# "I would give everything I own..." (RIP, Mom) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 8, 2015, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-would-give-everything-i-own-rip-mom/737019 "2015-11-08T16:04:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![stolatt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5e925/32.png) [@stolatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stolatt)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2015, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-would-give-everything-i-own-rip-mom/737019/21 "2015-11-11T18:40:00Z")
I’m so sorry. That’s so much to go through in a short period of time. Wishing you and your family peace. Be kind to yourself. ---
**Author:** ![missred](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/missred/32/14096_2.png) [@missred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missred)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2015, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-would-give-everything-i-own-rip-mom/737019/22 "2015-11-11T19:11:20Z")
I’m sorry for your loss, **Misnomer**. I became a member of that shitty club in February and not a day goes by that I don’t miss my mom. ---
**Author:** ![brachyrhynchos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brachyrhynchos/32/376_2.png) [@brachyrhynchos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brachyrhynchos)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2015, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-would-give-everything-i-own-rip-mom/737019/23 "2015-11-12T12:46:00Z")
Misnomer, you have my sympathy and condolences. I lost my mom in August, and even though she lived a good long life, I still miss her terribly. About 2 months after her death was the worst for me. Work did help and so did the thought that my mom would not have wanted me to be feeling so hopeless and desperate, so full of grief. Peace to you and everyone else in this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2015, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-would-give-everything-i-own-rip-mom/737019/24 "2015-11-12T13:25:08Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > Thanks so much, everyone! > > After re-reading the OP I feel kind of silly for detailing her last days like that, but I guess I needed to write it out. God, no need. The biggest thing I learned from mom dying and my bio mom dying is, however you express your grief is OK. Don’t ever let other people dictate how you should feel. The amount of people who said to me, “Why you weren’t even close…” grrr. Maybe that’s why I;'m grieving, y’know? People can be so insensitive. Grief is grief and it is a powerful emotion. It’s been seven years and I still cry over my mom once in a while. Just take care of yourself. ---
**Author:** ![snowthx](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowthx/32/10660_2.png) [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2015, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-would-give-everything-i-own-rip-mom/737019/25 "2015-11-12T14:06:06Z")
My condolences, and (unfortunately) welcome to the club. My mother died in 2008 from complications from diabetes at 69, and my father in 2011 under similar circumstances as your mother at 74. As with you, the end of life decisions fell to my shoulders, as did the aftermath of handling his affairs and belongings. It’s a shitty time, but the pain eventually eases. Still, I would love to just chat with each of them sometime. Be gentle on yourself, and don’t hesitate to talk about it with friends and family, and even post here - it does help. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2015, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-would-give-everything-i-own-rip-mom/737019/26 "2015-11-13T17:40:13Z")
You guys are awesome; thank you so much. And everyone in the same shitty club has my deepest sympathy/empathy. > [@snowthx](#): > > Still, I would love to just chat with each of them sometime. Somehow I don’t think it has _really_ hit me yet that I will never see/talk to my mom again. I mean, part of me gets it: I know I’m going to Service #1 tomorrow, I know the urn in my living room contains her ashes (though that idea is still pretty surreal), etc. I just don’t think the full reality has hit yet. I think it’s partly because I only saw her once or month or so, and her hearing sucked – and she refused to get her hearing aids fixed – so for the past several years we hardly ever talked on the phone. We’d exchange a text/email or two between my visits, but I think part of my brain is like, “Oh, this is just a normal period of not hearing from Mom.” Meh. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2015, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-would-give-everything-i-own-rip-mom/737019/27 "2015-11-13T18:10:27Z")
My deepest condolences. I’m sorry she left you so early. ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2015, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-would-give-everything-i-own-rip-mom/737019/28 "2015-11-14T02:25:42Z")
Please accept my condolences, and assurance that the pain does ease in time. I hope my family is as respectful of my wishes as you were of hers. > [@Misnomer](#): > > Somehow I don’t think it has _really_ hit me yet that I will never see/talk to my mom again. You are probably right. It was only after the numbness and then my first grief eased that I would think, "I have to tell Mom about this, " and it would hit me. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2015, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-would-give-everything-i-own-rip-mom/737019/29 "2015-11-14T07:05:39Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > Thanks so much, everyone! > > After re-reading the OP I feel kind of silly for detailing her last days like that, but I guess I needed to write it out. I hope it’s not silly, because I still would talk to anyone about how things went with my mom, and it’s been almost six years. I know right after she died that I was telling close friends a lot of the details – it’s part of recounting her whole story. It IS surreal – you imagine your mom dying but it is still a shock and so strange that you are actually living through it. I still haven’t really absorbed that I won’t see her on earth again. I’m sorry for everything you are going through. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2015, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-would-give-everything-i-own-rip-mom/737019/30 "2015-11-16T18:27:56Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > I know right after she died that I was telling close friends a lot of the details – it’s part of recounting her whole story. I find myself in the middle of some kind of unholy streak: one good friend lost his mom just three months before mine died, a co-worker lost his dad three days before, and another good friend lost her mom three and a half hours after (at 12:05 A.M.; six minutes earlier, and our moms would have died on the same day). And now that you mention it, I realize that when I’ve talked with each of them we’ve shared ridiculous details about our parents’ last days. It’s almost ritualistic. There weren’t many “it feels natural to tell the story” people at Saturday’s service, but this coming Saturday is NJ – which means all of the family – and I can see telling my cousin, my mom’s best friend, my uncle (Mom’s brother), etc. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2015, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-would-give-everything-i-own-rip-mom/737019/31 "2015-11-16T18:37:10Z")
Condolences Misnomer. I’m returning from mum’s service as I type. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-would-give-everything-i-own-rip-mom/737019.md?page=1)