# I was asked to participate in a 4 way last night. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 27, 2013, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857 "2013-04-27T20:10:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2013, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/1 "2013-04-27T20:10:27Z")
I visited a good friend last night who I haven’t seen in months. He knows I’m recently separated, so it was a good excuse to invite me over for some laughs. I’ve never been to his new house nor met his relatively new SO of 2 years. We had a couple of beers, his SO came home from work and went to meet friends at the pub. We were to follow once we finished our beer and burgers. At the pub there was the SO and two other ladies. We talked, got to know one another, had some pints, good conversation and lots of laughs. At about midnight one of the ladies left to go home, and shortly thereafter the remaining four of us went back to my friend’s. After a few minutes of awkward sexual tension, they explained to me that they were swingers, and that they enjoy the company of each other, plus get involved in what can only be called orgies, frankly. Now to be honest, my friend’s SO is attractive enough, but the other lady really did get my attention and seemed exactly my type of woman; petite, smart, pretty, although about 9 years older than me. Anyway, I politely declined and told them I’d have to think about it before joining them in all their reindeer games. I walked the other lady home later on. She invited me in, but again, I’m not sure at this point what I’m getting in to, so I again politely declined. She gave me her number and told me I could call her anytime, even just for the two of us to get together. And we then had a passionate kiss. I’m pretty sure i won’t pursue any of this. Nothing like this has happened to me before but it really is intriguing to say the least. Maybe I should have started my story with “Dear Penthouse.” ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2013, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/2 "2013-04-27T20:35:04Z")
I have decline some non traditional offers in my past. No reason to do anything your uncomfortable with. My attitude has shifted as I age, however. Life is short, and I’m more willing to try anything once or twice. “Why not,” seems to be my new attitude. Of course, as I age the offers are a lot less frequent. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2013, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/3 "2013-04-27T20:39:58Z")
You think _you’ve_ got temptation? I get come-ons to participate in a 4-way on my commute, [on a daily basis](http://www.post-gazette.com/stories/life/whats-for-dinner/whats-for-dinner-cincinnati-chili-4-way-660935/). ---
**Author:** ![standingwave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@standingwave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/standingwave)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2013, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/4 "2013-04-27T20:55:21Z")
I’ve been offered three-ways before (with the wrong ratio) before but as Frank Drebin says, “I like my sex the way I play basketball, one on one with as little dribbling as possible.” ---
**Author:** ![NeonMadman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/58f4c7/32.png) [@NeonMadman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NeonMadman)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2013, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/5 "2013-04-28T01:14:23Z")
Forget the three- or four-way, if she really seems “exactly my type of woman; petite, smart, pretty, although about 9 years older than me,” why not just give her a call and ask her to dinner and see what happens? Everything doesn’t have to start with a booty call. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2013, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/6 "2013-04-28T02:10:52Z")
There’s no reason you can’t have fun. In fact, coming out of a divorce I would strongly encourage you to play the field for awhile anyway. > [@NeonMadman](#): > > Forget the three- or four-way, if she really seems “exactly my type of woman; petite, smart, pretty, although about 9 years older than me,” why not just give her a call and ask her to dinner and see what happens? Everything doesn’t have to start with a booty call. Well. He knows she’s into orgies. That might be a dealbreaker for a lot of people. ---
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2013, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/7 "2013-04-28T02:30:27Z")
> [@Rachellelogram](#): > > Well. He knows she’s into orgies. That might be a dealbreaker for a lot of people. ^This. If she’s part of that culture (NTTAWWT) it will come up again, and ime swingers and the like are - to varying degrees - disdainful of people outside their scene, thinking them prudish, uptight, close-minded or whatever. Unless the OP’s planning a bump-and-run, he should walk away. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2013, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/8 "2013-04-28T03:30:22Z")
Where do you people hang out that these sorts of things happen? ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2013, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/9 "2013-04-28T06:33:26Z")
Did you at least have the courtesy to say “It’s on honor to be nominated”? ---
**Author:** ![the\_diego](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@the\_diego](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_diego)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2013, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/10 "2013-04-28T06:40:06Z")
You know you have strong conviction if you don’t feel lousy the following morning. While young, I allowed myself to be taken into a similiar situation. Later I felt bad, thinking a man shouldn’t allow himself to be manipulated so. But on the whole, I owe that nice lady a debt of gratitude. ---
**Author:** ![\_Olive](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/4af34b/32.png) [@\_Olive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_Olive)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2013, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/11 "2013-04-28T07:23:37Z")
I have been looking for a one-way for years. Maybe I should broaden the vision. ---
**Author:** ![Pitchmeister](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pitchmeister/32/3459_2.png) [@Pitchmeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pitchmeister)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2013, 8:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/12 "2013-04-28T08:10:59Z")
> [@\_Olive](#): > > I have been looking for a one-way for years. Maybe I should broaden the vision. Maybe I’m misunderstanding you here, but you know you’re in trouble when even you won’t have sex with you… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![\_Olive](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/4af34b/32.png) [@\_Olive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_Olive)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2013, 8:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/13 "2013-04-28T08:14:50Z")
I messed that up royally. never mind. ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2013, 10:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/14 "2013-04-28T10:23:35Z")
I dunno. There seems a lot of holes in this story. ---
**Author:** ![Gagundathar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a183cd/32.png) [@Gagundathar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gagundathar)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2013, 10:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/15 "2013-04-28T10:35:31Z")
I was told by a man older than I that there are some regrets you may have in the future. He also said that while many of them would be from doing something, most would be from not doing something. Have fun. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2013, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/16 "2013-04-28T12:08:49Z")
It’s fun. Do it if you get the chance (if you haven’t before?). ---
**Author:** ![Foggy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foggy/32/1082_2.png) [@Foggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foggy)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2013, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/17 "2013-04-28T15:53:06Z")
> [@drewtwo99](#): > > It’s fun. Do it if you get the chance (if you haven’t before?). Not for me, of course YMMV & different strokes for different folks. Lincoln (my ex) got me into several 3-ways. It was kind of fun, the novelty of the situation, but it cost us a friendship. I preferred sex in a relationship with someone I care about. No causal/anonymous sex. But then I think I would have been better off if I could have disconnected my libido and never have had sex at all. It was a nuisance and uncomfortable most of the time. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2013, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/18 "2013-04-28T15:58:03Z")
> [@Foggy](#): > > But then I think I would have been better off if I could have disconnected my libido and never have had sex at all. It was a nuisance and uncomfortable most of the time. If this describes your sex life, you’re either with the wrong partner and using insufficient amounts of lubrication or you have a serious medical problem. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2013, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/19 "2013-04-28T16:47:06Z")
> [@drewtwo99](#): > > It’s fun. Do it if you get the chance (if you haven’t before?). But that’s the thing: if he has a sudden change of heart, he can always go to a swinger party or club and have as many partners as he’d like— and get rid of the whole awkward “these are my friends!” aspect. That said, I don’t blame you, OP. For whatever reason, I get invited into a lot of 3somes by my friends-- different friends over the years. I have zero interest in anything like that, so I always just thank them for thinking of me, then move along. These things are only as awkward as you make them. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2013, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/20 "2013-04-28T16:49:47Z")
> [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](#): > > I dunno. There seems a lot of holes in this story. Not enough for me. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857.md?page=2)