# Ice storm, power's out. Roast ready to roast. I'll try to "quantum cook" the Heisenroast. **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [January 2, 2014, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ice-storm-powers-out-roast-ready-to-roast-ill-try-to-quantum-cook-the-heisenroast/677718 "2014-01-02T17:25:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Space\_Vegetable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6de8d8/32.png) [@Space\_Vegetable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Space_Vegetable)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2014, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ice-storm-powers-out-roast-ready-to-roast-ill-try-to-quantum-cook-the-heisenroast/677718/21 "2014-01-07T22:14:04Z")
I tried to quantum cook a roast once, but by the time it had finished cooking it was on my neighbor’s plate. If only I’d kept better track of its momentum! ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2014, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ice-storm-powers-out-roast-ready-to-roast-ill-try-to-quantum-cook-the-heisenroast/677718/22 "2014-01-08T13:34:45Z")
Do the calculations take into account that the roast is about as likely to spontaneously freeze solid as it is to cook? ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2014, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ice-storm-powers-out-roast-ready-to-roast-ill-try-to-quantum-cook-the-heisenroast/677718/23 "2014-01-08T20:08:00Z")
> [@Napier](#): > > Let’s be practical. Power out and a roast to cook? Wrap the roast in aluminum foil, put it on top of your car’s engine block, idle the car for 2 hours, then throw the roast in the garbage. It’s tidier and less effort if you leave the aluminum foil on it. Well, I’ve heated c-rations on the exhuast manifold of a weapons loading cart in the snow, so that’s probably faster than **MikeS** estimate, but what I really think the OP needs is an infinite improbability oven. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2014, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ice-storm-powers-out-roast-ready-to-roast-ill-try-to-quantum-cook-the-heisenroast/677718/24 "2014-01-09T00:16:17Z")
> [@outlierrn](#): > > Well, I’ve heated c-rations on the exhuast manifold of a weapons loading cart in the snow, so that’s probably faster than **MikeS** estimate, but what I really think the OP needs is an infinite improbability oven. But that’s as likely to turn a roast into a potted plant as cook it. ---
**Author:** ![j\_sum1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8baadc/32.png) [@j\_sum1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j_sum1)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2014, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ice-storm-powers-out-roast-ready-to-roast-ill-try-to-quantum-cook-the-heisenroast/677718/25 "2014-01-09T00:26:10Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > But that’s as likely to turn a roast into a potted plant as cook it. Or a pot of petunias and a sperm whale hurtling downwards at terminal velocity with the whale saying, “Not again!” ---
**Author:** ![OldOlds](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a3d4f5/32.png) [@OldOlds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OldOlds)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2014, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ice-storm-powers-out-roast-ready-to-roast-ill-try-to-quantum-cook-the-heisenroast/677718/26 "2014-01-09T01:16:45Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > I don’t know the exact timescale for that one, but a day would probably do it. Cream doesn’t dissolve in coffee; it just becomes suspended. So it’ll naturally tend to float back up to the top. > > As an aside, if you stir something into glycerin, and then unstir it by reversing the motion of the stirrer, you can get back to very close to the original configuration. Chronos, you’ve led me astray. I waited, and now I have mold atop my coffee, and I can’t see what’s happening in there. What should I do now? ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2014, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ice-storm-powers-out-roast-ready-to-roast-ill-try-to-quantum-cook-the-heisenroast/677718/27 "2014-01-09T04:01:24Z")
Naw, you just have to know precisely how improbable the roast cooking itself is, and I thought we’d worked that out. ---
**Author:** ![j\_sum1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8baadc/32.png) [@j\_sum1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j_sum1)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2014, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ice-storm-powers-out-roast-ready-to-roast-ill-try-to-quantum-cook-the-heisenroast/677718/28 "2014-01-09T04:51:24Z")
I am still waiting for my toast. I had to close the window to keep the wind out and I am worried that I stuffed it up. Or is quantum tunneling sufficient that I don’t have to worry about the glass barrier. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2014, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ice-storm-powers-out-roast-ready-to-roast-ill-try-to-quantum-cook-the-heisenroast/677718/29 "2014-01-09T17:45:34Z")
**OldOlds** , what you do now is wait for the liquid to evaporate out from underneath the mold, because the mold layer can form some really cool shapes as it partially collapses. I speak from experience here: One of my high school teachers always brought in a cup of coffee in the morning, drank half of it, and then abandoned it on his desk, and ended up with all sorts of fungal sculpture by the end of the semester. In all seriousness, I think that the mold growth depends on the cream rising to begin with, because pure black coffee wouldn’t be a very nutritious medium for mold growth. ---
**Author:** ![OldOlds](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a3d4f5/32.png) [@OldOlds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OldOlds)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2014, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ice-storm-powers-out-roast-ready-to-roast-ill-try-to-quantum-cook-the-heisenroast/677718/30 "2014-01-09T17:59:44Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > **OldOlds** , what you do now is wait for the liquid to evaporate out from underneath the mold, because the mold layer can form some really cool shapes as it partially collapses. I speak from experience here: One of my high school teachers always brought in a cup of coffee in the morning, drank half of it, and then abandoned it on his desk, and ended up with all sorts of fungal sculpture by the end of the semester. > > In all seriousness, I think that the mold growth depends on the cream rising to begin with, because pure black coffee wouldn’t be a very nutritious medium for mold growth. What shall we call this new technique? I am thinking Reverse Phase Fungi Chromatography (RPFC) or perhaps Low Performance Fungi Chromatography (LPFC) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ice-storm-powers-out-roast-ready-to-roast-ill-try-to-quantum-cook-the-heisenroast/677718.md?page=1)