# I worry that my son has no love life. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 13, 2019, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-worry-that-my-son-has-no-love-life/831079 "2019-03-13T16:36:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-worry-that-my-son-has-no-love-life/831079/1 "2019-03-13T16:36:32Z")
So my son, who is moderately autistic (He did graduate HS) just recently turned 21. To date, he’s had only one GF when he was 15. It was a bit of luck that they found each other. Don’t think she was autistic like my son. But she was “different” so to speak. Not in a bad way of course. Bit of a tomboy. No make up, wore mainly concert Tees from the sixties and seventies, and blue jeans. Really nice. I imagine she has a hard time socializing like my son. So I think that’s why they connected. But since then NOTHING. Which is OK, but I just worry. I want the best for my son like most parents want for their kids. I want him to experience love and relationships like most of us do (and yeah, maybe become a bit of a cynic because of it like a lot of us do as well. lol) But IDK, I digress. I guess there are some things a parent simply can’t do. I guess I just have to sit back and hope for the best. And admittedly, a lot of this may be projection on my part. Maybe I only worry because I want him to have the same experience that I have had. Ack!! I just hope he’s happy. ---
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-worry-that-my-son-has-no-love-life/831079/2 "2019-03-13T16:57:33Z")
Do you know if your son is interested in having a relationship or not? Some autistic people are in relationships, some aren’t, just like neurotypicals. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-worry-that-my-son-has-no-love-life/831079/3 "2019-03-13T17:02:11Z")
So do what my parents did not: introduce him to people. It will not sort itself out on its own. Don’t put him under any pressure; just put him in situations where he’ll meet young women. Ask him to be your designated driver for the evening, for instance, when you know there will be a suitable young lady there. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-worry-that-my-son-has-no-love-life/831079/4 "2019-03-13T17:15:30Z")
> [@EmilyG](#): > > Do you know if your son is interested in having a relationship or not? > > Some autistic people are in relationships, some aren’t, just like neurotypicals. Well, a while back ago, I overheard a conversation he was having with a buddy of his on the phone. The topic of conversation was (as far as I can gather) was “how to properly treat a lady” with my son saying things like: “you have to open the car door for them when you go out on a date” So I assume the desire is there. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-worry-that-my-son-has-no-love-life/831079/5 "2019-03-13T17:19:49Z")
Is he capable of an independent life? If so, is he still living with you? ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-worry-that-my-son-has-no-love-life/831079/6 "2019-03-13T17:22:54Z")
I worry that my daughter has no love life. **Grrr!** , we should get them together! Except my daughter says she is a lesbian. As far as I know, she’s had no romantic relationships ever. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-worry-that-my-son-has-no-love-life/831079/7 "2019-03-13T17:32:16Z")
Get him to join some kinda club where there will be other like minded people there. Girls and guys. I’m thinking bowling league or book club. Or just anything he’s interested in. Can’t hurt. ETA, my Daddy always said a man who can dance well with a partner will never be short of dates. A nugget from the wise one! ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-worry-that-my-son-has-no-love-life/831079/8 "2019-03-13T17:35:10Z")
If he isn’t complaining about being lonely, I wouldn’t worry about it. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-worry-that-my-son-has-no-love-life/831079/9 "2019-03-13T17:36:22Z")
Couldn’t it very easily be that he’ll just get to things in his own time? That maybe he needs to go a little slower than you took it? Would you be questioning, or much more accepting, if he wasn’t on the spectrum, just a late bloomer? ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-worry-that-my-son-has-no-love-life/831079/10 "2019-03-13T17:40:50Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > Is he capable of an independent life? If so, is he still living with you? I believe so. But his current job doesn’t pay enough for him to be able to live on his own. He lives with his mother half the time and with me the other half. Plus he’s got it made. He only pays $100 a month for room and board to his mother. He’s a real penny pincher. Don’t think he’s going to move out anytime soon. > [@Dung\_Beetle](#): > > I worry that my daughter has no love life. **Grrr!** , we should get them together! Except my daughter says she is a lesbian. As far as I know, she’s had no romantic relationships ever. Well, if we’re ever in Florida **Dung Beetle** , I’ll give you a holler. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-worry-that-my-son-has-no-love-life/831079/11 "2019-03-13T18:40:05Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > Couldn’t it very easily be that he’ll just get to things in his own time? Sometimes parents need to give things a nudge. ---
**Author:** ![wguy123](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wguy123/32/3161_2.png) [@wguy123](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wguy123)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-worry-that-my-son-has-no-love-life/831079/12 "2019-03-13T19:09:28Z")
Have you ever asked him about this? Seems like he could answer some of these questions without the guessing. ---
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-worry-that-my-son-has-no-love-life/831079/13 "2019-03-13T20:11:23Z")
> [@wguy123](#): > > Have you ever asked him about this? Seems like he could answer some of these questions without the guessing. Yeah. Autistic people can be more communicative than you think. And you can’t always just guess things about them. I’m also not sure what “moderately autistic” means. “Functional” enough to graduate from high school? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-worry-that-my-son-has-no-love-life/831079/14 "2019-03-13T20:21:33Z")
Do you know his sexual orientation? My gf’s brother is autistic and he too only had one gf in his teen years and then nothing. For years. Until it was discovered that he was having sexual relationships with older men. Just a shared anecdote. ---
**Author:** ![EinsteinsHund](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/einsteinshund/32/8400_2.png) [@EinsteinsHund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EinsteinsHund)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-worry-that-my-son-has-no-love-life/831079/15 "2019-03-13T20:50:41Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > Sometimes parents need to give things a nudge. I also used to be not so easy with the ladies when growing up, but if my parents had attempted anything in this direction at that age, I would’ve been mightily weirded out. ---
**Author:** ![pool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pool/32/4152_2.png) [@pool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pool)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-worry-that-my-son-has-no-love-life/831079/16 "2019-03-13T20:51:54Z")
I wouldn’t necessarily worry, I never really had a serious girlfriend till after high school, 21 isn’t that old, he has plenty of time. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-worry-that-my-son-has-no-love-life/831079/17 "2019-03-13T21:00:26Z")
> [@EinsteinsHund](#): > > I also used to be not so easy with the ladies when growing up, but if my parents had attempted anything in this direction at that age, I would’ve been mightily weirded out. Yeah, I would not have been happy if my folks tried in any way to set me up with anyone. Luckily, they stayed in their lane. I suppose it depends on the person, though. ---
**Author:** ![P-man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/p-man/32/3606_2.png) [@P-man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/P-man)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-worry-that-my-son-has-no-love-life/831079/18 "2019-03-13T21:30:30Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > Yeah, I would not have been happy if my folks tried in any way to set me up with anyone. Luckily, they stayed in their lane. I suppose it depends on the person, though. Same here. My parents did sometimes encourage me to ask someone out. However, they refused to believe that I was asking girls out but got turned down. I didn’t go on a date until I was 20, didn’t have a girlfriend until 22, and went from 24 to almost 28 without a single date. I think they had written me off before I met Ms. P at 31. I’m not on the spectrum as far as I know, but I had crippling social anxiety combined with an inability to read signals. Our oldest son is almost 21, and as far as I know he’s never dated. Same with our youngest, who is 18. They unfortunately both inherited my social anxiety, although they are getting treatment. They’re also both away at college, so it’s entirely possible that they’ve been more socially active than they’re letting on. ---
**Author:** ![typoink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecb155/32.png) [@typoink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/typoink)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2019, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-worry-that-my-son-has-no-love-life/831079/19 "2019-03-13T21:42:23Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Do you know his sexual orientation? My gf’s brother is autistic and he too only had one gf in his teen years and then nothing. For years. Until it was discovered that he was having sexual relationships with older men. Just a shared anecdote. This bears mentioning, and it’s also worth mentioning that, from my understanding, non-neurotypical folks probably have a higher rate of asexual / aromatic orientation. Just because the kid is perceptive enough to have a conversation about dating conventions doesn’t mean they think that interaction would be desired. I’ll also mention that I feel like a lot of my non-neurotypical (or even just “odd”) friends didn’t really “figure out” that aspect of themselves until their late 20s at the earliest. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2019, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-worry-that-my-son-has-no-love-life/831079/20 "2019-03-14T03:09:00Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > So do what my parents did not: introduce him to people. It will not sort itself out on its own. Don’t put him under any pressure; just put him in situations where he’ll meet young women. Ask him to be your designated driver for the evening, for instance, when you know there will be a suitable young lady there. > [@wguy123](#): > > Have you ever asked him about this? Seems like he could answer some of these questions without the guessing. Grrr!, if this is something you’re concerned about, why not just talk to him about it? I think you can do it in a way that doesn’t place any expectations on him or suggest that there’s anything wrong with him for desiring a relationship or not. My parents never even hinted at the possibility that I might have romantic relationships in my life. There’s no evidence that the idea ever occurred to either of them. I look back on it and think “if even my parents figured I was beyond hope, how was I supposed to convince anyone else to give me a chance?” > [@typoink](#): > > …non-neurotypical folks probably have a higher rate of asexual / aromatic orientation. Best typo I’ve seen in ages. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-worry-that-my-son-has-no-love-life/831079.md?page=2)