# Ian Thorpe isn't fit to lick vegemite off Michael Phelps' ass. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 13, 2004, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ian-thorpe-isnt-fit-to-lick-vegemite-off-michael-phelps-ass/259722 "2004-08-13T18:23:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ian-thorpe-isnt-fit-to-lick-vegemite-off-michael-phelps-ass/259722/1 "2004-08-13T18:23:54Z")
I’m piling on those roo-eaters while they’re sleeping away their winter night while the rest of us are getting ready to watch the _Summer_ Olympics. In a fortnight, the whole world will forget that the “thorpedo” ever existed. As a matter of fact, I expect it to be so bad that we’ll have to rename “torpedos” to disassociate them from the “Blunder from Down Under” Thorpeed-slow isn’t man enough to sniff Phelps’ speedo. While you all are spreading vegemite on Koalas that you’re throwin’ on the barbie, Ian will be coughing up water from Michael Phelps’ wake. As Paul Hogan would say, " 'At’s not a swimmah. _THIS_ is a swimmah." So you all can keep that digiridoo-listening, upside-down-walking, kangaroo-boxing, barby-shrimping, broken-egg-opera-house-attending, wake-chugging, spawn-of-criminal-being, water-vortex-reversing, rabbit-proof-fencing, croc-hunting, QUEEN OF THE DESERT. Cause we got Michael Phelps. And he’s gonna get down GOOD ON YA! “PHELPS. . .American for ‘kicking Thorpe’s ass’”. OY! ---
**Author:** ![InvidiousCourgette](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@InvidiousCourgette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InvidiousCourgette)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ian-thorpe-isnt-fit-to-lick-vegemite-off-michael-phelps-ass/259722/2 "2004-08-13T18:26:56Z")
Lol. That made me laugh. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ian-thorpe-isnt-fit-to-lick-vegemite-off-michael-phelps-ass/259722/3 "2004-08-13T18:33:17Z")
Does licking Vegemite off an ass improve the flavor? Of the Vegemite, that is. ---
**Author:** ![milquetoast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/258eb7/32.png) [@milquetoast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/milquetoast)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ian-thorpe-isnt-fit-to-lick-vegemite-off-michael-phelps-ass/259722/4 "2004-08-13T19:46:13Z")
> [@El\_Kabong](#): > > Does licking Vegemite off an ass improve the flavor? Of the Vegemite, that is. That, Sir, is comedy! ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ian-thorpe-isnt-fit-to-lick-vegemite-off-michael-phelps-ass/259722/5 "2004-08-13T20:01:05Z")
You Ballemurrians are going to have to share some of that hometown pride with us when he moves to Ann Arbor this fall. We’re probably going to selfishly count him as one of ours. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ian-thorpe-isnt-fit-to-lick-vegemite-off-michael-phelps-ass/259722/6 "2004-08-13T20:16:05Z")
I’m wondering why there’s even a thread about this when nobody here will give a shit about Olympic athletes a week after the Olympics are over. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ian-thorpe-isnt-fit-to-lick-vegemite-off-michael-phelps-ass/259722/7 "2004-08-13T20:18:29Z")
How many Olympic medals has Thorpe won and how many has Phelps won? Don’t Americans remember the overhype of that dogfood speed skater? ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ian-thorpe-isnt-fit-to-lick-vegemite-off-michael-phelps-ass/259722/8 "2004-08-13T20:20:23Z")
When will this vegemite ass licking be televised? Because I’d like to make up my own mind whether or not Thorpe is worthy. ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ian-thorpe-isnt-fit-to-lick-vegemite-off-michael-phelps-ass/259722/9 "2004-08-13T20:23:03Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > I’m wondering why there’s even a thread about this when nobody here will give a shit about Olympic athletes a week after the Olympics are over. :rolleyes: Cause some of us happen to be swimmers so we will give a shit about it after the Olympics are over with. Mostly because it will just put the world records futher and further away from what I can swim! Oh and **Trunk** , well see about that when the 200 free is over with. Phelps is going to have his hands full. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ian-thorpe-isnt-fit-to-lick-vegemite-off-michael-phelps-ass/259722/10 "2004-08-13T20:59:14Z")
And a hearty g’morning from Downunder. 😃 Fucken Yanks. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Llama](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a698b9/32.png) [@The\_Llama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Llama)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ian-thorpe-isnt-fit-to-lick-vegemite-off-michael-phelps-ass/259722/11 "2004-08-13T21:10:49Z")
Funny thing is, all reports that I’ve seen say that Thorpe has been trying to help Phelps with the mental aspect of so many events. I love how the (usually) non-athletes tend to think that a persons country is more important to them than the brotherhood of their sport. I know most runners don’t really want to associate themselves with the McDonalds fatties here in the US, they want to watch Hicham el Garrouge (I have no clue how to spell that) wreck another world record. I think that if Thorpe finds himself unable to beat Phelps, he’s gonna watch with a certain amount of awe as Phelps sets some kind of record, and vice versa. That said, the OP was pretty damn funny and well written, as long as it’s healthy competition. If it is, then I say to all aussies “stick to the kiddie pools, we have athletes swimming here!” ---
**Author:** ![Excalibre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@Excalibre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Excalibre)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ian-thorpe-isnt-fit-to-lick-vegemite-off-michael-phelps-ass/259722/12 "2004-08-13T21:51:27Z")
> [@Otto](#): > > When will this vegemite ass licking be televised? > > Because I’d like to make up my own mind whether or not Thorpe is worthy. And where can I apply to judge this rimjob? ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ian-thorpe-isnt-fit-to-lick-vegemite-off-michael-phelps-ass/259722/13 "2004-08-13T22:03:47Z")
> [@adam yax](#): > > How many Olympic medals has Thorpe won and how many has Phelps won? Don’t Americans remember the overhype of that dogfood speed skater? Quite frankly, with the Phelps hype, I keep thinking about Mark Spitz. Not the Mark Spitz that won seen golds in 1972, but the Spitz that claimed that he’d win a lot of golds before the 1968 Olympics. The only ones he won were in the relays. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ian-thorpe-isnt-fit-to-lick-vegemite-off-michael-phelps-ass/259722/14 "2004-08-13T23:00:32Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > I’m wondering why there’s even a thread about this when nobody here will give a shit about Olympic athletes a week after the Olympics are over. :rolleyes: Hell, I don’t give a shit about them **now!** 😛 ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ian-thorpe-isnt-fit-to-lick-vegemite-off-michael-phelps-ass/259722/15 "2004-08-13T23:29:25Z")
Good morning, you American bastards. :cool" I’m sick of Australia winning everything too. So… KIRIBATI KIRIBATI KIRIBATI OI! OI! OI! Cool OP btw (fuckin’ Yank bastard making me laugh first thing in the morning). 😃 Anyway, win or lose, Thorpie must be doing _something_ right. As much as I ret, I _NEVER_ get mobbed by Japanese girls. I don’t understand it. ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ian-thorpe-isnt-fit-to-lick-vegemite-off-michael-phelps-ass/259722/16 "2004-08-13T23:34:12Z")
Bloody typos. I am so enraged by that uppity 'merkin that I’m all aflutter. 🙂 BTW cobber: SYDNEY 9:30am 14 August 04 (depths of winter): Sunny, cloudless, 21C (70F). God I hate winter. I never know which T shirt to wear. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2004, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ian-thorpe-isnt-fit-to-lick-vegemite-off-michael-phelps-ass/259722/17 "2004-08-14T01:07:50Z")
> [@Edward The Head](#): > > Cause some of us happen to be swimmers so we will give a shit about it after the Olympics are over with. Mostly because it will just put the world records futher and further away from what I can swim! Good for you (not being sarcastic). I have no idea if **Trunk** swims, hates Australia, hates Ian Thorpe, loves America, or what. That was kinda what bugged me. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2004, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ian-thorpe-isnt-fit-to-lick-vegemite-off-michael-phelps-ass/259722/18 "2004-08-14T02:59:27Z")
Oh, and by the way, if there’s Vegemite on it, it’s spelled _arse_. Happy to enlighten you illiterate buggers. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Lamar\_Mundane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lamar\_Mundane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamar_Mundane)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2004, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ian-thorpe-isnt-fit-to-lick-vegemite-off-michael-phelps-ass/259722/19 "2004-08-14T03:17:15Z")
Arse! Lick! Vegemite! Oi! Oi! Oi! ---
**Author:** ![roger\_thornhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@roger\_thornhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roger_thornhill)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2004, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ian-thorpe-isnt-fit-to-lick-vegemite-off-michael-phelps-ass/259722/20 "2004-08-14T03:34:59Z")
I wasn’t aware Michael Phelps had such poor personal hygiene. I hope someone in the Olympic village gets him a pack of Wet Wipes before he goes in the water. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ian-thorpe-isnt-fit-to-lick-vegemite-off-michael-phelps-ass/259722.md?page=2)