# I was kicked out of bed last night **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 22, 2005, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-kicked-out-of-bed-last-night/300606 "2005-04-22T15:11:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![The\_Unkempt\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b782af/32.png) [@The\_Unkempt\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Unkempt_One)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2005, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-kicked-out-of-bed-last-night/300606/1 "2005-04-22T15:11:24Z")
My evening snack of Pepperoni Pizza Combos and Reeses Pieces caused a large amount of flatulence that my fiancee deemed “unacceptable” because it made the bedroom smell like “we are trying to sleep in a large sewer pipe!” Despite my best efforts to control the stink, the stink continued unabated. Within 15 minutes I found myself with a pillow and blanket heading to the couch. At least the dog came with me. ---
**Author:** ![yellowval](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/919ad9/32.png) [@yellowval](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowval)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2005, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-kicked-out-of-bed-last-night/300606/2 "2005-04-22T15:51:06Z")
This reminds me of a bit of wisdom: “He who farts in church sits in his own pew.” ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2005, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-kicked-out-of-bed-last-night/300606/3 "2005-04-22T15:54:55Z")
> [@The Unkempt One](#): > > My evening snack of Pepperoni Pizza Combos and Reeses Pieces caused a large amount of flatulence that my fiancee deemed “unacceptable” because it made the bedroom smell like “we are trying to sleep in a large sewer pipe!” > > Despite my best efforts to control the stink, the stink continued unabated. Within 15 minutes I found myself with a pillow and blanket heading to the couch. > > At least the dog came with me. So blaming it on the dog didn’t work? The dog going with you just proves that dogs love stinky things. I’ll remember this the next time the boyfriend has a similar problem. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2005, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-kicked-out-of-bed-last-night/300606/4 "2005-04-22T15:58:17Z")
> [@The Unkempt One](#): > > At least the dog came with me. Please tell me he wasn’t licking his lips. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Unkempt\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b782af/32.png) [@The\_Unkempt\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Unkempt_One)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2005, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-kicked-out-of-bed-last-night/300606/5 "2005-04-22T16:06:14Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > Please tell me he wasn’t licking his lips. The dog was jumping around all crazy like, like she always does right before we give her a treat. Perhaps she thought that some kind of really yummy treat was on the way. ---
**Author:** ![Lady\_of\_the\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@Lady\_of\_the\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lady_of_the_Lake)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2005, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-kicked-out-of-bed-last-night/300606/6 "2005-04-22T16:14:56Z")
When this happens to my husband, I’m the one who kicks myself out of bed. The smell that this normal sized man can cause is horrendous. I can’t sleep, all I can focus on is that soon there will be another cloud of stench rolling over me. However, if he keeps making jokes about ‘someone getting lost of the way to bed again! tee hee!’ when he finds me on the couch…the gloves will be off! ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2005, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-kicked-out-of-bed-last-night/300606/7 "2005-04-22T16:15:19Z")
Here girl, want a biscuit? ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2005, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-kicked-out-of-bed-last-night/300606/8 "2005-04-22T16:19:40Z")
> [@Wile E](#): > > So blaming it on the dog didn’t work? My dog died in February, so I can’t blame it on her anymore. Blaming the cats just isn’t the same… ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2005, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-kicked-out-of-bed-last-night/300606/9 "2005-04-22T17:57:41Z")
> [@VunderBob](#): > > My dog died in February, so I can’t blame it on her anymore. Blaming the cats just isn’t the same… It should be - catfarts are FOUL. My neighbor’s 8-pound cat used to put my 80-pound dog to shame. Sorry about your pet. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2005, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-kicked-out-of-bed-last-night/300606/10 "2005-04-22T18:16:56Z")
> [@Jenaroph](#): > > It should be - catfarts are FOUL. My neighbor’s 8-pound cat used to put my 80-pound dog to shame. > > Sorry about your pet. She was old, sick, and past her life expectancy. Nothing to be sorry about, but I appreciate the sympathy. With Boxers, you have volume and potency. Not only that, but she could belch like a drunken fratboy; I know of what I speak for I used to be one. Cats are just potent. But they have other entertainment value, like twisting around to lick their butts and falling off the bed. ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2005, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-kicked-out-of-bed-last-night/300606/11 "2005-04-22T18:23:41Z")
> [@The Unkempt One](#): > > my fiancee One benefit of marriage. You don’t have to defer to her bed vacating demands. ---
**Author:** ![Balle\_M](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/13edae/32.png) [@Balle\_M](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balle_M)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2005, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-kicked-out-of-bed-last-night/300606/12 "2005-04-22T18:47:10Z")
> [@NurseCarmen](#): > > One benefit of marriage. You don’t have to defer to her bed vacating demands. True, you don’t. Just pray that the missus is unfamilar with the phrase, “Justifiable Homicide.” ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2005, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-kicked-out-of-bed-last-night/300606/13 "2005-04-22T22:46:40Z")
> [@The Unkempt One](#): > > Perhaps she thought that some kind of really yummy treat was on the way. And I thought finding out there was no Santa Claus was disappointing. ---
**Author:** ![Taters](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/taters/32/2845_2.png) [@Taters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taters)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2005, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-kicked-out-of-bed-last-night/300606/14 "2005-04-22T22:59:44Z")
> [@The Unkempt One](#): > > My evening snack of Pepperoni Pizza Combos and Reeses Pieces caused a large amount of flatulence that my fiancee deemed “unacceptable” because it made the bedroom smell like “we are trying to sleep in a large sewer pipe!” > > Despite my best efforts to control the stink, the stink continued unabated. Within 15 minutes I found myself with a pillow and blanket heading to the couch. > > At least the dog came with me. Sure, sure…“control” the stink. I think not; if you’re anything like my hubby you took great pride in your “accomplishment” and were fluffing the covers to spread the malodorous scent. You were lucky you weren’t booted out to the garage! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Unkempt\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b782af/32.png) [@The\_Unkempt\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Unkempt_One)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2005, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-kicked-out-of-bed-last-night/300606/15 "2005-04-22T23:32:40Z")
> [@Taters](#): > > Sure, sure…“control” the stink. I think not; if you’re anything like my hubby you took great pride in your “accomplishment” and were fluffing the covers to spread the malodorous scent. You were lucky you weren’t booted out to the garage! My dog as my witness, I swear that I was squeezing the ol’ sphincter as tightly as I could. However, with so much gas pressure building up, there was simply nothing more that could be done to prevent gas leakage. This evening my fiancee asked me to go to one of the local bars to enjoy several orders of fried cheese balls and beer with her. I will laugh with the laugh of a hearty, rugged lumberjack if she tells me to vacate the bed after asking me to go with her to eat fried cheese and drink beer! “HaHa!” I will say, “HaHa!” ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2005, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-kicked-out-of-bed-last-night/300606/16 "2005-04-23T00:40:15Z")
My husband gets out of bed and runs to the bathroom when he feels a gas attack coming on. I love him. 🙂 The only time I have to head to the couch is when he’s snoring like a chainsaw and my usual stop-snoring methods aren’t working. (Waking him up is not a preferred method.) ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2005, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-kicked-out-of-bed-last-night/300606/17 "2005-04-23T02:06:50Z")
Around our place, farts are appreciated! Well, at least by me. As long as I don’t try to Dutch-oven the wife, she is pretty good about my gifts to the ozone layer. Like **FH** , snoring gets one of us to the couch if we can’t get the other to stop. I have my methods of getting her to stop, and she has so far resisted the urge to stop me with a pillow! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2005, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-kicked-out-of-bed-last-night/300606/18 "2005-04-23T02:59:09Z")
> [@VunderBob](#): > > My dog died in February, so I can’t blame it on her anymore. Blaming the cats just isn’t the same… Our cats pass some _serious_ gas. At least that’s what my wife says… ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2005, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-kicked-out-of-bed-last-night/300606/19 "2005-04-23T16:14:26Z")
> [@spooje](#): > > Our cats pass some _serious_ gas. > At least that’s what my wife says… Catfarts are the **worst** - I was once trapped with two cats who were nervous about the car ride. I arrived at our destination a lovely shade of green! ---
**Author:** ![movingfinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@movingfinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/movingfinger)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2005, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-kicked-out-of-bed-last-night/300606/20 "2005-04-23T19:56:47Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Around our place, farts are appreciated! Well, at least by me. As long as I don’t try to Dutch-oven the wife, she is pretty good about my gifts to the ozone layer. I don’t believe I am familiar with the term “Dutch-ovening”. Dare I ask what it means? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-kicked-out-of-bed-last-night/300606.md?page=2)