# I'd like to @ss you a few questions....

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/id-like-to-ss-you-a-few-questions/38364>\
**Category:** Factual Questions\
**Created:** [October 26, 2000, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/id-like-to-ss-you-a-few-questions/38364 "2000-10-26T03:18:03Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 3\
**Page:** 3

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**Author:** ![mountain\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@mountain\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mountain_man)\
**Post date:** [October 30, 2000, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/id-like-to-ss-you-a-few-questions/38364/41 "2000-10-30T23:10:40Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by manhattan \*  
> \*\*
> 
> > [@](#):
> >
> > \*Originally posted by panache45 \*  
> > \*\*
> > 
> > I’m wondering whether anyone’s ever written music for the fart, perhaps as part of an ensemble, such as “Serenade for tenor fart and tuba quintet in f# major.” \*\*
> 
> Once again, **Cecil Adams** to the [rescue](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_394.html)! \*\*

Of course, then there’s this guy…  
[Mr. Methane](http://www.mrmethane.com)

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**Author:** ![quasar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/48db29/32.png) [@quasar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quasar)\
**Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/id-like-to-ss-you-a-few-questions/38364/42 "2000-10-31T00:23:12Z")

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**Propulsion question**

When will fart propulsion become a reality? When can we expect fart-propelled rockets to transport humans into the heavens and beyond?

Talk about space being the final frontier, farts could very well be the tickets to that elusive frontier. 😃

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**Author:** ![quasar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/48db29/32.png) [@quasar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quasar)\
**Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/id-like-to-ss-you-a-few-questions/38364/43 "2000-10-31T17:16:42Z")

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**Speaking of farts**

Alert: this is yet another pathetic attempt to incite further discussion regarding this controversial subject. 🙂

Have any of you heard of **Ass Viagra**. It is supposed to fight the anal impotency problems that some poor souls have to live with on a daily basis.

You see, some people can not fart. They have tried everything: fart therapy, ass massage, special diets, you know, the works. Unfortunately, all has been for nil, those magically seducing gases keep refusing to emanate out of their asses.

According to the rumor, there is a New Hope–no, not Luke Skywalker–for this people. Lab experiments on **mutated, four-testicled rabbits** have been a success. The scientists even had to evacuate one of the labs due to the powerful and inspired smell escaping from their anuses.

Estimated released dates for this miracle cure for anal impotency range from next year to 2005. From now on I shall pray everyday for the prompt materialization of such a magnificent product. **Ass Viagra** , may you be on the shelves soon. Amen 😃

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