# I will never play a game with you again, you pig.
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-will-never-play-a-game-with-you-again-you-pig/145807
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [December 31, 2002, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-will-never-play-a-game-with-you-again-you-pig/145807 "2002-12-31T03:15:18Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Podkayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Podkayne)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2002, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-will-never-play-a-game-with-you-again-you-pig/145807/1 "2002-12-31T03:15:18Z")
From the first games I played with you, you kind of pissed me off. Twice, you accused me of cheating when I’d made an honest mistake, which is pretty fucking rude, but more to the point, it’s my experience that it’s the _cheaters_ who suspect everybody else of cheating and watch them like hawks. So if there’s one guy who’s always accusing people of cheating, he’s probably a cheater.
Okay, so I avoided playing with you, but in a small games club like ours, from time to time, there’s nothing else going on. It’d be pretty rude of me to turn down your game when I’m obviously looking for something to do.
So I’ve gritted my teeth and played a few games with you from time to time–until you pissed me off _again_ by accusing my husband and helping my me, “because she’s your wife.” Christ, man, you’ve _played_ with us before, and you should have _noticed_ that we’re quite competitive with each other, and we _never_ pull punches. We play to win, and we play fair and square–but I don’t know if you’re even capable of recognizing fair play when you see it.
So I said to myself, that’s it, I’m not ever playing with this dick again, because he thinks I’m a cheater–most likely because he’s just a dishonest cheating bastard himself and he projects the same slimy motives onto everyone else.
So, at that meeting, even though turnout was sparse, what with most people out of town for Christmas, and even though everyone was cajoling me to come play, I probably should have politely declined and found some way to amuse myself quietly, either until somebody else showed up, or until the hubby was finished with his card game and ready to go home.
But, I was there to game, and this was the only game in town, so, against my better judgement, I sat down. Two of us had never played the game before, and it was quite complicated and the rules weren’t explained to us in detail so we were pretty lost at the start–which is perfectly alright in a friendly game. I was happy to learn the rules as I went along, because it was a friendly game and it didn’t matter much who won as long as everyone fun. I just forgot that you, sir, are incabable of playing a _friendly_ game because you have the all the personality of a slime-dwelling maggot.
I ended up in a battle with the other novice player, and he made a stategic error because he didn’t understand the rules, and, as it stood, I was going to win that battle. I was happy to let him take it back, but the more experienced players were a bit impatient. They were urging him to just accept the loss as a learning experience and keep the game going. Then, you, sir, trotted out the following steaming nugget of wisdom:
“Yeah, just let the girl win. That’s the rule.”
_ **"WHAT!?!"** _
That’s all I could say.
The other players were taken aback as well. After looking back and forth from him to me, one guy (trying to break the tension, I guess) said, “You know, Pod, if you want to hit him, I’ll look the other way.”
Well, although it would make a more colorful rant if I did, or even if I _wanted_ to, I rarely have violent urges, even when I am severely pissed off. I’m not really very confrontational. I didn’t even leave the game. Just played it out.
Buddy-boy, I don’t know if you have some sort of deep-seated problem with women, and the crap you’ve given me in the past actually stems from the fact that you can’t handle losing to a girl. I don’t know if you _thought_ you were being funny. Whatever motivated you to say what you said, it is truly fucking pitiful that you lack the wisdom to recognize the inappropriateness of your words, _and_ that you lacked the restraint to keep your drooling, foul-smelling trap _shut_.
Games club is wall-to-wall geeks. The rules of social intercourse are lax, to say the least. And yet, in the land of the unwashed, the ungraceful, and the uncouth, you, sir, have managed to distinguish yourself as a complete and utter asshole.
If you were the last man on Earth, and I was the last woman, and no work of man had survived except for a motherfucking Parcheesi set, then, sir, never again (it goes without saying) would the face of the Earth know the laughter of children, and _never again,_ sir, would dice be cast or tokens moved. Never again, _sir,_ would two heads bow over a board in the spirit of friendly competition. I would undertake a journey of weeks that I might cast the board and the dice and the tokens into the mouth of a flaming volcano, lest I ever be tempted to sit across the gaming table from you again.
You can cram your copy of _Elfenland_ up your ass sideways, for all I care, because I’m never going to play a game with you again–and I’m not going to mince around to avoid hurting your feelings about it, either. I’ve had it with your crap.
---
### Author:  [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2002, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-will-never-play-a-game-with-you-again-you-pig/145807/2 "2002-12-31T03:22:39Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Podkayne \*
> \*\*If you were the last man on Earth, and I was the last woman, and no work of man had survived except for a motherfucking Parcheesi set, then, sir, never again (it goes without saying) would the face of the Earth know the laughter of children, and _never again,_ sir, would dice be cast or tokens moved. \*\*
This sentence is pure genious. Great rant.
Haj
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### Author:  [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2002, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-will-never-play-a-game-with-you-again-you-pig/145807/3 "2002-12-31T03:23:16Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Podkayne \*
>
> Games club is wall-to-wall geeks. The rules of social **intercourse** are lax, to say the least.
WAIT JUST A MINUTE!!
You have intercourse at your game club!!???
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### Author:  [@Podkayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Podkayne)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2002, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-will-never-play-a-game-with-you-again-you-pig/145807/4 "2002-12-31T03:28:23Z")
Sure, **Homebrew**. Ain’t you never heard of gaming nookie?
And thanks, **Haj**. 🙂
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### Author:  [@Richard\_Pearse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Pearse)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2002, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-will-never-play-a-game-with-you-again-you-pig/145807/5 "2002-12-31T04:24:32Z")
Let me guess, you noramlly beat this person don’t you? See, if you keep winning then you must be cheating, it can’t be because you are good at the game.
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### Author:  [@happyheathen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/happyheathen)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2002, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-will-never-play-a-game-with-you-again-you-pig/145807/6 "2002-12-31T04:36:29Z")
hee-hee
**Pod’s** in love…
how sweet!
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### Author:  [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2002, 9:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-will-never-play-a-game-with-you-again-you-pig/145807/7 "2002-12-31T09:15:36Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Podkayne \*
> **Ain’t you never heard of gaming nookie?**
Slack 1 die -1, +1 if you have any RPGs in your room.
“Hey baby, want to see my miniatures?”
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### Author:  [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2002, 11:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-will-never-play-a-game-with-you-again-you-pig/145807/8 "2002-12-31T11:36:41Z")
Is it bad if I can identify the game Sturm just quoted?
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### Author:  [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2002, 11:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-will-never-play-a-game-with-you-again-you-pig/145807/9 "2002-12-31T11:40:56Z")
I don’t know. Is it worse if I admit to having known someone who _would_ use that as a pick up line? How about if I nearly married his best friend? :Hangs head in shame: Yes, I did see his miniatures, and they weren’t! :o
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### Author:  [@Frumious\_Bandersnatch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frumious_Bandersnatch)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2002, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-will-never-play-a-game-with-you-again-you-pig/145807/10 "2002-12-31T15:17:04Z")
Re: I will never play a game with you again, you pig.
> [@](#):
>
> ## quote:
>
> Originally posted by Podkayne
>
> ## Games club is wall-to-wall geeks. The rules of social intercourse are lax, to say the least.
>
> WAIT JUST A MINUTE!!
>
> You have intercourse at your game club!!???
Well she _did_ say
Snip
> [@](#):
>
> So I said to myself, that’s it, I’m not ever playing with this dick again
I am curious what dicks will you be playing with?😉
---
### Author:  [@Podkayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Podkayne)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2002, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-will-never-play-a-game-with-you-again-you-pig/145807/11 "2002-12-31T17:18:42Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Skogcat \*
> \*\*Let me guess, you noramlly beat this person don’t you? See, if you keep winning then you must be cheating, it can’t be because you are good at the game. \*\*
I don’t know . . . Suddenly, lately, everybody’s saying I _always_ win, which certainly isn’t the case. I really don’t think I have any great strategic gift, or anything. I’m a complete mess when it comes to chess, for example. I know many games well, and I’m quick up the learning curve when I pick up a new game, but that’s really the extent of my talents. I think that this one girl started saying “Pod always wins,” and since then, it’s been one of the in-jokes, and the confirmation bias isn’t helping. _sigh_
I’ve never seen him be that rude to other people, but I go out of my way not to game with him, so maybe he’s just an all-around jerk, or a sexist pig to all the women at the club, or maybe he’s just decided that I in particular have wronged him and now I will know the biting sting of his sexist comments. Everyone seems to agree that he’s a dip, but as far as I know, I’m the only person who actively loathes him.
It’s all about the slack, baby. I’ll pretty much play with any dick–as long as I’m asked nicely and everybody plays by the rules. 🙂
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### Author:  [@Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashtar)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2002, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-will-never-play-a-game-with-you-again-you-pig/145807/12 "2002-12-31T18:52:57Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by E-Sabbath \*
> \*\*Is it bad if I can identify the game Sturm just quoted? \*\*
That game sucks. I never win.
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### Author:  [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2002, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-will-never-play-a-game-with-you-again-you-pig/145807/13 "2002-12-31T21:20:37Z")
> [@](#):
>
> It’s all about the slack, baby. I’ll pretty much play with any dick–as long as I’m asked nicely and everybody plays by the rules.
So, you like slack dick? And here I am wasting all my money on Viagara.
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### Author:  [@Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barbarian)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2002, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-will-never-play-a-game-with-you-again-you-pig/145807/14 "2002-12-31T21:45:44Z")
One day, I will meet **Pod** , and confess to her my undying appreciation.
She likes Heinlein-- I was born on his birthday.
She plays _games_ to win-- I have to throw them so people will conext to play with me.
She’s probably cute too.
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### Author:  [@Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barbarian)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2002, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-will-never-play-a-game-with-you-again-you-pig/145807/15 "2002-12-31T21:48:20Z")
What the hell is conext? I meant continue…
Damn qwerty keyboard.
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### Author:  [@Podkayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Podkayne)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2002, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-will-never-play-a-game-with-you-again-you-pig/145807/16 "2002-12-31T23:33:29Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Miller \*
> \*\*So, you like slack dick? And here I am wasting all my money on Viagara. \*\*
No, no, sweetie, slack is the _result._
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### Author:  [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)
#### Post date: [January 1, 2003, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-will-never-play-a-game-with-you-again-you-pig/145807/17 "2003-01-01T01:09:34Z")
The French have an observation that a man only looks beneath a bed if he has hidden there himself, e.g. your toady associate is likely a cheater.
South Philadelphians have a similar observation-I’ll kick yer ass, you SOB! C’mon!!
Continue to win and do well, it’s obvious your cerebral qualities far outweigh his!
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### Author:  [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)
#### Post date: [January 1, 2003, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-will-never-play-a-game-with-you-again-you-pig/145807/18 "2003-01-01T01:15:26Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Podkayne \*
> \*\*No, no, sweetie, slack is the _result._ \*\*
Not if I’m ODing on Viagra, it isn’t.
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### Author:  [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)
#### Post date: [January 2, 2003, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-will-never-play-a-game-with-you-again-you-pig/145807/19 "2003-01-02T02:56:23Z")
This thread is AWESOME!
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### Author:  [@Podkayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Podkayne)
#### Post date: [January 11, 2003, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-will-never-play-a-game-with-you-again-you-pig/145807/20 "2003-01-11T04:16:01Z")
This is such a shameless bump, but I have to share. I declare myself QUEEN GEEK OVER ALL OF YOU 'cause I met the designer of Chez Geek tonight.
We were playing a quick game, and were puzzling over a particular order-of-play thing, when this guy we’d just met tonight busted in to explain it, and we were all like, okay, gee, thanks Mister Rules Man, sheesh. Then he was like, “I designed the game.” And we were like, oooookay, yeah, sure, you’re the guy that designed the game. So we were like, oh, now nice, and ignored him until he went away.
So I sneaked a look at the rules sheet, thinking, tscha, this guy probably like, _playtested_ the game, and he just _thinks_ he’s like a big-time games designer, but then, big as day, there was his name. **Game Designer:** John [whatever, I’m bad with names, it begins with a D.]
So, I was like, HOLY SHIT!
Anyway, I talked to him later. Turns out he knows my husband (though the hubby didn’t realize he was the designer of Chez Geek.) He said he felt like he sounded like a tool with the rules and the “I designed the game thing,” and I was like, oh, no, and he was like no really, and I was like, okay, maybe a little, and we had laffs over it. He’s actually a pretty cool guy!
So, BOW BEFORE MY GEEKINESS! BOW DOWN!