# I was married for \_\_\_\_\_ years, and my ex could never understand that \_\_\_\_\_. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 18, 2011, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190 "2011-03-18T19:54:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2011, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/21 "2011-03-20T04:50:36Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > Not married, but I was with my ex for ten years, and he could never understand that I am not a phone person. I don’t particularly like talking on the phone, and I especially don’t want to spend the time that you’re in your car driving to my house on the phone with you. You’re going to be here in ten minutes! We’ll talk about it when you get here! word. ---
**Author:** ![Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce7236/32.png) [@Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mona_Lisa_Simpson)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2011, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/22 "2011-03-20T05:26:54Z")
> [@Gleena](#): > > I was married (the first time) for 10 years, and my ex could never understand that if you get fired multiple times from multiple jobs, the problem is likely to be you, not them! > > Seriously, it was never his fault. Never. Ever. He managed to lose three jobs in three months (in a far better economy, obviously). Each time he was fired it was Not His Fault. > > Argh! My ex did this… we were only married for 3 years, thank goodness but together for 4. Also in his world good financial planning is to find a job that pays double your rent for a month. One pay check is for paying rent, the other is PAR-TAY. Of course, oddly there was never enough to cover things like utilities, or even food. And also did you know that the phone company “respects you when you pay (2-3 months of phone bill) in BIG CHUNKS) Paying on time teaches them to worry when your payments are late and to hassle you” Also in the ex’s book of financial planning only chumps work more than 28 hours /wk ---
**Author:** ![Raguleader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2011, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/23 "2011-03-20T06:47:49Z")
I’ve been married for 9 months, and my wife STILL doesn’t understand that Kirk or Picard is one of the great questions of our time!😃 ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2011, 7:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/24 "2011-03-20T07:54:01Z")
> [@Curious3d](#): > > Just tell him things start an hour before they actually do. That was the solution that IMMEDIATELY came to mind! ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2011, 9:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/25 "2011-03-20T09:59:16Z")
I’ve been married for nearly 18 years ( 22 years total together) to a wonderful man. He cannot fathom that I cannot function on his sleep schedule of 3-4 hours a night. ( if that) He needs little sleep and I have to make up for what he isn’t doing. It maintains balance in the universe. ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2011, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/26 "2011-03-20T12:51:54Z")
I’ll add another to my my OP. I was married for 12 years and my ex could never understand that it took me anywhere from 60-90 minutes to get home from work. She would then ask me to run a few errands on the way home… constantly. Either way, whatever time I got home, I was late (according to her ‘logic’). Moving was never an option. She was ‘’…going to die in _this_ house, so get used to it, buddy.’’ – Amusing, because we were married in our 20’s and divorced before 40… . ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2011, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/27 "2011-03-20T15:09:19Z")
> [@Philster](#): > > I was married for 12 years and my ex could never understand that it took me anywhere from 60-90 minutes to get home from work. She would then ask me to run a few errands on the way home… constantly. Either way, whatever time I got home, I was late (according to her ‘logic’). My PITA ex was married to his PITA ex for seventeen years, and she never understood that his 90 minute commute was \*not \*relaxing “me time”. Seriously, she’d start assigning chores the second he walked in the door and when he asked for a couple of minutes she’d be like “What? You’ve been out of work for almost two hours, you’ve had plenty of time to decompress.” ---
**Author:** ![Palo\_Verde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/65b543/32.png) [@Palo\_Verde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palo_Verde)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2011, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/28 "2011-03-20T16:21:13Z")
> [@Curious3d](#): > > Just tell him things start an hour before they actually do. I do… that’s the only way we’ve managed to stay married for 14 years. ---
**Author:** ![CT\_Damsel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CT\_Damsel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CT_Damsel)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2011, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/29 "2011-03-20T17:20:26Z")
I was married for 11 years and my ex could never understand that he did not have to ask his Mommy and Daddy how to do everything. He was 26 when we married. ---
**Author:** ![gonzomax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e8c25b/32.png) [@gonzomax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzomax)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2011, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/30 "2011-03-20T17:32:12Z")
> [@Curious3d](#): > > Just tell him things start an hour before they actually do. I lived with a woman who was always late. her softball team won a championship and they gave out trophies making a big deal of it. Her trophies were sitting on the stage when we got there. The next year they repeated as champs. I moved all the clocks up one hour . We actually were almost on time. When she found out what I did ,she was furious. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2011, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/31 "2011-03-20T17:51:48Z")
> [@gonzomax](#): > > I moved all the clocks up one hour . We actually were almost on time. When she found out what I did ,she was furious. I’m curious about the logic someone would use whereby they could be upset at this when it clearly demonstrated that having to resort to that kind of trickery STILL didn’t get you there on time. ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2011, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/32 "2011-03-20T18:00:00Z")
I’ve been married over 20 years. Same house, same furniture, same refrigerator. My husband has never understood that when I’m out, and leave him food in the refrigerator, that means that the plate sitting there all by itself on the shelf? The one with plastic wrap over it? Yes, that one - that is the sandwich I made and left for YOU. It’s meant for YOU. Do I have to tape a big note on it every. single. time. and write in big red letters: “Mr. Sali - this is a sandwich I made for you.” (maybe because it’s next to the ketchup, which he also never sees. opens the refrigerator, peering into the depths, looking for ketchup. Which is sitting there in clear sight, right on the shelf. It’s red stuff. In a plastic bottle. shakes head, closes door. can’t find the ketchup.) ---
**Author:** ![Sateryn76](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Sateryn76](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sateryn76)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2011, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/33 "2011-03-20T20:31:38Z")
I have been with my husband for 14 wonderful years. He refuses to understand that “washing the dishes” means washing _all of_ the dishes, not just the parts you want to wash, or whatever you can finish using whatever energy you want to expend. Then I have to finish the rest at some point. He will get punched in the belly for this someday… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce7236/32.png) [@Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mona_Lisa_Simpson)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2011, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/34 "2011-03-20T20:39:41Z")
> [@Sateryn76](#): > > I have been with my husband for 14 wonderful years. > > He refuses to understand that “washing the dishes” means washing _all of_ the dishes, not just the parts you want to wash, or whatever you can finish using whatever energy you want to expend. > > Then I have to finish the rest at some point. qft. But if you wanted the pots and pans washed you have to SAY can you do the dishes and forks and knives, and the pots and pans and the serving bowls, and wipe the stove down. I have learned to be VERY specific or I would have had an anneurysm by now. ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2011, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/35 "2011-03-20T20:50:07Z")
I am in a relationship for 10 years, and my other could never understand that clean is better than not clean, that having money is better than not having money, that being on time is better than not being on time. It’s not just “different”, it’s actually “better”. ---
**Author:** ![GrizzRich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ba0ec/32.png) [@GrizzRich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrizzRich)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2011, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/36 "2011-03-21T05:51:28Z")
I was married for seven years and my ex could never understand that it wasn’t all about HER. There was always some force against her. Her boss hated her, the cop was out to get her, etc. I was her first husband. She’s now 47 and engaged…again. This will be husband number FIVE! She also have five children. Two of which were adopted legally by her step father and his new wife; the other three in custody of her ex husbands. Her latest facebook update showed a picture of a fancy engagement ring, taken from the internet… not the ring on her finger. “This is my ring…only mine is in white gold”, “I’m not going to let this one get away”, “he really loves me!” and the like were her recent updates. ---
**Author:** ![Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce7236/32.png) [@Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mona_Lisa_Simpson)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2011, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/37 "2011-03-21T06:11:52Z")
I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and I still don’t understand that when he says “I’ll be up to bed soon” he means in a geologic sense, not necessarily before I get up in the morning. ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2011, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/38 "2011-03-21T06:36:03Z")
Oooh two more! I was married for 11 years, and my ex could never understand that if she has an HR related issue (harassment, hostile work environment, ‘out to get me’ etc.) at every single job she ever had, it didn’t mean the world was that hostile, it just meant she loved playing the victim. I was married for 11 years, and my ex could never understand that just because I got off work 3 hours before she did, I didn’t want to immediately start working like a slave on the housework as soon as I got home every day. I’d get off work at 2, and she at 5, and woe betide me if I didn’t have her goddamn dinner ready because she ‘was starving’ when she got home. No shit, me too! That’s what snacks were invented for. Funny how it was all right for her to watch TV or fuck around on the computer for 3 hours after she got off work because she ‘was tired’. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2011, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/39 "2011-03-21T07:35:01Z")
> [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](#): > > I was married for seven years before my wife understood that when the house is too warm you lower the thermostat. She preferred opening the windows. > > In the winter. > > With me insisting that we were PAYING to heat up all of Colorado. I understand The Bestest Ex is still trying to cool down all of Florida and parts thereabouts. We were dating for about two years and he never understood that having the AC right on top of the anole’s heatlamp and leaving the balcony open (with the lamp and AC still on) when it was nice outside was the reason his power bill was about 20x mine. **kunilou** , tell the wife that people tell you what do they want to say and what you tell them is _how_ to say it best. And let me know if it works! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2011, 8:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/40 "2011-03-21T08:10:02Z")
I have been married for 11 years, and my wife still doesn’t understand that I am actually an expert in something. I have an MA with 15 years of teaching experience. Sometimes, she’ll come to me for grammar help, and it goes something like this: Her: Edit this for me. Me: You need to make that a capital letter. Her: Why? Me: Because it’s part of a person’s title, so it needs to be capitalized. Her: Are you sure? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190.md?page=3)