# I wasted my money on Jean Auel's latest book **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 4, 2011, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wasted-my-money-on-jean-auels-latest-book/577108 "2011-04-04T02:46:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![D.Fenestrator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aca169/32.png) [@D.Fenestrator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D.Fenestrator)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2011, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wasted-my-money-on-jean-auels-latest-book/577108/41 "2011-04-10T03:52:24Z")
I also liked the first couple of books but felt the later ones weren’t as good. I couldn’t even get through the first chapter of Shelters of Stone, however, let alone finish the thing, and I know I won’t even bother to open this latest book. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2011, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wasted-my-money-on-jean-auels-latest-book/577108/42 "2011-04-10T05:43:58Z")
Oh good gravy, there’s another one? I don’t recall PoP being _too_ horrible, but Shelters of Stone just lost me completely. It no longer even pretended to be about the characters, it was just a way for the lovely Ms. Auel to show off that she did **extensive research** on pre-historic flora, fauna, culture, blah blah blah. It was seriously a laundry list of THIS plant and bullet point its’ medicinal uses and THAT plant and its’ medicinal uses… Boring. Bo. Ring. I do not need to know every. single. plant. that’s growing next to the cave, kthxbye. Looking back, J&A’s relationship was seriously dysfunctional. I was practically screaming at the book during The Mammoth Hunters when J got pissed at her for no good reason and pushed her away so she, all confused, ran right into the arms of someone else, so he gets all jealous and pushes her away even harder **and for god’s sake just bleeping talk to each other.** The end of Shelters seemed like An End, so I had no idea she was even planning to write another one. I recall being relieved that it was the last book, so I wouldn’t have to slog my way through another one to satisfy my curiosity about what happens to them. Dammit. So, since I have no desire to slog, can someone who’s already taken one for the team summarize? Spoiler box away… P.S. why in hell is she still getting published with bloated crap like this? Is her editor a moron? Is her publisher? ---
**Author:** ![jabiru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/bbce88/32.png) [@jabiru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jabiru)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2011, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wasted-my-money-on-jean-auels-latest-book/577108/43 "2011-04-10T14:03:11Z")
I read an online interview with her today in which she hinted there may be yet another book. I wonder how much worse it could be? ---
**Author:** ![UncleRojelio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unclerojelio/32/3160_2.png) [@UncleRojelio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleRojelio)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2011, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wasted-my-money-on-jean-auels-latest-book/577108/44 "2011-04-10T15:13:59Z")
> [@Mississippienne](#): > > **Sampiro** , DNA evidence shows that non-African modern humans have Neanderthal ancestry, and some non-African modern humans are also descended from Denisovans, an archaic hominid subspecies much more obscure than Neanderthals. When more research is done, I suspect we’ll find out the Africans have archaic hominid admixture of their own. 😃 The May 2011 edition of Discover Magazine has an article on this. I’m just sitting down to read it now. ---
**Author:** ![Lsura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Lsura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lsura)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2011, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wasted-my-money-on-jean-auels-latest-book/577108/45 "2011-04-10T18:07:28Z")
> [@Kaio](#): > > So, since I have no desire to slog, can someone who’s already taken one for the team summarize? Spoiler box away… It’s still a little sloggish to give an overview of, but here goes: Ayla’s baby (Jonayla _gag_ I still hate that name. She can name the next one Crebuba or something equally bad. I shall call the baby Bad Name, or BN for short) is a few months old. Ayla is Zelandoni (Z1)'s apprentice. They’re soon heading to the Summer Meeting again. But Z1 decides that Ayla has to start her Donier Tour (this is never explained, but appears to be a tour of the various sacred caves). That poem is repeated a couple of times. Z1, A, J and BN head off on the tour. Since Z1 is a Big Woman, they’ve made a seat so she can ride behind one of the horses (this has been referred to elsewhere as the Popemobile). Of course, J is supportive and wonderful at taking care of BN. They visit some caves, A roars like a lion, whistles like a bird and finds her Voice (also never explained. Seems to be that tonal sound that will resonate at different points in caves so she knows where to look for paintings). There is an earthquake while they’re touring. A freaks, but only one person is dead, and it’s not one of their group so it’s ok. Fast forward 3-4 years. J, A, Z1, BN and some other people are going on the Major Tour this time: lots of caves. Lots of descriptions of caves (caves which represent vaginas and wombs, of course). BN is, like, an EXPERT horse rider of course, despite being 4 just 4 years old. At one cave a young woman who’s mate has died wants to go home to mama, so she joins the group. They travel, visit caves, and get to where they’re supposed to meet others from their group, but they haven’t arrived at the cave yet. J, A and BN head out to see if they can find them. A helps with a measles outbreak, BN doesn’t get it apparently. Z1 and A are wise and help many people during all of this. J & A capture a group of marauding rapists/thieves. Z1 and A decide to poison him, but the group he’s been hurting beats him to death after he tries to kill A (J stops this, of course). They go home eventually, bearing gifts, including a tea that’s supposed to help people visit the spirit world. A year(?) later. J, BN and the rest of the cave are heading to the summer meeting, but not A because she has to finish one of her trials. J’s mama is also not going because she’s old and sick. A finishes the trial, stays a few days longer to help deliver a baby and accidentally brews/drinks some of the tea that was given to them on the Grand Tour. She has a revelation that’s another verse to the Very Long Song and that reveals that men are important to make babies. Oh, and she was pregnant, but miscarries and decides that the baby had to be given to the Mother in return for the gift of the revelation. A takes off to the Summer Meeting once she recovers enough to do so, wanting to see J and Make A Baby with him. She gets there and catches him doing another woman. Not just ANY woman, but the bitchy Marona, who he was sort-of-but-not-really-promised to before he left with his brother. Also, two of the Mamutoi are there, Danug and Druwez, plus a Sarmunai who tells the story of A & J the Spirits Who Saved That One Sarmunai Camp. A & J don’t talk, of course. She’s all busy being inducted into the ranks of the Zelandoni and he’s all mopey J, being a Sad Sack. The Zelandoni make a ceremony for A to announce the new verse to the song with a festival afterward. Men will now get to name sons, women will name daughters and men will be called fathers of the children at their hearths. Men are all “but what if I didn’t make them - that slut might have slept with someone else! I don’t want to take care of someone else’s children!!” and the Zelandoni are all “whatever, you still have to. They’re born to your hearth.” At the festival, because J & A are not talking, A sleeps with someone else, the drunk beer maker who doesn’t take care of the kids at his hearth. J sees this and beats the shit out of him. A doesn’t talk to any one about this and how she feels. Z1 learns about the Root, the one that she’s used in the past and convinces A to make it for the Zelandoni. Guess what happens? A is lost in the spirit world being told that it’s all her fault the Mother is gone and only the Son remains. J has to bring her back again. They get back together, BN is happy about that and they plan to make another baby, maybe little Crebuba. J has to make reparations and since beer-maker has decided to leave the 9th cave, he will take care of his mate and children. But not as a second woman because he doesn’t want anyone but A, not really. That’s the basic overview. There’s lots of plant descriptions, walking through caves and less “but the Clan ARE people” than in previous books. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2011, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wasted-my-money-on-jean-auels-latest-book/577108/46 "2011-04-10T18:35:26Z")
Thanks, and WTF. It would be nice if the lovely Ms. Auel could decide if J&A really want to be monogamous or poly. And yeah… the ending doesn’t seem to make a lot of sense. [spoiler]The Great Mother gave you a great gift of knowledge! But knowing it destroys the Great Mother! You are a Bad Spirit Woman, Ayla! It’s all your fault! (And not, in point of fact, the Great Mother’s fault for giving you world-destroying knowledge in the first place.) BTW, how does she “accidentally” drink Spirit Tea? Wasn’t Ayla all Meticulous and Special because she could memorize the packaging and knotwork that represented hundreds of different herbs? [/spoiler] ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2011, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wasted-my-money-on-jean-auels-latest-book/577108/47 "2011-04-10T20:08:22Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > Why does it take her so long to finish her books? > > I don’t intend to read this one so I will ask for a spoiler: is she reunited with her Neanderthal hybrid child? I haven’t read the latest book, but… How could that be possible when the child is in the Black Sea area and Ayla’s in prehistoric France? Not many people hiked across the continent the way Ayla and Jondalar did. Hybrid child remains in Clan of the Cave Bear where the series should hav ended. I’m probably going to read this (check it out from the library so I don’t waste my own boney on it) just to see how bad it is. I’m expecting atrocity, and based on this thread my expectations will be exceeded. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2011, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wasted-my-money-on-jean-auels-latest-book/577108/48 "2011-04-10T20:56:39Z")
If there’s another one perhaps she’ll work in the 5000 year old “[Gay Caveman](http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/04/07/gay-caveman-found-prague_n_846246.html)” found near Prague. He’s so called because he’s a male skeleton buried in a style and with goods always associated with female burials, and also because of the remains of prehistoric Ikea goods in the cave as well as paintings on the wall of a storm in which it would seem it’s raining men. There’s also a series of pictographs that appears to read “We’re here, we’re queer, and we have an adult life expectancy of under 30 due to a combination of terrible diet, superstition based medicine, frequent bouts of exposure and malnutrition and numerous natural predators and obstacles… just like everybody else!” ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2011, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wasted-my-money-on-jean-auels-latest-book/577108/49 "2011-04-10T21:42:55Z")
> [@Kaio](#): > > Thanks, and WTF. It would be nice if the lovely Ms. Auel could decide if J&A really want to be monogamous or poly. > > And yeah… the ending doesn’t seem to make a lot of sense. > > [spoiler]The Great Mother gave you a great gift of knowledge! But knowing it destroys the Great Mother! You are a Bad Spirit Woman, Ayla! It’s all your fault! (And not, in point of fact, the Great Mother’s fault for giving you world-destroying knowledge in the first place.) > > BTW, how does she “accidentally” drink Spirit Tea? Wasn’t Ayla all Meticulous and Special because she could memorize the packaging and knotwork that represented hundreds of different herbs? > [/spoiler] It makes a lot of sense if you think of Mary Sue Ayla topping off her career of literary awesomeness by being Eve, and the Knowledge she gained being the allegory of the knowledge gained by eating the apple. I still haven’t decided if the serpent is really that of Long Dong Jondalar, however. ---
**Author:** ![Lsura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Lsura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lsura)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2011, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wasted-my-money-on-jean-auels-latest-book/577108/50 "2011-04-10T23:22:34Z")
> [@Kaio](#): > > BTW, how does she “accidentally” drink Spirit Tea? Wasn’t Ayla all Meticulous and Special because she could memorize the packaging and knotwork that represented hundreds of different herbs? Perfect Ayla was tired and had just spent a year watching sunrise and sunset. And of course, mint had been mixed with it so it smelled strongly of mint but not of other things. Yeah, I had the same reaction: she’s never screwed up the herbs before, but then she does? Ok then. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2011, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wasted-my-money-on-jean-auels-latest-book/577108/51 "2011-04-11T06:31:15Z")
I’m tired, so this is hilarious: Spirit Tea = Mint Tea = Spearmint Tea? = Spirit-Mint Tea Heehee! ---
**Author:** ![corvidae](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/898d66/32.png) [@corvidae](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corvidae)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2011, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wasted-my-money-on-jean-auels-latest-book/577108/52 "2011-04-11T12:49:30Z")
> [@Lsura](#): > > It’s still a little sloggish to give an overview of, but here goes: > > She can name the next one Crebuba or something equally bad. This absolutely kills me. Best name ever! ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2011, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wasted-my-money-on-jean-auels-latest-book/577108/53 "2011-04-11T14:48:06Z")
> [@Icerigger](#): > > The third was **The Mammoth Hunters.** She lost me with the fourth book **Plains of Passage** which was nothing more than endless descriptions of flora & fauna between sex scenes. The only redeeming feature of _Plains of Passage_ was the part where Auel finally explicitly compared Jondalar’s “manhood” to a mammoths. High-hilarity there. I read the books for the comedy. Other people might call those the sex scenes, but I call them comedy. ---
**Author:** ![Motorgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e36b37/32.png) [@Motorgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Motorgirl)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2011, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wasted-my-money-on-jean-auels-latest-book/577108/54 "2011-04-18T00:35:35Z")
I’m 16 pages in and I don’t think I will be able to finish this book. ---
**Author:** ![Lsura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Lsura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lsura)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2011, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wasted-my-money-on-jean-auels-latest-book/577108/55 "2011-04-18T02:05:07Z")
> [@Motorgirl](#): > > I’m 16 pages in and I don’t think I will be able to finish this book. Not going to kid you, this one is _work_ and not the fun kind of work, and not even the character building kind. I suffered through ONLY because this is supposed to be the last one. If you don’t have some reason to want to finish it, it’s not worth it. Even the Auelboards are trashing it, and they’re usually all “how day your tarnish the name” about her stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Motorgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e36b37/32.png) [@Motorgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Motorgirl)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2011, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wasted-my-money-on-jean-auels-latest-book/577108/56 "2011-04-18T02:18:42Z")
I’m devoting tomorrow to getting through the book. It’s a holiday and I have nothing better to do, apparently. God grant me strength! Or the earth mother. Or somebody, please! ---
**Author:** ![Snickers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Snickers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snickers)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2011, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wasted-my-money-on-jean-auels-latest-book/577108/57 "2011-04-18T14:55:16Z")
I bought this ages ago, and I still haven’t finished it. I’m a hugely fast reader, rarely give up on books, and I still haven’t finished it. I read the last Harry Potter in a day, and can’t get through this bad boy. Good luck to you, **Motorgirl**. I’ve read ahead, so I pretty much know what happens anyway, so I don’t know if I will finish it. I feel like I should get combat pay, or something. My mom asked about it. I told her it was terrible. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2011, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wasted-my-money-on-jean-auels-latest-book/577108/58 "2011-04-19T22:13:01Z")
Pitch for a multimillion selling new series: **Caveman Vampires** - with lots of sex! I’ll bet you could get a six figure advance easy. ---
**Author:** ![Chopper9760](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/cdc98d/32.png) [@Chopper9760](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chopper9760)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2011, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wasted-my-money-on-jean-auels-latest-book/577108/59 "2011-04-19T22:39:17Z")
My thanks to everyone in this thread, particularly **Lsura**. I always finish a series, no matter how shitty they get, but in this case I’ll take your good advice and save the time and money. ---
**Author:** ![Motorgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e36b37/32.png) [@Motorgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Motorgirl)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2011, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wasted-my-money-on-jean-auels-latest-book/577108/60 "2011-04-20T00:25:36Z")
I’m about 1/3 of the way through. It’s either improved, or my brain has given up. If she’s going to invent the wheel she’d better hurry up. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wasted-my-money-on-jean-auels-latest-book/577108.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wasted-my-money-on-jean-auels-latest-book/577108.md?page=4)