# I wonder what puberty would be like for Jesus. **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [September 15, 2002, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wonder-what-puberty-would-be-like-for-jesus/128592 "2002-09-15T22:06:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![agentfroot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@agentfroot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/agentfroot)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2002, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wonder-what-puberty-would-be-like-for-jesus/128592/1 "2002-09-15T22:06:02Z")
Well… if Jesus was human (and apparently, He WAS), He would have had to go through all that developing. With puberty comes a lot of confusion, new questions, and stuff like that. It must have been interesting for Him, and He was probably irritated with Dad for making Him a chaste holy kid. I mean, He HAD to have sexual urges, and I don’t believe that He could have kept his mind “pure.” I’m not exactly sure, but the Bible apparently has all this stuff in it prohibiting masturbation, sexual fantasies, and basically the stuff pubescent people deal with. I don’t know where that thought came from, I just thought it was something interesting to contemplate. Ohhh the stuff the Bible doesn’t tell you. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2002, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wonder-what-puberty-would-be-like-for-jesus/128592/2 "2002-09-15T23:19:12Z")
“My Father wants to know how those breasts of yours are developing. He says I’m supposed to check them myself.” “Blessed So-and-So! My Father has chosen YOU to be the one to take my Virginity!” “You don’t have to cover up when I come into the baths. I’m the Son of God. I’ve seen it all before.” Can you imagine the TERROR of being the parent to the son of God? An Omnipotent screaming two-year old would frighten entire continents! Think Happy Thoughts…Think Happy Thoughts… ---
**Author:** ![croaker67](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@croaker67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/croaker67)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2002, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wonder-what-puberty-would-be-like-for-jesus/128592/3 "2002-09-15T23:31:27Z")
Agentfroot… Read “Lamb, the gospel according to Biff, Christ’s childhood pal” by Christopher Moore. Amazon has it. It fills in all the missing years and will make you laugh. ---
**Author:** ![ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZombiesAteMyBrain)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2002, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wonder-what-puberty-would-be-like-for-jesus/128592/4 "2002-09-16T00:02:25Z")
Can you imagine the TERROR of being the parent to the son of God? An Omnipotent screaming two-year old would frighten entire continents! \*\* [/QUOTE] Remember “Q” - the omnipotent being in Star Trek TNG? One of the books, I think it was “Q Squared” dealt with an omnipotent “Q” as a child. [long time since i read it, but I seem to remember an omnipotent child was a REAL handful] I imagine it wouldn’t be much fun for the local teenager who was babysitting him, either. “You have truly divine breasts - allow me to lay my hands on them and bless them” “Would you like me to bless anything else - I don’t mind doing your whole body!!!” ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2002, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wonder-what-puberty-would-be-like-for-jesus/128592/5 "2002-09-16T00:16:13Z")
I can’t resist: Come to Jesus, Baby! Hey baby, it’s a sacrament! Oh my Lord, here I come! If you do IT with Jesus, IT ain’t no sin. ---
**Author:** ![ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZombiesAteMyBrain)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2002, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wonder-what-puberty-would-be-like-for-jesus/128592/6 "2002-09-16T00:29:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by yojimboguy \* > \*\*I can’t resist: > > Come to Jesus, Baby! > Hey baby, it’s a sacrament! > Oh my Lord, here I come! > If you do IT with Jesus, IT ain’t no sin. \*\* You said it, Yojimboguy!!! It is just WHOLLY HOLY, Praise the lord and await his SECOND Coming!!! ---
**Author:** ![grendel72](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/91b2a8/32.png) [@grendel72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grendel72)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2002, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wonder-what-puberty-would-be-like-for-jesus/128592/7 "2002-09-16T00:43:28Z")
I’d be creeped out if a guy called out his dad’s name during sex. “Oh GOD!!” ---
**Author:** ![ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZombiesAteMyBrain)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2002, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wonder-what-puberty-would-be-like-for-jesus/128592/8 "2002-09-16T00:57:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by grendel72 \* > \*\*I’d be creeped out if a guy called out his dad’s name during sex. > > “Oh GOD!!” \*\* Might get the social workers asking questions about his home life, don’t you think!! They might send him to one of those religious boarding schools - in need of care and protection - Every night he’d be praying “Daddy get me outa here” - “I promise I’ll never do it again” ---
**Author:** ![vertigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/3ec8ea/32.png) [@vertigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vertigo)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2002, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wonder-what-puberty-would-be-like-for-jesus/128592/9 "2002-09-16T01:51:19Z")
There was a comedian (can’t remember who, exactly) who had a bit about this. One line was: Joseph comes into Jesus’ room. Joseph: “Jesus, this place is a mess. Clean it up!” Jesus (in surfer-dude speak): “I don’t have to listen to you…, you’re not even my real _Dad_…” 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZombiesAteMyBrain)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2002, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wonder-what-puberty-would-be-like-for-jesus/128592/10 "2002-09-16T02:02:07Z")
God would have some really good comeback lines though “You watch your mouth, young man, or I’ll turn you into a pillar of salt for the night - How do you think your girlfriend will like that, then???” “Don’t think I won’t Smite you, if you don’t clean this place up!!” ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2002, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wonder-what-puberty-would-be-like-for-jesus/128592/11 "2002-09-16T02:03:59Z")
Oh, you are so going to Hell! And so am I…this is hysterical! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZombiesAteMyBrain)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2002, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wonder-what-puberty-would-be-like-for-jesus/128592/12 "2002-09-16T02:09:52Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by ZombiesAteMyBrain \* \*\*God would have some really good comeback lines though Just thought of another one for Jesus… “Whaddya think I am, dad, a miracle worker???” ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2002, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wonder-what-puberty-would-be-like-for-jesus/128592/13 "2002-09-16T02:19:47Z")
He’d be invited to all the parties, “Dude, we don’t need someone to buy beer for us-just invite Jesus! We’ll just use tap water and he’ll turn it into booze!” ---
**Author:** ![ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZombiesAteMyBrain)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2002, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wonder-what-puberty-would-be-like-for-jesus/128592/14 "2002-09-16T02:34:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Guinastasia \* > \*\*He’d be invited to all the parties, > > “Dude, we don’t need someone to buy beer for us-just invite Jesus! We’ll just use tap water and he’ll turn it into booze!” \*\* Right on - and no problemo with the underage drinking - he could turn it back into water if the cops raided the party!!! Nifty party trick, that!!! Wish I could do it!!! ---
**Author:** ![blowero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/41988e/32.png) [@blowero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blowero)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2002, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wonder-what-puberty-would-be-like-for-jesus/128592/15 "2002-09-16T07:13:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by agentfroot \* > I mean, He HAD to have sexual urges, and I don’t believe that He could have kept his mind “pure.” I’m not exactly sure, but the Bible apparently has all this stuff in it prohibiting masturbation, sexual fantasies, and basically the stuff pubescent people deal with. You mean Jesus was spanking the fish? So THAT’S why people have those fishes on the back of their cars… ---
**Author:** ![Genseric](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Genseric](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Genseric)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2002, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wonder-what-puberty-would-be-like-for-jesus/128592/16 "2002-09-16T08:02:45Z")
I’m trying to imagine Jesus’ angst-filled adolescent poetry, but I’m having trouble with it. ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2002, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wonder-what-puberty-would-be-like-for-jesus/128592/17 "2002-09-20T13:35:05Z")
no pimples! ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2002, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wonder-what-puberty-would-be-like-for-jesus/128592/18 "2002-09-20T13:35:29Z")
Jesus was a motherf\*cker. Look, don’t blame me; that’s what the bible says! ---
**Author:** ![bloomingpouf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@bloomingpouf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bloomingpouf)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2002, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wonder-what-puberty-would-be-like-for-jesus/128592/19 "2002-09-20T14:11:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by vanilla \* > \*\*no pimples! \*\* Why No Pimples??? He may have been divine, but I see nothing in any biblical text to support the view that he was Pluke free! Being free from Sin and free from plukes aint the same. he had to suffer and die on a cross - so why not Teenage angst and Plukes??? If he was God made man and he was here to learn about mans suffereing He had to have Plukes and when he got older piles too! ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2002, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wonder-what-puberty-would-be-like-for-jesus/128592/20 "2002-09-20T14:25:02Z")
whooosh 🙂 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-wonder-what-puberty-would-be-like-for-jesus/128592.md?page=2)