# I'd love some relationship advice please. I think my girlfriend is cheating **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 12, 2015, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/id-love-some-relationship-advice-please-i-think-my-girlfriend-is-cheating/709645 "2015-01-12T19:54:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2015, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/id-love-some-relationship-advice-please-i-think-my-girlfriend-is-cheating/709645/61 "2015-01-21T15:42:19Z")
> [@Cinnamon\_Kane](#): > > The problem I now face is she wants to meet this guy and she doesn’t want me present. As I say, her explanation makes sense and I’m not actually worried about her cheating on me but surely meeting up with a guy on your own is not something your should do to your partner. Dude, she told you/made up just enough information to get you off her back about it. And now she STILL wants to drive 4 hours to meet the guy? And won’t let you be present? No way is that going to end up well for you. ---
**Author:** ![Knucklefunger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e47774/32.png) [@Knucklefunger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knucklefunger)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2015, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/id-love-some-relationship-advice-please-i-think-my-girlfriend-is-cheating/709645/62 "2015-01-21T16:43:16Z")
girlfriend ˈ ɡərlˌfrend/ noun a regular female companion with whom a person has a romantic or sexual relationship. “his girlfriend is Australian” synonyms: sweetheart, lover, partner, significant other, girl, woman; More a woman’s female friend. Im pretty sure Cinnamon is using this definition. If she were just a banging buddy, I feel confident this thread wouldn’t exist. Nor would he use words such a girlfriend and relationship. I respectfully disagree with Omar. People that date do just that. When a person refers to the other as girl or boyfriend, that implies something monogamous. Cinnamon sees this as a relationship. Dating is dating. A relationship is more. The parameter is implied and more often than not, understood. If there is a lack of communication about the definition of the nature of the relationship then… Ouch. Things are going to happen. I applaud his strength in taking the high road. Although it feels a little misguided. Does this gal really warrant investing this much trust in? Is this relationship worth investing further? Only he can answer this. Nobody wants to see anyone hurt. Not cool. Nobody has addressed the 3rd wheel in this situation. What is up with a guy that interferes with someone else’s relationship? Any guy can grow to be a man by virtue of elapsed years. Not ever man can become a Gentleman. I’ve been in situations close to this: one gal in a relationship and another married. Both times I said “there is no part of me that wants to be responsible for someone else’s unhappiness”. I’m far from perfect. But this is how I imagined the men in these women’s lives would have preferred things be handled. If their relationships crumble it it won’t be because of me. I want a clear conscience. That is only two instances. I hope all goes well. Jeez. I’m afraid though it will end poorly. Being blindly optimistic isn’t good. Being hurt isn’t good. Caring for someone and having a relationship with emotional reciprocity is better than good. ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2015, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/id-love-some-relationship-advice-please-i-think-my-girlfriend-is-cheating/709645/63 "2015-01-21T18:15:13Z")
She’s gonna end up porkin’ that dude. Get out. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2015, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/id-love-some-relationship-advice-please-i-think-my-girlfriend-is-cheating/709645/64 "2015-01-21T18:23:18Z")
If OP wants to be married, then he should ask her to marry him. Until two people are married (or carry themselves as a committed couple, til death do us part), then all options are open. Just because you are in a relationship (i,e, dating) you don’t get to pretend that you are lifelong committed to each other, well you can pretend, but you better be damn sure that you both are pretending, or one person is going to be disappointed. Which it seems that a lot of those posting that they OP is going to get burned, are projecting their past experience of pretending they were in a committed relationship while their partner wasn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Knucklefunger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e47774/32.png) [@Knucklefunger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knucklefunger)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2015, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/id-love-some-relationship-advice-please-i-think-my-girlfriend-is-cheating/709645/65 "2015-01-21T19:14:42Z")
Cinnamon Have the two of you defined your relationship? If there is no talk of exclusivity you are hooped. You have no footing in which to be upset about her possibly sleeping with other guys. If her exploring other relationships bothers you, then end it. As Omar said, people need to be on the same page. It you are ok with it then maybe you need to look at a potentially polyamorous situation. A friend is in a polyamorous relationship. She sleeps with whoever she wants. Her man loves her but has no sex drive. That is there way around it. Do what is best for YOU Cinnamon. Only you know the answer to this situation. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2015, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/id-love-some-relationship-advice-please-i-think-my-girlfriend-is-cheating/709645/66 "2015-01-21T19:23:28Z")
> [@Knucklefunger](#): > > It you are ok with it then maybe you need to look at a potentially polyamorous situation. There’s a lot of room between being in a lifelong committed monogamous relationship and a polyamorous relationship. :rolleyes: It’s not either or. You can be dating someone and notice other people. You can even talk to other people of the opposite sex. You can even get to know people of the opposite sex. You can even wonder if this person might make a better partner than the one I have. You can even fantasize what it might be like to date them or even have sex with them. But the minute you start to act on those feelings, then you better call it off with your SO. And if you do, that’s okay, because people break up all the time. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2015, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/id-love-some-relationship-advice-please-i-think-my-girlfriend-is-cheating/709645/67 "2015-01-21T23:26:13Z")
> [@CinnamonBabka](#): > > I’d hardly call my comment a diagnosis. Nevertheless, you know people can be psychotic and not beat/murder their families, right? You do know that you were implying psychosis on his part, tho, right? > [@CinnamonBabka](#): > > You weren’t justified. You are doing things that a psychotic over-bearing boyfriend would do. You do know that people may do what the OP did and not be a psychotic over-bearing boyfriend, right? ---
**Author:** ![CinnamonBabka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bbce88/32.png) [@CinnamonBabka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CinnamonBabka)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2015, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/id-love-some-relationship-advice-please-i-think-my-girlfriend-is-cheating/709645/68 "2015-01-22T19:38:16Z")
I’m very aware of this. That is why I said, “You are doing things a psychotic over-bearing boyfriend would do”, and not “You are a psychotic over-bearing boyfriend”. Psychotic over-bearing boyfriends might enjoy a Reuben sandwich, but enjoying a Reuben sandwich does not make one a psychotic over-bearing boyfriend. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2015, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/id-love-some-relationship-advice-please-i-think-my-girlfriend-is-cheating/709645/69 "2015-01-22T19:58:36Z")
> [@Knucklefunger](#): > > Cinnamon > Have the two of you defined your relationship? If there is no talk of exclusivity you are hooped. You have no footing in which to be upset about her possibly sleeping with other guys. Yeah. What **Knucklefunger** said. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2015, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/id-love-some-relationship-advice-please-i-think-my-girlfriend-is-cheating/709645/70 "2015-01-23T15:10:12Z")
> [@Cinnamon\_Kane](#): > > Well with a few tiny details missing here and there she told me all about it of her own accord, I think she realised I was concerned. I’m still not 100% happy with the situation but I’m going to trust her as maybe my insecurities are the problem. As a poster on here said earlier, you’re either in a happy relationship or your not and so I think I’m going to give her more freedom to do what she wants - without judgement - and see what happens from there. > It’s a shame that this had to happen as I now feel like the relationship is slightly tarnished but her explanation made sense to me and she gave that explanation without me even asking. I don’t know. > The problem I now face is she wants to meet this guy and she doesn’t want me present. As I say, her explanation makes sense and I’m not actually worried about her cheating on me but surely meeting up with a guy on your own is not something your should do to your partner. :smack: You have like zero self-esteem. ---
**Author:** ![Enlightening\_Meditation](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecc23a/32.png) [@Enlightening\_Meditation](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enlightening_Meditation)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2015, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/id-love-some-relationship-advice-please-i-think-my-girlfriend-is-cheating/709645/71 "2015-01-23T16:20:29Z")
The girlfriend may not be riding another stud yet, but she has pulled the saddle out of the barn in preparation for riding in the near future. She doesn’t even seem to be hiding the situation. If you do not ‘break up’ soon then perhaps you should start ‘talking’ to other females and see how she feels about it. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2015, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/id-love-some-relationship-advice-please-i-think-my-girlfriend-is-cheating/709645/72 "2015-01-23T19:02:42Z")
> [@Cinnamon\_Kane](#): > > The problem I now face is she wants to meet this guy and she doesn’t want me present. As I say, her explanation makes sense and I’m not actually worried about her cheating on me but surely meeting up with a guy on your own is not something your should do to your partner. Oh, honey. Your denial is painful. She knows how you feel and she doesn’t care. Repeat that to yourself. _She knows how you feel and she doesn’t care._ What else do you need to know? ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2015, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/id-love-some-relationship-advice-please-i-think-my-girlfriend-is-cheating/709645/73 "2015-01-23T19:08:31Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > :smack: > > You have like zero self-esteem. \*Well, I guess I should stick up for myself But I really think it’s better this way The more you suffer, the more it shows you really care Right? \* Here’s a life protip: If at any time your life begins to resemble the song “Self-Esteem” by the Offspring, change your life. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2015, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/id-love-some-relationship-advice-please-i-think-my-girlfriend-is-cheating/709645/74 "2015-01-23T19:11:00Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > Here’s a life protip: If at any time your life begins to resemble the song “Self-Esteem” by the Offspring, change your life. QFT. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2015, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/id-love-some-relationship-advice-please-i-think-my-girlfriend-is-cheating/709645/75 "2015-01-23T19:21:50Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > \*Well, I guess I should stick up for myself > But I really think it’s better this way > The more you suffer, the more it shows you really care > Right? > \* > > Here’s a life protip: If at any time your life begins to resemble the song “Self-Esteem” by the Offspring, change your life. I was going to link to the vid in my post but thought it too obvious. 🙂 That, and I’m inclined to agree with the [following observation](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=747083) of the OP. ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Kane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de053/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Kane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Kane)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2015, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/id-love-some-relationship-advice-please-i-think-my-girlfriend-is-cheating/709645/76 "2015-01-27T04:00:33Z")
Haha no I’m not a troll. I’m not saying that the other threads aren’t but this one definitely isn’t. I Googled my problem for some advice and the site came up so I thought I’d post on here. So far I’ve appreciated all the advice. It’s still all going on though really. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/id-love-some-relationship-advice-please-i-think-my-girlfriend-is-cheating/709645.md?page=3)