# I wish I was a cow. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 22, 2004, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-cow/246489 "2004-05-22T05:34:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2004, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-cow/246489/1 "2004-05-22T05:34:54Z")
Moo. :dubious: Except for the getting eaten thing, of course. ---
**Author:** ![if6was9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@if6was9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if6was9)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2004, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-cow/246489/2 "2004-05-22T05:39:21Z")
You could be the spokesman for a computer company. Or dinner, of course… ---
**Author:** ![Sisyphus\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sisyphus\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sisyphus_Stone)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2004, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-cow/246489/3 "2004-05-22T05:48:34Z")
Udderly ridiculous! ---
**Author:** ![LadyMack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4491bb/32.png) [@LadyMack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LadyMack)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2004, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-cow/246489/4 "2004-05-22T05:56:15Z")
_ZAP_ You’re a cow. Happy? ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2004, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-cow/246489/5 "2004-05-22T05:57:07Z")
You’ve returned to us with a fascination with cows. I’d love to hear the back story behind this! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2004, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-cow/246489/6 "2004-05-22T07:12:22Z")
Would you like to be milked by hand or by machine, or is either one good for you? ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2004, 9:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-cow/246489/7 "2004-05-22T09:59:28Z")
> [@](#): > > _ZAP_ > > You’re a cow. [Eric Cartman] NoClueboy’s a cow! NoClueboy’s a cow! hehehehehehehe [Eric Cartman] ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2004, 11:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-cow/246489/8 "2004-05-22T11:04:59Z")
And once you gave birth, you’d be decalfinated. ---
**Author:** ![calm\_kiwi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@calm\_kiwi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/calm_kiwi)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2004, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-cow/246489/9 "2004-05-22T12:38:57Z")
Such a beefy chap. ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ccd318/32.png) [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2004, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-cow/246489/10 "2004-05-22T12:42:46Z")
Ever heard of Bovine University? ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2004, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-cow/246489/11 "2004-05-22T13:24:49Z")
> [@Paul in Saudi](#): > > Ever heard of Bovine University? No way! I had no idea such a place existed. 🙂 > [@yosemite](#): > > You’ve returned to us with a fascination with cows. I’d love to hear the back story behind this! Well, there I was, hours away from home, having just completed a pretty difficult remodel (so many existing problems we had to work around) with a group of very high strung and cocky perfectionists (the single most common quality for a good remodeler) dealing with some of the stupidest owner/operaters and local trades we’ve seen in a long time… and I passed a field of cows. Well, it was actually a field of grass whithin which and upon were said cows. They looked liked they were having fun, just being cows and all, and I pondered on what such an existance might be like. I decided it might be nice, provided you didn’t know about the steaks and all. Which is why we need to breed an animal that actually WANTS to be eaten. And is capable of saying so, clearly and distinctly. We’re really milking this, aren’t we? ;j * * * ---
**Author:** ![calm\_kiwi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@calm\_kiwi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/calm_kiwi)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2004, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-cow/246489/12 "2004-05-22T13:29:06Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > Which is why we need to breed an animal that actually WANTS to be eaten. And is capable of saying so, clearly and distinctly. Have you never actually met a woman? 😃 ohhhhhhhhh yeahhh baby ---
**Author:** ![Magickly\_Delicious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magickly\_Delicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magickly_Delicious)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2004, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-cow/246489/13 "2004-05-22T15:10:15Z")
You wanna be a cow? I really doubt they know about the steak and all, being that they’re dumb as rocks. You do know that they’re so stupid they routinely [eat nails](http://www.magnetsource.com/Solutions_Pages/cowmags.html), right? ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2004, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-cow/246489/14 "2004-05-22T15:40:09Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > Which is why we need to breed an animal that actually WANTS to be eaten. And is capable of saying so, clearly and distinctly. Al Capp solved that problem decades ago with the [Shmoo](http://www.lil-abner.com/shmoo.html). ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2004, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-cow/246489/15 "2004-05-22T16:54:00Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > Which is why we need to breed an animal that actually WANTS to be eaten. And is capable of saying so, clearly and distinctly. [zaphod]Great! Let’s meet the meat![/zaphod] ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2004, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-cow/246489/16 "2004-05-22T17:53:33Z")
Okay, but you’d still be full of bull… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2004, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-cow/246489/17 "2004-05-22T18:17:51Z")
> [@screech-owl](#): > > And once you gave birth, you’d be decalfinated. That is so so so bad. Can I use it??? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2004, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-cow/246489/18 "2004-05-22T18:19:52Z")
I wish you were a cow, too. ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2004, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-cow/246489/19 "2004-05-22T19:12:08Z")
> [@](#): > > I am cow, here I stand > far and wide upon this land > and I am living everywhere > from B.C. to Newfoundland > You can squeeze my teats by hand > I am cow, I am cow, I am cow > I am cow, I am cow, I am cow! I am Cow by Arrogant Worms 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2004, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-cow/246489/20 "2004-05-22T19:17:42Z")
Say it now And say it loud: I’m a cow And I’m proud! The Few, the Proud, the Cows [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-cow/246489.md?page=2)