# I wish I was a lower form of life **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 31, 2003, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-lower-form-of-life/192144 "2003-07-31T15:16:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-lower-form-of-life/192144/1 "2003-07-31T15:16:18Z")
Now, before you all start chiming in with your smartass comments like, “But m’lord, you are a lower form of life!”, let me explain. I was watching something on the Discovery channel the other night about the mating habits of some species of deep sea fish. The female wants to mate, so she waves her dorsal fin. The male sees this, and reciprocates. She waves it one more time, and the male goes to work. Why do human mating habits have to be so much more complicated? Why do we have these stupid things like the Three Day Rule? Can’t things just be simpler? ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-lower-form-of-life/192144/2 "2003-07-31T15:24:59Z")
Speaking as a lower form of life, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-lower-form-of-life/192144/3 "2003-07-31T15:35:04Z")
Three day rule? ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-lower-form-of-life/192144/4 "2003-07-31T15:43:51Z")
Actually, a lot of animal mating rituals are just as stoopid as human rituals. Probably the sparrow that sits in a tree chirping loudly all Spring is thinking, “Sheesh, this is idiotic. Couldn’t I just post a personal ad?”. Certain female fireflies mimic the flashing of other species so that when a horny male shows up, it’s dinner time. Birds such as peacocks carry useless and heavy displays of plumage that consume energy and make it difficult for them to elude predators. Salmon have to fight their way upstream for miles and miles past dams, rapids, and hungry grizzlies in order to mate. And then they die. None of which is to say that I haven’t often envied the simplicity of the amoeba’s reproductive life. ---
**Author:** ![misstee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/958977/32.png) [@misstee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/misstee)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-lower-form-of-life/192144/5 "2003-07-31T15:48:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by World Eater \* > \*\*Three day rule? \*\* I am also not familiar with this rule, do enlighten us **Lord Ashtar** ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-lower-form-of-life/192144/6 "2003-07-31T15:49:08Z")
You’ve never heard of the Three Day Rule, **World Eater**? Apparently when you get a girl’s number, you call her three days later. Too soon, you look too desperate. Too much later, you look like you’re just looking to get laid and are therefore an asshole. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-lower-form-of-life/192144/7 "2003-07-31T15:50:47Z")
_singing_ Oh I wish I was a lower form of life, I wish I was a lower form of life, Just a happy little fella Giving syphilis and rubella, Oh I wish I was a lower form of life. ---
**Author:** ![Swampwolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8edcca/32.png) [@Swampwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swampwolf)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-lower-form-of-life/192144/8 "2003-07-31T16:01:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by matt\_mcl \* > \*\*_singing_ > > Oh I wish I was a lower form of life, > I wish I was a lower form of life, > Just a happy little fella > Giving syphilis and rubella, > Oh I wish I was a lower form of life. \*\* Out of curiosity, what’s the tune? I can’t help but think it’s to “if you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands.” Help me out here? ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-lower-form-of-life/192144/9 "2003-07-31T16:18:19Z")
We don’t have dorsal fins. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-lower-form-of-life/192144/10 "2003-07-31T16:18:52Z")
Well, _“Giving syphilis and rubella”_ and _“clap your hands”_ aren’t entirely dissimilar. ---
**Author:** ![Bruce\_Daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-lower-form-of-life/192144/11 "2003-07-31T16:50:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lieu \* > \*\*Well, _“Giving syphilis and rubella”_ > and > _“clap your hands”_ aren’t entirely dissimilar. \*\* God damn you’re funny. I always thought it would be nice if evolution put some LEDs on our foreheads that lit up when we were attracted to the person we were talking to. Or dorsal fins, whatever. ---
**Author:** ![Bruce\_Daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-lower-form-of-life/192144/12 "2003-07-31T16:55:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lieu \* > \*\*Well, _“Giving syphilis and rubella”_ > and > _“clap your hands”_ aren’t entirely dissimilar. \*\* God damn you’re funny. I always thought it would be nice if evolution put some LEDs on our foreheads that lit up when we were attracted to the person we were talking to. Or dorsal fins, whatever. ---
**Author:** ![Fretful\_Porpentine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fretful_porpentine/32/2873_2.png) [@Fretful\_Porpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fretful_Porpentine)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-lower-form-of-life/192144/13 "2003-07-31T20:12:07Z")
If a guy waited three days to call me, I’d figure he’d been trying to date somebody else first and I was the back-up plan. Don’t put too much stock in rules. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-lower-form-of-life/192144/14 "2003-07-31T20:21:09Z")
I’d call the next day. What? I _am_ desperate. ---
**Author:** ![Velma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/85e7bf/32.png) [@Velma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velma)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-lower-form-of-life/192144/15 "2003-07-31T20:22:10Z")
At least we don’t devour you as soon as we’ve got your sperm. So you’ve got that going for you. ---
**Author:** ![Sunglasses](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5fc32e/32.png) [@Sunglasses](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunglasses)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-lower-form-of-life/192144/16 "2003-07-31T20:22:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Fretful Porpentine \* > **If a guy waited three days to call me, I’d figure he’d been trying to date somebody else first and I was the back-up plan.** The last time a guy waited 3 days to call me, I’d already lost interest. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-lower-form-of-life/192144/17 "2003-07-31T20:27:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lord Ashtar \* > \*\*You’ve never heard of the Three Day Rule, **World Eater**? > > Apparently when you get a girl’s number, you call her three days later. Too soon, you look too desperate. Too much later, you look like you’re just looking to get laid and are therefore an asshole. \*\* Ah gotcha, up here it’s a week. The rules are the same though. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-lower-form-of-life/192144/18 "2003-07-31T20:32:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Velma \* > \*\*At least we don’t devour you as soon as we’ve got your sperm. So you’ve got that going for you. \*\* Thanks, **Velma** dear. That cheered me up a bit. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-lower-form-of-life/192144/19 "2003-07-31T22:13:11Z")
I think **Lord Ashtar** you’ll find that it is quite as simple for Humans. Male: licks nose with tongue Female: Waves breasts at male Male: licks eyebrows with tongue Both: Bonk like rabbits ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-lower-form-of-life/192144/20 "2003-08-01T00:34:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by blessedwolf \* > \*\*Out of curiosity, what’s the tune? I can’t help but think it’s to “if you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands.” > Help me out here? \*\* I’m pretty sure you’re right but it also works to “I wish I were an Oscar Myer Weiner” which is much funnier. good one, **matt\_mcl**. Are you a tenor? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-i-was-a-lower-form-of-life/192144.md?page=2)