# I was verbally assaulted at work **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 22, 2007, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184 "2007-02-22T02:55:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2007, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/101 "2007-02-24T18:19:47Z")
[QUOTE=FRDE] I also reckon that he rather likes her, abuse is not the same as disdain. [/QUOTE] So abusing people you like is all right in your book? Calling someone a “worthless fucking piece of shit” is par for the course with someone you like and/or work with? ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2007, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/102 "2007-02-24T19:22:05Z")
[QUOTE=FRDE] It sounds like the OP did something really dumb, probably in front of a client. The ex Marine reacted badly, he reverted to dealing with his team, rather than sitting down and quietly verbally demolishing her ( I had a basement room for verbal chastisement of miscreants - personally I prefer a pub ) I thoroughly disapprove of his behaviour, but reckon that she handled things wrong. I also reckon that he rather likes her, abuse is not the same as disdain. [/QUOTE] Did you even _read_ the OP? She made a minor mistake and admitted to it. For this she gets cornered in her office and called a “fucking worthless piece of shit” - and somehow “she handled things wrong”? I am so glad I do not work in your world. ---
**Author:** ![WolfpackJeep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpackjeep/32/2921_2.png) [@WolfpackJeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WolfpackJeep)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2007, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/103 "2007-02-24T20:03:04Z")
[QUOTE=FRDE] It sounds like the OP did something really dumb, probably in front of a client. [/QUOTE] You really think she brought this on herself?? ---
**Author:** ![Quiddity\_Glomfuster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/c4cdca/32.png) [@Quiddity\_Glomfuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quiddity_Glomfuster)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2007, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/104 "2007-02-24T20:23:31Z")
[QUOTE=FRDE] I also reckon that he rather likes her, abuse is not the same as disdain. [/QUOTE] WHAT? So in your book, abuse is a sign of affection and is not nearly as bad as disdain? Please tell me you just expressed yourself badly, because if not, that is some seriously screwy thinking. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2007, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/105 "2007-02-24T21:43:49Z")
I guess **FRDE’s** post (and **levdrakon’s** ) are excellent examples of peoples’ mileages varying. I don’t think I could have gotten to their positions from the OP in a very long time. ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2007, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/106 "2007-02-24T21:53:59Z")
[QUOTE=levdrakon] He bitched at her, she bitched back, he bitched back and then the OP got scared. What would the “real women” in my experience do? Not get scared, and bitch back more. That’s pretty much how it works in the adult world. Do you go through life figuring if you get into an argument with a man it comes down to who can beat up whom? That’s playground shit. We’re talking about adults and whether they’re in the military or in business people don’t resolve their differences on the playground based on who can beat up whom. Do you think men in business resolve their pissing contests based on “I could probably take you in a fight?” [/QUOTE] Since when is telling someone what your allowable standard of treatment is, “bitching”? If she got scared it was because he MEANT to scare her. She did not get into an argument with him. He came into her office and castigated her, then when she told him that swearing and name calling was unacceptable, he intimidated her. What I understand you to be saying is that she should have known her “place” and taken the castigation, name calling, and intimidation without complaint. Are you, by chance a time traveler? That may have been acceptable in 1955, but not in 2007. ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2007, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/107 "2007-02-24T22:35:51Z")
[QUOTE=picunurse] Are you, by chance a time traveler? That may have been acceptable in 1955, but not in 2007. [/QUOTE] **Picnurse** , this was nearly unacceptable in the cotton fields of Mississippi, circa 1847. Point well made though. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2007, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/108 "2007-02-25T01:14:31Z")
Aw, crud; I didn’t realize this had gone to three pages. What others said re: abuse equalling liking. Man, I thought the Anna Nicole hearings were nuts. ---
**Author:** ![elelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@elelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elelle)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2007, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/109 "2007-02-25T02:16:18Z")
[QUOTE=ILovCoffee] OH for love of mike! The Co-worker was wrong to do what he did. I believe that in the Marines that they can yell at subordinates that way in order to “tear down and rebuild the pysche of the recruit as a ‘teammember’.” But treating coworkers in civilian life with that level of aggression is not acceptable. Storming back into a coworker’s office, slamming the door, getting in her face, unleasing a diatribe–that is not to be condoned. If this had happened between two strangers in line at the theater the aggressive guy would have been arrested, I would hope. Heck, if he had done that to a cop he would have been. If a fellow policeman did what the OP described to a policeman then it would have had reprocussions. [/QUOTE] I think this is the crux of the matter. When I first read the OP, it sounded like the Jr PM was using language and action from every cliched movie on Marine intimidation of recruits. I don’t have direct experience, but the cliche makes sense in military terms of breaking down the psyche, as quoted above. That’s not appropriate behavior, though, and if the JPM is to be effective for the company, he needs to be seriously re-educated. Not on his side, but to understand it, has he come recently out of the military? **LVgeogeek** , you are handling this very well. One indication to me was, after all that awful scary crap, on your second post in this thread, you just called him a “dingleberry”, rather than rail on with worse terms. Pretty well-balanced. Hold your head high, and good luck on navigating this. I hope your higher-ups realize this guy has some major problems dealing with people in a civil(ian) workplace. ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2007, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/110 "2007-02-25T03:08:28Z")
[QUOTE=Rilchiam] Well, first of all, he didn’t just “leave.” **LV** says he “stormed off,” [/quote] The OP was upset and recalling an emotional event. What does “stormed off” mean? Nothing. He left. Not much of an “attack.” More like a verbal hit and run. > [@](#): > > And as for “behind closed doors,” the impression I got was that the PM wanted to put **LV** in a situation where she could not get away. Yeah, well your “impression” is pretty obvious: > [@](#): > > I’m curious about something. When you get into an altercation, do you generally have the upper hand? Or are you more likely to cave, to feel intimidated and back down? Because I’m starting to wonder if you’ve been pushed around a lot, and secretly, you wish you could be like this guy and give back some of what you’ve gotten. Here’s another impression for you to try on. > [@](#): > > I did want to kick his ass, but being that I am smaller than this guy. And the fact the he was in the Marines makes me think I couldn’t take him. > [@](#): > > I came home and cleaned my guns to calm down. Maybe it’s something in that Hoppe’s 9 that does it. Now let’s see, he _verbally_ insults her, and she talks about kicking his ass and getting her guns ready. You know what one of the commonly missed signs of an impending workplace killing is? People talking about violence and specifically mentioning guns. Did the guy in this situation do either? Did the OP? Now, I think the OP was feeling pretty emotional about the whole thing and as I’ve already said several times I don’t blame her because the guy was wrong, wrong, wrong. I don’t blame her for being upset that is. Talking about hoping he gets fires so she can get his job? Talking about kicking his ass? Talking about cleaning her guns to feel better? You don’t think there’s a little emotional retelling here? Not the slightest possibility? ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2007, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/111 "2007-02-25T04:00:15Z")
All right, have it your way, **lev**. **FRDE** too. **LVgeo** is emotional and unstable, she escalated the situation, she made a bad impression on a client, the PM was acting out because of his unrequited crush, words are just words, Greedo shot first, and we have always been at war with Eastasia. Still wondering how many times you’ve been “cornered”, as you claim, and how that happened. ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2007, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/112 "2007-02-25T04:11:38Z")
[QUOTE=Rilchiam] All right, have it your way, **lev**. **FRDE** too. **LVgeo** is emotional and unstable, she escalated the situation, she made a bad impression on a client, the PM was acting out because of his unrequited crush, words are just words, Greedo shot first, and we have always been at war with Eastasia. Still wondering how many times you’ve been “cornered”, as you claim, and how that happened. [/QUOTE] Oh, quit it. How many times do people have to say “he was wrong” before you’ll quit sulking? I’ve been “cornered” many times. It’s a figure of speech. I don’t go home and start cleaning my guns, and I don’t think that’s what the OP meant either. I hope she didn’t anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2007, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/113 "2007-02-25T05:20:12Z")
[QUOTE=levdrakon] Oh, quit it. How many times do people have to say “he was wrong” before you’ll quit sulking? [/QUOTE] Don’t reframe the argument. ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2007, 8:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/114 "2007-02-25T08:22:33Z")
I don’t really see much wrong with what levdrakon has said. He/ she has not condoned the behaviour of the project manager- rather was warning the OP about perceptions. I see the OP said she was joking about getting him fired and taking the job- fair enough. Hope all goes well with the action that has been taken- you don’t have to put up with that nonsense. Under any circumstance. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2007, 9:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/115 "2007-02-25T09:16:16Z")
So he gets to twist everything **LV** has said? She “bitched back”, she “challenged him in front of everyone”, she displayed “signs of an impending workplace killing”. But it’s all okay, because he also said the PM was wrong. Saying that the PM was wrong does not justify slandering **LV**. ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2007, 9:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/116 "2007-02-25T09:24:50Z")
[QUOTE=Rilchiam] So he gets to twist everything **LV** has said? She “bitched back”, she “challenged him in front of everyone”, she displayed “signs of an impending workplace killing”. But it’s all okay, because he also said the PM was wrong. Saying that the PM was wrong does not justify slandering **LV**. [/QUOTE] Well I don’t think I’m “twisting” the fact that > [@](#): > > Maybe it’s **something** in that Hoppe’s 9 that does it. Emphasis mine. If you’re going to stand by the OP’s every word, I’d suggest you be the one to call the police. Now. Because the _something_ in the OP’s gun sounds suspiciously like premeditated murder to me. ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2007, 9:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/117 "2007-02-25T09:30:43Z")
[QUOTE=levdrakon] \If you’re going to stand by the OP’s every word, I’d suggest you be the one to call the police. Now. Because the _something_ in the OP’s gun sounds suspiciously like premeditated murder to me. [/QUOTE] And you were insinuating that I was hysterical and illogical the other day?! :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2007, 9:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/118 "2007-02-25T09:33:22Z")
[QUOTE=Zabali\_Clawbane] And you were insinuating that I was hysterical and illogical the other day?! :dubious: [/QUOTE] I’m just riffing off **Rilchiam**. ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2007, 9:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/119 "2007-02-25T09:54:44Z")
[QUOTE=Rilchiam] So he gets to twist everything **LV** has said? She “bitched back”, she “challenged him in front of everyone”, she displayed “signs of an impending workplace killing”. But it’s all okay, because he also said the PM was wrong. Saying that the PM was wrong does not justify slandering **LV**. [/QUOTE] At post #11 I saw nothing offensive. However, I don’t wish to have thread drift- which is occuring- from the original concept. I think both the original poster and levdrakon can be right. I will not be posting on this specific argument again. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2007, 10:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184/120 "2007-02-25T10:42:58Z")
[QUOTE=levdrakon] I’m just riffing off **Rilchiam**. [/QUOTE] Okay, so you’re just yanking my chain then. You don’t honestly think that **LV** is plotting murder, and you’re not really accusing her of it. Good. Because that would not only a **huge** reach, it would also be lower than whale dick. **LV** , for your sake, I’m going to have to bow out of this thread before **lev** smears you any further. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-verbally-assaulted-at-work/393184.md?page=7)