# Ick. Stepford Families make me nauseous **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 20, 2003, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ick-stepford-families-make-me-nauseous/183266 "2003-06-20T20:16:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2003, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ick-stepford-families-make-me-nauseous/183266/81 "2003-06-25T20:41:57Z")
Like others have said, I think it all comes down to what makes one happy. Me? Hate to argue. Like **Blonde** said, however, arguments are a part of relationships, so I suck it up and don my gloves when I have to (because as much as arguing sucks, ya gotta speak your mind). But I’d be wildly unhappy in a relationship with constant bickering. Ask **SkipMagic** if I don’t try to run for the hills almost every time we argue. My thinking is usually along the lines of, “I wasn’t unhappy when I was single, but I sure am unhappy _right now_!” I usually get over it pretty quickly. 😉 At any rate, the point is that I live for safety, ease, and comfort. Just as I get a much bigger thrill from watching a really bad movie on my couch at home (BTW, _can’t wait_ for the Stepford Wives sequel!!!) than I do from riding a rollercoaster (_hate_ 'em), I am far happier with a life of warmth and safety (or, as some would call it, boredom) than I would be with a loud, messy life. That said, I do agree with **Maureen** about the children. As a former teacher I can tell you that I tend to have a special place in my heart the smart-ass kid. Sure, I always appreciated the ones who did their work, paid attention, and avoided trouble, but I LOVED some of the ones who weren’t afraid to challenge my authority (as long as they could back up their case . . . ). (I guess it’s because I was always the kid in the first category–I was totally cowed by adults and figures of authority; a shame, really, since I was actually a smart kid, but nobody knew it because I was so painfully shy I barely talked. Making up for it now, though. :D) This is why I don’t want kids. Because the kind of kids I like when they belong to someone _else_ are a far cry from the ones I’d like if they were my own. 😉 Anyway, point is, I really like cheese. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2003, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ick-stepford-families-make-me-nauseous/183266/82 "2003-06-25T20:51:15Z")
I went to party years ago (been to a few) and the conformity was appalling. Most people arrived on motorcycles. Nearly everyone smoked. There was a pile of indistiguishable black leather jackets on the bed and a similar pile of boots at the door - finding my own black leather jacket was painful! No one wanted to discuss the stock market or sports - everyone wanted to talk liberal politics, sex, music and movies. Oh and their tatoos. “That’s a great tat! Which tatoo artist did you go to?” Nearly everyone was a college student getting a liberal arts degree in something like Sociology or History or Lingustics. And everyone dyed their hair black. The food was appalling, chips and beer. The girls were all named Christine and the men were Mike or Sean. (I had a great time) ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2003, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ick-stepford-families-make-me-nauseous/183266/83 "2003-06-25T21:00:57Z")
**Dangerosa** , was there cheese? ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2003, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ick-stepford-families-make-me-nauseous/183266/84 "2003-06-25T21:10:58Z")
I’ll chime in here. I don’t agree with everything the OP said, but I see where she’s coming from. I’m a single mom and my daughter goes to a nice school in a wealthy part of our township. Everyday I go pick her up and see the minivan stay-at-home moms that look like bizarro versions of one another. Same style of dress, same haircuts, same cars, etc. It’s never really bothered me that they choose to be that way. However, I get annoyed when they look down their noses at me. Maybe I’m paranoid, but I notice the looks I get when I walk in with my tattoos showing or if I’m wearing a flattering skirt and top. Most of them are considerably older than I am, so I’ll assume that’s why they dress so conservatively. Like I said, I’m not bothered by what they are wearing, but you know when someone is checking you out, and you know what a disapproving glance looks like. I’m not saying I walk in there looking like a hoochie or anything. Hell, it’s the same stuff I wear to work at my professional job. But, I’ve noticed how they look at me. They may not be Stepfords, and their lives may not be perfect, but something makes them think they are entitled to look down their noses at me and I honestly don’t know what it is. ---
**Author:** ![C3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/c3/32/3108_2.png) [@C3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C3)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2003, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ick-stepford-families-make-me-nauseous/183266/85 "2003-06-25T21:29:55Z")
I feel like I have to stick up for us “Stepford Wives.” I’m married, a “homemaker”, blonde, dress in a pretty preppy style, have a happy relationship with my husband (we don’t fight in public and, honestly, I can’t remember the last time we raised our voices to each other), drive decent cars, live in a nice neighborhood, etc. If you went to a typical party that my friends would have, you would probably be miserable. Most of the women I know don’t work, get their nails done once a week, have well-behaved children who go to camp & get piano lessons, etc. These women are also college-educated, well-spoken, and DO have thoughts in their heads beyond what their husbands’ opinions are. I’m a Doper and a subscriber to Skeptics Magazine, for Christ’s sake!!! When you get a little wine in us, the subject sometimes turns to politics or religion, but a lot of times, especially at a casual event like a BBQ (and if you’re around a bunch of people you don’t know that well), it’s okay to keep to conversation innocuous. I don’t particularly care if this group of people isn’t your cup of tea. I will say (and I’ll go ahead and speak for my group of friends), _we’re_ not the ones being smug…you are. I honestly don’t have time to sit around and think about, much less look down on, people who don’t happen to dress the same as me or share my interests. If you want to have raging fights with your husband in public or raise your child to fart when he’s not in the bathroom, it’s no skin off my nose. Don’t beat the kid and it’s all good. I’d probably even invite you to a barbecue. Don’t pretend, though, that it’s not insulting when you group a bunch of people together based on their appearance and hobbies and then make gross, demeaning generalizations about them. This is while insinuating that you’re smarter, deeper, cooler and have a more meaningful, more valuable life than them because your house is messy and you don’t wear coordinating clothes. ---
**Author:** ![C3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/c3/32/3108_2.png) [@C3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C3)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2003, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ick-stepford-families-make-me-nauseous/183266/86 "2003-06-25T21:35:17Z")
**Indygrrl** , my post was in response to Maureen’s comments throughout the thread, not your post. If I saw you out in public, I’d probably be checking your tattoos out, not looking down on you. Maybe you’re reading something into their behavior that’s not there? ---
**Author:** ![Grim\_Beaker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/46a35a/32.png) [@Grim\_Beaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grim_Beaker)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2003, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ick-stepford-families-make-me-nauseous/183266/87 "2003-06-25T21:46:53Z")
> [@](#): > > Mainly because some people will insist upon taking what I say, no matter what it may be, and finding SOMETHING insulting in it. There is some truth to this. Once you get off on a bad foot it can be difficult to recover. > [@](#): > > As for what you choose to believe, I have no control over that whatsoever. I did, however take your questions to be somewhat condescending and overly-analytical. I gave you an example of what I feel to be a “Stepford” environment. Well, I apologize if it seemed that I came across as condescending. That wasn’t my intent. Truthfully, I just wanted to know what your answers were to those questions. In no way did I mean to imply that you would automatically have negative responses to them (though I can see now why you might think that). > [@](#): > > But for the record, I should say that while abuse=dysfunctional, dysfunctional does NOT equal abuse. People can be married 30 years, barely speak to each other, have no contact other than at meal times, have completely separate interests and know nothing about each other. That is NOT a functional family unit. Also, FTR, I believe that every family has some minor dysfunction. I can agree with all of these statements. I would merely add the following: People who, as a matter of course, denigrate others or who think they’re inherently superior based upon dress, style of speech, or manner generally suck. This is just as true for the suburbia clone looking down their nose at the “icky person wearing black with the tattoo and their opinionated children” as it is for the pretentious, beret wearing, pipe smoking poet who scoffs at “the sheep, their 9 - 5 job, and the minivan”. I say call someone to the carpet for their apathy, unwillingness to uphold their responsibilities, and general lack of consideration for their fellow human beings. Give people a break for leaving their toenail clippings on the counter, leaving the toilet seat up, dressing alike, and listening to Britney Spears. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2003, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ick-stepford-families-make-me-nauseous/183266/88 "2003-06-25T22:02:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Maureen \* > \*\ ***Grimbreaker;** Happy to. I did it once before, but here goes… I was recently at a BBQ. Perfect example. Upper middle class yuppie hood. Every home looked exactly the same. They were all painted the same color (stucco), there was an SUV in just about every drive. Also, basically the same color (champagne). Every child was dressed in much the same manner. At the function, I met several of those children, and most of them had very similar names (Ashley, Britney, etc.). Many of the mothers expected these small (between 7 & 10) not to speak loudly, not to run around (outside, mind you), not to laugh so loudly, basically to be children. At least, in my opinion. I do think it’s right to teach kids manners. I don’t think it’s right to ask them to sit quietly and be little robots. > > Most of the women were dental hygeinists (NO, the woman who was hosting was not a dental hygeinist) who moved out to the valley with their lawyer/doctor/IT husbands and no longer worked. Their discussions varied widely from what clothes they just bought, to which esthetician they went to, to what their husbands just bought them/where they were going on vacation. They were not interested in world events (“What a depressing subject!”) the economy (“oh, it’ll sort itself out, my husband says so…”) or even sports (“I just don’t understand it. Those events are always so DIRTY!”), everything started with “My husband says…” and they really didn’t talk about anything other than themselves. Not one of them seemed to ever have had an original thought. I’m not sure they’re aware anything else exists. Basically, trophy wives. They all also wore pretty much the same thing. Sailing outfits with topsiders. Also, most of them were blond. \*\* So - why exactly were **YOU** invited? Maybe you’re not as different as you think. Maybe as you age you’re becoming _ONE OF THEM_. **OH MY GOD! YOU’RE BECOMING A STEPFORD WIFE! RESISTANCE IS FUTILE! YOU _WILL_ BE ASSIMILATED…** 😃 But seriously - what were you doing there if you obviously hate these people so much? ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2003, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ick-stepford-families-make-me-nauseous/183266/89 "2003-06-25T22:16:49Z")
It was a company function, alice. I felt obligated, as my department is very sociable and, for the most part, nothing like my rant you quoted. Our departmental functions are always a blast. Unfortunately, I represented my entire department…I was the only one who showed (the cowards!). It was not fun, I did not inflict this horror on my children (just my hubby 😃 ) and we left as soon as we diplomatically could. In all honesty, I doubt we were missed. We then came home and I wrote this rather insensitive (or so it now appears) thread. I saw the dysfunctional family thing and went off. Which I should not have. **Grim\_Beaker** ; Pax? ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2003, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ick-stepford-families-make-me-nauseous/183266/90 "2003-06-25T22:28:07Z")
Eh. I actually _come_ from a Stepford family. House. 2 kids. Dog. 4 vehicles. Dads a professional. Mom takes too much valium. etc, etc, and I wasn’t particularly offended by your OP. Once, many moons ago, I was dating a guy that invited me to a party, so I went. It was a biker party. There were people rolling joints loaded with PCP. There was some guy shooting heroine in the corner (ick!). At least 3 of the guys had guns (and I’m in Canada). The women were scary and biker-mauly. Enter me. I was wearing a twin-set, some slacks and a $300 pair of shoes. I wasn’t comfortable. At all. I wouldn’t go back to that sort of party. Ever. Everyone has a comfort level and situations where they’re not comfortable. Nothing wrong with that. The BBQ you described sounds fine to me. Not exactly engaging, but pleasant, none the less. That’s me. Maybe you’d be more at home at the biker party (?!?!?) or a pot-luck party or a chess party or a mazola party. I think that’s perfectly ok. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Grim\_Beaker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/46a35a/32.png) [@Grim\_Beaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grim_Beaker)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2003, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ick-stepford-families-make-me-nauseous/183266/91 "2003-06-25T22:30:38Z")
Of course. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2003, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ick-stepford-families-make-me-nauseous/183266/92 "2003-06-25T23:08:24Z")
auntie em, spray cheese, of course. But no crackers. It was a spray cheese straight into the mouth sort of crowd. (And some of those women are now minivan driving stay at home moms.) Maureen, as a corporate wife with a job, I don’t talk politics or current events or religion at corporate functions - not mine and especially not my husbands were I don’t know his coworkers. My kids, the few occations where they have been exposed to my coworkers or my husbands coworkers, are well groomed and (I hope, although they can be less than controllable) well behaved. This is the protocol for these events - even if under your Tommy polo shirt you have a navel ring and voted for Nader. ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2003, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ick-stepford-families-make-me-nauseous/183266/93 "2003-06-25T23:46:11Z")
'samattafact, **Dangerosa** , it was not so much the content of the discussion (although it would have been nice to talk about something other than what shade of mauve their nail-person just put on) that angered me as the fact that they seemed reluctant to put forth any opinion that was not held in complete agreement with the group &/or their husbands. Lockstepped. An opinion or original thought can be expressed without it being controversial. Saying “I don’t really care for Ansel Adams,” should not draw looks of veiled reproach. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ick-stepford-families-make-me-nauseous/183266.md?page=4)