# I was just kicked out of a Meetup group. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 3, 2011, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184 "2011-01-03T01:13:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 9:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/141 "2011-01-04T09:47:09Z")
> [@sparky\_1](#): > > Cast Meg Ryan and we may have a hit on our hands. You’ve got Trail? ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 9:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/142 "2011-01-04T09:57:06Z")
> [@Enderw24](#): > > You’ve got Trail? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 10:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/143 "2011-01-04T10:25:04Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Btw I’ve asked **Ed** for the contact info of all the female posters. Hope you ladies don’t mind. Is a .pdf okay? ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/144 "2011-01-04T10:26:00Z")
> [@cuauhtemoc](#): > > It has just occurred to me that there is no good reason to attach a picture to your profile at the hiking group website. Why does the hiking group encourage people to do this? Come to think of it, why does meetup even have the ability to host pictures on members’ profiles? What you look like is totally irrelevant to hiking, knitting, being a sports fan, or any other meetup group interest you’d care to name. Obviously, they’re there so you can see if anyone in the group looks like a creep. ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/145 "2011-01-04T12:59:13Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > Obviously, they’re there so you can see if anyone in the group looks like a creep. Kinda like the SDMB photo thread? Ohmygosh! I may have an internet stalker RIGHT THIS VERY MOMENT! What? I’m ugly? Okay, nevermind. (mutters) Always the Bridesmaid, never the Bride… ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/146 "2011-01-04T14:14:52Z")
Hint. You cannot save this situation by finding out where they will be hiking and following them to demonstrate you are not a creepy person. ---
**Author:** ![Laudenum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Laudenum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Laudenum)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/147 "2011-01-04T14:27:27Z")
I’d say write an apology going something along the lines of: I’m really sorry. I genuinely didn’t think what I did was creepy. I asked my (real life) friends for advice, and they bluntly informed me that it WAS creepy and then proceeded to explain in detail how it was creepy. I have seen the light. I apologise for any trouble I’ve caused you, or the lady in question. Dean Or something similar. Don’t burn bridges needlessly - at worst, a hostile stranger becomes slightly less hostile. ---
**Author:** ![Laudenum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Laudenum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Laudenum)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/148 "2011-01-04T14:39:57Z")
> [@harmonious discord](#): > > hint. You cannot save this situation by finding out where they will be hiking and following them to demonstrate you are not a creepy person. +1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 ---
**Author:** ![Leon497](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Leon497](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leon497)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/149 "2011-01-04T15:18:39Z")
You did nothing wrong wanting to find out this information, but never never go to one of these authority types to get it. Would you have say in college gone to a teacher or principal to ask contact info? Of course not, all they would do is give you stupid trouble just like you got. They are on an ego trip and you fed it, he will think he stopped a serial killer. What to do was go on a hike and if she is not already there ask other REGULAR PEOPLE there who she is. Just as you would ask classmates in a school who someone is, see now? Don’t believe that the girl knows about your efforts either, authority types love to lie and act like others are backing them up. It is no different than a TSA agent taking someones water bottle and later saying he intercepted and stopped terror violations today to his family. What to do now is join a nearby hiking group and ask if any had been members of that other one when out on a hike, and show a picture and see if any knew her, they could have seen her at similar events too you know even if none were members of that group. I imagine many belong to several groups and pick the best hikes that way. . Don’t involve any asshole authority people, that is the lesson to learn here. They will never help you do anything. ---
**Author:** ![sparky\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/77aa72/32.png) [@sparky\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sparky_1)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/150 "2011-01-04T15:23:12Z")
> [@Leon497](#): > > You did nothing wrong wanting to find out this information, but never never go to one of these authority types to get it. Would you have say in college gone to a teacher or principal to ask contact info? Of course not, all they would do is give you stupid trouble just like you got. They are on an ego trip and you fed it, he will think he stopped a serial killer. > > What to do was go on a hike and if she is not already there ask other REGULAR PEOPLE there who she is. Just as you would ask classmates in a school who someone is, see now? Don’t believe that the girl knows about your efforts either, authority types love to lie and act like others are backing them up. It is no different than a TSA agent taking someones water bottle and later saying he intercepted and stopped terror violations today to his family. > > What to do now is join a nearby hiking group and ask if any had been members of that other one when out on a hike, and show a picture and see if any knew her, they could have seen her at similar events too you know even if none were members of that group. I imagine many belong to several groups and pick the best hikes that way. . Don’t involve any asshole authority people, that is the lesson to learn here. They will never help you do anything. You’re joking, right? That would turn the situation from creepy to stalking. The boat has passed, forget about it. Just move along. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/151 "2011-01-04T15:30:58Z")
You _think_ he’s kidding, but read his other posts and you’ll realize he isn’t. > [@Leon497](#): > > What to do now is join a nearby hiking group and ask if any had been members of that other one when out on a hike, and show a picture and see if any knew her, they could have seen her at similar events too you know even if none were members of that group. I imagine many belong to several groups and pick the best hikes that way. No, the thing to do would be _move on and find another girl who likes to take fucking walks._ ---
**Author:** ![Laudenum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Laudenum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Laudenum)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/152 "2011-01-04T15:38:28Z")
> [@Leon497](#): > > You did nothing wrong wanting to find out this information, but never never go to one of these authority types to get it. Would you have say in college gone to a teacher or principal to ask contact info? Of course not, all they would do is give you stupid trouble just like you got. They are on an ego trip and you fed it, he will think he stopped a serial killer. > > What to do was go on a hike and if she is not already there ask other REGULAR PEOPLE there who she is. Just as you would ask classmates in a school who someone is, see now? Don’t believe that the girl knows about your efforts either, authority types love to lie and act like others are backing them up. It is no different than a TSA agent taking someones water bottle and later saying he intercepted and stopped terror violations today to his family. > > What to do now is join a nearby hiking group and ask if any had been members of that other one when out on a hike, and **show a picture and see if any knew her, they could have seen her at similar events too you know even if none were members of that group**. I imagine many belong to several groups and pick the best hikes that way. . Don’t involve any asshole authority people, that is the lesson to learn here. They will never help you do anything. See this OP///////\ That right there? Yeah? Print it out. Got that? Good. Now piss on it. Now hold a lighter to the sodden mass and burn it. There ya go.🙂 Now, if anyone gives you advice like that again, imagine them as an evil leprechaun on your shoulder telling you to burn things - treat their advice accordingly. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/153 "2011-01-04T15:49:39Z")
> [@Laudenum](#): > > I’d say write an apology going something along the lines of: > > I’m really sorry. > I genuinely didn’t think what I did was creepy. > I asked my (real life) friends for advice, and they bluntly informed me that it WAS creepy and then proceeded to explain in detail how it was creepy. > I have seen the light. > I apologise for any trouble I’ve caused you, or the lady in question. > > Dean Just send the organiser a link to this thread. 😛 (And tell him you’ll never attempt to join his group. 😉 ) ---
**Author:** ![Leon497](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Leon497](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leon497)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/154 "2011-01-04T15:55:53Z")
Huh? What is wrong with the advice? Are you saying you have had luck getting contact info from any kind of an authority figure, because I do not believe it. Say you see an attractive person at work, do you go to the manager there and expect them to give her contact info? These kind of folks are on an ego trip they are some kind of authority and guardian (as well as some who want to use such info for themselves as well) and just asking normal everyday members is always the way to go. Some dumb authority types will even try to make no dating rules and such in groups and in workplaces, you never heard of that? Tell them nothing, they will never help you and will try their best to hurt your efforts, just like shown here. ---
**Author:** ![wipetheclock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b19c9b/32.png) [@wipetheclock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wipetheclock)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/155 "2011-01-04T16:00:07Z")
> [@Leon497](#): > > Huh? What is wrong with the advice? Are you saying you have had luck getting contact info from any kind of an authority figure, because I do not believe it. Say you see an attractive person at work, do you go to the manager there and expect them to give her contact info? These kind of folks are on an ego trip they are some kind of authority and guardian (as well as some who want to use such info for themselves as well) and just asking normal everyday members is always the way to go. This is not middle school. When mature adults see someone they would like to interact with, they approach that person directly rather talking to others about them. That person can choose to give out whatever information they deem appropriate. ---
**Author:** ![Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f08c70/32.png) [@Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crowbar_of_Irony_3)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/156 "2011-01-04T16:02:08Z")
> [@leon497](#): > > …snipped… > What to do now is join a nearby hiking group and ask if any had been members of that other one when out on a hike, and show a picture and see if any knew her, they could have seen her at similar events too you know even if none were members of that group. I imagine many belong to several groups and pick the best hikes that way. . Don’t involve any asshole authority people, that is the lesson to learn here. They will never help you do anything. imho, -999,999,999,999 ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/157 "2011-01-04T16:11:38Z")
> [@Leon497](#): > > Huh? What is wrong with the advice? What is wrong with your advice is that instead of one authority figure thinking you’re a creep, every member of the group is going to think you’re a creep. ---
**Author:** ![Leon497](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Leon497](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leon497)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/158 "2011-01-04T16:13:11Z")
Wipe, I find it so much better to find out if the person is even single and dating before approaching them, for instance. I was not referring to starting gossip or something like that. The person might be gay or married and it avoids embarrassment for both. You can always ask as part of a larger question about several people so it would not appear you are just interested in the one. You might find several are single and they might look a lot better to you then too. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/159 "2011-01-04T16:19:11Z")
That’s fine. Ask friends of friends. Don’t ask random people on the internet. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184/160 "2011-01-04T16:20:17Z")
> [@moejoe](#): > > If I was a member of a hiking group and some dude wanted to join and emailed the leader to get info on me before he had even gone on a single hike I would be freaked out and ask that the guy not be allowed to join. If he was allowed to join, future hikes would be awkward and a lot less fun and I’d probably start looking around for another group right away. Yeah, I’m trying to think of how it would read with my co-ed baseball league. If some guy no one had met yet, had signed up for baseball, then went through the league’s on-line gallery, and emailed the league about one particular woman, it would totally set off the Creepazoid Early Warning System. The comparison to Tom Cruise made it worse because it sounds like you were using their photo gallery as a shopping catalog. It’s not going to come across like you signed up to take part in the activity, and then found the pic, it’s gong to look more like you saw a pic of some hottie online and signed up under false pretenses to meet her. ETA: What the heck? This thread is four pages? :smack: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-just-kicked-out-of-a-meetup-group/566184.md?page=9)