# Ick. Stepford Families make me nauseous **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 20, 2003, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ick-stepford-families-make-me-nauseous/183266 "2003-06-20T20:16:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Archergal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c89c15/32.png) [@Archergal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Archergal)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2003, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ick-stepford-families-make-me-nauseous/183266/21 "2003-06-21T01:01:11Z")
I met an old friend from high school at my 30 year reunion. He was doing great, married to the same woman, doing what he’d planned to do in high school (teaching), has good kids, and a good relationship with his family. At first I thought, “How boring for you…” But on further reflection, I stopped to wonder if I could really consider my life better. I’ve never married, never had kids, had a couple of crazy affairs and some fairly serious emotional distress, don’t have a “career” (I’ve had a couple of long-term jobs, but not a “career”.) I’m starting to worry that the jokes I made in high school about ending up as a bag lady might come true. His life didn’t look so boring after that. Hmmm… ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2003, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ick-stepford-families-make-me-nauseous/183266/22 "2003-06-21T01:34:56Z")
My parents were married for almost 50 years, until my father’s death. I never heard them fight. I very rarely heard them disagree. They raised 5 children to be both intelligent and polite. To understand that people will judge you by the actions they observe. That to disagree doesn’t mean you have to shout, call names, hit each other, etc. How sad for my poor family to treat each other with respect. StG ---
**Author:** ![Neurotik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/91b2a8/32.png) [@Neurotik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neurotik)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2003, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ick-stepford-families-make-me-nauseous/183266/23 "2003-06-21T01:41:27Z")
Obviously, **StGermain** , they were conformists and we should smugly look down our noses at them from our ivory towers of non-conformism. ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2003, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ick-stepford-families-make-me-nauseous/183266/24 "2003-06-21T01:42:12Z")
I posted to the Functional Family thread, and trust me, my family is _not_ Stepford. (I’m giggling at this thought, actually.) It’s possible for a family to be functional without being zombies. Sheesh. I’m looking over that thread again now, and I think “smugly perfect” is a pretty inaccurate description of most of those posts. I sense bitterness. ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2003, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ick-stepford-families-make-me-nauseous/183266/25 "2003-06-21T01:48:08Z")
ummmm…hm. Maybe I should define “Stepford” a little better than. Cookie cutter, everybody looks like everybody else, every house is painted the same, every child has basically the same names, everyone has basically the same attitudes, and anyone who does not fit this mold is looked down upon for daring to be different, when obviously, this suburban dream is heaven itself. That is my idea of “Stepford.” And so far, **Kyla** ], most of the bitterness and sarcasm has been directed toward me. How dare I point fingers? When, actually, I didn’t. I said this post was a counter point. I did not single out any one poster. PS…Oh, yeah. And everyone owns the same car. Probably a Land Rover. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2003, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ick-stepford-families-make-me-nauseous/183266/26 "2003-06-21T01:51:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Maureen \* > Yeah, it rather is a counterpoint to the “non-dysfunctional” thread. > I didn’t really want to spam it, though, everyone was so smugly perfect there. I think you need to re-read it, as you missed two very important points. 1. The OP was asking if there were any families out there that hadn’t experienced abuse, rape, alcoholism, and other rough events. People were chiming in saying whether or not they had a non-dysfunctional childhood or not. Are you really saying that if you didn’t have a drunken dad that raped you nightly, you’re a Stepford zombie? 2. Plenty of people noted that they had eccentric families, argued, and otherwise had things that might be considered “dysfunctional” **yet** they still loved each other deeply and stood by each other. Heck, I admitted to having mental/emotional difficulties that the white picket fence out back didn’t protect me against. So if they don’t count, what exactly does one have to do to be a non-conformist around here? I would suggest you buy a finer-tipped brush, as you’re painting with far too wide of one. ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2003, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ick-stepford-families-make-me-nauseous/183266/27 "2003-06-21T01:55:16Z")
Entirely possible. ---
**Author:** ![Essured](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Essured](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Essured)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2003, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ick-stepford-families-make-me-nauseous/183266/28 "2003-06-21T02:25:34Z")
I’ve been told (off-boards) that I come across as smug when I talk about my marriage. I had no idea being content and happy with my life = smug. As far as others marriages go, if it works for you, I’m happy for you. I’m absurdly happy with my life, but I don’t for one second think that others would be happy with it. It would be _boring_ if everyone wanted the same out of life as I do (not to mention more expensive!). I guess I’m trying to say, I for one don’t give two hoots if you want a Stepford-style life, a non-conformist wild life, or whatever. Just do what makes you happy and ignore the detractors from both sides. ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2003, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ick-stepford-families-make-me-nauseous/183266/29 "2003-06-21T02:42:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DeVena \* > \*\*No info but they could cast it out of my church. The stepfords all are the same size (6), Stay at home - but have a sitter and a maid, have the same number of kids that are roughly the same age - with the obligatory cutesy names (like merydith and brooklynne), all have the same hairstyle (the shoulder length, curled under bob with bangs), and all have the same husbands (bankers or lawyers), no one ever speaks up or has anything to say that might be questionable. Everything is perfect and calm and absolutely nauseating. > > I am fat and outspoken, I have a messy outspoken husband, we have cats not kids, and we live in the wrong part of town. And are ignored by the stepfords. \*\* I’ve always wondered about this. A few years back I was interviewing for nanny postitions. Of course, they were all in the “rich” area of town. Every single mom that interviewed me was a stay at home mom. Now, the ones who worked at home, I can understand. But the ones who didn’t? Who also had housekeepers? What are you _doing_ all day that you need a nanny?? I don’t understand all of the hostility being directed towards **Maureen**. Defensive much? ---
**Author:** ![Scotticher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Scotticher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scotticher)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2003, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ick-stepford-families-make-me-nauseous/183266/30 "2003-06-21T02:53:51Z")
Well, I posted to the other thread before I read this one, but I have to say…my family was so far from “Stepford” that it made me chuckle to think of it. My mom worked when no one else’s mom worked. My dad didn’t wear a suit…he worked for the city. The street department. He was essentially a laborer. He was promoted to supervisor at one point, but he didn’t like it…he had to "pick on people"and “wear a suit” and he didn’t like it. So, back to the jackhammers. After work, he went to his second job at a hardware store, where he fixed things, delivered things, whatever they needed him to do. On weekends he mowed lawns. Mom worked full time, sewed all my clothes and volunteered to anything that had to do with us kids. And they both worked tirelessly in our church. “Stepford Family?” Heh…I don’t THINK so. More like real people who loved each other and the children they were blest with. Who struggled with life but held TRUE priorities close to their heart. People with hopes and dreams that weren’t all that inflated…just dreams for their children to be good and honorable people who knew what was REALLY important in life…and for their children to know that you have to work to get it. And that you have to give to others or you aren’t doing what we were put here on this earth to DO. Pretty simple dreams, VERY awesome people. Stepford family? I don’t think so. ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2003, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ick-stepford-families-make-me-nauseous/183266/31 "2003-06-21T02:57:06Z")
That’s a heartwarming story **scotticher** but the OP wasn’t accusing all families that stay together as “stepfords”, she was describing a certain “type” of family. Which obviously, yours wasn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2003, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ick-stepford-families-make-me-nauseous/183266/32 "2003-06-21T02:58:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lezlers \* > I don’t understand all of the hostility being directed towards **Maureen**. Defensive much? I had no problem with the OP as it stood, though I do understand the point of the posters who were commenting on the “must adhere to non-conformism” aspect. What I personally didn’t like was the later comparison to the posters in the “non-dysfunctional family” thread; I thought it missed the point of that thread entirely, especially since that previous thread had been posted **in reaction** to other threads. And yes, perhaps I am defensive - I resent being called a Stepford wife just because I had a (lower-)middle class family that had a white picket fence around their suburban house, a dog, and no divorce/abuse/alcoholism/arrests. Besides, maybe I’m just not conforming by speaking up. 😛 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Scotticher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Scotticher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scotticher)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2003, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ick-stepford-families-make-me-nauseous/183266/33 "2003-06-21T03:07:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lezlers \* > \*\*That’s a heartwarming story **scotticher** but the OP wasn’t accusing all families that stay together as “stepfords”, she was describing a certain “type” of family. Which obviously, yours wasn’t. \*\* With all due respect, she said that this thread was in counterpoint to the non-dysfunctional family thread. And I am glad that you find my post about my family heartwarming…even if, as I suspect, you are being sarcastic. ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2003, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ick-stepford-families-make-me-nauseous/183266/34 "2003-06-21T03:34:29Z")
**Moderator’s note:** Though this thread spins off from several in **IMHO** it’s better suited in **The Pit**. And lest this move be used as fuel for flaming, the OP notified with second thoughts about placement. Discussions build and grow. Since this topic is getting heated I’m just gonna tactfully shuffle the group into another room. TVeblen, SDMB Moderator ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2003, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ick-stepford-families-make-me-nauseous/183266/35 "2003-06-21T04:10:38Z")
You non-conformists are all alike. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2003, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ick-stepford-families-make-me-nauseous/183266/36 "2003-06-21T04:17:34Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Maureen_ > > I’ve been a non-conformist since the day I was born (I was breech). I’m sure your poor ma would have appreciated some conformity that day. 🙂 > [@](#): > > But truly, that is my idea of hell. If they are happy–and not just pretending to be “perfect”–why is this hell to you? > [@](#): > > Kids who sit, very quietly in their perfect sweater sets and Buster Browns make me sad…I feel sorry for them. Unless these kids are sad, you shouldn’t feel sorry for them. Not every kid is a Tom Sawyer or Ramona Quimby. And if they were, that would be conforming, right? I would hate a world full of farting loud-mouth, grubby-looking kids. > [@](#): > > Couples who dress in a coordinated manner and talk down their noses about their “perfect” marriage cause me to run in the other direction. Sorry…but aren’t you doing this? Looking down on couples who don’t have your idea of a perfect marriage? Their idea of “cute” is dressing up the same. Your idea of “cute” is wearing different clothes. Why is your opinion more valid than theirs? Could it be that what works for you wouldn’t work for them and that no one is “right” in this situation? > [@](#): > > Sameness just increases…well… stagnation. Not everyone wants the same thing out of marriage and family. You obviously like learning and growing and being intellectually challenged. Some people just like to have someone warm and snuggly to come home to. Maybe they aren’t as smart as you, but that doesn’t mean that “stagnant” is bad for them. I know when I think of my future spouse, I don’t want a sparring partner. I just want someone who will say, “Don’t worry, baby. Everything will be fine” at the end of the day. If we get into debates, fine. But that’s not exactly what I’d be looking for in a mate. I would never think to judge someone who did, though. ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2003, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ick-stepford-families-make-me-nauseous/183266/37 "2003-06-21T04:41:52Z")
**maureen** , were you even reading the same thread that the rest of us were? I did not see any posts in that thread that described a family life that you deplore so much in your OP. The fact that you’re reacting so strongly against a stereotype that wasn’t even expressed in the original thread is what causes me to think that you are bitter. The thread was about functional families. I posted to it because, yup, my family is functional. My parents are married, own their home, sit down to eat dinner together, my dad coached my softball team when I was a kid, and my mom volunteered for my 4-H club. I live thousands of miles away from them now, and I get in trouble if I don’t call or write often enough. Happy family time. (Like I wrote in the other thread, my sister is a crazy person, but she’s a teenager. So we live in hope.) Does that mean we are some weird creepy conformists, who all wear Gap clothes, have Starbucks coffee and have highlighted hair? I sincerely doubt it. (Especially the Starbucks bit, since my entire family boycotts them.) My parents were married barefoot with flowers in their hair in Berkeley in 1973 and they’ve been doing their own stuff ever since. So, yeah, it was hell growing up in Stepford. ---
**Author:** ![Purd\_Werfect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e47c2d/32.png) [@Purd\_Werfect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Purd_Werfect)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2003, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ick-stepford-families-make-me-nauseous/183266/38 "2003-06-21T04:43:31Z")
Everyone has a closet. Conformist or Non, it’s a great equalizer. ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2003, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ick-stepford-families-make-me-nauseous/183266/39 "2003-06-21T04:53:07Z")
Am I the only one getting **suspenderzzzzzzzz** flashbacks? > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lezlers \* > \*\* > I don’t understand all of the hostility being directed towards **Maureen**. Defensive much? \*\* **Lezlers** , Usually we see eye to eye on stuff, but not this time. Here is why I think that hostility is being directed toward **Maureen** : > [@](#): > > If you consider your life peachy-pie perfect because you and your spouse never argue, the kids never put a toe out of line, and the house looks perfect, well, good on ya! > > But truly, that is my idea of hell It’s great to have opinions and all, but in this case, what’s it to her? Honestly now? She goes on to say how, _really_, she’s only talking about a certain type of family…but proves other wise when she refers to people in that other thread as ‘smug’. But, keep in mind, she is not trying to slam anyone. Riiiiiiiiiight. She isn’t pointing fingers, either…except at the people in the other thread. What it comes down to, I suppose, is that if you are happy in your own life, why should you (the general you) give a shit about how other people live their lives? Why should you give a shit if they have cookie cutter homes, if they have Nannies or drive a land rover? ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2003, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ick-stepford-families-make-me-nauseous/183266/40 "2003-06-21T04:56:14Z")
[A link to the original ‘stepford family’ thread.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=192167) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ick-stepford-families-make-me-nauseous/183266.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ick-stepford-families-make-me-nauseous/183266.md?page=3)