# I was just kicked out of a Meetup group. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 3, 2011, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184 "2011-01-03T01:13:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 13
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2011, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/241 "2011-01-05T18:27:25Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > Actually, I was thinking more along the lines that a given woman was a Ferrari. Which would make her vagina, I don’t know, the fuel injector or maybe the radio. And the exhaust pipe would be…? _flees_ ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2011, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/242 "2011-01-05T18:33:01Z")
The mouth? _Ducks._ ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2011, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/243 "2011-01-05T18:34:50Z")
> [@runner pat](#): > > And the exhaust pipe would be…? A dangerous place to put your dick. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2011, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/244 "2011-01-05T18:39:09Z")
> [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](#): > > Well I was actually reading this thread at 4 AM after waking up and not being able to fall back to sleep, then eventually I came back back to post in it. So I didn’t fully connect **lindsaybluth** ’s post, which I disagree with, to your post, which I think was generally spot on. I also didn’t connect your post to **Leon497** ’s, which of course was pretty insanely wrong. > > Rereading everything in context, particularly the post I’m quoting now, I agree with you. Um, WTF? We’ve each had many posts in this thread, so if you want to make your point cogent, you should quote separately what you wish to comment on so we have even a vague idea of what you mean. If you don’t, well then, carry on just as you are. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2011, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/245 "2011-01-05T18:46:11Z")
I’ve tried putting my dick in a radio, but it keeps changing to the AM stations and I lose interest. I’ll stick with fucking my computer speakers. We both get a streaming of jazz. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2011, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/246 "2011-01-05T19:14:44Z")
> [@Laudenum](#): > > If you look at what he said, only the hottest vaginas (is that how you pluralise vagina) are Ferraris. > > For all we know he may rate yours as a Honda Civic or a Subaru. I liked RNATB’s comment better, even if it makes it seem like he has personal knowledge. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2011, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/247 "2011-01-05T19:22:29Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > Um, WTF? We’ve each had many posts in this thread, so if you want to make your point cogent, you should quote separately what you wish to comment on so we have even a vague idea of what you mean. If you don’t, well then, carry on just as you are. Relax… [QUOTE=Fuzzy Dunlop] [QUOTE=Arnold Winkelried] [QUOTE=lindsaybluth] Unless you are wealthy, super intelligent, hilarious, or have a huuuuuge dick (and someone to vouch for it), women that are more attractive than you are not interested in you. [/QUOTE] Huh what? Most of the women I’ve been out with were more attractive than me (and I’m not wealthy, super intelligent, hilarious, or spectacularly endowed); as a matter of fact, I think all of them. Now, granted, I didn’t date a lot when I was single, and I’m married now, but it’s true. [/QUOTE] I’ve always found this to be the case too. Not that women are perfect little angels who never think in terms of whether a potential partner is in their league. I’d say men and women are pretty equal on expectations of their mates. But most women are much more varied in what’s a valuable trait than men are. Men don’t have to be super wealthy, intelligent and hilarious to date most women who are more attractive than them. They just have to be decent looking, successful, and have a good sense of humor and personality. Unfortunately and unfairly, decent looking women who are successful and sort of funny don’t get the same ‘boost’ from their own endearing non-physical qualities. [/QUOTE] ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2011, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/248 "2011-01-05T19:39:41Z")
Doesn’t in any way mention Giraffe’s post, which you last referenced. Oh well. I think we scared the OP as well. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2011, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/249 "2011-01-05T19:49:31Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I liked RNATB’s comment better, even if it makes it seem like he has personal knowledge. 😃 “Seem”? :rolleyes: 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Zany\_Zeolite\_Zipper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/4af34b/32.png) [@Zany\_Zeolite\_Zipper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zany_Zeolite_Zipper)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2011, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/250 "2011-01-06T00:52:06Z")
> [@Laudenum](#): > > If you look at what he said, only the hottest vaginas (is that how you pluralise vagina) are Ferraris. > > For all we know he may rate yours as a Honda Civic or a Subaru. A girl with the vagina of a Subaru isn’t interested in meeting men. I prefer Tatas. ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2011, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/251 "2011-01-06T00:54:40Z")
So you’re looking for a Russian Bride then? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2011, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/252 "2011-01-06T01:01:17Z")
> [@Zany\_Zeolite\_Zipper](#): > > A girl with the vagina of a Subaru isn’t interested in meeting men. > > I prefer Tatas. Don’t you mean headlights? ---
**Author:** ![Asympotically\_fat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e47c2d/32.png) [@Asympotically\_fat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asympotically_fat)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2011, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/253 "2011-01-06T01:02:58Z")
I think there’s two lessons to be learnt here: 1. try not to be creepy. On occasions it can be a fine line as perceptions differ, so the person being creepy may actually be totally unaware of how they are coming across. The key, as with many things, is just to be aware of how other people might perceive certain behaviours. 2. If you hve crossed that line, don’t broadcast it! The initial e-mail was defintley creepy, but the follow-up conversation just made it ten times worse. When you dig a hole for yourself, the best way to get out is not to keep digging. ---
**Author:** ![Laudenum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Laudenum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Laudenum)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2011, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/254 "2011-01-06T01:13:21Z")
> [@Zany\_Zeolite\_Zipper](#): > > A girl with the vagina of a Subaru isn’t interested in meeting men. > > I prefer Tatas. Came to my mind due to this: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljPFZrRD3J8](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljPFZrRD3J8) **NSFW** ---
**Author:** ![Zany\_Zeolite\_Zipper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/4af34b/32.png) [@Zany\_Zeolite\_Zipper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zany_Zeolite_Zipper)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2011, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/255 "2011-01-06T01:43:19Z")
> [@Laudenum](#): > > Came to my mind due to this: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljPFZrRD3J8](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljPFZrRD3J8) > > **NSFW** Yup, Subaru drivers have a bit of a reputation. At least mine isn’t tragically ugly. 🆒\<- a picture of how I don’t look driving around in my Forester. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2011, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/256 "2011-01-06T04:02:32Z")
> [@Dag\_Otto](#): > > Just forget about this one. It’s a paradox: At the time I need someone to vouch for me, the women who _could_ vouch for me won’t have anything to do with me. > > 😛 True. Must be the case for [this guy](http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/06/fashion/weddings/06groupon.html?partner=rss&emc=rss) too. Otherwise it’s…completely inexplicable. Or perhaps it’s one of these extremely rare situations… > [@Giraffe](#): > > Absolutely right. And don’t think I was asserting that no man would likely ever have success with a woman who is more attractive than him – far from it. ---
**Author:** ![deanc2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/53a042/32.png) [@deanc2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/deanc2000)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2011, 10:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/257 "2011-01-06T10:15:55Z")
I think people are misunderstanding me. 1. I just was asking for the woman’s name. NO OTHER INFORMATION. My goal was to meet her, so I needed to know which hikes that she was going to be on. I couldn’t find her on the member’s list, so unfortunately I asked the organizer to give me her name. I was not trying to skip the getting to know you phase like people are assuming. I wanted to meet her, so I needed to know which hikes she was going on. I had no motive other than wanting to meet her. 1. Okay, I admit the above behavior is “creepy”, and will not occur again. I’m not perfect, this was a learning experience for me, something I will never forget. 2. I do believe that the organizer over-reacted in this case, and dismissed me unfairly, despite the fact that the behavior was wrong. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2011, 11:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/258 "2011-01-06T11:17:17Z")
How was knowing her name going to help you know what hikes she was going on? ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2011, 11:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/259 "2011-01-06T11:20:16Z")
> [@](#): > > My goal was to meet her, so I needed to know which hikes that she was going to be on. I couldn’t find her on the member’s list, so unfortunately I asked the organizer to give me her name. I was not trying to skip the getting to know you phase like people are assuming. I wanted to meet her, so I needed to know which hikes she was going on. People aren’t misunderstanding you. That’s creepy. C-R-E-E-P-Y, creepy! Your explanation doesn’t make it any better. In fact, admitting to looking through the member list and schedule to find out to see what hikes she’s signed up for is even creepier than your OP. It would be like some guy trying to find out where I work so he could try to bump into me on my lunch hour. > [@](#): > > I had no motive other than wanting to meet her. That is EXACTLY the problem. The mandate of the group is for hiking and meeting like-minded new people (friends or otherwise) with similar outdoorsy interests. It’s not “See something you like? Join us and we’ll try to set you up.” which is how your request is being seen. You are signing up to join a GROUP, but you actions make it look more like you are not interested in the group, you are targeting a specific individual. You ARE trying to skip the getting-to-know-you phase if you’re bypassing the common first steps of joining a social community and getting to know the GROUP first. If you had gone on a few hikes, met some of the people, got a feel for the group social dynamic, and participated as a social member and established at least a little bit of history with the group, it would not have been creepy. There are social expectations and common courtesies and you tried to jump ahead a few steps too soon. You - a total stranger to that community - essentially said from the get-go “I’m not actually interested in you guys, just HER.” If some random guy asked the front desk at my gym for my name so he could then try to examine schedules to find out what classes I take, then signed up for the same spinning class as me, I would NOT be flattered. I’d feel more like prey. Not as in a target of violence or anything, but it would make me feel like I was being hunted by the inevitable-social-awkwardness monster. I’d be uncomfortable and the guy would NEVER have a shot after that. ---
**Author:** ![deanc2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/53a042/32.png) [@deanc2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/deanc2000)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2011, 11:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/260 "2011-01-06T11:21:06Z")
That’s how meet up works. You have to sign up on hikes using your name. Have a look on the site. You’ll understand. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184.md?page=12) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184.md?page=14)