# I was thinking about becoming a pimp.. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 10, 2002, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-thinking-about-becoming-a-pimp/118257 "2002-07-10T15:01:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![aha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eada6e/32.png) [@aha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aha)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2002, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-thinking-about-becoming-a-pimp/118257/1 "2002-07-10T15:01:19Z")
Since I am retired from teaching computers to a half day, I thought I might use the afternoons to pimp. But for the life of me I can’t figure out how to get started. Anyone got any ideas? ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2002, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-thinking-about-becoming-a-pimp/118257/2 "2002-07-10T15:08:41Z")
You need a big floppy hat. And a furry coat. And lots of gaudy jewelry. And change your name to **Huggy aha**. However, you’d best back off, or I will _cut_ you. The SDMB is _my_ turf, beyotch. ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2002, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-thinking-about-becoming-a-pimp/118257/3 "2002-07-10T15:16:23Z")
DON’T DO IT!!! Slapping ho’s around all day will tire you out well before you’ve paid off the local crime lord for your corner. I’ve seen it with my own two eyes. However, I believe the WWE is looking for another pimp character. ---
**Author:** ![aha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eada6e/32.png) [@aha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aha)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2002, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-thinking-about-becoming-a-pimp/118257/4 "2002-07-10T15:16:38Z")
I feel that my pimp hand is very strong at this point. I just don’t know yet what the fuck a pimp hand is. **Ino** if I ever become a pimp I will take your ass on cause pimps ain’t scared of nobody. I do like your handle change suggestion tho. ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2002, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-thinking-about-becoming-a-pimp/118257/5 "2002-07-10T15:27:01Z")
A pimp hand is a full house, nines and queens. A pair of Glocks and three ho’s. And that’s **lno** and not **Ino**. I’ll give you a pass on that one, though, ‘cos you’re new to this whole pimpin’ bizniss. Next time, though, I’ll carve my initials into your forehead, so every time you look in the mirror, you’ll see **onl**. …maybe I’ll carve it in BACKWARDS, then. ---
**Author:** ![dalovindj](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/65b543/32.png) [@dalovindj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalovindj)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2002, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-thinking-about-becoming-a-pimp/118257/6 "2002-07-10T15:34:03Z")
Get yourself a paperclip-pimpstick, a 40, a.45, a stable o’ bitches, a nice corner, and a fat ride. The stable is the hardest part. How do you get a woman to ho for you? Ahhhhh, the classic question pondered by great philosophers for thousands of years. The following advice can be found in the song “The world is filled (with pimps and ho’s)” by The Notorious Biggie Smalls: > [@](#): > > See we date em like we hate em. See em like we don’t need em. Treat em like we meet em, and never give up freedom. Just be careful not to fall in love. From the same song: > [@](#): > > You can’t turn a ho into a housewife I’m not a pimp for this reason. I keep falling in love with beautiful women who sleep with me. Most of them turn out to not be very good housewife material though. I was once mistaken for a pimp by a pimp though. It was getting tense until we cleared up the fact that I’m just a metaphorical pimp. Da’Lovin’ Dj (aka: Pimpy Longstalking) ---
**Author:** ![Estilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/848f3c/32.png) [@Estilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Estilicon)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2002, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-thinking-about-becoming-a-pimp/118257/7 "2002-07-10T16:07:42Z")
Run for congress, you’ll learn everything you need to know in there 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![aha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eada6e/32.png) [@aha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aha)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2002, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-thinking-about-becoming-a-pimp/118257/8 "2002-07-10T16:39:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Estilicon \* > \*\*Run for congress, you’ll learn everything you need to know in there 🙂 \*\* I don’t want to be a crook just a pimp. Sorry about the nick mix up **lno** but if I see you on my territory ( by the way I don’t have that part mapped out yet) then I will feel compelled cut you three ways; Long, deep and continously. You dig? ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2002, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-thinking-about-becoming-a-pimp/118257/9 "2002-07-10T17:14:44Z")
Check out [Phat Pimp Clothing](http://www.phatpimpclothing.com/) for your pimping attire (I had no idea that there was actually a pimp clothing industry). I especially like the “Pimp Boys” T-shirt. Then head on over to [How To Be A Pimp](http://www.laffworks.com/bigpimpin/). > [@](#): > > From _Step 2: How To Talk Like A Pimp_ > > The only things you will ever need to say as a pimp are: > > “It is my duty to please that booty.” > “Hello, sweet thang.” > “Bitch, you know what I want.” > “Where’s my money?” > “Let’s do it. Doggy Style.” > “Who’s your daddy?” > “Hi, My name’s John and I’m an alcoholic” > “Say what? You’re a nun?” > “Word.” > “Baby, if you were a booger, I’d pick you first.” I’d argue that you also need to memorize the classic poem “My Bitch Better Have My Money” from _I’m Gonna Get You Sucka_: > [@](#): > > _FlyGuy_ > > Through rain, sleet, or snow, > My ho better have my money. > Not half, not some, > But all my cash. > Because if she don’t, > I’ll put my foot dead in her ass. I found links to these sites and more from the [2002 Pimp & Ho Ball](http://www.sciotorugby.com/pimpandho/topten.htm) page (whatever _that_ is). ---
**Author:** ![Jorel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f19dbf/32.png) [@Jorel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jorel)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2002, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-thinking-about-becoming-a-pimp/118257/10 "2002-07-10T17:16:08Z")
The PC term is ‘bitch coordinator’ 😉 ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2002, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-thinking-about-becoming-a-pimp/118257/11 "2002-07-10T17:43:09Z")
I’ve toyed with the idea of being a pimp after watching HBO’s Pimps Up, Hos Down (which is _very_ funny, by the way). I decided I value my fashion sense too much, though. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2002, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-thinking-about-becoming-a-pimp/118257/12 "2002-07-10T20:20:35Z")
Funny, I just don’t picture an aging gracefully rock star doing such menial lower end of the totem pole kinda work. I picture \*\*Aha \*\* directing soft porn. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2002, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-thinking-about-becoming-a-pimp/118257/13 "2002-07-10T20:25:37Z")
\*\*hit enter too soon \*\* And, the perk would be that the back ground music could be \*Western Union \* for the (ahem) money shot, that way, subliminally, whenever men who have viewed \*\*Aha’s Porn-o-Rama-Whing-Whang-A-Thong ™ \*\* they will become aroused, and a) want to get some action b) invariably, want to by \*Western Union \*, thus increasing the royalties for one, and world happiness for others in one…uh…shot. ---
**Author:** ![aha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eada6e/32.png) [@aha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aha)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2002, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-thinking-about-becoming-a-pimp/118257/14 "2002-07-10T20:43:33Z")
Yes yes Shirley, forget about the pimp thing. I couldn’t get a handle on that anyway but… Good idea on the soft porn directing! sounds like something I could really sink my teeth into. However I don’t think there is a money shot in soft porn. Not sure tho people have just told me that :rolleyes: . However I _will_ need a female star for my flicks… any suggestions? mmmmm… ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2002, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-thinking-about-becoming-a-pimp/118257/15 "2002-07-11T02:18:52Z")
Good to see you again, aha. Nice hat. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2002, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-thinking-about-becoming-a-pimp/118257/16 "2002-07-11T02:57:32Z")
I saw the ultimate Pimp on _King of Hill_ the other day. Platform shoes, cane, floppy cowboy feathered hat, white three piece seventies style suit, winged collar purple shirt, long nails-the works. ---
**Author:** ![katiekilldare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/838e76/32.png) [@katiekilldare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/katiekilldare)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2002, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-thinking-about-becoming-a-pimp/118257/17 "2002-07-11T03:30:33Z")
_Originally posted by aha_ > [@](#): > > However I will need a female star for my flicks… any suggestions? mmmmm… Are there, um, benefits? ---
**Author:** ![Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7cd45c/32.png) [@Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Glory)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2002, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-thinking-about-becoming-a-pimp/118257/18 "2002-07-11T03:40:51Z")
I would recommend listening to the excellent Pimp Anthology radio segment at This American Life. [http://www.thislife.org/pages/archive99.html#127](http://www.thislife.org/pages/archive99.html#127) ---
**Author:** ![Sylkyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/da6949/32.png) [@Sylkyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sylkyn)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2002, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-thinking-about-becoming-a-pimp/118257/19 "2002-07-11T04:19:48Z")
I have a great coat for ya. Scandinavian red fox. FULL LENGTH. Man. Talk about stylin’. But that hat has _got_ to go. It just ain’t happenin’. Not with this coat. [sub]I really DO have the coat! But don’t get anything on it, dammit![/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Rico](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rico/32/3582_2.png) [@Rico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rico)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2002, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-thinking-about-becoming-a-pimp/118257/20 "2002-07-11T06:20:31Z")
Hey **Aha**! If you can’t afford any girls initially you can run the business by hand for a little while! :smack: [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-thinking-about-becoming-a-pimp/118257.md?page=2)