# I was wrong re: adult virginity and I would like to chastise myself in public. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 30, 2005, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-wrong-re-adult-virginity-and-i-would-like-to-chastise-myself-in-public/319306 "2005-08-30T19:11:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-wrong-re-adult-virginity-and-i-would-like-to-chastise-myself-in-public/319306/1 "2005-08-30T19:11:35Z")
I don’t really mean to bring this debate up again, but I’ve been thinking on it a lot, ever since. It’s none of my business whether or not you’re a virgin as an adult when we’re dating. No, it’s really not. And I’m sorry for thinking it was. The only time it becomes my business is if you intend to \*stay \* that way until some requirement gets fulfilled…i.e, religion, marriage, or something similar. Then I need to know, because my beliefs are the opposite - I wouldn’t marry you without being sure we were compatible in every way, and I won’t convert for you. Love doesn’t count, because if we’re meant to fall in love, we will anyway. So I’m sorry for saying that I need to know. Drinks on me! ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-wrong-re-adult-virginity-and-i-would-like-to-chastise-myself-in-public/319306/2 "2005-08-30T19:44:47Z")
Well, I was on your side earlier but now I respectfully disagree. Much to the chagrin of some (I’m sure), the default position for most adults (Western Culture) is not virginity until marriage. As such, it behooves a person taking that stance to advertise the fact early on and allow the potential partner make a decision as to whether or not they wish to continue to date with this information in hand. No? ---
**Author:** ![CookingWithGas](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cookingwithgas/32/485_2.png) [@CookingWithGas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CookingWithGas)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-wrong-re-adult-virginity-and-i-would-like-to-chastise-myself-in-public/319306/3 "2005-08-30T19:45:45Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I wouldn’t marry you without being sure we were compatible in every way. . . Take it from a guy who’s on his second marriage, you can’t be _sure_ you’re compatible in every way. You should probably live together, have a pet, then have a couple of kids, write a will together, visit each others family members out of state, maybe a protracted illness in the family and a couple of deaths, plan retirement, get laid off, and then, after about 30 years of that you will know whether you’re compatible enough to get married. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-wrong-re-adult-virginity-and-i-would-like-to-chastise-myself-in-public/319306/4 "2005-08-30T19:48:00Z")
My husband was a 28-year-old virgin when we began our relationship. I’m very glad he told me. If I hadn’t known, I’d have behaved differently in bed, and would have judged his behavior differently. ---
**Author:** ![harmless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@harmless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmless)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-wrong-re-adult-virginity-and-i-would-like-to-chastise-myself-in-public/319306/5 "2005-08-30T19:53:02Z")
I’m not sure what’s going on other than **Anaamika** seems to have drinks on her and might have virgins. Commence to slurping in 3…2… Good point, **pinkfreud**. What exactly was the original debate to bring some of us up to speed? ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-wrong-re-adult-virginity-and-i-would-like-to-chastise-myself-in-public/319306/6 "2005-08-30T20:02:10Z")
I’m just here for the free drinks. But I think it’s possible that my virginity has grown back. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-wrong-re-adult-virginity-and-i-would-like-to-chastise-myself-in-public/319306/7 "2005-08-30T20:04:14Z")
Check your hair for comb-overs. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-wrong-re-adult-virginity-and-i-would-like-to-chastise-myself-in-public/319306/8 "2005-08-30T20:17:25Z")
I only speak for myself, **Quickie**. I mean more that it really doesn’t and shouldn’t matter to me. Different people draw the line at different things. **CookingwithGas** , I also believe in living together before marriage. For an extended time period. Which I am doing…eight years now. **harmless** , the debate was: Adult Virginity. Should it be announced early on in a relationship? Does the other person have a right to know? And I am merely announcing that I no longer feel it necessary for me to know. (provided we’re going to work on changing that.) ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-wrong-re-adult-virginity-and-i-would-like-to-chastise-myself-in-public/319306/9 "2005-08-30T20:26:52Z")
I would like to chastise you in public too, so if you’ll just bend over this hard wooden chair and hand me that hairbrush, we can beg… …oh, was that in my out-loud voice? Er… never mind. ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-wrong-re-adult-virginity-and-i-would-like-to-chastise-myself-in-public/319306/10 "2005-08-30T20:30:34Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > I would like to chastise you in public too, so if you’ll just bend over this hard wooden chair and hand me that hairbrush, we can beg… > > …oh, was that in my out-loud voice? > > Er… never mind. This is definitely not a side of you we see very often, **Bricker**. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-wrong-re-adult-virginity-and-i-would-like-to-chastise-myself-in-public/319306/11 "2005-08-30T20:31:42Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > I would like to chastise you in public too, so if you’ll just bend over this hard wooden chair and hand me that hairbrush, we can beg… > > …oh, was that in my out-loud voice? > > Er… never mind. :o \*\*\*Bricker \* \*\* is saying this to me? I don’t know whether to run away or what. I’m shocked. But not displeased. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-wrong-re-adult-virginity-and-i-would-like-to-chastise-myself-in-public/319306/12 "2005-08-30T20:36:45Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > :o \*\*\*Bricker \* \*\* is saying this to me? > > I don’t know whether to run away or what. I’m shocked. But not displeased. Whew. > [@Maeglin](#): > > This is definitely not a side of you we see very often, **Bricker**. The fifth Tuesday of every month, I try to be unpredictable. ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-wrong-re-adult-virginity-and-i-would-like-to-chastise-myself-in-public/319306/13 "2005-08-30T20:39:43Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > The fifth Tuesday of every month, I try to be unpredictable. I actually had to look at a calendar. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-wrong-re-adult-virginity-and-i-would-like-to-chastise-myself-in-public/319306/14 "2005-08-30T20:45:27Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > :o \*\*\*Bricker \* \*\* is saying this to me? > > I don’t know whether to run away or what. I’m shocked. But not displeased. Now look here **Annamika**. If all you were looking for was a public spanking then all you needed to do was ask. There is very little need for subterfuge and oblique pretenses. I’m sure any number of people here would love to oblige. I’m sure a line is forming as we speak. 😃 It’s not my thing but I’ll be happy to sell tickets for a small consessions fee. What do you think is fair? A dollar a smack? Seven for a fiver? Senior discounts? BYO paddle? ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-wrong-re-adult-virginity-and-i-would-like-to-chastise-myself-in-public/319306/15 "2005-08-30T20:46:23Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Now look here **Annamika**. If all you were looking for was a public spanking then all you needed to do was ask. There is very little need for subterfuge and oblique pretenses. I’m sure any number of people here would love to oblige. I’m sure a line is forming as we speak. If you’re also wearing a suit and faking a British accent, then I believe she may have just died of joy. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![harmless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@harmless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmless)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-wrong-re-adult-virginity-and-i-would-like-to-chastise-myself-in-public/319306/16 "2005-08-30T20:48:28Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > Er… never mind. :dubious: Ya dang right, never mind. I do the paddling 'round these (and those) parts. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-wrong-re-adult-virginity-and-i-would-like-to-chastise-myself-in-public/319306/17 "2005-08-30T20:51:09Z")
You guys are \*killing \* me. I’m trying to hide my laughter because there’s no way in hell I can explain this. Senior discounts!? Oh gawd…how disgusting… ---
**Author:** ![Dorjan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dorjan/32/12440_2.png) [@Dorjan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dorjan)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-wrong-re-adult-virginity-and-i-would-like-to-chastise-myself-in-public/319306/18 "2005-08-30T20:55:26Z")
EIGHT years?! You might as **well** be married. What’s stopping you? ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-wrong-re-adult-virginity-and-i-would-like-to-chastise-myself-in-public/319306/19 "2005-08-30T20:57:19Z")
> [@Maeglin](#): > > This is definitely not a side of you we see very often, **Bricker**. I don’t think it was with **Bricker** ’s side he was concerned. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-wrong-re-adult-virginity-and-i-would-like-to-chastise-myself-in-public/319306/20 "2005-08-30T20:57:48Z")
> [@Dorjän](#): > > EIGHT years?! You might as **well** be married. What’s stopping you? We \*are \* married in our hearts, we just don’t have that little piece of paper. If you really want to hear all the reasons - well, how much time ya got? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-was-wrong-re-adult-virginity-and-i-would-like-to-chastise-myself-in-public/319306.md?page=2)