wake up with fleas”. > If you “sex”$30 hookers you wake up with warts. Funny how you know this and nice job in judging all these girls by assuming that they probably have cooties. > [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](#): > > …What kind of shocked me was that she sounded very intelligent, but was a bit ignorant about safe sex. She only insisted on a condom for vaginal and anal intercourse. But everything else was negotiable! :eek: Could you enlighten me? It is pretty much par for the course everywhere that oral sex is done unprotected. Not saying that individual hookers (can’t say provider anymore, now can we) can’t choose to have a rubber only policy, but many (if not most) will practice unprotected oral sex. Some girls do know very little about STDs though, I will give you that. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2018, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295/180 "2018-04-01T22:45:11Z")
Hey, he’s the one who said he got warts. It was his words and it scared him. I am just stating the obvious. I am not judging woman who do this kind of work. They surely need money or they wouldn’t do it. It’s like any saleable service, it’s the law of supply and demand. Who do you think is demanding these services? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-addicted-to-escorts-ask-me-anything/811295.md?page=10)