# I was married for \_\_\_\_\_ years, and my ex could never understand that \_\_\_\_\_. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 18, 2011, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190 "2011-03-18T19:54:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2011, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/61 "2011-03-23T22:01:04Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > If the house is 65 degrees and my wife would like it to be 70 degrees, she turns the thermostat up to 80 “so it will warm up faster.” No harm done, if she would catch it at 70 before we all start to boil. :smack: I think you and I married to the same woman. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2011, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/62 "2011-03-24T13:44:22Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > The poster is the only driver. The other guy either doesn’t have a license or doesn’t have a car, and he takes her chauffeur services for granted. He had a license and a car, but insisted that we always hang out at his mom’s place (where he lived), where I wasn’t allowed to spend the night even though he was 32 years old and I was 26. It was a 45 minute drive each way and we hung out at least 2 days a week. So 45x4 minutes a week of driving. It was the basis of pretty much all the fights in our relationship, because he refused to come visit me even though I was renting at the time and had my own space. I never understood why. And when I would bring up the issue, he would say “You’re not doing me any favors by driving out here all the time.” ??? \*If I weren’t driving all the time, we wouldn’t have had a relationship. \* He was happy to drive to visit friends and family, but never me. ---
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2011, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/63 "2011-03-24T13:57:27Z")
no wonder he’s your ex. that was a statement, not a lack of understanding. ---
**Author:** ![Curious3d](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@Curious3d](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Curious3d)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2011, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/64 "2011-03-24T14:00:31Z")
> [@rachelellogram](#): > > He had a license and a car, but insisted that we always hang out at his mom’s place (where he lived), where I wasn’t allowed to spend the night even though he was 32 years old and I was 26. It was a 45 minute drive each way and we hung out at least 2 days a week. So 45x4 minutes a week of driving. It was the basis of pretty much all the fights in our relationship, because he refused to come visit me even though I was renting at the time and had my own space. I never understood why. And when I would bring up the issue, he would say “You’re not doing me any favors by driving out here all the time.” ??? \*If I weren’t driving all the time, we wouldn’t have had a relationship. \* > > He was happy to drive to visit friends and family, but never me. This guy must have had an extremely compelling upside. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2011, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/65 "2011-03-24T14:00:26Z")
> [@rachelellogram](#): > > He was happy to drive to visit friends and family, but never me. Yeah, thats pretty bad. I don’t mind doing folks favors or taking up more the burden if its easier for me, but when you do someone a favor and they act like THEY are the one doing you a favor its over bob. ---
**Author:** ![Curious3d](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@Curious3d](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Curious3d)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2011, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/66 "2011-03-24T14:04:32Z")
I have another one: I was together with this guy for three years, and he could never understand that walking around naked after camping out on the toilet for a half hour or more means you’re parading around with a bright red ring on your butt. Not pretty. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2011, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/67 "2011-03-24T14:54:21Z")
On the plus side, you could call him “Baboon Butt” in bed! ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2011, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/68 "2011-03-24T15:55:23Z")
Ditto x10 for “understanding thermoststs”. Her car has an excellent electronic thermostat. You set it at 70 and hit auto. Once the engine is warm enough it will start to blow warm air into the cabin till it reaches 70. If I even attempt to do it this way she slaps my hand, tells me it’s “her” car, sets it to 77 and cranks the fan up manually blowing frigid air at us insisting it will warm up quicker. She also doesn’t understand that having to pay some or no income taxes at the end of the year is better than a huge refund. “But Bob and Mary are getting $5000 back.” “Well, that’s because they overpaid during the year.” “Hmmm, that doesn’t sound right, we must be doing something wrong.” Lastly, she doesn’t seem to understand the concept that when I ask her “What do you want for dinner?” and she replies “I don’t care.” it immediately takes away her veto rights. You don’t get to say “NO” to every suggestion I make and then when asked again “Well, what DO you want?” reply “I said I don’t care.” ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2011, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/69 "2011-03-24T16:15:45Z")
OMG… you’ve brought back a haunting memory: After 12 years, my ex never understood that we were only getting back 50 dollars as a refund because I planned and did math well. And she never understood that we shouldn’t go to her sister and brother-in-law’s guy because that guy isn’t going to get me back 4 grand, because I don’t ever plan on letting the gubberment hold my money for me. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2011, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/70 "2011-03-24T16:27:33Z")
> [@Hampshire](#): > > Lastly, she doesn’t seem to understand the concept that when I ask her “What do you want for dinner?” and she replies “I don’t care.” it immediately takes away her veto rights. You don’t get to say “NO” to every suggestion I make and then when asked again “Well, what DO you want?” reply “I said I don’t care.” AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! :smack::smack::smack::smack::smack::smack::smack: _runs screaming out of the thread_ ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2011, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/71 "2011-03-24T16:41:58Z")
I was married for 11 years and my late husband could never understand that… … I couldn’t “just ignore” his mother’s behavior if we were staying in her house. … I wasn’t his personal chauffeur. … I want pizza once a month, maybe, not once a day. … if something needs to be done and he refused to do it, either I had to do it or it wouldn’t happen. I think he thought the chores fairy stopped by once a week. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2011, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/72 "2011-03-24T17:03:56Z")
> [@Hampshire](#): > > Lastly, she doesn’t seem to understand the concept that when I ask her “What do you want for dinner?” and she replies “I don’t care.” it immediately takes away her veto rights. You don’t get to say “NO” to every suggestion I make and then when asked again “Well, what DO you want?” reply “I said I don’t care.” I think I’d be inclined to at least once just make something, then when she complains about what it is, reply “I don’t care” 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Curious3d](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@Curious3d](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Curious3d)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2011, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/73 "2011-03-24T17:13:38Z")
> [@Hampshire](#): > > Lastly, she doesn’t seem to understand the concept that when I ask her “What do you want for dinner?” and she replies “I don’t care.” it immediately takes away her veto rights. You don’t get to say “NO” to every suggestion I make and then when asked again “Well, what DO you want?” reply “I said I don’t care.” See, when she says she doesn’t care, you stop suggesting and just choose. You can’t take away someone’s vote if you continue to poll them. When my husband says he doesn’t care, I make what I want. End of story. If he has a specific preference, I make what he wants. Of course, he’ll eat anything that isn’t moving too much, so I have an advantage there. ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2011, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/74 "2011-03-24T17:32:10Z")
I’ve been married for five years now, and my wife occasionally forgets that an eight-hour workday isn’t fun alone time, and that sometimes a sysadmin has to stay late fixing critical systems if he wants to keep his high-paying job. Oh well, we work it out. =) ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2011, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/75 "2011-03-24T17:39:42Z")
> [@Zeriel](#): > > I’ve been married for five years now, and my wife occasionally forgets that an eight-hour workday isn’t fun alone time, and that sometimes a sysadmin has to stay late fixing critical systems if he wants to keep his high-paying job. I was once watching a TV show with my then-gf about guys like Bill Gates and Steve Jobs. There was a mention about how sometimes computer programmers work late nights and weekends and don’t see their loved ones very often. She said “I’m glad you’re not a computer programmer!” I said “Um, you really don’t get what it is that I do for a living, do you?” ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2011, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/76 "2011-03-24T17:41:16Z")
> [@Nocturne](#): > > I was married for nearly 5 years, and my ex-husband never understood that a monogamous relationship meant “you don’t have sex with other people.” Oh, this reminds me of a friend’s ex. He actually told her at one point that he didn’t want a committed relationship, just a monogamous one. What? We are both pretty sure this was his personal code for “I want to sleep with whomever I want, but I don’t want _you_ to do the same.” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2011, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/77 "2011-03-24T17:52:21Z")
I’ve been married 20 years now and my dear wife still doesn’t understand: - if she writes a check, she should do the math and write down how much money is left in the account; - if she uses the last icecube, she should crack more cubes into the holder, and pour water into the now-empty tray for it to freeze; - if she takes the last roll of toilet paper out of the little cupboard under the sink, she should put more back under there for when this roll runs out; - there’s no particular reason she needs to have 2900+ emails in her current account; there’s no law against deleting old emails. For all that, she has many redeeming characteristics, and I still love her madly. ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2011, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/78 "2011-03-24T17:57:19Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > I was once watching a TV show with my then-gf about guys like Bill Gates and Steve Jobs. There was a mention about how sometimes computer programmers work late nights and weekends and don’t see their loved ones very often. > > She said “I’m glad you’re not a computer programmer!” > > I said “Um, you really don’t get what it is that I do for a living, do you?” Heh, the worst part is that I ALWAYS make up the time–if I’m not getting overtime, one late night is a “going home early on a slow day” later. Funny how she never seems to resent THAT. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2011, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/79 "2011-03-24T18:04:59Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! :smack::smack::smack::smack::smack::smack::smack: > > _runs screaming out of the thread_ Oh, you know my mom then? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2011, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190/80 "2011-03-24T18:10:17Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > - if she uses the last icecube, she should crack more cubes into the holder, and pour water into the now-empty tray for it to freeze; I was going to mention that. Except she’d take individual cubes out of the trays until they were empty. By the time I’d get home, there’d be nothing but empty trays. When I asked her to do it the right way, she said I was just being a control freak. I think that was the only time I was ever truly pissed at her. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-married-for-_____-years-and-my-ex-could-never-understand-that-_____/575190.md?page=5)