# I was just kicked out of a Meetup group. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 3, 2011, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184 "2011-01-03T01:13:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/201 "2011-01-04T19:26:32Z")
I think the OP and **Leon497** need to go on hikes with strangers that they are attracted to, and because other people are trying to get in the way of their love, they should make sure to steer the target of their affection off the beaten path and away from the rest of the group so they can plead their case. Chicks dig that. It shows them how special you think they are. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/202 "2011-01-04T19:31:38Z")
> [@Quasimodem](#): > > There’s no need for either one of you to be assholes. I meant that in some instances, yes, women are attacked. Maybe not in this one, but it does happen and the lady was right to be concerned. Note that he said “attacked” and not “raped”. Even if all the OP does is question the woman about her availability, he can make her extremely uncomfortable if they aren’t in easy eyesight/earshot of other hikers. I haven’t hiked much since I was in Camp Fire Girls, but during those hikes, we tended to not be bunched up together, but rather strung out along the trail. Women are sometimes fairly wary of being in close quarters with men that they don’t know, or don’t know very well. Even in office and other workplace situations, there are plenty of men who like to embarass and/or harass women, whether it’s with dirty jokes, inappropriate comments, or being too touchy feely. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/203 "2011-01-04T19:34:05Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > I didn’t think I was coming off assholish, but my apologies. I do think the OP was creepy but is getting raped really that big of a concern when you’re in a hiking group? Also, is it really that big of a concern for most women? Generally stranger rape is quite rare compared with rape by acquaintances. Yeah, but I imagine the percentage goes up when you’re hanging out with creepy stalkers. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/204 "2011-01-04T19:34:15Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > Note that he said “attacked” and not “raped”. But since in this case, the guy seemed really into the woman, wouldn’t attacking imply rape as opposed to attacking her for the purposes of robbing her? ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/205 "2011-01-04T19:38:31Z")
> [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](#): > > Where do the _indoor_ bear attacks occur? > > Need answer fast. I hafta pee and the bathroom has dark corners. Picnic baskets. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/206 "2011-01-04T19:41:51Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I think the OP and **Leon497** need to go on hikes with strangers that they are attracted to, and because other people are trying to get in the way of their love, they should make sure to steer the target of their affection off the beaten path and away from the rest of the group so they can plead their case. Chicks dig that. It shows them how special you think they are. That’s pretty good, but I think one can do even better. Your real romantic investigates the hiking program schedule ahead of time, and shows up partway along the trail, strikes up a conversation with the woman, and only gradually reveals that the meeting was no coincidence … think of how special she will feel, when she finds out you planned your “chance meeting” in the middle of the woods, after finding her picture attractive! Now that’s “meet cute”. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/207 "2011-01-04T19:45:33Z")
But don’t _most_ people over-evaluate their own hottness? Dating sites are choked with profiles where the face pic looks like a sack of potatoes leaning against a wall, but with text “no fat chicks” and “I only respond to successful men who take care of themselves.” I’ve been in meet-up groups ruined by guys behaving not unlike the wolves in Tex Avery cartoons. It doesn’t take many of them to turn a group into a sausage-fest, and it explains why a lot of groups with interesting discussion topics are restricted to women only. I suggest the OP look at dancing groups instead of hiking ones. There are women-only girls night out dancing groups (“most guys won’t and can’t dance, so let’s all dance together”), but the majorty welcome male participants. ---
**Author:** ![stpauler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@stpauler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stpauler)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/208 "2011-01-04T19:52:16Z")
> [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](#): > > Where do the _indoor_ bear attacks occur? > > Need answer fast. I hafta pee and the bathroom has dark corners. Zoos, circuses, furry Meet-up groups. ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/209 "2011-01-04T20:01:17Z")
Zoos, I’d imagine, unless the statistic is fabricated. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/210 "2011-01-04T20:02:09Z")
As _if._ ---
**Author:** ![MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MPB_in_Salt_Lake)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/211 "2011-01-04T20:06:25Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > Your real romantic investigates the hiking program schedule ahead of time, and shows up partway along the trail, strikes up a conversation with the woman, and only gradually reveals that the meeting was no coincidence … think of how special she will feel, when she finds out you planned your “chance meeting” in the middle of the woods, after finding her picture attractive! Why only go for half-measures? You might unwittingly frighten some of the more skittish female hikers with your enthusiasm, so it is probably a good idea to crush up some Valium or Xanax (any anti-anxiety drug/livestock tranquilizer will do in a pinch) and dissolve it in the drinking water that you bring along, just to help your newfound ladylove really relax and enjoy the bounty of nature’s beauty. Talk about a great meet-up story to tell the grandkids!!! ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/212 "2011-01-04T20:13:02Z")
> [@Leon497](#): > > You did nothing wrong wanting to find out this information, but never never go to one of these authority types to get it. Would you have say in college gone to a teacher or principal to ask contact info? The “authority types” are right in not divulging confidential information; but in a class you would likely hear the other person’s name anyway. Ray Manzarek (Doors keyboardist) met his future wife that way in a class at UCLA. The professor called the roll, then later he approached her and said “You’re Dorothy, right?”–explaining later that he’d listened for it. (I know, I know, it sounds like another celeb reference, but he wasn’t one at the time.) The difference is in how Manzarek acquired the information; he didn’t ask anyone for it. I can’t imagine any instructor giving out such information to a student who asked. It’s probably against school and university rules everywhere. Obviously you can’t do that in a Meetup group; I imagine some people join them expecting to be entitled automatically to the same kind of information about the the other members that they would be able to glean in a real-life class or other group. Granted, the Meetup group _is_ a real-life group, unlike a message board, but not until you actually participate in some of the events. ---
**Author:** ![Bytegeist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9dc877/32.png) [@Bytegeist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bytegeist)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/213 "2011-01-04T20:15:13Z")
[QUOTE=Giraffe] You still have a shot with attractive women … who are in a coma. [/QUOTE] Oh, they are the _best_ listeners. And not the slightest bit naggy or possessive. ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_in\_second\_hand\_clothing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/9d8465/32.png) [@wolf\_in\_second\_hand\_clothing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_in_second_hand_clothing)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/214 "2011-01-04T22:03:15Z")
> [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](#): > > Why only go for half-measures? > > You might unwittingly frighten some of the more skittish female hikers with your enthusiasm, so it is probably a good idea to crush up some Valium or Xanax (any anti-anxiety drug/livestock tranquilizer will do in a pinch) and dissolve it in the drinking water that you bring along, just to help your newfound ladylove really relax and enjoy the bounty of nature’s beauty. > > Talk about a great meet-up story to tell the grandkids!!! You guys are suggesting that he just wait around at some point in the trail to intercept them? Think, man, think! They’d know something was up! What you should do is pepper the area with salmon steaks and other fragrant foodstuffs-- you’ll want to start ahead of time to make sure you get a bear or mountain lion to associate the place with an easy meal. When the group inevitably encounters this furry fellow, you think the high and mighty granola crunching group leader is going to handle it? Hell no! He’ll be quaking in his chacos. But then who rounds the corner, who just happened to be taking a stroll with his trusty shot gun, as he is wont to do? The big damn hero, that’s who. ---
**Author:** ![Diamonds02](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5a626/32.png) [@Diamonds02](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diamonds02)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/215 "2011-01-04T22:07:43Z")
The reason why the OP probably wanted the woman’s name is so that he can find her on facebook to learn more about her. This would be helpful if you’re trying to pick someone up because: you would know which conversations to have in advance, you’ll appear to be clairvoyant (chicks dig that), you’ll see even more pictures of said person (and you can confirm or deny their hotness). Sometimes people’s address and even a pic of their house shows up on google. This is also good information. What if sh/e lives in a really shitty house? That wouldn’t be good. :o Forewarned is for forearmed as the fire people say. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/216 "2011-01-04T23:38:39Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > Unless you are wealthy, super intelligent, hilarious, or have a huuuuuge dick (and someone to vouch for it), women that are more attractive than you _are not interested in you_. Huh what? Most of the women I’ve been out with were more attractive than me (and I’m not wealthy, super intelligent, hilarious, or spectacularly endowed); as a matter of fact, I think all of them. Now, granted, I didn’t date a lot when I was single, and I’m married now, but it’s true. ---
**Author:** ![fluiddruid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c2a13f/32.png) [@fluiddruid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fluiddruid)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/217 "2011-01-04T23:46:27Z")
> [@Slithy\_Tove](#): > > But don’t _most_ people over-evaluate their own hottness? Dating sites are choked with profiles where the face pic looks like a sack of potatoes leaning against a wall, but with text “no fat chicks” and “I only respond to successful men who take care of themselves.” I’m not sure if this is over-evaluation of hotness, but maybe of the whole package. No lie, I was bored and browsing Craigslist last week, and there was a 380lb fella whose title was “Fat and ugly man” with the opening line “What can I say, I’m honest!” He then detailed how he has no money, isn’t terribly impressive in any way, then describes what he wants. His non-negotiable requirements in a mate were that the woman must not be fat and must also be very physically attractive, because “what can I say, I’m a man!” And, of course, not high maintenance and likes to cook and clean. Good luck, fella. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/218 "2011-01-04T23:53:26Z")
> [@Arnold\_Winkelried](#): > > Huh what? Most of the women I’ve been out with were more attractive than me (and I’m not wealthy, super intelligent, hilarious, or spectacularly endowed); as a matter of fact, I think all of them. Now, granted, I didn’t date a lot when I was single, and I’m married now, but it’s true. Then you either underrate your attractiveness in relation to them or you have dated women with low self esteem! Also, the wealthy thing is relative. If they waitress and you’re a software engineer, you are “super wealthy” to them 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2011, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/219 "2011-01-05T01:21:00Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > Then you either underrate your attractiveness in relation to them That must be it, by golly! ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2011, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/220 "2011-01-05T01:48:14Z")
> [@fluiddruid](#): > > I’m not sure if this is over-evaluation of hotness, but maybe of the whole package. No lie, I was bored and browsing Craigslist last week, and there was a 380lb fella whose title was “Fat and ugly man” with the opening line “What can I say, I’m honest!” He then detailed how he has no money, isn’t terribly impressive in any way, then describes what he wants. His non-negotiable requirements in a mate were that the woman must not be fat and must also be very physically attractive, because “what can I say, I’m a man!” And, of course, not high maintenance and likes to cook and clean. > > Good luck, fella. Maybe it’s a test, and he’s actually a billionaire. Or at least will pretend to be one, in order to film a hidden camera reality show. And whoever he picks will get a show of her own. Just saying. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184.md?page=12)