# I was asked to participate in a 4 way last night. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 27, 2013, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857 "2013-04-27T20:10:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/61 "2013-05-02T20:20:50Z")
> [@](#): > > Why don’t Junior Leaguers like group sex? > > Too many thank-you notes. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2013, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/62 "2013-05-03T00:57:24Z")
> [@CookingWithGas](#): > > Are you separated because there is no hope of reconciliation? Oh hell yes. No possible chance nor want. > [@](#): > > Are there children involved? Teenagers now. It’s not too bad actually. > [@](#): > > Does the petite, smart, pretty cougar know you are separated but still married? Absolutely. I have nothing to hide. ---
**Author:** ![CookingWithGas](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cookingwithgas/32/485_2.png) [@CookingWithGas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CookingWithGas)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2013, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/63 "2013-05-03T01:25:02Z")
Well, in that case, go for it. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![NIKI50](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/958977/32.png) [@NIKI50](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NIKI50)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2013, 9:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/64 "2013-05-03T09:38:34Z")
It can just be dinner and drinks. Go for it, it could be fun! ---
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/65 "2013-05-04T06:07:08Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > So, she is, and she did, and now I have to decide if I really want to do this. I’m not sure any more. I’m not sure why I’m so apprehensive. Performance anxiety perhaps, given the history? Do you know what it is? It never occurs to _guys_ that they can say no. I’ve seen friends freak out the same way - “what if she wants sex?” They worry about performance, consequences, and never think “Eh, I’ll pass.” 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![drew870mitchell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drew870mitchell/32/3946_2.png) [@drew870mitchell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drew870mitchell)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/66 "2013-05-04T07:26:36Z")
Be safe. ---
**Author:** ![stui\_magpie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stui_magpie/32/11010_2.png) [@stui\_magpie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stui_magpie)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/67 "2013-05-04T13:05:11Z")
> [@drew870mitchell](#): > > Be safe. Considering she would be pushing 60, I doubt pregnancy would be an issue, but since she’s a swinger I’d be making sure the condom was on. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2013, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/68 "2013-05-05T02:59:15Z")
> [@stui\_magpie](#): > > Considering she would be pushing 60, I doubt pregnancy would be an issue, but since she’s a swinger I’d be making sure the condom was on. You are correct;, although she looks like she’s in her early 40s: no joking. And, well, I was snipped a long time ago. Still STDs are of concern for sure. ---
**Author:** ![Glazer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a88e57/32.png) [@Glazer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Glazer)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2013, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/69 "2013-05-05T03:12:52Z")
> [@epbrown01](#): > > Do you know what it is? It never occurs to _guys_ that they can say no. I’ve seen friends freak out the same way - “what if she wants sex?” They worry about performance, consequences, and never think **“Eh, I’ll pass.”** 🙂 I don’t understand. How could that ever be an option? ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2013, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/70 "2013-05-05T16:19:29Z")
In my experience: 1. When people treat you like an animate sex toy, it’s a pretty strong indicator of how much (read: little) they respect you. 2. _Every single time_ I’ve been propositioned for group adult playtime, there was _always_ a big stinkin’ lie involved, somewhere. I’m just glad I uncovered the lies before I got pulled into something I couldn’t undo. In short, set your expectations accordingly, tread carefully, and if you choose to get involved, do so with eyes WIDE open. (And proceed slowly and ask a LOT of questions. Most big stinkin’ lies can’t stand up to that.) ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 11:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/71 "2013-05-06T11:08:34Z")
Jeezuz Christ on a pogostick - don’t people just fuck anymore? ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 11:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/72 "2013-05-06T11:30:22Z")
Call me a prude, but I’d do my sexual experimentation before I had kids, or after they’d grown and left the house. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2013, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/73 "2013-05-21T23:19:13Z")
We’re getting together this Saturday, one-on-one. I’m nervous and excited. ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2013, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/74 "2013-05-22T06:31:41Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > We’re getting together this Saturday, one-on-one. I’m nervous and excited. Good luck! Just approach it as if you were dating her like any other women you were attracted to, with the understanding that the two of you are not going to be exclusive. I’m 52, and like someone mentioned earlier in the thread, what I regret are the things I _didn’t_ do. That, and the opportunities I missed through being so astonishingly clueless about reading signals from women. Those missed opportunities play on a continuous loop in my head. ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Doom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Dr\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Doom)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2013, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/75 "2013-05-22T14:14:08Z")
This relationship is going to be completely about sex, right? ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2013, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/76 "2013-05-22T14:23:24Z")
> [@gaffa](#): > > I’m 52, and like someone mentioned earlier in the thread, what I regret are the things I _didn’t_ do. That, and the opportunities I missed through being so astonishingly clueless about reading signals from women. Those missed opportunities play on a continuous loop in my head. Damn, Ain’t that the truth. Boy, in hindsight I am sure I missed out on some just short fun romps, some longer romps aka friends with benefits sorta things, and probably a few relationships that could have been long term and perhaps even turned in “the one” or something approaching it. I guess on the flip side I never “got anything” or knocked up the crazy and spend a good fraction of my life being driven nearly insane. And women of all ages. If you like a guy and eventually want to kiss or fuck em JUST LET THEM KNOW. WE MEN ARE OFTEN CLUELESS. ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2013, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/77 "2013-05-22T18:21:11Z")
> [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](#): > > Jeezuz Christ on a pogostick - don’t people just fuck anymore? [Yes, yes they do.](http://www.census.gov/popclock/) Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![standingwave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@standingwave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/standingwave)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2013, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/78 "2013-05-22T18:44:16Z")
> [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](#): > > Jeezuz Christ on a pogostick - don’t people just fuck anymore? \*“It’s been so long since I had sex, I forget who ties up whom.” \*-Joan Rivers ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2013, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/79 "2013-05-22T21:29:04Z")
> [@Dr\_Doom](#): > > This relationship is going to be completely about sex, right? Yes. I am second guessing myself now though. ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2013, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857/80 "2013-05-22T22:53:10Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > Yes. I am second guessing myself now though. - “Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it’s one of the best.”\* - Woody Allen [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-asked-to-participate-in-a-4-way-last-night/656857.md?page=5)