# I was asked to participate in a 4 way last night. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 27, 2013, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857 "2013-04-27T20:10:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2013, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/41 "2013-04-29T03:14:53Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > So, what do you have against 25-year-old waitresses? Not his own body, obviously. šŸ˜› ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2013, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/42 "2013-04-29T03:25:00Z")
I have her number. Should I text her? Should I thank her for an interesting evening? I canā€™t believe Iā€™m on the asking end of one of these kinds of threads. Text her or not? Iā€™m so tempted. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2013, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/43 "2013-04-29T03:36:12Z")
If you donā€™t text her, nothing will happen. If you text her something might happen. It could be something good. It could be something bad. I say faint heart never won fair maiden. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2013, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/44 "2013-04-29T04:21:35Z")
I just called her. Weā€™re gonna get together one on one. Iā€™m shaking like Michael J fox in a freezer. ---
**Author:** ![stui\_magpie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stui_magpie/32/11010_2.png) [@stui\_magpie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stui_magpie)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2013, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/45 "2013-04-29T04:38:50Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > I just called her. > > Weā€™re gonna get together one on one. > > Iā€™m shaking like Michael J fox in a freezer. You realise after this build up that an ongoing blow by blow account will be expected? ---
**Author:** ![Gagundathar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a183cd/32.png) [@Gagundathar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gagundathar)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2013, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/46 "2013-04-29T04:43:40Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > I just called her. > > Weā€™re gonna get together one on one. > > Iā€™m shaking like Michael J fox in a freezer. That, my friend, took guts. I wish you well. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2013, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/47 "2013-04-29T05:01:11Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > I just called her. > > Weā€™re gonna get together one on one. > > Iā€™m shaking like Michael J fox in a freezer. High five! šŸ˜ƒ ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2013, 8:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/48 "2013-04-29T08:57:14Z")
One down, two to go, **Leaffan** ā€¦šŸ˜ƒ ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2013, 10:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/49 "2013-04-29T10:34:14Z")
Iā€™ve had sex with a few of my friends (while in a relationship) and it has only strengthened the friendship, if it had any effect at all. That being said, oddly, I do really only like sexy times with people I am romantically inclined towards. But my now ex-boyfriend and I were in an experimental phase for a while (one of them involved my ex before him, if you can believe it), and we had a lot of fun and nobody got hurt and the sex was nice. But Iā€™m totally sympathetic to the idea that you know what you like and what you donā€™t like, and if you are pretty damn sure youā€™re not going to like an orgy, then, no need to ā€œgive it a tryā€ or ā€œexperiment.ā€ If you are a little curious though, definitely give it a go. And doing it with friends, I think, is better and easier than doing it with complete strangers. ---
**Author:** ![DrumBum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e79b87/32.png) [@DrumBum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrumBum)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2013, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/50 "2013-04-29T11:42:35Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Where do you people hang out that these sorts of things happen? Ontario, Canada. It must be there cold weatherā€¦ šŸ˜ƒ ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2013, 11:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/51 "2013-04-29T11:56:36Z")
While I agree that sometimes you have to push yourself out of your comfort zone once in a while, you also shouldnā€™t feel obligated to participate in things you donā€™t want to do. They asked politely, you declined politely, nobodyā€™s feelings were hurt - it sounds like a perfectly reasonable situation. And if you meet a nice lady, why not see where it goes? Maybe you decide thereā€™s no chemistry and nothing happens, maybe you hook up, maybe it turns into something bigger - jitters aside, it sounds like youā€™re doing the right thing for you. Good luck! ---
**Author:** ![jools](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b3f665/32.png) [@jools](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jools)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2013, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/52 "2013-04-29T23:10:07Z")
Well **Leaffan** , good on you for calling her, very proud of you for taking that step. But you know of course that Iā€™ll want all the details on May 11th šŸ˜‰ ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/53 "2013-05-02T02:23:27Z")
And so, she just emailed me, which is how I left things last week. I said, ā€œIf you want to get together, Iā€™m interested, and hereā€™s my email address.ā€ So, she is, and she did, and now I have to decide if I really want to do this. Iā€™m not sure any more. Iā€™m not sure why Iā€™m so apprehensive. Performance anxiety perhaps, given the history? Donā€™t know what to do nowā€¦ ETA: Her sentence structure isnā€™t too great. I may have to rethink this. šŸ˜‰ ---
**Author:** ![jools](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b3f665/32.png) [@jools](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jools)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/54 "2013-05-02T16:05:17Z")
Ah come on excuses excuses. Nothing is stopping for going for dinner or a drink and both and see where it leads. Itā€™s usually better when itā€™s unplanned (no time for performance anxiety)! ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/55 "2013-05-02T16:17:04Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > ETA: Her sentence structure isnā€™t too great. I may have to rethink this. šŸ˜‰ If she ends her sentences in a proposition, try not to be too critical. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/56 "2013-05-02T16:50:33Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > And so, she just emailed me, which is how I left things last week. I said, ā€œIf you want to get together, Iā€™m interested, and hereā€™s my email address.ā€ > > So, she is, and she did, and now I have to decide if I really want to do this. Iā€™m not sure any more. Iā€™m not sure why Iā€™m so apprehensive. Performance anxiety perhaps, given the history? > > Donā€™t know what to do nowā€¦ > ETA: Her sentence structure isnā€™t too great. I may have to rethink this. šŸ˜‰ I would be leery of what to expect myself. Iā€™ve always been of the opinion that swingers got bored with regular sex and are always looking for something new and different. But in your favor I would expect her to be very frank with discussing the topic. You should feel comfortable throwing everything on the table you wish to know about. FYI, I was invited to a 3-way once but only got a bowl of spaghetti with chili and some cheese. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/57 "2013-05-02T16:58:05Z")
> [@Magiver](#): > > FYI, I was invited to a 3-way once but only got a bowl of spaghetti with chili and some cheese. And if it wasnā€™t for post number 3, I would have had no clue what you were talking about. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/58 "2013-05-02T17:08:05Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > And if it wasnā€™t for post number 3, I would have had no clue what you were talking about. ewwww, I would never participate with a group of people if it involved raw onions. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/59 "2013-05-02T18:23:59Z")
> [@Magiver](#): > > ewwww, I would never participate with a group of people if it involved raw onions. Well then, good news! You can substitute beans for the onions in a 4-way, if you want. ---
**Author:** ![CookingWithGas](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cookingwithgas/32/485_2.png) [@CookingWithGas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CookingWithGas)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/60 "2013-05-02T19:58:00Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > One thing that stands out for me in the OP: He says heā€™s recently separated. Which implies not yet divorced. That puts him in a somewhat complicated situation right now, relationship-wise, and starting up another relationship right now, even a relatively vanilla one, would just make things more complicated. > > Now, some people might like complicated, but itā€™s at least something to be aware of. I second this, and know from personal experience that this could make life unpredictably complicated. I started dating as soon as I became separated but I soon realized that the situation with my then-not-quite-yet-ex-wife was anything but neatly resolved. Dating is kind of at odds with trying to reconcile a marriage, and probably not entirely fair to the women you date. Are you separated because there is no hope of reconciliation? Are there children involved? Does the petite, smart, pretty cougar know you are separated but still married? However, I will hasten to add that this lady could be just interested in sex, given the propensity for group sex and a ā€œpassionate kissā€ just after she met you. In either case, proceed with caution. šŸ™‚ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857.md?page=4)