# Ideas for picketing Fred Phelps' funeral, when it eventually happens **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 8, 2005, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ideas-for-picketing-fred-phelps-funeral-when-it-eventually-happens/298355 "2005-04-08T05:53:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![TJdude825](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dec6dc/32.png) [@TJdude825](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TJdude825)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ideas-for-picketing-fred-phelps-funeral-when-it-eventually-happens/298355/1 "2005-04-08T05:53:47Z")
If you’ve been on the boards for a while, you probably know that [Fred Phelps](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fred_Phelps) is a well-known anti-gay protester often seen picketing people’s funerals, perhaps most famously at the funeral of [Matt Shepherd](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matthew_Shepard), which was dramatized in the play The Laramie Project. Anyway, I got to thinking the other day that maybe someone should picket _his_ funeral. He’s not planning to die any time soon, but he is 75, so it’s got to happen eventually, and maybe someone ought to start making plans. Any ideas? I’m thinking signs with “God hates straight people” or “Thank God for [whatever ends up killing him].” I don’t know the Bible too well, but I vaguely remember a verse saying not to mix two different types of cloth together. If we could prove that Phelps ever wore a 50% cotton, 50% polyester shirt, we could condemn him for that, or for some other minor sin prohibited in an obscure passage. I know some other dopers will have better ideas. So…? ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ideas-for-picketing-fred-phelps-funeral-when-it-eventually-happens/298355/2 "2005-04-08T06:08:46Z")
Frankly, I think the best thing to do with Fred Phelps and his followers is to ignore them. Picketing would draw media attention, and these asshats have had more than their share of that already. ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ideas-for-picketing-fred-phelps-funeral-when-it-eventually-happens/298355/3 "2005-04-08T06:17:39Z")
**pinkfreud** echos my sentiments, let him rot, I’ll not give the attention he (and his followers) craves by picketing his funeral. I think the net etiquette aphorism “Don’t feed the trolls” aptly applies to Phelps and his ilk. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ideas-for-picketing-fred-phelps-funeral-when-it-eventually-happens/298355/4 "2005-04-08T06:27:40Z")
I agree with the two folks above. Fred’s an attention whore and deserves to die in obscurity. He also wears rather snazzy suits for a heterosexual. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ideas-for-picketing-fred-phelps-funeral-when-it-eventually-happens/298355/5 "2005-04-08T07:13:57Z")
Wait until after he’s buried and rotting, and keep planting lavender on his grave. He’d love that. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 8:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ideas-for-picketing-fred-phelps-funeral-when-it-eventually-happens/298355/6 "2005-04-08T08:40:12Z")
Before I read what **pinkfreud** et al. had to say, this was my thought: “Just don’t go.” I mean, really. What way to better send the message “You aren’t worth my time” than not to bother gracing the man’s funeral? ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 8:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ideas-for-picketing-fred-phelps-funeral-when-it-eventually-happens/298355/7 "2005-04-08T08:55:49Z")
Get a bunch of grungy hippies and people with a lot of Communist memorabilia (Soviet flags, red banners, Che T-Shirts, pseudo-shrines to Lenin, Mao, Ho Chi Minh, etc.), gather at the funeral, and make a big show of mourning Phelps. Have signs reading “Phelps is dead, but his GLORIOUS MOVEMENT LIVES ON!” Tell all the reporters how you agree that stamping out homosexuality will advance global Communism, and bring about the downfall of the decadent capitalist western imperialists, etc. Maybe it wouldn’t change anyone’s minds, or discredit anything. But it’d be worth a cheap laugh or two. Which, at the end of the day, is really the most any of us can hope for in life. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 10:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ideas-for-picketing-fred-phelps-funeral-when-it-eventually-happens/298355/8 "2005-04-08T10:01:36Z")
Why lower oneself to Fred’s level? ---
**Author:** ![davidm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidm/32/225_2.png) [@davidm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davidm)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 10:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ideas-for-picketing-fred-phelps-funeral-when-it-eventually-happens/298355/9 "2005-04-08T10:12:04Z")
**TJdude825** can speak for himself but I suspect that you guys are misinterpreting the intent of the OP and taking this way to seriously. I doubt that he’s looking for real solid plans that will eventually be carried out, it’s just fun (and possibly cathartic) to think about it and invent scenarios. **Ranchoth** has the right idea. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ideas-for-picketing-fred-phelps-funeral-when-it-eventually-happens/298355/10 "2005-04-08T10:59:51Z")
> [@friedo](#): > > He also wears rather snazzy suits for a heterosexual. Ummm… Phred is actually [gay](http://www.mattfraction.com/pretty/phelps.jpg)… didn’t you know? [sub](in all honesty, I do think his behaviour might be borne out of self-loathing)[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 11:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ideas-for-picketing-fred-phelps-funeral-when-it-eventually-happens/298355/11 "2005-04-08T11:01:36Z")
I just noticed something about that photo. Phred is wearing _two_ hats. WTF? ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ideas-for-picketing-fred-phelps-funeral-when-it-eventually-happens/298355/12 "2005-04-08T12:38:53Z")
> [@Larry Mudd](#): > > Wait until after he’s buried and rotting, and keep planting lavender on his grave. > > He’d love that. I’ll “fertilize” it. ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ideas-for-picketing-fred-phelps-funeral-when-it-eventually-happens/298355/13 "2005-04-08T13:25:33Z")
I personally think that bastard’s too mean to die. Robin ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ideas-for-picketing-fred-phelps-funeral-when-it-eventually-happens/298355/14 "2005-04-08T14:15:55Z")
Well, I think we should have signs pointing out the indesputable fact that [god hates figs](http://www.godhatesfigs.com/)." > [@Matthew](#): > > 21:18-20"Now in the morning as he returned into the city, he was hungry. > "And when he saw a fig tree by the road, he came to it, and found nothing on it, but leaves only, and said to it, Let no fruit grow on you henceforward for ever. And presently the fig tree withered away. > “And when the disciples saw it, they marvelled, saying, How soon has the fig tree withered away!” ---
**Author:** ![newcrasher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b3f665/32.png) [@newcrasher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/newcrasher)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ideas-for-picketing-fred-phelps-funeral-when-it-eventually-happens/298355/15 "2005-04-08T14:17:10Z")
Probably the most aggravating thing you could do to him is offer him the love Jesus preached, but Phred was not capable of offereing. Imagine him looking down (or Up) and seeing you praying that he learned to truly love as God intended before he died. THAT would burn him up! Meeting his hatred and intolerance with more of your own is simply a waste of your energies. ---
**Author:** ![Podkayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Podkayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Podkayne)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ideas-for-picketing-fred-phelps-funeral-when-it-eventually-happens/298355/16 "2005-04-08T14:49:23Z")
I’m picturing a silent protest with nice big signs saying, “To Fred’s friends and loved ones: We are deeply sorry for your loss.” ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ideas-for-picketing-fred-phelps-funeral-when-it-eventually-happens/298355/17 "2005-04-08T15:10:35Z")
Couldn’t someone organize a broadway musical number with top hats and tails and dancing girls, all elaborately mourning his loss? I mean, it’s long past time that God Hates Fags got set to Rogers & Hammerstein. Daniel ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ideas-for-picketing-fred-phelps-funeral-when-it-eventually-happens/298355/18 "2005-04-08T15:19:11Z")
> [@Podkayne](#): > > I’m picturing a silent protest with nice big signs saying, “To Fred’s friends and loved ones: We are deeply sorry for your loss.” I really like this, only we have to be sure people understand that we are not his followers. Drag queens to hold the signs? ---
**Author:** ![Podkayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Podkayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Podkayne)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ideas-for-picketing-fred-phelps-funeral-when-it-eventually-happens/298355/19 "2005-04-08T15:59:09Z")
> [@Dung Beetle](#): > > I really like this, only we have to be sure people understand that we are not his followers. Drag queens to hold the signs? Brilliant! ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ideas-for-picketing-fred-phelps-funeral-when-it-eventually-happens/298355/20 "2005-04-08T16:09:30Z")
> [@Left Hand of Dorkness](#): > > Couldn’t someone organize a broadway musical number with top hats and tails and dancing girls, all elaborately mourning his loss? I mean, it’s long past time that God Hates Fags got set to Rogers & Hammerstein. > > Daniel I would sign up and be a Rockette or showgirl for this. I really would. 😃 Or I would also settle for banging a tin can up and down the street yelling, “Ding, dong, the witch is dead!” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ideas-for-picketing-fred-phelps-funeral-when-it-eventually-happens/298355.md?page=2)