# I wish to ream your asshole with a rusty chandelier **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 7, 2008, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-to-ream-your-asshole-with-a-rusty-chandelier/471742 "2008-11-07T23:41:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![smiling\_bandit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@smiling\_bandit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smiling_bandit)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2008, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-to-ream-your-asshole-with-a-rusty-chandelier/471742/1 "2008-11-07T23:41:48Z")
I sincerely hope you crash your vehicle (a particularly ugly SUV), jerk-bitch. I saw your ugly, asexual “face” as you decided to drive up toward me… ona one way street. Yeah, because going around was just too much trouble, dumbass. Oh, then once you got to an intersection, you managed to turn onto another fucking one-way street _going the wrong way_. Fuck. I hope you wreck your godamn car. I would love to see the look on the flat, flabby slab you call a face when your insurance company tells you that you get squat. FUCK YOU! ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2008, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-to-ream-your-asshole-with-a-rusty-chandelier/471742/2 "2008-11-08T00:13:18Z")
Call me later, and we’ll see. Joe ---
**Author:** ![Snarky\_Kong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@Snarky\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snarky_Kong)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2008, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-to-ream-your-asshole-with-a-rusty-chandelier/471742/3 "2008-11-08T00:52:21Z")
Is there more to the story than this? If this is how mad that incident actually made you, you really need to calm down… ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tao_s_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2008, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-to-ream-your-asshole-with-a-rusty-chandelier/471742/4 "2008-11-08T00:59:18Z")
I have to say this thread is false advertising. I don’t think the OP is smiling at all! OP is now **foaming at the mouth bandit** ---
**Author:** ![Jeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeff)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2008, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-to-ream-your-asshole-with-a-rusty-chandelier/471742/5 "2008-11-08T01:10:07Z")
Such distressing bigotry towards asexuals. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tao_s_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2008, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-to-ream-your-asshole-with-a-rusty-chandelier/471742/6 "2008-11-08T01:21:01Z")
I found a [pic](http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Image:Rageoriginal.jpg) of OP. Warning Encyclopedia Dramatica (link) isn’t work safe. It’s less work safe then /b/ infact. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2008, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-to-ream-your-asshole-with-a-rusty-chandelier/471742/7 "2008-11-08T01:27:29Z")
One of the things that I’ve learned on the Straight Dope is that I really need to ramp up my temper, especially when it comes to traffic related incidents. Something like the OP describes wouldn’t even stay with me long enough to get to my destination, let alone to when I next logged into the message board to post it. ---
**Author:** ![smiling\_bandit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@smiling\_bandit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smiling_bandit)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2008, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-to-ream-your-asshole-with-a-rusty-chandelier/471742/8 "2008-11-08T05:28:13Z")
Well, SOR-ry for not havcing the proper temperment when I suddenly notice that some damned idiot is attempting to kill him/herself by ramming into me via the grotesque disobedience to simple, straightforward (literally) traffic laws. ---
**Author:** ![spinky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@spinky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spinky)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2008, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-to-ream-your-asshole-with-a-rusty-chandelier/471742/9 "2008-11-08T06:52:38Z")
> [@smiling\_bandit](#): > > Well, SOR-ry for not havcing the proper temperment when I suddenly notice that some damned idiot is attempting to kill him/herself by ramming into me via the grotesque disobedience to simple, straightforward (literally) traffic laws. Man, you are so right. The death penalty is too good for that monster. I mean, since you obviously know it was not just an honest mistake. They’re probably sitting there in their car, with their “face”, right now, just waiting to strike again. ---
**Author:** ![Jeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeff)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2008, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-to-ream-your-asshole-with-a-rusty-chandelier/471742/10 "2008-11-08T07:06:02Z")
> [@smiling\_bandit](#): > > Well, SOR-ry for not havcing the proper temperment when I suddenly notice that some damned idiot is attempting to kill him/herself by ramming into me via the grotesque disobedience to simple, straightforward (literally) traffic laws. He was probably racing to save a puppy from drowning. Get off his case. ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2008, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-to-ream-your-asshole-with-a-rusty-chandelier/471742/11 "2008-11-08T07:27:22Z")
> [@ntucker](#): > > I mean, since you obviously know it was not just an honest mistake. It doesn’t matter if it was an honest mistake. In fact, that would make it worse. At least if it’s an asshole doing it intentionally, there’s some hope of self-preservational intelligence lurking beneath. “One Way” is the simplest traffic sign you will encounter besides “STOP”. If you’re so colossally incompetent that you manage to screw that up twice in a row, endangering yourself and everyone else on the street, you are unfit to be in control of anything more complex than a sippy cup. ---
**Author:** ![spinky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@spinky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spinky)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2008, 9:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-to-ream-your-asshole-with-a-rusty-chandelier/471742/12 "2008-11-08T09:29:39Z")
Boneheaded? Sure. Unfit? Maybe. But to read that OP and the followup, you’d think the person was some kind of evil villain **intentionally** driving the wrong way in order to endanger people. The level of vitriol and desire to retaliate for some imagined aggression is just bizarre. ---
**Author:** ![Uvula\_Donor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e19adc/32.png) [@Uvula\_Donor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uvula_Donor)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2008, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-to-ream-your-asshole-with-a-rusty-chandelier/471742/13 "2008-11-08T12:54:33Z")
> [@smiling\_bandit](#): > > I suddenly notice that some damned idiot is attempting to kill him/herself by ramming into me And yet, you lived to post your outrage! You, sir, are an hero. Or at least _should_ be. ---
**Author:** ![smiling\_bandit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@smiling\_bandit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smiling_bandit)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2008, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-to-ream-your-asshole-with-a-rusty-chandelier/471742/14 "2008-11-08T16:49:14Z")
Hey, did I block the way, laep from my car, and yank the other driver from his, delivering a brutal beating? No. I stopped my car, let the idiot slide through, and then complained about him/her and expressed my desire to cause pain upon such a dimwitted moron on an international message board, like a civilized adult. In any case, it’s not like he/she made some minor mistake. Heshe went the wrong way on a one-fucking-way street. It’s just wide enough for the parked cars of parents dropping off at the day care and the near-by resident’s parking area, all facing the same way. It’s clearly marked. There’s a clear way around, except Mr./Miss Emperor of the World apparently didn’t feel like hopping a block. Ironically, he/she could have gotten to the exact same spot had he/she simply turned around in the hotel lot. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Uvula\_Donor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e19adc/32.png) [@Uvula\_Donor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uvula_Donor)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2008, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-to-ream-your-asshole-with-a-rusty-chandelier/471742/15 "2008-11-08T16:54:35Z")
> [@smiling\_bandit](#): > > heshe went the wrong way on a one-fucking-way street. It’s just wide enough for the parked cars of parents dropping off at the day care omfg a day care!!!111! Think of teh children!!! ---
**Author:** ![chacoguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/50afbb/32.png) [@chacoguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chacoguy)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2008, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wish-to-ream-your-asshole-with-a-rusty-chandelier/471742/16 "2008-11-09T19:55:30Z")
> [@smiling\_bandit](#): > > Hey, did I block the way, laep from my car, and yank the other driver from his, delivering a brutal beating? No. > > I stopped my car, let the idiot slide through, and then complained about him/her and expressed my desire to cause pain upon such a dimwitted moron on an international message board, like a civilized adult. > > In any case, it’s not like he/she made some minor mistake. Heshe went the wrong way on a one-fucking-way street. It’s just wide enough for the parked cars of parents dropping off at the day care and the near-by resident’s parking area, all facing the same way. It’s clearly marked. There’s a clear way around, except Mr./Miss Emperor of the World apparently didn’t feel like hopping a block. Ironically, he/she could have gotten to the exact same spot had he/she simply turned around in the hotel lot. :rolleyes: I’m glad you weren’t hurt when you laeped from your car. 🙂