# I was verbally assaulted at work **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 22, 2007, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184 "2007-02-22T02:55:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/81 "2007-02-22T23:02:35Z")
[QUOTE=Jeep’s Phoenix] Yes, he went behind closed doors… **where he proceeded to corner her**. That’s not normal behavior, especially when the whole incident was sparked by such a brief encounter. [/QUOTE] I agree it sounds like the guy was acting irrationally. It sounds like there have been bad feelings building up for awhile but “cornered?” She retreated to her office and I assume there’s only one door and he was in front of it but by that standard everyone gets cornered in their office by just about everybody everyday. Yes, yes, yes. Calling her a piece of shit is just totally out there. Way fucked up. Wish I had a dollar for every time someone has freaked out and “cornered” me. I’d have - well I’d have few bucks at least. ---
**Author:** ![WolfpackJeep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpackjeep/32/2921_2.png) [@WolfpackJeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WolfpackJeep)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2007, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/82 "2007-02-22T23:05:11Z")
The OP said “cornered”; I’m assuming this means he was standing in such as way as to prevent her from either leaving the desk or reaching the door. ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2007, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/83 "2007-02-23T01:02:31Z")
[QUOTE=Dag Otto] So what exactly would your ‘real women’ do in the OP’s situation? **LVgeogeek** stood up to the asshole right away, making it clear that she wasn’t going to put up with his behavior. I’m not sure what you would expect her to do. [/QUOTE] He bitched at her, she bitched back, he bitched back and then the OP got scared. What would the “real women” in my experience do? Not get scared, and bitch back more. That’s pretty much how it works in the adult world. Do you go through life figuring if you get into an argument with a man it comes down to who can beat up whom? That’s playground shit. We’re talking about adults and whether they’re in the military or in business people don’t resolve their differences on the playground based on who can beat up whom. Do you think men in business resolve their pissing contests based on “I could probably take you in a fight?” ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2007, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/84 "2007-02-23T01:08:10Z")
[QUOTE=levdrakon] He bitched at her, she bitched back, he bitched back and then the OP got scared. What would the “real women” in my experience do? Not get scared, and bitch back more. That’s pretty much how it works in the adult world. Do you go through life figuring if you get into an argument with a man it comes down to who can beat up whom? That’s playground shit. We’re talking about adults and whether they’re in the military or in business people don’t resolve their differences on the playground based on who can beat up whom. Do you think men in business resolve their pissing contests based on “I could probably take you in a fight?” [/QUOTE] Psychotic bullies might. ---
**Author:** ![ILovCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e99b99/32.png) [@ILovCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ILovCoffee)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2007, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/85 "2007-02-23T01:44:53Z")
OH for love of mike! The Co-worker was wrong to do what he did. I believe that in the Marines that they can yell at subordinates that way in order to “tear down and rebuild the pysche of the recruit as a ‘teammember’.” But treating coworkers in civilian life with that level of aggression is not acceptable. Storming back into a coworker’s office, slamming the door, getting in her face, unleasing a diatribe–that is not to be condoned. If this had happened between two strangers in line at the theater the aggressive guy would have been arrested, I would hope. Heck, if he had done that to a cop he would have been. If a fellow policeman did what the OP described to a policeman then it would have had reprocussions. ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2007, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/86 "2007-02-23T01:52:29Z")
[QUOTE=levdrakon] \Do you think men in business resolve their pissing contests based on “I could probably take you in a fight?” [/QUOTE] No, I don’t think real men, to borrow your phrasing do that, but I think it very probable that you do, based on the attitude you have copped here! :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2007, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/87 "2007-02-23T01:55:51Z")
[QUOTE=Zabali\_Clawbane] No, I don’t think real men, to borrow your phrasing do that, but I think it very probable that you do, based on the attitude you have copped here! :dubious: [/QUOTE] You hurt my feelings. Mods!!! Have **Zabali** arrested! I feel cornered! ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2007, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/88 "2007-02-23T02:03:22Z")
[QUOTE=levdrakon] You hurt my feelings. Mods!!! Have **Zabali** arrested! I feel cornered! [/QUOTE] Translation to gentemanly speech is: Touche’. ---
**Author:** ![LVgeogeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b19c9b/32.png) [@LVgeogeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LVgeogeek)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2007, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/89 "2007-02-23T02:48:15Z")
> [@](#): > > Was she literally backed into a corner? Was there no room to move past him if she tried? > [@](#): > > He bitched at her, she bitched back, he bitched back and then the OP got scared I answered his questions in a rational manner. When he got angry, I was seriously confused. Then I said in a firm not bitchy or snotty tone “You will never speak to me like that again”, that is when he became out of line. I have an “L” shaped desk, in the corner of my office aginst the wall. I was backed into the corner of said desk. We were bacsaically toe to toe, I could feel his breath on my face. I was scared that If I tried to get away he whould have gotten physical. I can take a punch, I guess. I have before once in my life, when I was 10 from another 10 year old. If he would have just gone back to his office after I said YWNSTMLTA. It would have been over. I would have let it slide. Chalked up to a bad day, whatever. It is when he came back after me the he crossed the line. For the record, I am not the only woman in my office. I am, however, the only woman in my department. And no, I do not fall into the “hysterical woman” category running off to management any time someone says a dirty word. In my line of work, which is very male dominated, it is best to have a thick skin. I let a lot of things slide. Not a lot of things at work bother me. In fact, I have never made a complaint against a co-worker, ever in my life. I also never mentioned restraining orders, kidnapping, false imprisonment or what have you. At the time I did consider calling the police, but I didn’t think it was necessary. I don’t even want to press charges. I don’t even worry about possible reatliation outside the office. I am just letting the upper management handle it at this time. Our office administrator is the one who brought up taking it to corporate human resources. For now, I am just seeing where it goes. ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2007, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/90 "2007-02-23T03:00:08Z")
I don’t know that he will absorb what you say, **LVgeogeek** since I believe I’m not the only one to point out that you weren’t filing a restraining order, and didn’t even call the police. Do keep that as a possible option in the future if he continues to do similar things to what he did that day. You don’t have to feel that threatened at work, which you already know, just backing you up. I highly doubt that it will even go that far though, since it is in the best interest of your company to ensure that such a liability risk is completely quashed. You never know quite what life will through at you though, so _just in case_, keep that detailed log etc. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2007, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/91 "2007-02-23T03:09:17Z")
[QUOTE=levdrakon] You hurt my feelings. Mods!!! Have **Zabali** arrested! I feel cornered! [/QUOTE] I hope you’re being funny and not trying to make any kind of point here. Either way it comes off as smart-assed and jerkish. That you would even jokingly compare what a relative stranger said to you on a message board with: > [@](#): > > He turned around and came back down the hall at me as I was going back to my chair, he came in, slammed my door behind him. I hadn’t sat down yet, he \*\*cornered me and proceeded to yell and scream at me with his finger in my fcae “you fucking worthless peice of shit…” \*\* (bolding mine) shows you to be insensitive at best, and a complete jerk at worst. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2007, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/92 "2007-02-23T03:15:07Z")
[QUOTE=levdrakon] He asked her a question, didn’t like her answer and went off on her. Then left. Then she _followed_ him out of her office and challenged him in front of everyone, then retreated to her office. He went back to her office to answer her challenge _behind closed doors_ and now he’s a shaved-headed postal maniac whose hands are registered with the FBI as lethal weapons just by virtue of the fact he’s a man and former military. [/QUOTE] She **challenged** him? You mean, by saying “You will not talk to me that way again,” meaning “you will not call me a worthless piece of shit,” she **provoked** him? Presented a challenge he could not ignore? Her response to being called a worthless piece of shit was correct. It was not “bitching back”. I cannot believe you call it that. His response should have been “I’m sorry.” If he took it as a challenge, as you claim, then that is his problem. She is **not** the one who escalated this. Then you say she should have “bitched back more”? All fights go to the ground, whether literally or figuratively. And as someone else pointed out, if she had, both of them would have been disciplined. It seems that you can’t bear the idea of some uppity snatch telling any man to stop pushing her around, figuratively or otherwise. You’d actually prefer that she “bitch back” like a Springer guest? That’s the kind of woman who gets your respect? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2007, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/93 "2007-02-23T03:40:01Z")
[QUOTE=levdrakon] He bitched at her, [/quote] Attacked her with no provocation. > [@](#): > > she bitched back, She stood up for herself. > [@](#): > > he bitched back He escalated the attack, following her into her office, slamming the door, and cornered her in her office and proceeded to verbally attack her some more. > [@](#): > > and then the OP got scared. Like a normal human being does when something frightening like this happens. > [@](#): > > What would the “real women” in my experience do? Not get scared, and bitch back more. That’s pretty much how it works in the adult world.\ Good for the “real women” in your world. The real women in my world expect to be treated with respect and dignity and not have Springer-esque fights at work. In my opinion, the fact that this happened at work makes it even worse; **LVgeogeek** can’t simply walk away from this situation without taking into account the loss of income and a job that she may want to progress at. (For the record, I don’t think there is any merit in talking about things like forcible restraint and kidnapping here. I _do_ think what happened was a verbal beating, just like the Project Manager meant it to be.) ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2007, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/94 "2007-02-23T06:00:32Z")
[QUOTE=LVgeogeek] I also never mentioned restraining orders, kidnapping, false imprisonment or what have you. At the time I did consider calling the police, but I didn’t think it was necessary. I don’t even want to press charges. I don’t even worry about possible reatliation outside the office. I am just letting the upper management handle it at this time. Our office administrator is the one who brought up taking it to corporate human resources. For now, I am just seeing where it goes. [/QUOTE] In my opinion you made all the right moves and still are. Your best chance for a lasting resolution will be through management. If they don’t have their heads up their collective asses then they will do something and do it quick. Just throw the term hostile work environment at them. If that isn’t one I don’t know what is. In my experience the best you could get from taking him to court is getting him fined a few hundred dollars if convicted. It would probably take a lot longer than you would like it to also. Of course I am not speaking as an expert in Nevada law specifically so that whole roulette wheel thing may still be in play. Around here you would not be eligible for a restraining order either. You might be out there. Something you should probably consult a lawyer for if you do wind up thinking about it. Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2007, 10:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/95 "2007-02-23T10:58:41Z")
And on further reflection… [QUOTE=levdrakon] He asked her a question, didn’t like her answer and went off on her. [/quote] It’s not appropriate to go off on someone just because you don’t like the answer they give you. And read the OP again. The exchange was: > [@](#): > > _It started as him asking me a question relating to the way I recorded field data during a recent field groundwater sampling event. I explained. He then said, well in the future it has to be done this way (which was also wrong), but I didn’t correct him. I just said “Ok in the future, I will do it the correct way”._ **This appears to have been his first trigger. Though I can’t imagine how it displays a “bad attitude,” as he claimed next.** \*It was a minor slip up, they happen, nothing life threating, I just took one less pH/EC read than I should have. > > I thought the converstion was over and started to go back to what I was working on. > > He then got all pissy and said in a raised tone of voice “Why do you have to have such a bad attitude about every thing?”\* **Is this the question you refer to?** > > \*I was suprised, well caught off guard by this and said “What? What are you talking about?” \ ***Is this the answer that you gathered he didn’t like?** > > _He then said “I am sick of your attitude you fucking worthless piece of shit”_ **And is that the going-off you referred to? Why would someone “go off” as a response to “What are you talking about?”?** > > _He stormed out of my office._ **Of course, we have to take LV’s word for it that he “stormed,” but people don’t usually walk away calmly after calling other people worthless pieces of shit.** > [@](#): > > _Then left. Then she followed him out of her office and challenged him in front of everyone, then retreated to her office. He went back to her office to answer her challenge behind closed doors and now he’s a shaved-headed postal maniac whose hands are registered with the FBI as lethal weapons just by virtue of the fact he’s a man and former military._ Well, first of all, he didn’t just “leave.” **LV** says he “stormed off,” and furthermore, calling someone a WPOS is not generally the end of a conversation. You apparently think it should have become a slanging match; **LV** chose to assert herself calmly and clearly. By your definition, it seems that **LV** saying “You will not talk to me that way again” requires a response of “I can and I will.” At any rate, we don’t know that her “challenge” was “in front of everyone”, since she said it was in the hallway, and there might not have been anyone else there. And as for “behind closed doors,” the impression I got was that the PM wanted to put **LV** in a situation where she could not get away. I was never talking about kidnapping, so I don’t want to get into it now. The point is, it seems to me that he wanted her alone and without witnesses, not for discretion’s sake, but so he could be free to “go off” on **LV** without interference. This was not “discussing business.” Calling someone a WPOS is hardly a work-related matter. > [@](#): > > _Wish I had a dollar for every time someone has freaked out and “cornered” me. I’d have - well I’d have few bucks at least._ I’m curious about something. When you get into an altercation, do you generally have the upper hand? Or are you more likely to cave, to feel intimidated and back down? Because I’m starting to wonder if you’ve been pushed around a lot, and secretly, you wish you could be like this guy and give back some of what you’ve gotten. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2007, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/96 "2007-02-23T18:35:29Z")
Well, I talked to my husband about this. He works in construction, which as you all may know has different rules for conduct than office-type work. He said that this type of behaviour would not be tolerated in his company, and would draw the perpetrator an official warning if not being outright fired. If it wouldn’t be tolerated in construction, it’s pretty darned bad behaviour. ---
**Author:** ![Dag\_Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@Dag\_Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dag_Otto)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2007, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/97 "2007-02-23T20:52:44Z")
[QUOTE=LVgeogeek] At the time I did consider calling the police, but I didn’t think it was necessary. I don’t even want to press charges. [/QUOTE] I only suggested that you do that in order to establish the seriousness of the situation. In the event a second incident occurs or if the first incident has to be sorted out by a neutral third party, you don’t want anyone thinking that the first incident wasn’t too bad because you didn’t call the police. ---
**Author:** ![Fat\_Chance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8baadc/32.png) [@Fat\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fat_Chance)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2007, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/98 "2007-02-24T03:29:54Z")
So, I got sucked into this story - any update? What happened today? Was he at work, did you have any interaction? ---
**Author:** ![FRDE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e68b1a/32.png) [@FRDE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FRDE)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2007, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/99 "2007-02-24T15:34:06Z")
It sounds like the OP did something really dumb, probably in front of a client. The ex Marine reacted badly, he reverted to dealing with his team, rather than sitting down and quietly verbally demolishing her ( I had a basement room for verbal chastisement of miscreants - personally I prefer a pub ) I thoroughly disapprove of his behaviour, but reckon that she handled things wrong. I also reckon that he rather likes her, abuse is not the same as disdain. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2007, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/100 "2007-02-24T18:06:56Z")
[QUOTE=FRDE] It sounds like the OP did something really dumb, probably in front of a client. [/QUOTE] No, it doesn’t. It sounds like she took _one_ less water quality measurement (out of a series of them) than procedure required, which only came out _back at the lab/office_. Where you are picking up “in front of a client” I don’t know, and I don’t think it rates as “really” dumb, only _slightly_ so. I’ve worked as a geologist before, on a gold mine. Even with the _much_ rowdier work environment of a Witwatersrand gold mine (e.g. salty language A-OK, even in the mine management meetings!) , if I’d neglected to sample a face I was supposed to, the worst I’d get would be a ribbing or a verbal, off-the-record reprimand (depending on if it was my first time/how honest a mistake it was), and the sure knowledge that I’d better get down there first thing tomorrow. If _my_ line manager went off at me as described in the OP, he’d find himself with at least a written warning and a visit to the Company Psychologist by the end of the day. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184.md?page=6)