# I \*wish\* to be Lindsay Lohan.... NOW! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 11, 2004, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-to-be-lindsay-lohan-now/274165 "2004-11-11T06:01:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2004, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-to-be-lindsay-lohan-now/274165/1 "2004-11-11T06:01:48Z")
Ya know that fairy type who’s always handing out those three wishes? Well, I don’t need all of them, just one. And it’s something I’ve never wanted before… to be someone else, especially if that person is famous. But for the first time in my 36 years of life, I was really blown away by the antics of an incredibly cute, talented 18 year old girl. Where has she been my whole life? (Alright, so “not born yet” would cover most parts, but I mean the _idea_ of her – that was who I’m sure I was supposed to really be, minus all the great stuff, that is.) Yes, yes I _did_ watch both **Mean Girls** and **Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen** on PayPerView late the other night. No, no I normally don’t like that kind of stuff. Yes, yes there wasn’t anything terribly depressing enough on IFC for me. So, I watched MG first and thought she was likable and not overly affectatious. Nice that she seemed a lot different than most other actresses her age and ilk. So, nothing better to do when MG went off and I still couldn’t sleep. Figured what the hell. And it had Glenne Headley (who I adore), Adam Garcia (who’s certainly pleasing to look at – AND he had long hair!) and Carol Kane (who one could never get enough of), therefore it didn’t come across as a total waste. Thus here’s my predicament… I want her energy! I want her essence! I want her abilities! I WANT HER TO VACATE THAT BODY AND LET ME TELEPORT IN RIGHT THIS FREAKIN’ MINUTE!! Is this bad? 😃 😃 Because here’s what has me, well, wanting to _be_ her, what she represents/presents for me… OH MY GOD!!! She IS a hippie incarnate! She like the ‘nobody’ girl for the right. reasons. She has a more normal body!! She, praise Og, ain’t no size 2! Plus, she appears comfortable with it. She has freckles! And upper arms that aren’t pencil thin! She’s pale too, but not like cool-Nicole-Kidman like. She doesn’t mind being goofy and yet still doesn’t channel Meg Ryan (ugh!). She can dance! Well, in my no-rhythm world she can. I wish_I_ couldn’t like that. She does ‘wide eyed innocence,’ ‘coy/pouty’ and ‘angsty-cartoonish’ all very well. I LIKE her singing!! I’m gonna be humming that songs for days. :o I like her fashion sense too, from what I’ve seen so far in my obsession wandering. Surely she’s intelligent on top of everything else. She HAS to be! She definitely, IMHO, has it all and a bag of chips, WITH dip even. 😃 Therefore, I need to BE her. I don’t particularly care if I’m that young and I have no desire to have _ever_ dated Aaron Carter, but damn, the rest all looks to be going for her. And wish fairy ™, you could also leave off _vast_ sums of money (although a little would be nice to help out my loved ones and such with), fame and yet keep anything I’ve already been saddled with to even out the deal. How does that sound? Please, please, pleeeeeeease. Puleeze. Pleasepleaseplease and, gasp, please some more. And if you grant this wish, I promise not to stalk her or beg to have her babies (ok, I realize that’s impossible since we’re the same gender, but I’m willing to bargain here!) and I’d be more than happy to live next door to Joan Rivers, endorse HyTop pizzas and wear purple (!!!) nail polish forever in exchange. I’d even go out with Ed the florist who owns pet snails and swears that he’s really either an 18th century salmon or a one of the Borg from the future. I’ll clean out my mother’s underwear drawer. I’ll be good. I’ll floss fifteen times a day and KNEEL to say my prayers. I will listen to telemarketer pitches. :eek: I better stop before it gets too gross, even for moi, to continue. Did I say please? 😃 Should I throw in an offer of head groupie?? ::: closes eyes, crosses fingers, rubs magic bottle, chants/prays incantation and sacrafices an Elmo doll while Snoopy dancing naked under the summer house moon::: For one can never be too careful about their dreams, now can they?? ~signed faithfool (Should I switch names to L1nDs@yLUUUV3RalWayZZ!11! -or- eL1zA_do_RAWKS! ? ;)) and her first _truly_ mundane and pointless thread – and who now WILL own a copy of that movie and hopefully, forfeit all the l33t speak (and smilie, parenthesis, ellipsies, asterisks, exclamation marks, cutesie typing in general) once I’m done with this post Now come on Wish Person! I’m waiting, but not patiently. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2004, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-to-be-lindsay-lohan-now/274165/2 "2004-11-11T06:06:41Z")
Let the record show that when **faithfool** turns into Lindsey Lohan _I_ want to nail her… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2004, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-to-be-lindsay-lohan-now/274165/3 "2004-11-11T06:16:10Z")
Have you ever seen her interviewed? She’s got zero upstairs…plus she’s fat and can’t act. ---
**Author:** ![tim314](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim314/32/3468_2.png) [@tim314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim314)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2004, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-to-be-lindsay-lohan-now/274165/4 "2004-11-11T06:33:27Z")
> [@Diogenes the Cynic](#): > > she’s fat Are you from [flatland](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/048627263X/qid=1100155280/sr=2-1/ref=pd_ka_b_2_1/102-1964283-6809758)? Am I being whooshed? ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2004, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-to-be-lindsay-lohan-now/274165/5 "2004-11-11T06:36:42Z")
**Really Not All That Bright** : WOOHOO!!! Thanks! As soon as the transformation takes place, you’ll be the second person I, um, let know. (Hell, being _her_ should at least get me one, um, friendly visit with Johnny or Kevin or Steven. Oh, wait you say? You’re WAY cuter than all of them combined. S’ok. How _you_ doin’? ;)) Where should I ring you? **Dio** : Quit raining on my parade, darn it! I tell ya, if she were me (and vice-versa), she’d be smart. Well, good enough that I was in TaG in elementary school and actually came in third at a science fair one year. So see, that’s a moot point. Besides, this is _my_ wish to the Fairy Person and in _my_ fantasy, she can TOO dance and she is NOT fat. Men! Meh. ::: What’s that? Says I. ::: Oh, the Wish Fairy Person is on an emergency call for some sort of conflict between The Donald, The Big Unit and The Mormon Tabernacle Choir. He’ll be with me soon. However, until then, you can’t play in my thread unless your nice to Lindsay. And by extension, her new home. Got that bub? ::: mumble, mumble ::: _I_ am the Drama Queen/Mean Girl/Freaky Friday Switcheroo-ee here and don’t you forget it. I won’t let you be the president of my fan club if you do not straighten up and fly right. There. 😃 Now, I have to go practice trying to look adorable and preparing to wear a belly shirt that I haven’t since I was probably 6 months old. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Abbie\_Carmichael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/49beb7/32.png) [@Abbie\_Carmichael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abbie_Carmichael)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2004, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-to-be-lindsay-lohan-now/274165/6 "2004-11-11T06:56:10Z")
Fat? You’re kidding, right? She’s a size 6, tops. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2004, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-to-be-lindsay-lohan-now/274165/7 "2004-11-11T07:07:32Z")
I don’t know. She seems to fluxuate. I saw some pix in the Enquirer recently that showed a flabby gut hanging over her pants and really chubby legs. OTOH, she looked damn good on the Vanity Fair cover. Airbrushing? Purging? Who knows? Mostly I was turned off by an interview she did where she just came off like a vacuous dolt. She kept calling everything “retarded.” ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2004, 7:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-to-be-lindsay-lohan-now/274165/8 "2004-11-11T07:30:16Z")
She’s quite cute, but she completely turned me off when she said that she wasn’t going to be voting in the election because “whether you vote Republican or Democrat, you end up alienating half of your fans.” That’s a paraphrase, but you get the gist. I heard that on the radio before they played her song, and I had to pull over just to smack myself in the head! ---
**Author:** ![TeaElle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8491ac/32.png) [@TeaElle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TeaElle)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2004, 8:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-to-be-lindsay-lohan-now/274165/9 "2004-11-11T08:03:03Z")
Even if she has a flabby gut, she still isn’t anything bigger than a size 6 or 8 max. She may not be **toned** but she isn’t **fat** and even if she were, what possible difference might it make? ---
**Author:** ![Genghis\_Bob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/45deac/32.png) [@Genghis\_Bob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Genghis_Bob)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2004, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-to-be-lindsay-lohan-now/274165/10 "2004-11-11T12:52:36Z")
Doesn’t it disturb you just a little that, in some scenes from **Mean Girls** , she looks just like Frankie Munoz? ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2004, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-to-be-lindsay-lohan-now/274165/11 "2004-11-11T15:25:31Z")
Doesn’t she hang out with Paris Hilton nowadays? ---
**Author:** ![susan\_foster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@susan\_foster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan_foster)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2004, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-to-be-lindsay-lohan-now/274165/12 "2004-11-11T15:35:55Z")
I don’t know - I liked her until I saw her video for Rumors. A little too trampy for my tastes. But I loved her in the Parent Trap remake - she was still young and sweet. Susan ---
**Author:** ![Cliffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cliffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cliffy)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2004, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-to-be-lindsay-lohan-now/274165/13 "2004-11-11T16:35:09Z")
She’s really a fine actress. I think she’s letting her celebrity get to her head, which is unfortunate and not attractive, but at least she is actually _good_ at what she’s being touted for. –Cliffy ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2004, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-to-be-lindsay-lohan-now/274165/14 "2004-11-11T16:36:19Z")
I want to be in her body too, but in a slightly different way than **faithfool**. ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2004, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-to-be-lindsay-lohan-now/274165/15 "2004-11-11T16:51:58Z")
She’s a cutie, and I liked Mean Girls a lot. She’s different looking than the younger “it” girls of today. The rest of them are blonde and tan, while she’s just herself. I’m sure she comes off a little immature in interviews, but she’s really young and that’s to be expected. And she’s going to get a big head for awhile, but who wouldn’t with all that newfound celebrity? And she is most certainly NOT fat. I can’t even believe someone said that. ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2004, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-to-be-lindsay-lohan-now/274165/16 "2004-11-11T16:58:30Z")
I would also enjoy a long weekend in the company of Ms. Lohan. Even if it means I have to smack Fez around a bit. I’m cool with that. ---
**Author:** ![petelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/71c47a/32.png) [@petelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/petelin)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2004, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-to-be-lindsay-lohan-now/274165/17 "2004-11-11T17:13:15Z")
Nope, she’s not at all fat. I see the allure. As afraid as I am to sound like a dirty old man, there’s definitely something about her, and I think you’re on the right track **faithfool**. The something about her has to do with the fact that you could imagine meeting her in ‘real life’. As beautiful and talented as she is, she could be the girl next door. Good luck with the wish. ---
**Author:** ![Nutty\_Bunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d07c76/32.png) [@Nutty\_Bunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nutty_Bunny)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2004, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-to-be-lindsay-lohan-now/274165/18 "2004-11-11T17:37:10Z")
> [@Diogenes the Cynic](#): > > I don’t know. She seems to fluxuate. I saw some pix in the Enquirer recently that showed a flabby gut hanging over her pants and really chubby legs. OTOH, she looked damn good on the Vanity Fair cover. Airbrushing? Purging? Who knows? Damn. That depresses me. I’m a size 6 after gastric bypass surgery and have been feeling good about myself. Does this mean that I’m STILL not good enough? No wonder girls have body image issues. I don’t care what you say, I’m still sexy to my husband. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2004, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-to-be-lindsay-lohan-now/274165/19 "2004-11-11T17:57:08Z")
> [@Really Not All That Bright](#): > > Let the record show that when **faithfool** turns into Lindsey Lohan _I_ want to nail her… 😉 Take a number. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2004, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-to-be-lindsay-lohan-now/274165/20 "2004-11-11T18:06:16Z")
> [@Rufus Xavier](#): > > Take a number. I’ll take #1. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-to-be-lindsay-lohan-now/274165.md?page=2)